Teaching swimming to child with anxiety issues?

[mamabear2three]

My daughter has ADHD and what the pediatrician describes as "intermittent" anxiety issues. In other words, she struggles with anxiety more than "typical" for her age, but it comes and goes so that she is not prevented from doing things she wants. An example is that she will be able to play in the unfinished basement for a week straight and then be unable to even go down the stairs to feed the dog due to paralyzing anxiety about the black spot on the floor that she saw the last time she was down there, (real or imagined) that might be a spider. Another example is that she sleeps on the top bunk every night for weeks, and then one night she is suddenly unable to climb the ladder because the bed is too high and she's terrified of sleeping up on top.

 

So my mom, who taught me and my brother to swim, worked with her all last summer getting her over her terror of the pool so that she can learn to swim. (She just turned 7) She has learned to jump in and get her head wet (but can't do it every time). She can float on her back... if she relaxes enough to do so. She can kick her feet and move about the pool - providing she has a kick board and can keep her head above water comfortably. She has a blast at the pool but you can see her fighting the anxiety against the desire to learn to swim.

How can I get her more relaxed in the water? What else can I do to help her?

[catz]

Both my kids have sensory quirks, and consistency and long term commitment was key!  Sometimes we'd take a break from lessons and just work on getting wet a lot.  Sometimes we did private lessons.  Sometimes we did regular group lessons.  My son did mom/baby lessons starting about age 1 and at age 13 passed red cross level 6.  We did lessons intermittently throughout.  Is he an amazing or pretty swimmer?  No.  But I feel much better about his safety and he enjoys swimming with friends now very much.  He'll even go down water slides!  (that took a while!)  :hurray:

[Tsuga]

I once saw a girl taking swim lessons with a security blanket. Seriously. So, my thought is, if at all possible, if you can find a therapist who will work with her on her own terms, do that. I was amazed at this particular lesson. The girl was basically a barnacle when they entered the pool but the therapist worked with her for a full 30 minutes to get her to hold on to the side. Very gently.

 

Two lessons later, I saw the same family and the girl swam from the therapist to the side of the pool with a blanket in hand, maybe two feet. I have NO idea what her issues were because she was talking, walking etc. like a neurotypical child, but obviously she needed extra support. Her mom was practically in tears when she swam those couple of feet.

 

I do not think that group swim lessons are an ideal placement for a child with anxiety, if for no other reason than it's REALLY splashy and loud. I don't even like it and I'm an adult.

[Orthodox6]

Our Asperger's son who had serious-level anxiety about swimming eventually consented to one-on-one lessons with a specially-trained swim instructor at the YMCA.  [Previous attempts at group lessons (at a different location) were disastrous, including him up and running away from the pool.]  We continued these lessons for over two years, and DS felt good about himself and his achievements.  He has not swum since; however, he now is an adult and probably retains enough of that confidence that he feels safe to be around water.  

 

If you can locate an instructor with experience working with scared/apprehensive young people, you and she both could be very pleased with the results of lessons.  We felt that basic comfort level in water is a "safety and life skill", so persisted in finding a solution for our son.  

 

Best wishes! 

[Guest]

I think your 7yo is doing well. Just go swimming a lot for fun at this point. And be happy.

[bettyandbob]

I have taught swimming for many years. I have one ds who has sensory processing and anxiety issues. I have another ds who has intellectual disabilities and some anxiety.

 

As previously said the key is commitment. I treated swimming like reading. Not doing it wasn't an option. 3 seasons a year my dc had lessons or went to the pool with me at least once a week, usually twice. In summer, we swam outside at least 4 days a week. Swimming with me was all about play. During play dc often often do things they tried in lessons without thinking about it as practice. During play dc may try something new without thinking. For example, a child who won't get his face wet easily can play catch and get splashed in the faced without reacting strongly because he's having fun with the ball.

 

We went through periods where going swimming was hard. My younger ds cried during a parent child class for older preschoolers (3-6 year olds) at the Y for a couple of months. We still went. We got through it. My oldest progressed to a point that lessons at his level were only taught in the diving well at the facilty we used at the time. He was terrified of deep water. We kept him in lower level lessons for months and gradually got used to the idea of deep water. Then moved to the higher level class. After learning to swimm and participating successfully on our neighborhood team youngest ds regressed to not swimming at all with extreme fear of water due to a bullying experience. We kept going. We back to very beginner lessons. It took a couple of years, but ds did start stop fearing the water. It's been four years, but at 13 he will try neighbor hood team again this year (just to be with typical kids he knows, no illusions about winning an event here). My oldest is 20. During his teens he stopped swimming when I gave him the choice (because he was truly proficient for safety purposes). He probably didn't swim at all for three years. Then, he chose to swim for exercise on his own. He recently became a lifeguard at 20 a couple of years after he returned to swimming.

 

So, make sure you go to the pool a lot. When signing up for group lessons, talk to the manager about the possibility of matching your dc with an experienced instructor. At my facility, parents do not get to pick instructors for group lessons. However,if you give the manager a heads up about your needs he might be able to help you find a good match -- that may involve juggling class enrollment on the first day, but he tries to help everyone get what they need. Also, tell the instructor the situation. If you thinkthe instructor is a bad match for your dc don't hesitate to speak to the manager.

 

In short, stick with it.

[Minerva]

Also, get in the pool a lot with your dd and play. If you are in the pool and she sees you having fun, it will help. Make the pool not just about lessons and survival but about the joy of being wet and getting exercise. This was the key for my dd who was similar to yours at seven and a fish at nine. 

[mamabear2three]

Thanks for the encouragement and suggestions! I'll keep working on it for sure! 

[AMJ]

Both of our kids love the water now and can't wait to get in, especially our youngest.  But had you asked me if we would ever get there when they were quite little I would have seriously doubted it.

 

DD13 has ADD (primarily inattentive, which is why I don't always use the official "H" in the acronym), sensory processing issues, has dealt with vision function issues, and gobs of allergies that clog her up much of the year here.  Surprisingly she always liked the water (felt more at home there somehow), but it took quite a while for her uncoordinated body to get swimming down.  We kept life jackets on her in pools (when not in lessons) until she was comfortable not wearing them.  We made sure the life jackets had leg straps so she couldn't slip out of the bottom by accident when in the water -- most children's life vests have these straps, but we had to hunt to find youth-size ones that did.  We contacted the National Safe Boating Council in the end to get one.

 

DD10 does not have any diagnosed issues (other than nearsightedness that developed recently), but she was petrified of water as a baby and toddler.  Basically she was born afraid of it -- I couldn't even sit her in an inch of water in her bath seat to bathe her.  At the  beach I couldn't get within 10 feet of the waves if I were carrying her, or she would panic.  DH started working with her in our back yard in the small inflatable pool (3" deep max), first by just wetting the bottom and playing with her, then gradually (over weeks) increasing the depth by millimeters until she would sit with it halfway up her thighs.  Grandma went walking with her at the beach, and in one afternoon had her wading and kicking at waves.  Into the water, SCARY!, and out again, then back in, SCARY!, then out again.  They repeated endlessly as DD got less and less scared.  She did it only for Grandma, because Grandma only ever does fun stuff, so this must somehow be fun, too.

 

Next came swim lessons.  We discovered a very small, warm, saline-based indoor pool near us where the class sizes topped out at 4 students, and no more than 2 1/2 classes were in the pool at a time (2 classes and a private lesson or two).  Elder DD was old enough for the kids' classes but stayed at a lower level for quite a while due to her coordination issues.  Younger DD was young enough for Mommy and Me classes at first, and that's what we did.  I was amazed to find there were other kids in her class even more petrified than she was.  We kept going to these classes year-round, and the kids gained proficiency and a love of the water thanks to their patient and very understanding instructors.  At one point I realized that they each, in their own way, would benefit from even more personal tutoring in the water, so I signed them up with private instructors each for a while.  This place also had every student periodically come to their lessons fully dressed, right down to sneakers, to be tossed in that way -- this familiarized them with the feeling of falling in in their street clothes, and gave them the ability to remember their lessons and swim even then, when they didn't have on swim wear.  They had learned through experience that kids who swim great in the water often forget what to do if they fall in while wearing street clothes.  The kids had learned to unconciously associate swimming with swim wear, but not with street clothes.  Lessons at this place were my best investment ever.

 

When I was still in college many years ago I babysat for a family with one little boy (Bucko Boyo).  In the summer one year they asked me to drive him to and from swimming lessons in town.  They were surprised to find that he was quite petrified at lessons and wouldn't get into the pool, especially since he was all over the small swimming hole they had on their land.  It turns out the pool (on the college campus) was so huge and frigid, and the building so gloomy and echo-y it didn't feel like a normal or safe situation for him.  I only ended up taking him to one class, in which he didn't even get wet.  I reported back to his parents, and they found him some lake-side lessons elsewhere.

 

I mention this last to illustrate that the swim lesson environment could matter greatly.  For my Bucko Boyo, who had been in and around a swimming hole in the mountains since he was a baby, a massive cold, dark, indoor pool was a terrifying experience.  For DD13 being in even 3 feet of water without a life vest was a danger until she became coordinated enough to handle it, though the seeming weightlessness downplayed her uncoordination and made her feel more in control.  For DD10 water of any depth was frightening, until she gained the skills and familiarity to handle it mentally and emotionally.

 

In closing I'd like to provide a couple of links:

 

http://www.safeboatingcouncil.org/-- this is the home page of the National Safe Boating Council (in the U.S.).  I contacted them at one point to ask about youth-size life vests with leg straps, since eldest DD was still of a shape to slip out of the bottom of the youth life vests we found around here (she had to fight to keep it from rising over her head in the water, which seriously hampered her ability to move about, and wouldn't protect her if she were ever knocked unconscious while in the water).  The NSBC sent me one to try on her, with instructions on how to test for a good fit, and a request of a $75 donation if I decided to keep the vest.  If I didn't want to keep it we could simply send it back to them.  It fit great.

• To test for a good fit on a child:  Put the life vest on them and adjust all straps.  Grasp the child's vest by the shoulders and pick the child up and gently shake and wave them about (this is to see if the child's vest rises above their ears -- if it does, adjust the vest and try again).  After that test toss the child into the deep end of a swimming pool feet-first (make sure there's an adult already in the water who is willing and capable of rescuing the child immediately if anything goes wrong) to test that the vest still stays in place if the child falls in.  If it doesn't then don't let the child wear that vest, and look for others to try and test.  If the top of the vest stays below the child's ears then it's a good fit and if possible should be reserved for just that child's use.

 

WATCH THIS VIDEO -- http://mariovittone.com/2011/07/video-of-instinctive-drowning-response/-- this is very important to watch.  Drowning is NOT obvious and easily spotted, is nearly silent, and doesn't look at all like the movies portray it.  Know the signs, and when children are in the water have someone watching them CONSTANTLY (NO distractions) -- the watching someone must be able to quickly get to the child and pull them out.  I once took eldest DD to a pool party at her school friend's house.  I was sitting next to DD in the very shallow hot tub (and she still had on her life vest) when the kids' PE teacher suddenly bolted past us and dove into the pool fully dressed.  She was the only adult who spotted and recognized that one of the boys was actually drowning in the middle of the pool -- within an arm's reach of me, had I but noticed and known.  Every other adult, including his own mother, thought he was just ducking under the water for fun.  He had instead reached the sharper drop-off point in the pool, where it transitions from the shallow end to the deeper end, and couldn't keep his head above water.  Thanks to the PE teacher's rapid response he was fine, though he was taken to the hospital to be checked, just to be safe.  The next family to host a pool party hired a life guard for the event.

 

Take it easy, take it slow, take all precautions you can, and keep finding the fun.  It might take years, but it is very possible your kids will eventually all enjoy the water, and -- more importantly -- gain the ability to swim well enough to save their own lives.  Lots of hugs to you all!  :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Violet Crown]

Lots of good suggestions. I would add that the involvement of an older sibling who can swim has been very useful. Older Sister strikes just the right balance of tender encouragement and refusal to coddle. From parents, "I'm tired of helping you now; I'm going to swim by myself until you're ready to let go of the side" would trigger abandonment anxiety. But from Sister it doesn't and it encourages her to take the next step out of her comfort zone.

[PeterPan]

My ds has a bunch of labels.  I started him in swim lessons last summer at 5 1/2 at the YMCA in their 4 day a week summer classes.  The first round of classes they get in, blow bubbles, and stay mainly above water.  Next level they want them under, and he went under when a student teacher (learning, shadowing) dropped him.  THAT started the horrendousness.  Before he was surviving.  Not loving, but surviving.  He spent the next two months going to the pool every day saying he could drown (which he could) and filled with anxiety.  He wouldn't go under, resisted, etc.  What a mess.  I discussed with them his issues (apraxia, growing list) and they kept him with one consistent person who was EXTREMELY careful and extremely patient.  They pushed NT (neurotypical) kids but never, ever pushed ds.  Whatever he would give them they praised.  

 

What was *good* about that was the frequency of sessions (4 days a week and I took him swimming myself 1-2 days a week for more free time) and the consistency of the expectations.  There was a consistent routine, no surprises.  Every time it's the same list of skills, just with kids doing them a little more or less as they're able.  You go to the fireman's pole and go under as much as you're comfortable.  Jump in through the hula hoop as you're comfortable (with or without a teacher hand).  And so on.  Every session the SAME so it was clear, predictable.  And every day we walked around the pool talking about the depths and explaining that he WOULD NOT DROWN.  Sigh.

 

I tried some with him jumping into the pool with a lifejacket on, and he was scared even to do that.  I tried things I saw other parents do, like throwing balls and having him jump in to catch them.  (boys, balls, should be motivating)  No dice.  What worked for him, odd as it seems, is diving sticks.  He's very fascinated by scuba divers (which I think ties to his military obsession, but whatever), so I got dive sticks that sink to the bottom and plunked them into the shallowest, shallowest part in the kiddie end.  We're talking like 15 inches of water.  It was just deep enough that he couldn't reach them without getting a teensy bit of himself or his face into the water.  He looked at them, tried to reach, arms weren't long enough, and does this deep soul analysis and decides he could TRY.  

 

That was how he got over it.  Extreme patience, repetition, frequency, NO PUSHING, and something that might motivate or add value/usefulness.  He REALLY likes going under now btw and diving for things.  He's CRAZY for it.  The boy who spent months every day saying he would die, he would drown...  

 

He still takes classes.  In the fall we were able to continue him with daytime preschool classes at the Y with their most veteran teacher.  Having a consistent, experienced, EXTREMELY PATIENT teacher is vital.  She notices things I don't.  Like he'll be swimming and he'll get anxious or overwhelmed and she'll just let him go over to the side, rest, and then keep going.  But she has been doing this 30 years, kwim?  That's how experienced you want.  And you want that person every single time, at least until the comfort comes.  

 

Personally, I'd be looking into therapy for that anxiety.  The therapy would in turn give you better tools to use for swim lessons.  A swim instructor is not a therapist, kwim?  You have to give them something to work with. The teachers here will do anything you ask, but they need to know what he needs. Now the Y here *does* have classes for kids with disabilities.  I checked into it, because that was our next step.  They call it adaptive aquatics.  There's also adaptive gymnastics and I don't know what all else.  In the adaptive swim classes they have an OT who specializes in disabilities come in and teach *and* the parent is in the pool with the child.  So it's sort of semi-private, as you'll get a small class with an instructor rotating through scenarios and telling you things to try next.  They suggest it for ADHD, ASD, and physical disabilities, anyone who needs a more specialized approach.  That was what we were gearing up to switch to, but he finally clicked and was able to make it work in the regular track.  However we're not moving him up with his agemates to the regular classes (guppy, etc.).  He's staying in the preschool classes.  He doesn't yet realize this and he blends in.  The thought process and gentleness of the class fits him better.  That's another reason I decided to go so gung ho with classes this year, because I knew in a year or two it would be glaringly obvious and we wouldn't be able to keep him there.  He would be overwhelmed by the older kid (ages 6-12) classes, so it was better to do lots of lessons now, while we can.  And in the preschool daytime classes there *tend* to be only 3-5 kids.  So we've had basically semi-private lessons for $7 a session, wow.  That same lesson, private, would be $50 a half hour.  Maybe you can find someone locally who's cheaper.  I'm just saying through the Y private is very expensive.

 

I messed up with my dd and didn't get her in while she was eligible for those preschool classes.  We started her when she was 8, and her motor planning was so challenged that she didn't do well.  She just has ADHD and sensory and whatnot, but it was just enough that a less skilled teacher in a faster class was really hard for her.  So I'd definitely look for a gem teacher/set-up and then go crazy with it, as frequently as you can.  For my ds, that 3-4 days a week is really golden.  It breaks through some of the inhibition and just gets them in a routine where they know it's the gig.

 

PS.  You can come over to LC and gab about it as well.  That's where I was posting, asking for help, when we went through our saga last summer.   :)