The "It's ADHD" Game

[Χά�ων]

Anyone have a child with learning disabilities who people try to plug into the "ADHD" box even when ADHD has been ruled out more than once? I have always homeschooled DS and while he is an active, willing to drop all school work and play all day, he is not ADHD. Not even close. But so often his dyslexia and his continued struggles and subsequent frustration with not making progress with phonemic awareness and reading, is viewed as a behavior problem and/or ADHD issues rather than what it is, a method that is not a good fit, or too advanced for him at that point in time.

 

 

I detest the blame the child game especially when the child is working so hard and so long with little to no improvements. 

[SKL]

Yes, I have had this occur, and I too detest the "blame the child" game.

 

I think ADHD might seem like an easy out to some educators since "there's a pill for that."

 

At least you can say he's been tested and ADHD has been ruled out.

[Χά�ων]

Honestly, having him tested to rule out ADHD was the best investment ever.

 

I, on the other hand, SQUIRREL!

[Lecka]

We had a short version of that.... it got ruled out very quickly at school. 

 

He has some similar issues though so that similar strategies do help him.  He did the ADD/ADHD program with the counselor and it helped him.  It is about getting started on work.  He was apparently having trouble getting started b/c he had anxiety he would not be able to finish.  But it helped.  His teacher can also give him reminders to start his work and do his work, and she can set goals for him for how much work to complete.  Those are things they do for ADD and they help him, too.

 

It is something, at least. 

 

But it is not really what he needs, in a way. 

 

Our trouble was more that his teacher thought he was being slackerish or ADDish when I thought he was doing his best and having a hard time with the work.  But b/c he was coming across at a higher level in his speaking, his teacher did not think he could be doing his best work. 

 

It is hard to explain. 

 

But it was SO frustrating, b/c I really disagreed and thought she was not getting him.  But it worked out.  What is interesting too, we did a parent and a teacher questionnaire.  The teacher's own questionnaire didn't show ADD/ADHD.  So it was her own answers given to the school psychologist, and she believed it, even though she was very surprised. 

[FairProspects]

Yes, we had that happen even after the first eval said no, but when the school started making a lot of noise anyway, I pulled him out.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes, a bit, in a way.  Not so much the ADHD but definitely the blame the child bit, at least in 2nd grade with DS.  4k/Kinder/1st he did beautifully.  Actually, DS had a first grade teacher that really GOT him, she just understood.  When he requested that his desk be separated from the other students because all the talking and movement made it difficult for him to focus on the boring stuff (he was fine with the stuff that interested him) she was startled but accommodated him.  School was a happy environment for him.  In fact, he had great relationships with his teachers every year prior to 2nd even though he WAS having some difficulties in school (he was just such a good self advocate we really didn't connect the dots or seek assessments until much later).

 

When he hit 2nd grade, the teacher assumed his difficulties with reading from the board, writing on blank paper, getting distracted when lots of people were talking at once, reading out loud, etc. were all because of a bad attitude and she blamed his attitude on everything he struggled with.  There was a child in the same class that DID have a diagnosis of ADHD and she blamed all of his issues on a bad attitude, too.   Nothing I said changed her mind until after the assessments but even then you could see in her body language and vocal tone that while she felt bad that she had treated him really, really poorly, she didn't REALLY believe everything in that report.  She secretly still believed he could have done better if he had a better attitude.  (He was making mainly A's even with undiagnosed dyslexia, dysgraphia, heterophoria and an auditory processing issue...I'm pretty sure he was doing the best he could.)

 

DH sometimes blames DS and his coordination issues on not trying hard enough or my not having him start functioning virtually independently by the age of 2.  Seriously, there are times he feels this way.  It doesn't always really sink in that DS isn't lazy or started learning how to do things on his own too late in life.  When he struggles to get a lid off, or spills something as he is trying to pour, or it takes him a lot longer to learn a karate move than his peers, he really is trying his hardest.  He has vision and gross and fine motor skill issues.  DH KNOWS this.  But DH still sometimes plays the blame game, even if he doesn't consciously want to.  

 

I guess it is human nature to look for what they may unconsciously perceive as a quick fix so you can "fix" it and move on.  Not that ADHD in particular is something easy to fix.  Far from it.  But I think a lot of people incorrectly see that diagnosis as meaning that you can issue medication and it all gets better, problem easily answered and solved.  The idea of having to dig deeper for more answers and work really hard from many different angles to try and deal with an ongoing, possibly lifetime, set of issues just isn't terribly appealing.  And I also think that professionals frequently stick with their stock diagnosis longer than perhaps many should because many want to be the hero, fix the problem, get their money, and move on, without having to put out too much effort since their days are so busy.  When they can't find an easy answer, they get frustrated and feel that their abilities and authority are being challenged.

 

Rambling a bit.  I am on pain meds.  Had a mid-range dental procedure turn into something a lot more extensive this afternoon.  

 

Anyway, so sorry this is so frustrating for you QGotD!  Ugh!  Well, we believe you!  :)  Big hugs.