sleepless baby

[mamabear2three]

I don't frequent this board often, but I can't think of another board where it might fit, and I need some advice.

 

my baby boy (8 months old this weekend) is the antithesis of sleep. I nurse him on demand and he gets bits of food at mealtimes, feeding himself (babyled weaning - love it, so easy!). My pediatrician told me that I could stop feeding him overnight if I wanted to, and that it should take no longer than 5 days for him to "get it".

 

I ignored the advice for a while, figuring he'd eventually sleep through the night on his own... but after making it to over 7 months old and night sleep getting worse instead of better, we tried it. Two weeks into it he goes back to sleep without eating at night, taking anywhere from 5-20 minutes to get to sleep... but I am STILL up several times a night with him. 

 

And he won't nap. Not without lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of help going to sleep. I am tired. I am frustrated. I am so losing patience with the whole thing! 

 

Right now he is screaming in his crib because after 30 minutes of trying to get him down, I left him alone and took a shower. I've about decided there is no cure, no fix, no solution... just time and age and I don't know what else!

 

He won't take a pacifier, he has a lovey, he's not hot or cold, his diaper is dry. he's not teething, and he's not going through a growth spurt. And this is not a stage. This is my life. Has been my life for the past 8 months. Someone please tell me you've been there and tell me what to do!

 

[skeeterbug]

Would you consider a different approach to naps? For an 8-month old I'd lay down next to him in my bed and nurse him to sleep. Gently detach and roll over for my own nap or get up and have some time to myself. Line the bed with pillows so that he won't roll off. Carry a baby monitor so I can hear when he wakes up and I can catch him before he moves.

 

We co-sleep and this is what I've done with all of mine. I know co-sleeping isn't for everyone, so even if it isn't an option for you at night, you might consider it for naps. Anything to get you some rest, dear mama. ;)

 

:grouphug:

[Ellie]

:grouphug:

 

Your pediatrician doesn't know your baby. :-)

 

*I* would not be able to allow an 8mo baby to cry for 30 minutes, and I'm not generally opposed to allowing a little crying.

 

This is how it went with my second dd:

 

I co-slept with her until she was about 8mo. Around 9, I'd get her ready for bed and go take a shower myself (I always shower at night anyway, when Mr. Ellie could be with the babies), then any time after that when she wanted to nurse, we just went to bed. I don't know how often she nursed during the night, because I'd just roll over with her and plug her in on the other side, and we'd go back to sleep. :-)

 

When she was about 9 mo, she fussed one night about 9 when nursing, so I just...put her to bed. She went right to sleep. I was pleasantly shocked, lol. She woke around midnight, and I took her back to bed. That became our habit--bedtime for the baby at 9. A few weeks later, when she woke at midnight, I waited to see what would happen, and after a few minutes she went to sleep, and woke around 2. Woohoo! When she woke at 2, I nursed her and put her back to bed, where she slept until 7ish (normal waking time). Then after a few weeks (and she was eating a good meal at dinner, and some solids during the day), when she woke at 2, I waited to see what would happen, and she went back to sleep until 7, when I picked her up and took her back to bed with me to sleepy-nurse for a few minutes. By the time she was 1yo, she was sleeping from 8 p.m. to 7:30ish. There had been no anguish on anyone's part, and we were all sleeping.

 

Similarly, when she was about 4mo, I began putting her to bed at noon and walking away. This didn't go quite so smoothly, but after about a week, she was taking a two-hour nap from noon to 2, and she continued doing that until she was 4yo. (Older dd gave up her nap at 2yo, the rascal, lol.)

 

I would not spend 30 minutes trying to get a baby to sleep. Nurse him, put him to bed, walk away. If he isn't asleep in 20 minutes, pick him up and call it good (even though it isn't, lol).

 

Do you co-sleep with him at night? You say you are "still up several times a night." I know not everyone can make co-sleeping work, but it was a life-saver for me: older dd woke every two hours all night long, and I had been advised not to co-sleep. I was exhausted the first few weeks. Happily, I went to LLL meetings when I was pregnant with second dd, and co-sleeping was like a religious experience for me. :-)

[Ottakee]

I can tell you what I did with our foster babies----about 50 of them or so.

 

We had a schedule of 7:30-8 wake up time

10-11 morning nap

1:30-3/3:30 afternoon nap

8-9pm bedtime

 

Times varied some but at some points I had 3-4 little ones on this schedule at a time so we stuck with it.

 

Their bedroom was in the lower level of the house (daylight basement). It was cooler so I always put a zippered blanket sleeper over their clothes for naps and nighttime they had on a onsie, light weight jammies and then the blanket sleeper---even in the summer as it was cooler.

 

The room was quite dark but I had a 7 watt lightbulb nightlight in there. I had either a "baby go to sleep" CD (ones with songs with a mom's heartbeat in the background) or other white noise type machine or elevator music playing quietly. They were fed just before putting them down for nap/night. I would lay them down, pat their backs while I sang a "good night" song---little ditty I made up and then I left the room and shut the door.

 

I obviously was never nursing these guys but this routine seemed to work with the ones I had over 5-6 months old---provided no ear infections (and that might be something to check--even fluid in the ears can cause ear pain), illness, etc.

 

I had babies come to me that "NEVER" slept according the workers but within a few days they settled right into the schedule and were sleeping.

 

Occ. we would run errands, etc. in the morning and they would sleep in the car but I was VERY strict about the afternoon nap time. When I had 5 little ones that needed naps we were NOT going to risk that one.

 

Have you tried avoiding milk or other allergens in your diet to see if that helps? A friend had to eliminate all dairy from her diet for her son until she was done nursing. Is he happy, alert, active, etc. during the day or is he a fussy, clingy, etc. baby?

[mamabear2three]

I coslept for a long time, but he's old enough now that I can't sleep well with him in bed with me. I sleep fitfully and end up resentful of the whole deal. So when I get up at night, I literally pick him up, put his head on my shoulder, shhshh and walk the room for a second (or couple minutes) until he's calm and still, then lay him down, and pat him until he stops wiggling and stays still.

 

He doesn't cry for the whole time I'm trying to get him down - he's just, awake. I nurse then walk, pat, etc. average time is 10-15 minutes. I sometimes wonder if my inability to allow him to cry is what is preventing him from going to sleep?

 

Part of the problem is I can't leave him in my bed even with pillows because he will crawl over them and fall - he is scary fast at crawling up a single step and back down. 

 

I can't just nap with him because I have a 5 year old and 2 year old - the 2 year old still takes an afternoon nap, and I am homeschooling the 5 year old. 

 

When I do whatever I need to for him to get to sleep, he naps fine - about an hour in the morning and about an hour and a half in the afternoon. when he's not fighting sleep, he's the happiest baby I've had yet - content to play by himself, crawling early and pulling up to stand, easy to get to giggle, eager to smile, puts up with his big sisters like a champ, babbling and talking to himself all the time. He's a velcro baby - he won't go to but a couple of other adults, so I wear him most of the time when we leave the house and I can't leave him in the Church nursery. My middle child had several food allergies that she's since outgrown so I've been super careful with food and am pretty sure that there are no food intolerance or allergies.

[mamabear2three]

Ottakee, when you would do your nap routine and leave the room, what would you do if they cried? 

[skeeterbug]

Do you have your 5yo do an afternoon rest time? If you don't, start it now! Time it so that 2yo can nap and you can lay down with baby. :) 5yo doesn't have to sleep, but must be quiet on his/her bed with books, colouring, or an audiobook.

 

Afternoon rest time keeps me sane! ;)

[Ottakee]

I left the room. When they first came to me I would go in after a few minutes if they cried and patted their backs, settled them, etc. and then went out. next time it was maybe 5 minutes, then 6 or 7, etc. I don't know exactly why it worked but it did. The room was DARK though as it was in the basement with an egress window that had blinds over that. After about a week or less I rarely had nap/night troubles unless they were sick, ear infections, etc.

 

I would give them baby cereal/snack and a bottle right before bed to fill up their tummies once they were 6 months or so old.

[fairfarmhand]

 

When I do whatever I need to for him to get to sleep, he naps fine - about an hour in the morning and about an hour and a half in the afternoon. when he's not fighting sleep, he's the happiest baby I've had yet - content to play by himself, crawling early and pulling up to stand, easy to get to giggle, eager to smile, puts up with his big sisters like a champ, babbling and talking to himself all the time. He's a velcro baby - he won't go to but a couple of other adults, so I wear him most of the time when we leave the house and I can't leave him in the Church nursery. My middle child had several food allergies that she's since outgrown so I've been super careful with food and am pretty sure that there are no food intolerance or allergies.

 

Re the bolded:

 

I had one like this. I had to make sure that I put her down in the golden time between sleepy happy and sleepy grumpy. If I missed the sleepy happy window, we were in for a big fuss.

 

Also, I had to have things sort of wind down when it was close to naptime in the rest of the house. I didn't make everything silent or anything, but if my little one had any idea that FUN EXCITING stuff was going to happen during naptime, she'd fight it tooth and nail.

 

So stories, quiet play, coloring were better lead ups to naptime.

[mamabear2three]

I wonder if I could do that - go back in every 5-10 minutes until "end" of naptime, then get him up and try again the next time? I keep feeling like nap issues are what are causing the night time issues - he obviously doesn't need to eat at night since he goes back to sleep for me, but it's like he can't go to sleep without me.

[fairfarmhand]

I wonder if I could do that - go back in every 5-10 minutes until "end" of naptime, then get him up and try again the next time? I keep feeling like nap issues are what are causing the night time issues - he obviously doesn't need to eat at night since he goes back to sleep for me, but it's like he can't go to sleep without me.

 

You are probably right. An overtired baby doesn't sleep well. This is why I am the bedtime nazi at our family get-togethers..."Sorry folks! We're having fun and all, but I gotta put my kids to bed."

[Ellie]

What if you tried to get him to take one longer nap? Say, from 11 to 1, or 12 to 2?

[mamabear2three]

Just wanted to say thank you all for your help! Yesterday's afternoon nap went really well - I walked out and gave him 5 minutes to cry before I went back to calm him, and then left again... but he was asleep after that before I had to go in again, and he slept really well! Last night he only woke up once, and this morning's nap I again only had to go in and comfort him once before he was asleep. What a huge breakthrough!