Interesting article from the perspective of the grown dd of an Indian mother who divorced.........

[Joanne]

So powerful. So sad.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gursimran-sandhu/indian-divorce-mom-saved-life_b_6574426.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

 

ETA: This author's respect in terms of her parents, including her father, is impressive. She framed her criticism of culture and avoided details about her father and the divorce. Very classy.

[Cammie]

India is changing, however.  Especially in bigger cities it is not unusual to know people who have been divorced.  And remarried.  There is even an entire online dating service for Indians who are divorced!

 

[Tsuga]

India is changing but this change, freedom for women, is hard everywhere. Thank you Joanne for sharing. As a woman who divorced after believing for a long time that I could not--I am so, so grateful for those who went before me, and the opportunities I have now.

 

Great article, and yes well written. Why no-fault divorce is so important: I didn't have to trash my kids' dad in court to get a divorce. I could have said many things, but did not, and this saved my family forever from a record of what really happened. I know many think it is not important, and I get that. But without it, I would have had to put in writing things that were... not good. But still legal for a civilian. No-fault divorce saved me and my kids.

[Guest]

My ex-husband is a first-generation Indian.  This article was difficult for me to read, but it's very, very true.  I now see why he felt so entitled to treat me (and our two kids) the way he did... I'm not Indian, so I had no clue what was behind the entitled behavior (from abusiveness to cheating).  A huge thing was that I am not Indian, so I didn't matter even more... that part was obvious... sadly.

[Guest]

Just wanted to add that based on my experience, it is very, very difficult to get out of an abusive marriage because of all the shaming/vengeance.  It's real and it's horrible.  

[Anne in CA]

I doubt there is a culture anywhere that makes it easy to remove yourself from an abusive marriage, although some are much harder than others. It was a great article, in that I was very glad to see a happy ending.

[momacacia]

Loved it, thank you! Thank God she got a valuable degree when she did!

 

And taking the bar, in CA no less I'm assuming (one of the 3 toughest bars in the nation) a week after having a baby!!! She is one strong woman!!!

[Cammie]

I think the generation in dh's family, who migrated from India, have more - fossilised ? views. The views they took away with them in '69. Whereas their children definitely have more progressive values, at least as far as marriage is concerned.

 

There has been a lot written about the way that cultural views stagnate in an immigrant community.  The Indian-American community is no different.  They are much more conservative that actual India at this point.  People who visit us from the US are usually shocked to see how Western and modern life has become here.  I think Indians in India don't have to stagnate to stay "Indian" while Indian-Americans are holding on to what they perceive is their "identify" by not allowing change.  It is hardest for the children of immigrants who want not only to fit in more with American culture but who don't even really get to live like their counterparts in India.

[Alessandra]

Thanks for the article. By coincidence, I just saw the film, Water, about the fate of widows in India, c 1938. Haunting. It's on Netflix streaming, if anyone is interested.

[Azalea]

I realize this is tangential. But this is a very significant problem in the workplace: http://seattletimes.com/html/businesstechnology/2024241588_microsoftsuitxml.html

 

[GailV]

I realize this is tangential. But this is a very significant problem in the workplace: http://seattletimes.com/html/businesstechnology/2024241588_microsoftsuitxml.html

 

Thanks for bringing that up.  I think dh-the-engineer is aware of this (although he deals more with other cultures).  But it's good for me to read more about where dds who are headed into STEM might have issues.

[Alessandra]

I realize this is tangential. But this is a very significant problem in the workplace: http://seattletimes.com/html/businesstechnology/2024241588_microsoftsuitxml.html

Very interesting. What the employee is asking for seems extremely reasonable.

[Farrar]

Made me think of the last Jhumpa Lahiri novel - The Lowland.

 

Interesting piece.

[Anne in CA]

Not surprising. Dh worked for Intel for 11 years and these were real problems there too.