How to help your special needs child find his career passion?

[Student Mommie]

At this point I've seen waaaayyyy too many grown unschooled kids who still don't know their passion-- so I cannot deceive myself that as long as a child has time to explore what catches his interest, that he will find his passion.

 

To be honest, I am so overwhelmed and tired by all the remediation etc work that my special needs child requires, that I don't have any energy left over for helping him learn how to figure out his passions-- not that i would know how, anyway.  I just feel like all the deficits overwhelm being able to even have a breath to look at the strengths.  I know he has strengths-- he was spouting philosophy at age 3-- and has shown incredible insight and perceptiveness and even self-awareness -- and he asks deep questions and loves to understand science.  However, his learning disabilities are so massive that they are just like these big blocks in the way of everything.  

 

What can I do to make sure he progresses in figuring out what his passions will be, what dream is lying dormant in his heart?  i didn't figure that out with myself, i just flit from interest to interest... so i don't know how i can teach this.  I dont know what i can do to support this.

 

I'm kind of finally starting to understand that he may never read fluently, may never write fluently, may never be able to do math past a minimal level.  (It's hard for me to accept because I don't understand it.  I see him progress and get excited, but then an expert says "Ahem.  he is supposed to be able to do XYZ by this age.  If you don't do serious remediation he will never learn JKL.")  So I kind of feel like figuring out his passion is extremely important so I can help guide him into a version of it that can work with his weaknesses.  Some kind of nontraditional path.  I know I am really starting to finally "get it' because I am even accepting that there is a possibility that college will not be in his path. (I am still mourning this as i secretly not only dreamed college for my kids but dreamed top colleges, but it's good that I'm opening up to seeing that he may need a different path from the usual.)

 

 

[IsabelC]

Sorry for the loss of your dreams (I know that parenting a SN child can involve many bouts of grief as it hits you again every time his peers achieve things that he won't achieve until later, if ever), and congratulations on what he is achieving with your sensitive support. Could I clarify, are you talking about your 7yo whom you mentioned in previous posts? If so, might I gently suggest that you try not to worry about career aspirations just yet? Most 'normal' kids that age don't yet have passions that are going to be lifelong, and that's OK. I think you are being hard on yourself, not only in your home educator role, but also when you say you flit from interest to interest. I don't believe there is anything wrong with this. Some people naturally love to learn a bit about a wide range of things, while other people are drawn to go more deeply into fewer things (a book I read called these types 'scanners' and 'divers' respectively). Our culture places a higher value on specialists, but this has not always been the case (look at the idea of the 'renaissance man', for example) and even now there are many opportunities for generalists. 

[Plink]

Fantastic topic. I don't have any advice yet, as my oldest is only 11, but I'm also curious about career choices. My DD has passion, but will probably not develop the skill to match, so I'm in the role of eventually needing to encourage her to tweak her dreams.

 

Being a SN mom isn't easy.

[mommymonster]

Superlotto, I've been thinking about your post since I read it last night. I can't give you tried-and-true advice, as my oldest is 8. You've got a ton of time to get to passion. Right now is the time for deep breaths, reflection and addressing the immediate concerns of remediation.

 

That being said, I'm a planner and a worrier, so I'm working a plan for both of my kids, each of whom have their own special list of fine print, one with primarily learning challenges, and one with primarily health challenges. 

 

First, I made a list of "goals" for each kid, which I revisit as part of my annual planning. The goals are based on my priorities for now, but as they get older, I will definitely take their dreams and plans into account. For now, the goals are things like (i) live independently (i.e., not in my basement); (ii) have a job that they enjoy; and (iii) participate meaningfully in their community. The goals are pretty modest, but that's what I'm aiming for right now. They are also pretty vague, as I don't know what their long-term goals and dreams are (neither do they at this point, which is fine). 

 

Next, I made a high-level plan on baby steps we can take to get toward our goals, even at the young ages of 8 and 5. On the independent living, I looked at some of the things people need to do to be able to live on their own, and started with self-care. OK, so people need to do self-care, keep house, make food, and understand consumer finance (there's other stuff, but this is my starter list). So, we're breaking things down into steps. The boys are both working on morning routines (wake up, get dressed (including glasses and deodorant), eat breakfast, brush teeth) that they can do independently. They each have chores, and get one new chore each month or so. We work on doing them well and automatically. They are both learning to cook, at age appropriate levels. DS5 makes cereal and milk and sandwiches. DS8 is learning bread-making (as a confidence builder) and menu planning. For consumer finance, I take one boy to the grocery and we go over food choices... they have a ton of time to get to the other stuff. 

 

We also spend a ton of time outdoors, read lots of books (embracing twaddle as needed), play with our homeschool group, and watch documentaries. Interests and passions pop up in the strangest of places. 

 

Also something good to remember: not all of us are paid to work in an area we are passionate about. My paid work was definitely not a passion-thing, it was a money thing. My off-hours where were my passions and interests were nurtured. Thinking about what makes good employees may also be a useful endeavor, if you think your little one is more likely to be an employee. 

 

 

[sbgrace]

OP, I empathize. I don't have suggestions, and my special needs son is just 10.

 

Fantastic topic. I don't have any advice yet, as my oldest is only 11, but I'm also curious about career choices. My DD has passion, but will probably not develop the skill to match, so I'm in the role of eventually needing to encourage her to tweak her dreams.

Being a SN mom isn't easy.

 

I think you said better what I was going to try to express. Passion isn't the problem here, but my son's passion and personality bents tend to rub up against his special needs weaknesses in terms of career options.

[Heathermomster]

OP, would you mind explaining your child's learning issues?

 

My DS knows that he has some limitations, so we try to face them and figure out work a rounds.  My primary emphasis is ensuring that he has a right understanding of his need for the LORD, a content heart, flexibility in thinking, and compassion for others.  I really stress the skill areas necessary to complete college work, and he is a work in progress.  

 

DS really wants to go to the US Naval Academy.  DH has examined their policies, and they want applicants with no accommodations the last two years of high school and no accommodated ACT/SAT testing scores.  I would prefer DS attend a four year university with a New College, which would help lend some flexibility to son's four year degree requirements.  With a bachelors degree in hand and appropriate GPA, DS could then call up an officer recruiter and apply for OCS.  This may or may not happen.  DS loves history and would like to write for Jane's Defence Weekly.  Given the current political climate and state of world affairs, I cannot say that I'm overly excited about DS joining the military.

 

[SandyKC]

When my DS was entering 11th grade and had NO CLUE what he might want to do... We did several online interest inventories that helped us get ideas for career exploration.. Some that matched his personality were ones neither of us had EVER considered.. Like "Food Science"!! 

 

Specifically, I remember http://www.sigi3.org/ was the one we really liked. It provided a lot of information about the careers that matched my DS' personality profile.  

 

We used Strength Finder, which wasn't really a career type of inventory, but gave the top five strengths and careers that might be good for the personality type.

 

I had my son use a couple of other career profile assessments, but I don't remember what they were! 

 

With the tools we used, we were able to come up with 3-4 areas of interest, so we started talking to individuals about what those careers "looked like."  For example, one of my DS' primary interests was psychology, but after talking to professionals and finding out that the work day was basically talking to people and writing up notes, it didn't seem as exciting as learning ABOUT psychology.  My DS wanted a career where he'll DO SOMETHING as opposed to talk and write! LOL!  

 

It was an interesting journey to figure out which direction he should launch out into and I liked the route we took.  It at least gave my son some thoughts about what to pursue and clarified what he did NOT want to do (= anything that is a desk job with "lots of words".)  He's much more of a hands-on guy, so he's headed for a hands-on career. 

 

Hope that helps! 

[Lecka]

Heathermomster --- my husband is active duty in the Army.

 

It may be different in the Navy, but in the Army, officers who do ROTC in college are often a LOT stronger than people who graduate college and then apply for a commission.  

 

I think, but am not sure, that students can be in ROTC for a few years with no commitment to joint the military.  Then -- if they accept ROTC scholarships they have to pay them back if they do not join.  But I think you can be in it and not accept the scholarships, too.  

 

I really do not know much about it..... I just think it might be something to look at if he is interested.  

 

My husband is a ROTC instructor right now, and he is very positive about the group of kids.  He checks up on their grades, they have some additional structure other students do not have.  They do also have a major commitment and some students wish they had time to do other activities, that is definitely a drawback.  

 

But unfortunately here is a common attitude about the "called up a recruiter with a bachelor's degree in hand" officer.  it is "oh, you couldn't find another job.  Oh, you didn't really want to do this, this is your fall-back position.  Oh -- you are probably not really as serious as the people who came through ROTC and have had this goal of being an officer since they were in high school."  

 

People overcome that with a good work ethic and stuff, but it is something that you overcome, a little bit.  Coming up through ROTC is much more desirable.  

 

It might depend on the area, though.  My husband is in an area where leadership skills are a big deal, he is not in as much of a technical area where technical knowledge is important.  I think it is different then.  I am just saying how it is in my husband's little part of the military.  

 

Plus -- maybe he would be in ROTC for one semester and decide he didn't like it :)

 

Edit:  Our local university only offers Army and Air Force programs, maybe that is the case.  I think the other state university has Naval ROTC.  

[OneStepAtATime]

Not sure this helps at all but when I was growing up my parents supported whatever interests we had, but only in a general way.  The minute we lost interest they let us drop whatever it was and run on to the next thing.  Looking back I think this was a mistake.  I didn't learn to work through the tough times and the boring times to really master an outside interest other than school academics and reading on my own.  I had LOTS of interests, and dabbled in many, but never pursued any to mastery. 

 

With the kids I am trying to do things differently.  For instance, DD has an overwhelming fear of being in front of people.   In the past, she has frequently completely frozen in place with tears streaming down her cheeks, unable to move or talk.  But she is fascinated by drama.  She decided to join a homeschool drama club.  She loved it, but sometimes had her panic attacks and wanted to quit.  I refused to let her since it would severely inconvenience the drama club (she had been assigned a part and there was no one to replace her).  She made it through, did well, and signed up again for the next year.  The next year was tough.  She was given a much bigger part with really complex sentences and vocabulary.  She had more panic attacks, wanted to quit and had a few meltdowns over it.  I refused to let her quit.  I pointed out that she LOVED the class once she was there, it was just the fear ahead of time that was locking her up.  I also pointed out that she had made a commitment and it wasn't right to let the others down.  Finally, I pointed out that sometimes you have to work through the tough stuff to really find something that matters to you. 

 

The final performance she did beautifully.  She got tons of compliments and really nailed her part, even incorporating an accent and lots of body movement.  While she will probably never go into drama as a career, this experience is helping her in many ways.  She has a LOT more confidence now with getting up in front of people, for one, which could be so helpful in so many situations she may face as an adult.  Also, she learned that even though she cannot rote memorize and reading at grade level or above is still difficult for her, she can self-advocate and adapt and make something that seemed impossible on the surface actually work well for her.  And she also now knows what it feels like to work through something very difficult and make it through to the other side.  All good life skills that can be applied as she approaches adulthood.

[Heathermomster]

When my DS was entering 11th grade and had NO CLUE what he might want to do... We did several online interest inventories that helped us get ideas for career exploration.. Some that matched his personality were ones neither of us had EVER considered.. Like "Food Science"!! 

 

Specifically, I remember http://www.sigi3.org/ was the one we really liked. It provided a lot of information about the careers that matched my DS' personality profile.  

 

We used Strength Finder, which wasn't really a career type of inventory, but gave the top five strengths and careers that might be good for the personality type.

 

I had my son use a couple of other career profile assessments, but I don't remember what they were! 

 

With the tools we used, we were able to come up with 3-4 areas of interest, so we started talking to individuals about what those careers "looked like."  For example, one of my DS' primary interests was psychology, but after talking to professionals and finding out that the work day was basically talking to people and writing up notes, it didn't seem as exciting as learning ABOUT psychology.  My DS wanted a career where he'll DO SOMETHING as opposed to talk and write! LOL!  

 

It was an interesting journey to figure out which direction he should launch out into and I liked the route we took.  It at least gave my son some thoughts about what to pursue and clarified what he did NOT want to do (= anything that is a desk job with "lots of words".)  He's much more of a hands-on guy, so he's headed for a hands-on career. 

 

Hope that helps! 

So, what is his career choice?  

[SandyKC]

So, what is his career choice?  

 

It was a HUGE toss-up between Food Science and Mechanical Engineering.  He was actually going to pursue both initially and see which he liked better, but the career-path decision was made for him when the Food Science department wouldn't let him sign up for the "Intro to Food Science" course because he had not declared it as his major yet.  He basically decided he'd just go all in with Mechanical Engineering then and if he likes it, he'll stick with it... although he did say this last semester  that Materials Engineering looks interesting!  He likes that mixing things and creating things kind of activity.. so Materials Engineering wouldn't be a bad choice either.  WHO KNOWS what he'll actually end up with, but at least it was a place to begin. ;-) 

[Lecka]

Awesome!!!!!!

[Heathermomster]

Heathermomster --- my husband is active duty in the Army.

 

It may be different in the Navy, but in the Army, officers who do ROTC in college are often a LOT stronger than people who graduate college and then apply for a commission.

 

I think, but am not sure, that students can be in ROTC for a few years with no commitment to joint the military. Then -- if they accept ROTC scholarships they have to pay them back if they do not join. But I think you can be in it and not accept the scholarships, too.

 

I really do not know much about it..... I just think it might be something to look at if he is interested.

 

My husband is a ROTC instructor right now, and he is very positive about the group of kids. He checks up on their grades, they have some additional structure other students do not have. They do also have a major commitment and some students wish they had time to do other activities, that is definitely a drawback.

 

But unfortunately here is a common attitude about the "called up a recruiter with a bachelor's degree in hand" officer. it is "oh, you couldn't find another job. Oh, you didn't really want to do this, this is your fall-back position. Oh -- you are probably not really as serious as the people who came through ROTC and have had this goal of being an officer since they were in high school."

 

People overcome that with a good work ethic and stuff, but it is something that you overcome, a little bit. Coming up through ROTC is much more desirable.

 

It might depend on the area, though. My husband is in an area where leadership skills are a big deal, he is not in as much of a technical area where technical knowledge is important. I think it is different then. I am just saying how it is in my husband's little part of the military.

 

Plus -- maybe he would be in ROTC for one semester and decide he didn't like it :)

 

Edit: Our local university only offers Army and Air Force programs, maybe that is the case. I think the other state university has Naval ROTC.

The attitude that you are describing must be an Army thing. DS is USNR retired (w/6 years on active duty), and we were just discussing this.

 

Two of my family members (one w/ a Biology degree and the other Sociology) graduated and applied to AOCS and were accepted with no problems. Each of them separated from service as a Lt.CMDR and CMDR. Neither of them went through ROTC. Back in 1999 when I graduated with my BSEE, the USN OCS recruiter was very eager to talk to me, and I certainly didn't go through ROTC.

 

The military has changed considerably in the last 5 years though. I expect the future will be a challenge no matter what, and if I have my way, DS will pursue something else.

[Lecka]

It may even just be his branch of the Army.  There is a lot of downsizing right now and uncertainty, it is definitely not a field I recommend.  But for people who really want to do it -- it is a different story.  My husband always wanted to do it and never wanted to do anything else.  For people who are weighing it as a possible option -- I would not recommend it at all.  

 

My husband is in the Infantry though, and they are not so much looking for really smart people, as people who are in good physical condition and who have good leadership skills.  They like athletes more than students with really good grades, if it is either/or and they can't have both.  For new lieutenants, too, if they have only been to the officer basic course, or whatever, they do not have a lot of experience in the kind of thing Infantry lieutenants do, but lieutenants who went through ROTC have done more of that kind of thing while they were in the ROTC program.  The top students in his program want to be commissioned into combat arms b/c that is their interest -- you cannot do it outside the Army.  For other branches you could have a similar job outside of the military, so there is not so much of a reason to only consider the military.  

 

 

[1shortmomto4]

Not to take this conversation further off course but thanks for the info on the military career pursuit.  My 9th grader has dreamed of becoming a general for many, many years.  I approach his schooling with that in mind - he has studied many of the great generals and what made them great.  My dh served in the Marines for many years but did not pursue it as a career but he has encouraged my ds to keep in school, get a degree and go in as an officer.  I've looked up VMI and they have programs in place to help with many of the LDs (my ds is severe dyslexic/dysgraphic).  I thought about the ROTC at high school so he could give that a try before any major commitments but you have to be enrolled full-time but I'm not willing to do that at this time so we'll just see how things go over the next year or two. 

 

Now my oldest ds, who has a severe hearing impairment and a few other LDs - well, he had dreams of the military or law enforcement.  At this point neither are possible as a direct route - but with a degree he may be able to get in with US Marshalls or as civilian working with computers.  He didn't have any idea what his life goals were as a teen (and certainly not when he was 7) and when he turned 15 and was dealt the blow of hearing loss, well that really made things challenging to help him find his way.  Doable but sometimes hard on the momma's heart.  He's been attending CC (1 more year before transferring to a 4 yr) and after a year and half he now is much clearer in his pursuit - Computers and Accounting.  Sometimes the paths to adulthood and their careers take some time to find but in the meantime we just have to encourage their interests and see where they lead them.  If we focus on what they can't do well it might not be beneficial for either party. I know we have to be realistic but these kiddos can truly be amazing despite our own knowledge of possible outcomes in life with these SNs.

[OneStepAtATime]

One thing I am looking into are volunteer positions where the kids can get experience doing different things and making connections into the community.  We will be moving in the fall and I am hoping there will be opportunities for volunteer work where we are going.  Over and over in my own career what really helped was who I knew (sometimes not even within the context of my career specifically) and ANY hands on experience.

[cherylswope]

One thing I am looking into are volunteer positions where the kids can get experience doing different things and making connections into the community.  We will be moving in the fall and I am hoping there will be opportunities for volunteer work where we are going.  Over and over in my own career what really helped was who I knew (sometimes not even within the context of my career specifically) and ANY hands on experience.

 

Temple Grandin advocates volunteering to develop job skills, social skills, and confidence in teens with special needs. Volunteering has helped both of my children who could not otherwise "work" outside the home.

 

 

Addressing the original question, this book offers many tips even for those not on the autism spectrum:

Developing Talents: Careers for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism, Grandin

 

 

Cheryl

 

Simply Classical: A Beautiful Education for Any Child