We need to change!

[Tsutsie]

I'm a box checking type of homeschooler. Ever since I started homeschooling my oldest DS (almost 10) we have always worked for hours a day. I buy the most rigorous curriculum I can find and then add to it. My children knows nothing else and simply do as I say. I don't have to fight with them to get things done, they work efficiently and does not completely hate "school." Not just do we do "school at home," we are one of those traditional, stuck-up academic institutions  where kids learn to follow the rules.

 

I hate it. I truly hate it. I'm saddened by the fact that this is how my children spend their days. I'm not a ridiculous, cruel authoritarian - this is the only way I know how.

 

I want them to laugh more, question more, explore more, argue with me and take chances. I'm not sure if this will kick in as they near the logic/teenage stage, but then again, I'm not even sure how I will handle it.

 

I really want to unschool. I think. I just don't know how, or if it will even work for DS, in particular. He is a fickle guy. He does not play with toys of any kind. No lego, no science kits, etc. He plays with friends - those are his toys. I is immensely social and thrives when around peers. He enjoys video games (with friends) and will watch science experiment videos on youtube for hours, without ever attempting any of it. He likes documentaries on almost anything - science, music, history, etc. He is an excellent writer, years ahead in math, a natural speller, great violinist, he has an excellent memory (maybe even sort of photographic) - generally just a clever guy. But he can't do anything by himself. He needs to be entertaining by me, friends or computer in order to be learning, playing and happy. He asks questions, but will not look for an answer himself - not even when it is as easy as googling it. 

 

I'm not sure if this kind of personality will work within an unschooling type of approach?

 

WIth unschooling, I mean that I will allow them to learn what they want to learn, by whatever means they want. I'll facilitate as best I can, I will find resources of any sort and drive where we need to go. I will guide and support, but not dictate anything or require any sort of output. I will ditch all the workbooks (except for math) and read to them more. We will do more art, cook more, attend field trips, spend time outside, etc. I will do it properly. I'm just worried that my son will sit around the house and wait and mope until his friends come home from school. I worry that he will watch youtube videos on games all day. I worry that much of his day will be spent not knowing what to do with himself and that he will not interact or respond to my gentle nudging as a way of getting him started. He reads only non-fiction, and only when there is really nothing else to do (before going to bed.) 

 

Should I do it? DS has always been like this, it is not something he has learned as part of our homeschooling choices. 

 

I want them to be curios. I want my children to love learning and to be involved in the world around them. I want to ditch the workbook after workbook approach and light a fire in them which will inspire them to explore, grow and learn. I'm not sure where to start, or if it's even a good idea. 

 

If this was your kid, what would you have done? If you had a child like this, how did you inspire them? 

 

(My younger DD7 is an easy going kid who marches to be beat of her own drum. She creates, explores and questions. She is the perfect kid to give more educational freedom to.)

[JanetC]

Don't think of it as black and white -- there's plenty of room for gray, and for making changes gradually.  Let go of the structure a bit at a time until you find the balance that feels right for your family.

 

Yes, there are radical unschoolers that do absolutely no structure, but there are lots more "flexitarian" homeschoolers who borrow freely from multiple philosophies and make it work for their family.  It might look like an enforced bare minimum of core academics, and then freedom the rest of the time.  Or, parents and kids collaborate to choose books and topics of study, rather than following a classical reading list.  Or, an X-weeks-on, Y-weeks-off where structured and unstructured time alternate.

 

 

[Tsuga]

n/m

[bethben]

I was like you - a box checker in desire of children to have this love of learning and have fun, etc.  I tried to incorporate more spontaneity into my homeschool and started with science.  You know what?  Science didn't happen.  For me, if I don't have something laid out, it doesn't get done.  It may also be personality.  My ds#2 does what he's asked, doesn't seem to have a lot of academic interests, and just pretty much cruised through school without much enthusiasm.  I thought it was me.  Along comes ds#3.  He is way more interested in learning and will check out tons of non-fiction books on multiple subjects for fun reading.  He loves the Dover coloring books and is interested in school.  It's a personality thing when all along I though it was me.  So, you may desire to be an un-schooler and explore learning because of interest, but your personality might not work with it nor your childs.  Try unschooling for history or science and see how it goes.  Otherwise, just be content in your box checking ways.

[HS Mom in NC]

What kind of curriculum are you using? 

 

Is it just workbook/textbook/worksheets  stuff or are you using living books and projects too? 

 

Is the structure the problem or do you not like content being covered? Or both?

 

Do you want to do all unstructured or do you want some of it unstructured?

 

Do you want less writing and more hands on? 

 

Do you want  more subject integration?

 

 

[Tsutsie]

What kind of curriculum are you using? 

 

W&R, Spelling Power, Vocabulary Workshop, Lively Latin, Fix It! Grammar, AoPS Algebra, SOTW with many extras, Winterpromise Science (Jiggle, Jostle and Jolt), Critical Thinking books, Inference Jones, HomeArtStudio, Map Skills. We'll are also part of a co-op that makes use of a science textbook my son detests. He has completed a few Coursera courses and generally likes them, as long as there is not to much assignments - as to be expected of a 9 year old. I find comprehension questions for the books they are reading online. Sometimes I read the book too, mostly not. How sad. Really, how can I have a meaningful discussion with them if I have not read the book. The thing is that I'm so busy checking other boxes, that I don't get around to it.

 

Is it just workbook/textbook/worksheets  stuff or are you using living books and projects too? 

 

We use the Usborne Encyclopedia of W. History and a few others. We use the books that go along with the Winterpromise Science program - there is only 1 "living" book. 

 

 

Is the structure the problem or do you not like content being covered? Or both?

 

Structure. There is a lot of content. However, it feels like we are flopping from one content area to the next without really thinking about it.

 

Do you want to do all unstructured or do you want some of it unstructured?

 

I'd still like some structure, especially with regards to math and writing. 

 

Do you want less writing and more hands on? 

 

Both. The writing should be meaningful, not just fill in the blanks. I'm not sure how hands on will work for a boy that does generally not like it. (He does not play with lego, he'd rather watch experiments online than do it himself. He never used manipulative for math, calling it a waste of time, etc. )

 

Do you want  more subject integration?

 

YES! Having everything so compartmentalized feels completely unnatural. 

 

Thank you for your response. It's much appreciated.

 

[73349]

I recommend that you read Project-Based Homeschooling by Lori Pickert, and/or look around at her website, and at "maker" or Maker Faire stuff (some of which is in schools).

 

It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and in fact your DS would probably be bewildered--maybe even a bit angry--if you said to him on Monday, "School is whatever project you want to create today!" Maybe you can start with some probing questions about his interests and some brainstorming. I think you'll need to do a fair amount of scaffolding to get him into the mindset you're looking for instead of the "spoon-feed me" habits. It could be really valuable for him, though.

[BugsMama]

Could you maybe just add an hour a day of free exploration? You may have to prompt a little at first- put together a basket with outdoor tools- nature journals, binoculars, magnifying glass, fleild guides. Do the same with crafts, and maybe science kits. And then tell them to pick something. Help as needed until they can do it on their own.

 

 

To get an hour a day to do this, maybe you can cut back on what you are doing. Do 15 minutes less of each subject (and set a timer to make sure you stop if you aren't doing that already) so you have the hour at the end of the day.

 

 

[moonlight]

I am just going to throw some ideas out there that may or may not work.

 

We started journals recently. I have two different writing prompt jars: one for my 8 year old and one for my 11 year old. They are welcome to use them or just writing about whatever strikes them. The older one mostly has creative writing prompts (many found on Pinterest) and some personal reflection stuff. This is something they enjoy, but is not pushed by me.

 

We are part of a book club, STEM club and board games club at the moment. This is a great way for my children to learn and interact with other kids. At other times we have been part of DIY club, Math club and Art club. I might add that these are all clubs I have started to meet one of my child's needs and/or interests. They are widely successful because all families that participate host and lead one meeting and are free the rest of the school year. We meet once a month so 3 times a month for the 3 clubs.

 

My older son keeps a commonplace book. He is required to write down at least one quote he has found in his reading. This gives him the freedom to write about whatever speaks to him.

 

Would your son be interested in coding? There is a lot to explore online and might appeal in terms of interacting with a computer?

 

My older son is happier reading about things, but I do encourage doing. We make a monthly project list on a chalkboard. This month (Jan) he is going to do Makey Makey, make a rubber band jump rope and a fiber optic lamp. Sometimes the list is art heavy, other times it's more science oriented. My middle son wants to decoupage a moose head, make Blinky Bugs and do Squishy Circuits and the youngest one wants to paint. They also want to go bird watching together and make junkbots. This month the kids made Rube Goldberg machines, duct tape wallets, duct tape rose pens, ornaments and soldered. Maybe you can make a list of things your son would like to do? Let him loose on Pinterest to explore any topic that might pique his interest: cooking, baking, art, crafts, science, cars, etc. There are usually projects/crafts/ ideas to explore there. This stuff is not directed by me, but I have 100s of pins of crafts, art ideas, science experiments that I think they might like to do one day. They will sit down and go through them when they are figuring out what to do for the month. I also have boxes of real art supplies they have free access to. We also have a ton of science kits, mindstorms, DVDs, books on CD and books everywhere that they draw inspiration from when deciding on projects for the month. Also, they also see me doing these things. I often have several projects going at once. This month I'm going to make busy bags for a swap, make a no sew tutu for a baby shower and make a felt banner for the school room. It's a process and it's messy.

 

I also have a STEM challenges plastic bin that has a bunch of challenges that I found all over the web and the supplies needed for making them.

 

Our mornings til lunch are often spent on seatwork. Afternoons often involve activities outside the house. Projects are usually done the 1-2 afternoons we are home on weekdays, evenings and even weekends. Because they are ones the kids choose and want to do, it is something they seek out rather than viewing it as schoolwork.

 

I'm tired and not sure if any of this is even helpful or what you are looking for. It's almost 2 am here..Happy New Year!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[birchbark]

 

. . . He does not play with toys of any kind. . . He enjoys video games (with friends) and will watch science experiment videos on youtube for hours . . . He likes documentaries on almost anything . . . He needs to be entertaining by me, friends or computer in order to be learning, playing and happy . . . I'm just worried that my son will sit around the house and wait and mope until his friends come home from school. I worry that he will watch youtube videos on games all day.

 

It sounds to me like there is a lot of screen time happening. It is VERY HARD to have inquisitive, creative children when they are spending a lot of time on a screen. They need the "gift of boredom" as Kim John Payne says. I would ditch the workbooks AND the screens for awhile. Then bring in real books, real math, real projects that you can do together. Use this time to make some lists of ideas that you can go off of later. Good luck! 

[Ausmumof3]

Sounds to me like your son is more of an intuitive type who learns by reading than one who learns by sensory input and using his hands. You can't change the kid you have though you can offer opportunities for growth. I have one who wants to make and do everything with his hands, touching, feeling, building, replicating what he sees. But it's hard to get him to focus on reading or writing down what he's done. So there's challenges either way.

 

What you could encourage him to do is to talk about what he's watching and reading and see if it can be extended. So in the video they mixed bicarbonate soda and vinegar. It did this... I wonder if the outcome would be different if it was hotter/colder the vinegar was diluted. What happens if we use lemon juice instead?

 

Obviously this is a really basic example but these are the kind of questions I use to try to encourage my kids to go beyond or above the material.

 

As an analogy when you do yoga the instructors will encourage you to stay in the final resting position after you are done to get the most benefit from the yoga. Sometimes your brain needs this too. After you've read the book or watched the video it needs a bit of time to absorb and play with the infeormation. If you are constantly reading or watching there's no time to process and output something from all that input.