SO about invitations

[Orthodox6]

This is a general question.  Where does one draw the line about inviting siblings?  Invite them both if there are two children in my family?  Invite them all if I have eight children?  This is reminding me a little of similar questions when an invitation is extended to one twin, but not to the other. 

 

Children are individuals.  We spend many posts proclaiming this and discussing ways to ensure that they are treated as individuals.  Meanwhile, not all children of a family always are going to be invited to the same event.  In the general abstract, this seems fine to me.  (My elder sons, two years apart in age, were not always invited to the same event, even though they both may have known the child extending the invitation.)  In the concrete specific, though, there are going to be times when the best choice for the host may be to invite other siblings to an event. 

 

I draw no conclusions about the scenario in the other thread, for the inter-family relationships have unfolded as being rocky to begin with.

 

Back, then, to my general musing about where to draw that dotted, bendable line. . .    

[AK_Mom4]

I think the bottom line is that you invite exactly who you choose.  1 kid, 2 kids, all the kids.... it's all good.  The invitee may choose to accept or not, depending on many conditions including other plans and family dynamics.  And that's all good too.

 

Where things get ugly is when the invite process is handled badly.  Inviting one person while an univited person is present.  Being rude about handing out invitations.  Bragging about your party in front of others who aren't invited.

 

DD12 has several sets of freinds that are siblings.  Sometimes she invites both kids, sometimes just the older one, depending on what the activity is and the ages of other girls being invited.  But rudeness in issuing the invitations is not allowed.

[SKL]

It depends on the age, for one thing.  I expect older kids to expect to be treated more individually than younger kids.

 

Personally I think it's all too much drama, so I don't host birthday parties at all.  If my kids are both invited to a party, they can go.  So far nobody has intentionally excluded one of my kids.  (They are practically twins, so that would be a slight IMO.)

 

If I did decide to throw a friend birthday party for a young kid, I would invite a whole group rather than pick and choose.  Either everyone in their class or no classmates.  Everyone within a certain age range (in the neighborhood) or nobody from the neighborhood.  Everyone in their gym class or nobody.  If I could not afford to accommodate a whole group, I would not plan a "friend" party.  As a compromise I could see allowing my kid to discreetly invite up to 3 of her special friends to our family doing.  With the understanding that this is not to be discussed at school etc.

[SKL]

My kids are invited to a birthday party tomorrow, where the birthday girl explained that it was a girls-only party.  All the girls and none of the boys in the class were invited.  I think that is OK too.  It is nothing personal, girls simply like different things than boys like.  ;)

[Rachel]

It depends.  We are friends with a family that are like family, we have invited both girls to all the parties my kids have had so far. Both of my kids have been invited to all their birthday parties, my son has been the only boy the last 2-3 years.  Since they are like family I don't see that changing unless it is a sleepover.  Other than that we typically only invite the child that is closest in age to my child having the party. 

 

I am the oldest of 6 with 3 girls within 18 months of each other.  When we were young elementary age we were typically all (or 2/3) invited to the same parties, as we got older usually only the one who was better friends was invited.  I don't remember hurt feelings about it, my parents might remember it differently though.

 

 

[Word Nerd]

Meanwhile, not all children of a family always are going to be invited to the same event.  In the general abstract, this seems fine to me.  (

 

This was actually the consensus in the other thread. The issue was not that all siblings weren't invited—it was the nasty way the girl "uninvited" one and singled her out in front of her sisters and other kids who were invited.

 

I think kids and parents should invite who they choose, but they should do so in a way that minimizes the likelihood of hurt feelings when possible. For example, our school has a rule that students can only pass out party invitations in class if everyone in the class is invited; otherwise they need to mail them individually. I can't think of any parties in which both of my DDs were invited, and it hasn't been an issue in our family. I know it would be trickier in families where siblings are closer in age or the same age. Invitation etiquette is just as important as teaching kids to gracefully accept that they won't be invited to every party.

[Orthodox6]

This was actually the consensus in the other thread. The issue was not that all siblings weren't invited—it was the nasty way the girl "uninvited" one and singled her out in front of her sisters and other kids who were invited.

 

Yes, read that.  I just thought it was better to spin-off with my "all-purpose" thought, than to insert it into a thread focused on one specific set of families.