PeterPan Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 What are the rules for playing games nicely? Or to expand the question, what is my resource to begin to know what rules to teach ds for proper social behavior? He seems to respond well to rules (once I get it into his skull that he should accept the rule), so I need to start slowly doing this. I need rules that are true and necessary. Maybe a chart or list or something to help me? I think y'all know I mean social skills, not something really vague and generically appropriate for a NT dc. So far I've taught him "In our house we obey," frankly as self-preservation. Somehow he got it in his head that dh is the ONLY one he has to obey, that dh ranks and I DON'T. Ugh. Because of his struggles when he plays (melting down if a turn doesn't go his way, blah blah), I'm trying to teach him a new rule/mantra to repeat over and over. Oh, I hope that is clear that that's the point. I'm not talking about an infraction rule. I'm talking about mantras to repeat over and over till he concludes they're true and accepts them and will begin to operate on them. So for playing, I was trying "In our house we play nicely" and then in the moment defining nicely. I'm sure that's lacking in the adeptness of what someone with more experience would create, so point me in the right direction. There's probably a slew of these things we should be working on, and now that he can repeat stuff we might as well start, sigh. It was so much fun playing. It's just the meltdowns that aren't fun. He only goes down (most of the time) for dh. He has that in his head too. So if dh is napping and ds NEEDS to rest, he's not going to get any rest till dh can take care of him. Then I come on the boards and see people slamming people who let their kids watch too much tv. Doesn't make me too happy, frankly, because tv in our house is self-preservation. Rant, rant, sorry. Back to rules. Social rules we teach kids who need a fuzz of work on them. Is there a list? I don't know if he has to have all of them, but something in that direction would probably help us right now or at least clue me in or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadieMarie Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 One of my rules is to ask questions. Dd8 assumes the most negative meaning for any comment and reacts accordingly. So double check is a good guideline, as in telling her that she needs to ask "what did you mean by that?" Often I ask her to try again, "Is that really the best way to get me to do what you want?" "I think you need to try again." Trying again has been a good strategy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 This book does a really good job of detailing social rules - and makes for easy discussion with the kids. Use the Look Inside feature to see a list of the rules, but also to see how it is formatted. I like it. We have recently started with this book in place of a manners book we were reading one little excerpt from in the mornings over breakfast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndOfOrdinary Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 This book does a really good job of detailing social rules - and makes for easy discussion with the kids. Use the Look Inside feature to see a list of the rules, but also to see how it is formatted. I like it. We have recently started with this book in place of a manners book we were reading one little excerpt from in the mornings over breakfast. Screw the kid, I need this book! :). Thank you very much for suggesting it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Screw the kid, I need this book! :). Thank you very much for suggesting it! :lol: I know, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 We have a rule that when someone else wins, you say, "Congratulations." If you won, you say, "Thanks for playing with me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 We shake everyone's hand at the end of the game and congratulate the winner. I also try to emphasize the fun of playing games with the competitiveness factoring in later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I don't have a resource to offer, but I think that framing things as a little mantra to say to himself is excellent. It worked on my son when he was younger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer-72 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I like the book listed above. I loved how I could/can just photocopy a rule and stick it on the front of the fridge for us to talk about for the week. There is a great set of books you should be able to get from the library called the Learning to Get Along series by Cheri J. Meiners. http://www.freespirit.com/LTGA/index.cfm?utm_source=landingpage&utm_medium=web-link&utm_content=ltga&utm_campaign=lgta-series I love how well they are illustrated and that they lend them selves to such nice perspective taking questions. Ds never has done well with social stories, but these books which are very social story like were very helpful for him. Also, this doesn't exactly match your question, and I haven't used it, but I had the chance to take a look at the Incredible Flexible You books when I was at an autism conference. It is a wonderful program and really breaks down things nicely for younger kids wish it was around when ds was younger. http://www.socialthinking.com/books-products/tify-curriculum-detail One things that goes into almost everything we do here is the Whole body listening checklist. I have prompted ds with that quite a bit over the years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Oh, I thought of something. It's Growing Up with a Bucket Full of Happiness: Three Rules for a Happier Life. It's not quite the same, but it could certainly be used with the types of rules/tools you want to give him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 I like the book listed above. I loved how I could/can just photocopy a rule and stick it on the front of the fridge for us to talk about for the week. There is a great set of books you should be able to get from the library called the Learning to Get Along series by Cheri J. Meiners. http://www.freespirit.com/LTGA/index.cfm?utm_source=landingpage&utm_medium=web-link&utm_content=ltga&utm_campaign=lgta-series I love how well they are illustrated and that they lend them selves to such nice perspective taking questions. Ds never has done well with social stories, but these books which are very social story like were very helpful for him. Also, this doesn't exactly match your question, and I haven't used it, but I had the chance to take a look at the Incredible Flexible You books when I was at an autism conference. It is a wonderful program and really breaks down things nicely for younger kids wish it was around when ds was younger. http://www.socialthinking.com/books-products/tify-curriculum-detail One things that goes into almost everything we do here is the Whole body listening checklist. I have prompted ds with that quite a bit over the years. Yay, our library actually has that first set! I'll keep working on the rest... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 The Learning to Get Along series is really good. We have a few of them and I would love to have had more when the kids were smaller. They are very simple, but positive and clear. My kids enjoyed them and learned from them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymonster Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I'm a bit late to this topic, but how about going big on the Golden Rule? My kids totally didn't care about "Would you like me to treat you that way?", but framing it as the "Golden Rule" was really fascinating and something they are now totally into. I distilled it down to "treat others like you want them to treat you." I might have thrown in a few stories about how wars could be prevented just to be dramatic, but it seemed to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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