JNW Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I'm sorry for the heartache you're going through! My experience with girlfriends has been that some women really thrive on drama and chaos. The sooner I broke free from the friendships, the easier it was to let go. Now I have radar for this type of personality. You may want to read up on codependence. There are on-line quizzes and brief articles. The painful feelings will fade with time. And please don't let her make you feel guilty. You are not responsible for her feelings. She did it to herself and you are doing the right thing by questioning your involvement with her. You need your energy for what is truly important in your life, and she is draining you emotionally. Not worth it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I didn't read everyone's replies, but here goes. It sounds like you had a really close friendship for a time, and that season of Kitty's life is over. It's time to let it go and just be superficial occassional texters or stop replying at all and be done with the friendship. I personally cannot imagine being that intimate in someone else's life after high school. I'm married. We have kids. There isn't time or energy to spend that much on on person and their family or issues. I think that besides you cutting ties, you could/should think about what you were expecting out of the relationship. A friend is one thing, a 5 days a week friend is another. I think I'd set my sights a little lower and go for a wider pool of friends over one person who becomes the end-all-be-all of friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 There is just too much drama for this to be a healthy relationship. You should ditch and just move on with your life Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 People who have serial intense relationships (romantic or platonic) often turn out to be drama queens (at the more serious end of this is Histrionic Personality Disorder). Life to them is just boring without lots of emotion going on. They often had a bit of a crazy home life growing up, and it's all they know. As relationships naturally lose their intensity over time, they panic and start to manufacture drama, or seek out a new intense relationship. Usually both. You said that your friends often turn out to be vampires. You should spend some serious time thinking about why this is, so that you can break the pattern. It's not because you're tolerant and forgiving, or you'd be making both vampire and non-vampire friends. But you're making only vampire friends. What do you get out of vampires that you keep falling into that pattern? . Well I don't know that many of my friends are vampires. I'm 39 so in my lifetime have had a handful of them. But I have normal healthy friendships all the time. I appreciate your respond and will reflect on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 I didn't read everyone's replies, but here goes. It sounds like you had a really close friendship for a time, and that season of Kitty's life is over. It's time to let it go and just be superficial occassional texters or stop replying at all and be done with the friendship. I personally cannot imagine being that intimate in someone else's life after high school. I'm married. We have kids. There isn't time or energy to spend that much on on person and their family or issues. I think that besides you cutting ties, you could/should think about what you were expecting out of the relationship. A friend is one thing, a 5 days a week friend is another. I think I'd set my sights a little lower and go for a wider pool of friends over one person who becomes the end-all-be-all of friendship. . I completely agree. My sights are set much lower. This is the first time I've ever had such an intense friendship. Where I got sucked in was I was struggling with depression. I was healing from cancer and had a husband who was never home. I really needed daily support at the time. I think she was struggling with life too and had a husband who was cheating on her. We both understood each others depression when no one else could. So looking back it was I guess intense, but that's not the norm for me. She was like a sister, and I would hang out with my sister daily if she lived close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momma2Luke Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I personally never think of completely cutting ties with people unless they become quite toxic... it just seems to me that your friendship WAS at a more intimate, intense level and now has morphed into a more casual friendship..... granted, sometimes it hurts to know that a friendship has moved to a more casual status and you may need to grieve over that a bit... but I'd be okay with continuing a casual friendship in this situation. It doesn't have to be all or nothing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 It doesn't sound like she is actually a friend to me. Personally, it sounds like your friendship died a long time ago regardless of the other woman. Listen to her actions, not her text and allow yourself to grieve and move on. I'm really sorry this has been so hurtful to you. Congratulations on that new baby...I would hold it btw, and you would have to ask to get the little one back. I miss babies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 The first thing I thought was too much drama. I am wondering if this reconnection is happening on her part because there is always some type of drama going on and she has to cycle through friends? People can only take so much drama. If she connected with someone else, and they have given her space, she now would come back to you because she doesn't want to feel like there aren't people in her life. In my experience, drama prone people are always creating new friendships since they are leaving a trail of worn out and wounded people in their wake. They will almost always try to reconnect to see if the person they lost along the way might still be sympathetic to their crises. If the person doesn't respond in the way they think they should, they tend to drop people like a hot potato. Also, in my experience, it is never their fault, it is always someone elses. I would let it go. The distance alone will naturally make keeping the friendship more difficult. I would have to really weigh if it was worth it to try and maintain something that had changed and wasn't that great anymore. It is helpful to realize that some friendships last longer than others. Some people are just in our lives for a season. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I don't think I'd find this particular situation to be confusing. Kitty sounds like a liar and a manipulator, and I think I would be relieved to have seen her true colors and be done with her. If I felt that I had been lied to, used, and manipulated by someone I'd considered a close friend, I would never want to deal with that person again. I'm pretty cut-and-dried about these things. I have no patience for liars, manipulators, or drama queens, and Kitty is all three of those things and then some. Even if scrapbabe made a few mistakes during the friendship (and I don't really believe that she did,) that's no excuse for Kitty to try to make her feel guilty and obligated to her as a result. Or maybe the friendship has run its course and there's no need to denigrate this woman. Wish her well, and make new friends. Friendships are learning experiences, and they aren't always forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I would have gone AWOL after the "pulling into the driveway" incident. I have walked away from "friendships" that involved much less drama. It also sounds to me like she was in a romantic relationship with sally, or, there was some other kind of sexual or romantic relationship going on that she didn't want to tell you about (maybe she was having an affair too?). I would keep it to the occasional text and if she starts whining don't reply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galatea Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I know you say that you think she's sincere in wanting the friendship, but I don't see it that way. You said she had already been friends with Sally before you were friends, you just didn't know it? It sounds like Sally is Plan A for having someone around every day to listen to her and make her seem like the most important person in the world and you were Plan B. Maybe something happened with Sally and that's when her friendship with you started, but when Sally came back, you got moved right back to #2. And now she has someone else to revel in the drama with her, who listens to her and even lives with her, so now she feels continually important. She doesn't need a second person to do so because you might threaten the primary relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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