I Feel Like a Big Loser

[happyWImom]

I decided to finish my undergrad degree on-line, and am going for elementary education. I'm homeschooling full time, but I figured it would be good to have it as a backup in case something happened with dh's job, etc... Plus, I love education. Well, I took my 1st course the last 8 weeks and it was tough, but I did well. Now, reality hits. I wasn't doing school with my kids at the time, and now the new course I'm scheduled to take has me doing a powerpoint presentation as the FIRST assignment (they get harder as they go) plus a weekly journal in addition to the assignments..... You get the picture. We have so many activities scheduled, and I'm crabby and stressed. Okay, I know I'm rambling, sorry. The thing is, I think I was overly optomistic about the whole thing, and didn't realize the amount of time it was going to take. I guess it would be different if my kids were older and could do some school on their own, but they aren't even reading yet. And I've been really snapish with them, and it's not their fault at all. Sigh... So, I feel like maybe I need to put my school on hold for a little while. Am I copping out??? I feel like a total loser, quitter.:sad:

[OnTheBrink]

It's not copping out to do what's best for your family. And, being stressed and crabby is not in the best interest of anyone. I think putting your degree on hold for now is a good idea. Not loserish at all!

[Plucky]

I don't think you're copping out if you put it off. I've been bitten by the back-to-school bug, too. I've decided to wait. There are a lot of things I want to do and be still but I have to finish the job I started first and I want to do as good a job with my kids as I can. But that's just my personal opinion based on my own personal limitations.

[Remudamom]

Work on it in the summertime?

[Aubrey]

I've found that women in general have a harder time *cutting back* than doing *more.* So if cutting back is what you need, you recognize that, & then follow through, that is actually a victory, not a loss. :grouphug:

[Julpost]

I think it's a sign of wisdom to know when something needs to be cut back and done at a different time instead of trying to do it all. I've had to learn the same lesson-still am actually! :)

[mysticamethyst]

I don't think you are copping out and you are no loser either. You are doing double, maybe triple duty and that tends to make some of us a tad grumpy. I have had to put my education on hold for that reason as well. I thought very hard about it, wrote list after list trying to justify what I was doing; whether it be going to school or not going, depended on the day. Your education is important and so is the education of your kids, but unless you are SUPER organized with your time and like to stay up late and work on weekends, it is hard to do them both. What dh and I did was had a huge talk about it, added some to his life insurance policy to cover everything while I finished school, IF something were to happen. If you don't have life insurance on him get it if you can. Some might tell you it will get easier when they get older, for me it did not. As they get older the work gets harder and for us more time consuming both in the work and planning the lessons. I hope that you are able to come to a decision that you can all live with, just remember they grow up fast, faster than I ever thought.:grouphug::grouphug:

[danielle]

I don't care what anyone says, homeschooling takes a TON of time and energy. I was 49 when we began this adventure and I was one of the most organized people you will ever meet!! (Really, everyone gets disgusted with me) I have so much energy my dh often threatens to shoot me with a tranquilizer dart. Also, I had worked for many years in freelance and self-employed situations, and I knew how to manage my time very well.

 

Since beginning hsing, I've hardly had time to get anything done. It's not the time spent actually teaching, it's the time running down resources, hauling her to field trips and activities, the library, testing, signing up for stuff, music lessons, art projects and getting the supplies, etc. I did manage to write my first French book and a few articles by getting up at 5:00 am every day and locking myself in my office every holiday and vacations. It was brutal.

 

When I was about half-way through book 2, I decided to try to rescue a second child and homeschool her until June. Forget doing anything!! I had no idea a second child could take SOOOOO much more time. I mean, I already had all the curricula and experience, right? Turns out kids aren't the same :001_huh: and yes, it was twice as much work. Only this time, not only could I not work, I couldn't get grocery shopping done, the house dusted, bills paid (still haven't done our taxes!). I absolutely do not know how anyone can hs more than one child and do anything else. As soon as we finished for the year (end of June), I have been able to crank out the rest of the book, mostly by locking myself in my office for six hours a day and threatening death to anyone who knocks.

 

My conclusions: it's next to impossible to do a great job hsing and do any other serious work, unless you can cram it into holidays and "vacations". At least, for "normal" mortals like me. Be proud of what you're doing and you'll see terrific results when your kids are older. I have an advanced degree and had a fairly high-powered career before hsing. But now I have an adolescent daughter who I'm so proud of, of whom I have no worries about drugs, boys, academic achievement, etc. We're very, very close, and she constantly introduces me as "the coolest mom on earth". She refused to go to high school this year because, after sitting in on classes at 3 schools, she thought the education was way better at home.

 

Sure, I wish I had a shelf of published books. People often ask me if I feel resentful that I've had to give up so much, usually just after they've told me what a fantastic kid she is. It has been my honor and privilege to be responsible for her life. No degree or career achievement will ever be as great as that.

 

When my dd was the age of your dcs, I thought we had this endless time together. Now, as I watch her going out the door, it was a flick of the eye. My advice: enjoy your children, read a lot, realize what a small segment of life child-rearing is, and try to keep notes (like a field study for your degree). A degree will be very important, to your own self esteem and to the good you will be able to do in the world. Luckily in this country higher ed does not have to be completed when you're in your twenties (or thirties, or forties). Most of us have several careers over a lifetime.

 

Best wishes. I know what it feels like to be torn. You are definitely NOT a loser.

Danielle

[Merry]

I think we all need to hear this from time to time.

[8filltheheart]

I think that we as stay-at-home moms often underestimate the importance of all the tasks we do and how much time they take. Being a mom of 2 young children is a full-time job in and of itself w/o homeschooling.

 

SOmetimes, the only way to get everything done is if something else is eliminated. Sounds obvious, but I can't tell you how often during my 19 yrs of parenting that I have questioned my capabilities vs. the realities of the situation.

 

If you seriously want to continue your degree program, then I would suggest cutting back on what you are doing school-wise with your children. With your oldest being 6, the basics of phonics, reading, writing, and math are all that really need to be done. It becomes a question of your own priorities and your long range view. If you feel that you would be a better teacher for your children and improve their academic outcomes by continuing your classes, eliminate the extra course work for your kids. They won't suffer long term from the reduction in work load. If that material is non-negotiable in your mind, then your own classes may be what you have to sacrifice.

 

You don't need anyone's permission. No matter what decision you make, you know that you are making the one that you feel is best for your family.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

:iagree: No need to add anything.

[Pretty in Pink]

i had to make the same decision about a year ago and it was tough at the time, but now i can say with certainty that it was the very best decision i could have made. we can't be everything to everyone, and when we are raising little ones and homeschooling it is pretty much a full-time job.

 

i was miserable the whole time i was in school. i would care for the children all day until 8 pm when they went to bed, then spend a few hours with my husband before he went to bed, then stay up until 2 or 3 am doing my school work. it was exhausting.

 

so no, if you choose to put school off you are not a loser, you are a wise individual IMO and an unselfish one to boot. i felt like i was putting a dream on hold when i quit, but when i realized i was putting that dream on hold to fulfill *this* dream i found a great sense of peace. HTH!

[frogpond1]

and give a little on both fronts. There is a plus side to your kids being little- they don't need more than a couple hours a day of school. Perhaps you need to do school well first thing and then work on your education afterwards. I found this to be helpful myself. As to the kids getting older, I'm finding that at least through 8th grade it hasn't gotten any calmer- there are more things to run kids too and watch over etc. I'm not saying you shouldn't quit. You really need to do what you think is right. If you decide to keep on though, you need to find ways to really get quiet time alone.

[happyWImom]

I don't think you are copping out and you are no loser either. You are doing double, maybe triple duty and that tends to make some of us a tad grumpy. I have had to put my education on hold for that reason as well. I thought very hard about it, wrote list after list trying to justify what I was doing; whether it be going to school or not going, depended on the day. Your education is important and so is the education of your kids, but unless you are SUPER organized with your time and like to stay up late and work on weekends, it is hard to do them both. What dh and I did was had a huge talk about it, added some to his life insurance policy to cover everything while I finished school, IF something were to happen. If you don't have life insurance on him get it if you can. Some might tell you it will get easier when they get older, for me it did not. As they get older the work gets harder and for us more time consuming both in the work and planning the lessons. I hope that you are able to come to a decision that you can all live with, just remember they grow up fast, faster than I ever thought.:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am organized, and I like to stay up late, but not to work-I need that time to decompress!!!:blink: And these past few weeks of doing school have made me realize that I want to give my kids the best of me as a mom & teacher, and that doesn't work if I'm rushing them through their lessons/reading/etc... so I can go do mine. I want as relaxed a homeschool classroom that I can get (if it's possible:lol:) and that will not work with me trying to figure out how to get MY work done. I still have to take biology, chemistry and Algebra 2, all my WORST things. It would not be stressfree. I feel so much better after getting all of your feedback. It just reinforces my deepdown feelings. I did switch a class, so I'm still taking one this semester, but it's a lot less intense, then I think I will take my break. Thanks!!!

[magistramom]

I come from the POV that we all need to keep up with educational pursuits - even if they are viewed as hobbies by others. So...

 

While you may be inspired to put off your formal education for now, you need to ask yourself, really, how much would you put off? I imagine that you would still be interested in the field of education, and would continue to read about it, research different parts of it, and by osmosis, pick up tons of info and opinions by continuing to homeschool, research hs products and continue to keep up with hs boards. Weigh the time spent on those pursuits with time spent on your formal education. You may find you will have to give in your personal areas to fulfill formal needs to obtain a degree. If you choose to delay your education, don't feel you will be delaying your "education!" You will be building your knowledge about the field and could be very prepared once to do go back. It's a win-win if you keep it all in perspective.

 

Now, if you continue your education, remember this: Many, many homeschool philosophies (WTM/WEM, CM, TJEd, LCC) stress the importance of continuing your own education - the minimum of that would be reading ahead of your student learners so you can teach/mentor/supplement your home teaching. This is also stressed in TOG, KONOS, and other curricula. Their hope for us as homeschool parents - is that our own passions are lit and that we move onto a higher phase of learning for ourselves.

 

Example:

 

When I first started out, I was weak in history. I would have been around oh, eight years old in my grasp of cultures beyond America. I began by reading tons of teen and adult fluff historical fiction about people around the world. This built up a base to move onto deeper readings from factual books. In keeping "at it" it became fun - I now am a nerd that enjoys reading original texts, some even, in Latin (thanks to teaching Latin to my kids, I grew an interest in this area as well).

 

The perfect time for you to attend to your own academic pursuits is while your children are attending to theirs! While they are doing school, you can do school too. You can block out time where you are not to be disturbed (spin it so your kids view it as time THEY cannot be disturbed). During this time, your kids (any age) can do quiet activities (reading, computer, worksheets, timelines, coloring pages, etc.). Through the day, have short intensive teaching moments with each child, and as a group whenever possible. These moments should provide a base for them to go off and continue to study (through reading, worksheets, computer, a DVD etc.).

 

The adage "It's about you, not them" is misunderstood and hard to wrap your head around - but it is true. If you are able to pursue your own passions, you will become a model for THEM, your kids. You are ahead in the game in that you already homeschool and understand that learning happens ALL the time, not "just" during formal lessons. There are many stories of parents that obtain degrees while homeschooling or while working full time - and how they have inspired their own children as students. It's not egoistic to put yourself first - the key is to balance this with short, intensive teaching times 24/7. As you learn about classroom management and pedagogy, you can also home teach some of those sub-subjects: conflict resolution techniques, scheduling, interdisciplinary learning, etc. AND, you can implement different learning style techniques in your own home. You may be able to use your homeschool as an independent project, or for your journal.

 

Good luck! I believe it is wise to have a plan to fall back on! Consider the time and effort a form of self-life insurance - it is a way to take care of yourself and family during trials.

[magistramom]

I look at SWB... you could use her as a role model... even if you try to do 1/5 of what she does:)...

Working, writing, teaching, travel, speaking, researching, running an inter-generational home, whew!