Stepping up in literature - need some insight?

[alwayslearning]

Hello! I have a 9.5 yr old working well ahead of his age-grade; probably in the 7/8th grade range. We discuss things very in-depth and explore as deep as my son wants to go, then we move forward. I use literature to fill in gaps and comprehension around what we are learning in history (US history this year).

 

I want to read Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (we are beginning the Civil War soon, and will go in-depth on slavery next week). After that, as we progress through the decades, I want to read Of Mice and Men, To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Diary of Anne Frank (we are studying the holocaust and spending a lot of time on WWII). I didn't think twice about introducing these books to my son. I love them, and I am a high school English teacher. My son understands the adult themes of these books - he is incredible mature, wise beyond his years and philosophical.

 

Like I said - it hadn't even occurred to me that he may not be ready for these until a friend of mine criticized it. "Aren't those books meant for high school? Those are way beyond what a 9 year old should be reading." This took me aback. Are they? Am I totally out of touch?

 

He is NOT your average 9 year old. And I wouldn't allow him to watch a movie or read a book that casually discussed rape ... no ... but these are tastefully and beautifully told. These are good quality novels. I trust these novels to teach and show and explain and demonstrate WHY these things matter and how it impacts the world and shapes how we feel about the evils of the world. But more than that, these novels are windows into the time periods we are studying. These are the people, the issues and the life of the time. I don't follow the censored history thing - we learn the good, the bad, and the ugly. :)

 

Am I off my rocker? There are plenty of books I am not introducing because they don't serve a purpose to supplement what we are studying in history, or they are above his maturity level or well, there are many reasons.

 

Thoughts? Now I am questioning myself... haha. :)

[Dana]

You know your son.

You know what he's capable of handling - both with reading and emotionally.

 

I'd likely wait until middle school, with the possible exception of Mockingbird. But I stopped with modern history after the civil war and went back to ancient history. I don't want to get into more recent material (WWI, II, Holocaust, etc.) until he's a bit older. Those are heavy topics for a child to grapple with.

 

I see how you want to pull in literature to discuss history, which is great. I don't think my son would have been ready at 9 for these topics.

[kwg]

In Teach Like Your Hair is on Fire the teacher reads Mockingbird with the class at the end of fifth grade. I thought about it, but we are not there in history. Anne- I know a friend was doing it as a family read aloud and every time it got to her ds he was reading some part that was mortifying to him, lol. She was coming of age I guess? It has been a while. That is the only thing that might make me pause depending on the boy. I just read Mice and Men, beautiful story- I cried.

[alwayslearning]

I appreciate your insight (and hope others add their thoughts). My son is practically begging to learn more and more about our history. He is fascinated with these men and women. He loves the stories of humanity: the evil, the good, the motivations, the character, the heroism, the hypocrisy, the right and the wrong, standing up for what you believe in, courage, cowardice. He is soaking it all in. These are real people - just like us! We fought wars and made declarations! We made mistakes and stood for the wrong things. It is fascinating to him. His understanding and reasoning of human behavior is far beyond any child I have known, and it boggles my mind. But - he has always been like this. ;) You should hear him discuss theology ... he was discussing the timelessness of God when he was 5 years old. :p

 

He will love Anne because she was a real person. I will spare him the coming of age portion - good point! :) But the hiding, the insight into what was happening to the people around her, the observations - that is all very good. I don't want to read an account of the camps yet - like Night or Don't Fence Me In. I think those would be too much, still.

 

Mockingbird is such a wonderful story and being falsely accused of a crime based on racism - it is such a great story with great characters!!! The rape part of that is very minimal, really.

 

Of Mice and Men ... this one I may need to re-read with the eyes of a parent. It has been a few years since I last read it.

 

And Huckleberry Finn - even Twain himself said he wasn't sure if it was written for adults or kids, haha. I do think we will audio book that one though because, while I am new to the south (I am a west coaster) and hear the accepts around me... I am not sure I can get that vernacular correct... heh. :p

 

I guess I just really want to expose him to these great works early on. The purpose is to zoom in on life during these events - to focus on the people living them. Later, when he is in middle school/high school, we will read them with a more academic slant. For now ... they are stories about people. And whatever discussions they spark, I will encourage.

 

Maybe I just needed to think it out to re-examine my motivations!

[quark]

Of Mice and Men ... this one I may need to re-read with the eyes of a parent. It has been a few years since I last read it.

 

And Huckleberry Finn - even Twain himself said he wasn't sure if it was written for adults or kids, haha. I do think we will audio book that one though because, while I am new to the south (I am a west coaster) and hear the accepts around me... I am not sure I can get that vernacular correct... heh. :p

 

I guess I just really want to expose him to these great works early on. The purpose is to zoom in on life during these events - to focus on the people living them. Later, when he is in middle school/high school, we will read them with a more academic slant. For now ... they are stories about people. And whatever discussions they spark, I will encourage.

 

Go for it! Really. My son read Mockingbird, Don Quixote, Moby Dick etc at 9. He read books about psychological disorders including addiction, schizophrenia, bipolar etc when he was between 7 and 8 because he was SO driven to learn about why behavioral disorders happen. He had a fixation for death and diseases from age 4 and read lots at those ages too. I could have stopped him but it didn't feel right. I might withhold these books from a less mature child but I was confident mine was able to understand and take it in his stride. I do watch him and talk to him and act as a sounding board to bounce off reasons for such behaviors. We talk a lot.

 

What helps is to know what really CAN affect your child. For example, the books on diseases DID affect my son I try to keep those resources controlled but other things he's fine with I let him read. And I bolded the bit about Mice and Men because I agree that it can be different when you read it as a parent. I think I will wait another year for Mice and Men and Lord of the Flies.

 

Do what you think is best. Don't second guess yourself on this one.

[Crimson Wife]

My 10 y.o. has read some of those books, but not others. It really depends on the emotional readiness for the content. That is such an individual thing that what is the right age for one gifted child may very well too soon for another. Definitely pre-read before handing the book over to your child.

[ccolopy]

You know your son.

You know what he's capable of handling - both with reading and emotionally.

This exactly. Both of my kids are reading books that are typically taught in high school, but only books that I know well and am confident that my kids can handle. My DS read To Kill a Mockingbird in 3rd grade (but DD won't read it until middle school), he'll read Huckleberry Finn in a few weeks and Of Mice and Men next year in 7th. He read The Diary of Anne Frank, along with everything else he could get his hands on about the Holocaust, at 9 or 10.

[JennW in SoCal]

There is a difference between maturity and life experience, and a very mature and wise 9 year old still doesn't have much life experience. Nor does a high schooler, mind you, even though they think they do! The titles you mention can still be enjoyed and understood by a 9 yo, just know that their understanding and appreciation of them, no matter how gifted or bright a student, will be much different in high school.

 

I revisited several titles with my boys near the end of their high school years and it was a pleasure to watch them rediscover and learn to appreciate on a whole different level the books they thought they knew . Some books, like Huck Finn, which were just "o.k." to them as youngsters seemed much more deep and profound to them as older teens. Even better is when they are assigned those books in college and you get the text message "reading XYZ for class--wow it is amazing!"

 

There is no reason to not go ahead and read great books now. Just, and I'm repeating what everyone else has posted, follow your gut on what will work with your child. My almost 21yo who is a WWII buff will never be able to handle Anne Frank!

[alwayslearning]

You are all so wonderful and supportive - thanks so much. I don't have many nearby friends who completely "get" it with my oldest. My younger guy is a more traditional thinker - he is 6 and right on target. But my older guy ... he does better with these things than most of my freshmen and sophomores, haha! I wish my students had been exposed to these titles in their earlier years. So many are just reading "real" books for the first time when they are 13 or 14. Sad!

[Mukmuk]

Throwing in more support. You're best able to judge seeing that you know your child and the material so well.

 

I don't have a mature reader, but if I did and had a need (love your history/lit plan!), I would do it in a heart beat.

[regentrude]

I have a very advanced reader and usually disregard any age recommendations, but I would not feel fully comfortable with all your literature selections for a NINE year old, even a very intelligent one.

 

Mockingbird is such a wonderful story and being falsely accused of a crime based on racism - it is such a great story with great characters!!! The rape part of that is very minimal, really.

 

I don't agree with that at all. Yes, the rape does not take up a lot of pages - but the key to understanding the reaction of the townspeople is the NATURE of the crime Tom is accused of: being a black man who raped a white girl. Were he accused of theft or of beating somebody - the town's opinion and reaction would not be as vehement.

I love the book, and I certainly believe you can read it with a 9 year old because, on his own, he is not going to "get" the rape - but in order to have the full discussion, I think it is necessary to emphasize the issue.

 

I read Of Mice and Men with my very mature DD when she was 13. It is, even for me as an adult, an absolutely horrible story, and the brilliant foreshadowing makes the feeling of doom very very vivid. In order to understand the story, the student needs to have an understanding of mental retardation; my DD is familiar with it because my brother is mentally disabled. I would imagine this a difficult book to discuss with a young child - how do you explain that killing a friend can be a kindness? I am not sure I would want a young child to imagine the possible horrors humans can inflict upon each other so the he can understand why George shooting Lennie is an act of love.

 

Tom Sawyer - absolutely no problem. Huck Finn - be prepared to discuss slavery and the use of the n-word. But I recall reading these as a child and not having any issues; both my kids read them early.

[alwayslearning]

I don't agree with that at all. Yes, the rape does not take up a lot of pages - but the key to understanding the reaction of the townspeople is the NATURE of the crime Tom is accused of: being a black man who raped a white girl. Were he accused of theft or of beating somebody - the town's opinion and reaction would not be as vehement.

 

 

I read Of Mice and Men with my very mature DD when she was 13. It is, even for me as an adult, an absolutely horrible story, and the brilliant foreshadowing makes the feeling of doom very very vivid. In order to understand the story, the student needs to have an understanding of mental retardation; my DD is familiar with it because my brother is mentally disabled. I would imagine this a difficult book to discuss with a young child - how do you explain that killing a friend can be a kindness? I am not sure I would want a young child to imagine the possible horrors humans can inflict upon each other so the he can understand why George shooting Lennie is an act of love.

 

 

I think if you had a chance to sit and chat with my son - to really have a conversation with him - you'd have less concern about him being 9. He will absolutely "get" the nature of a black man raping a white woman. He understands the attitude the whites had. What I meant was, the rape is not our focus point; the life, the culture, the characters, the flour sack dresses, Scout and Jim ... those are the parts of the book that will be emphasized. The character of Atticus standing up for a black man who was falsely accused - yes, I think my son will absolutely deal with all of this, plus some. :) The rape, symbolically speaking, is a small portion of the book. The theme is justice, discrimination, courage to do what is right, etc. (My husband is in law enforcement ... my son has been exposed to these themes before...)

 

Of Mice and Men, like I said, is the only one I am iffy on. And what I am iffy about is ... does the theme overshadow my objective. I need to read it again to see. In the other books, the stories are so immersed in the lifestyle, that we can read them, address the themes, but the primary purpose is to absorb culture - not discuss ethics. It is like reading with a different pair of glasses. And I wonder if, in Of Mice and Men, the friendship of Lenny and George will shine through more than the lifestyle of the time. Like I said... I just need to read it again to really look at it with different eyes. But I know my child, and he will want to engage in conversation. He will not be reading these books on his own - he will be guided. I think that makes a huge difference.

 

It's funny it just never occurred to me that these books could be too much for him until my friend spoke up. They just seemed the natural next step. Books that he reads leisurely or on his own are of a different nature because those he reads on his own, with his own understanding of the world and no guidance ... they need to be simpler. In a more complex novel, I want to be able to explain and discuss as we go. I feel comfortable with it. The beauty is ..... if we start going through it and he is absolutely not there yet ... we can stop. :D

[alwayslearning]

Ok, I just asked my son, hypothetically and out of the blue, back in the old days (we are only up to 1861 in history) ... what did he think would happen if a black man committed a crime against a white person. He stopped what he was doing (Lego's), made a serious/shocked face, and said ohhhhhhhh, that would be BAD! He'd probably get murdered!!! Then I asked if it would be as severe a punishment if it were against another black man/woman, or a white against a white. He understood without me even introducing the concept...

 

I think he'll be fine, haha. :)

[Alte Veste Academy]

I also have a very mature almost ten year old boy. He is mature beyond his years, chock full of deep thoughts. This is my kid I frequently have to tell, "Live a little, will ya'?" He can read anything. He would probably be able to intellectually handle just about any mature themes I could throw at him. Indeed, he would find them interesting. Still, I will not rush. Just because he can does not mean that he should. My personal feeling on the subject of exposure to mature themes is very simple. The ratio of time spent in carefree innocence (aka childhood) vs time spent carrying the emotional weight of the knowledge of the world's evils (aka adulthood) is staggering. There is plenty of opportunity in life to learn and understand the horrible. Truly, plenty. And once known, the dirty underbelly of the world can never be unknown. I prefer to err on the side of preserving what can never be regained. There are plenty of "real" books without me having to bring in anything questionable as far as emotional readiness.

[alwayslearning]

I also have a very mature almost ten year old boy. He is mature beyond his years, chock full of deep thoughts. This is my kid I frequently have to tell, "Live a little, will ya'?" He can read anything. He would probably be able to intellectually handle just about any mature themes I could throw at him. Indeed, he would find them interesting. Still, I will not rush. Just because he can does not mean that he should. My personal feeling on the subject of exposure to mature themes is very simple. The ratio of time spent in carefree innocence (aka childhood) vs time spent carrying the emotional weight of the knowledge of the world's evils (aka adulthood) is staggering. There is plenty of opportunity in life to learn and understand the horrible in life. Truly, plenty. And once known, the dirty underbelly of the world can never be unknown. I prefer to err on the side of preserving what can never be regained. There are plenty of "real" books without me having to bring in anything questionable as far as emotional readiness.

 

 

Absolutely agree with you. On the other hand, some kids have taken it upon themselves to learn the dirty underbelly of the world because they are so empathetic and compassionate ... and intuitive. Sometimes you have to explain things to give them a sense of understanding or their anxiety is too great. I have one of those kids. The kind that freaks out and worries when he doesn't understand. There are so many things in their lives now that began once upon a time. Sometimes to understand the now, you have to look back at the why. Standing in the middle of Fort Sumter means nothing if you don't understand why the battle began. He is not one to just look at a building and say gee that is nice. He wants to know why, how, when ... and then apply that knowledge to everything else.

 

I think holding back information when they are trying to grasp understanding of the world is counterintuitive. Telling only part of the story seems wonky to me. How can they ever understand if they don't have the details? He knows what sex is - he knows what rape is. He doesn't understand the psychological impact of what rape can do to a woman. But he knows it is unethical and wrong. He doesn't know the technical aspects of mental retardation (though he understands the genetics) - but he has an autistic stepsister and he has to protect her sometimes from people that don't understand. How can you understand the American effort in WWII if we don't explain the Holocaust? Or Pearl Harbor? My grandfathers fought in the war ... why wouldn't I explain it to my child? My son desperately wants to understand the Iraq war (his dad served 18 mths over there) ... but I told him we will come to it at the end of the story. We have a long way to go. But how can we really understand Iraq unless we go through the beginning?

 

I think we don't give kids enough credit sometimes. I agree most 9-year-olds couldn't handle or grasp these books .... but they also wouldn't have an interest in them, either. Mine does. Maybe he is just really different, and I am so accustomed to him, I don't know any better. (Then again... I am a certified teacher - it is my job to know kids! hah). There are so many books and movies I can't wait to show him ... when he is older. There are some he begs to see because he is so intrigued by them, but I tell him he needs to wait a bit. I don't know for how long - when he is ready, I will know.

 

Like I said - Lord of the Flies; that one is too intense for him right now. He doesn't like gore and I think it is a very dark story. I also wouldn't read Animal Farm to him. We read Poe, but I am selective. He loves Poe! He loves how, with words, the author can spook us out and create a reality in our heads. But, I don't let him read Steven King. It's all in the presentation. :)

 

For an English teacher with so many kids disinterested in reading ... I LOVE that my son wants to hear these stories, and soak up the language and characters - and see what they do. Though if anyone has a really good substitute for Of Mice and Men, let me know please. That whole Dust Bowl era is so interesting. My kids and I are from Northern California, where Steinbeck set many of his stories. So that part is kind of fun, too. I love Steinbeck.

[quark]

I read Of Mice and Men with my very mature DD when she was 13. It is, even for me as an adult, an absolutely horrible story, and the brilliant foreshadowing makes the feeling of doom very very vivid. In order to understand the story, the student needs to have an understanding of mental retardation; my DD is familiar with it because my brother is mentally disabled. I would imagine this a difficult book to discuss with a young child - how do you explain that killing a friend can be a kindness? I am not sure I would want a young child to imagine the possible horrors humans can inflict upon each other so the he can understand why George shooting Lennie is an act of love.

 

I have a child who would TOTALLY get why Lennie was killed. He will get that it was an act of love. He might not agree with it but he will know why it happened. This is the sort of thing that he intuitively grasps so I can understand what the OP is saying. Personally, I decided to delay Mice and Men because (like a few posters have said), a 9 or 10yo is still so young, easy to hurt. Puppies dying? He's going to hate that one. Then Lennie dying? He's going to hurt more. He always supports the underdog. It's one of those natural things he does. I think I'll wait some more just because he gets very upset when the underdog loses, is killed, bullied, treated badly in some way.

 

I let him read Mockingbird because there's just SO much to gain from that book. Each time it's different. He really related to Scout and Dill. And he wanted to understand why I like Atticus and Boo so much...my fault, I was going on and on about Atticus lol. The next time he reads it (and I know he will read it again being the book nut he is) he's going to gain another level of understanding. I'm the same. I sometimes approach books like a child, and then sometimes, I find myself approaching a book in a more grown up fashion and both ways don't necessarily have to relate to how old I am. When I first read Mockingbird as a teen, it was the rape that stood out for me. It was the reaction of the townsfolk. It filled me with anger and frustration that anyone could be so unfair. When I recently re-read it, I found myself relating more to Scout and Jem and Dill than the rape because as a parent I have new insight into how a child's mind works and I was so smitten with these young folk and how Lee shaped Scout's character. The whole psychology of it didn't hit me when I was a teen! And of course, Scout's experience with school lol...I so wanted my son to read that because he had been in a very similar situation.

 

What books to make available to our kids...always a very personal decision isn't it? Not disagreeing with anyone, I just feel like I can relate to your situation OP. Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

ETA: Just read your reply OP. I let mine read Animal Farm last year. He absolutely loved it! He was very into politics and government at the time. I refuse to re-read the book. Totally freaked me out. And I read it as a teen.

[Dana]

How can you understand the American effort in WWII if we don't explain the Holocaust? Or Pearl Harbor? My grandfathers fought in the war ... why wouldn't I explain it to my child? My son desperately wants to understand the Iraq war (his dad served 18 mths over there) ... but I told him we will come to it at the end of the story. We have a long way to go. But how can we really understand Iraq unless we go through the beginning?

 

I think we don't give kids enough credit sometimes. I agree most 9-year-olds couldn't handle or grasp these books .... but they also wouldn't have an interest in them, either. Mine does. Maybe he is just really different, and I am so accustomed to him, I don't know any better.

 

 

And that's why we stopped at the civil war and then started ancients :)

The distance of time makes the topics and concepts a bit easier.

 

Again, you know your son. If he's the one pushing and can handle the books without issue, go for it.

[kwg]

I have a child who would TOTALLY get why Lennie was killed. He will get that it was an act of love. He might not agree with it but he will know why it happened. This is the sort of thing that he intuitively grasps so I can understand what the OP is saying. Personally, I decided to delay Mice and Men because (like a few posters have said), a 9 or 10yo is still so young, easy to hurt. Puppies dying? He's going to hate that one. Then Lennie dying? He's going to hurt more. He always supports the underdog. It's one of those natural things he does. I think I'll wait some more just because he gets very upset when the underdog loses, is killed, bullied, treated badly in some way.

 

 

 

Well I don't get it. I really wanted him to look for Lennie with the others until nightfall, then sneak off and the 2 of them could run off. Probably some obvious reason that wouldn't work. ANd the poor dead mice and puppies were upsetting.

 

It is interesting to think- why/when we introduce certain books to children. I think we (in general) are so used to information being introduced later that that is what is accepted and so "they" are surprised when anyone says differently- but in the same way "they" are surprised elementary aged students are learning about ancients but really when you get down to it, it is in an age appropriate, interesting way.

 

The other thing I am reminded of is when I was in college I was so excited to watch The Fox and the Hound b/c I remembered it so fondly from when I was a child. I balled my eyes out when I watched it as an adult, lol.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Yes, I get all that. Connections are essential. We are all about digging deep and making connections here. :)

 

I will say that if my kid(s) specifically asked me about issue x, we would discuss issue x. If, in the course of reading the historic books I have selected for school (selections I have deemed age/developmentally-appropriate), something disturbed my kids and they wanted to know more, we would discuss the issue in question. But I would not purposefully introduce books about the harshest aspects of history and human relationships. Answering hard questions as they arise and introducing disturbing material in the first place can't even remotely be compared in my mind.

 

We also have former soldiers in the family (having served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam). The kids have some understanding of what that means, as we have already completed two years of American history. DH has also deployed to Iraq (three times, for a grand total of 39 months spent in that country) and I have given my kids the basic outline because, of course, you can't not mention why Daddy happens to be gone for years of your kids' lives. In fact, he was in Iraq when we got to modern history in American history. I have also talked to them some about DH having served in Bosnia. I do not shy away from hard things and I do not deflect my kids' questions. But I can and have sometimes answered with just the most basic outline. I understand anxiety in a child. I know too that adding more scary on top of the basic scary is as likely to exacerbate anxiety as it is to alleviate it.

 

I like this quote from Corrie Ten Boom:

 

“Father, what is sexsin?†He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. “Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?†he said. “It's too heavy,†I said. “Yes,†he said. “And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.†And I was satisfied. More than satisfied – wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions. For now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping.

 

And, fine, maybe your kid isn't content to leave the harder issues to his mother's keeping. But you asked for different perspectives and I answered. Fair enough? :)

 

Personally, I am fond of going sideways with my knowledge/connections seeking kids. I have introduced primary source documents earlier than most people. I employ the wonderful ideas from Social Studies That Sticks, Ways That Work, and Connecting Children with Children. We compare and contrast, discuss perspective, dig deep with regards to motivation... It doesn't have to be an issue of understanding everything or understanding nothing.

[alwayslearning]

 

Well I don't get it. I really wanted him to look for Lennie with the others until nightfall, then sneak off and the 2 of them could run off. Probably some obvious reason that wouldn't work. ANd the poor dead mice and puppies were upsetting.

 

It is interesting to think- why/when we introduce certain books to children. I think we (in general) are so used to information being introduced later that that is what is accepted and so "they" are surprised when anyone says differently- but in the same way "they" are surprised elementary aged students are learning about ancients but really when you get down to it, it is in an age appropriate, interesting way.

 

The other thing I am reminded of is when I was in college I was so excited to watch The Fox and the Hound b/c I remembered it so fondly from when I was a child. I balled my eyes out when I watched it as an adult, lol.

 

You make a really good point. When my friend said, "Aren't those books meant for high school?" I about died. No, they were not written for high school kids. :) They were written for adults! Kids read them in high school because of the issues presented, the art of the literature, the look into time periods... and that is when most kids are ready. Though there were a number of kids in my freshman classroom that did NOT get the books. So, who can assign an age/grade? And since when do homeschoolers follow public school pacing, anyway? :p

[alwayslearning]

But I would not purposefully introduce books about the harshest aspects of history and human relationships.

 

 

First, wow - three deployments to Iraq?! That is an incredible sacrifice your family has made!! Thank you for your service. My husband is in Africa right now, heading home in two weeks!!! We are so excited. :)

 

I think maybe this line I've pasted in above that you wrote is where we differ: I just see it so differently. And this is probably what shapes our decisions in what we expose our children to. The thing is ... nothing in these books is a new concept to my son. However, the people and the way they handle the situations is enlightening. My son knows there is murder, rape, crime, hatred and evil in this world. We are a Christian family and, forgive me if this offends - it is not meant to ... but I bring it up because we believe heavily in what the Bible says in John 16:33. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.

 

I am not preaching to you. :D I am just sharing our worldview in this household to explain where I am coming from. Example: My son watched the CT shooting on the news and we talked through it. We talked about the troubled man, we talked about the children and the sadness, we talked about this earth and how troubled it is, but that we can't be afraid to leave our houses. We asked why, we discussed gun control and mental illness. My son has a pretty firm grasp of this earth and the people walking it. He has a faith in his God and trusts that very much - he finds comfort there.

 

Now, I didn't let him watch Jaws - even though he begged me over and over - because he loves the ocean, and I don't want to insert a fear into something he loves. I wouldn't just show Jaws when we studied the ocean just because it tied in. I do use parental judgment hah - there are many things I would not and will not expose him to. As he continues to mature, the doors will open more and more. My son is HUGE into film making - this is his passion. And one day, when he is able - we will watch Jaws to study the art of the film making.

 

If he was not where he was maturity wise, and if he did not have the knowledge and understanding he does - I think your points would be very valid. This just happens to be a very worldy kid. It started when he was very, very young. My answers didn't start out at a pre-teen level - I answered age appropriately. And he was never satisfied. In fact, he never found comfort until he felt he knew the truth. And then, knowing the truth, could grapple with what it meant to him in his life. He's a deep kid!

 

I learned I needed to start providing more information. I just don't see these books as exposing him to harsh realities. He knows the realities. But he is looking to the adults around him all the time to model how we handle these difficulties when they arise.

 

He has also been through a lot ... so maybe he grew up faster than others. I wasn't going to even give him the "sex talk" yet - I felt he was too young!!! It felt like taking his innocence away. But, he began having some physical ailments. After a month, my husband and I realized what it was. Hormone surge - pre-puberty. His body was beginning to change and he had no idea why - he was anxious and panicky. We explained it to him; he sought more information. Then this year in science, we went completely in-depth on chromosomes, inherited traits, DNA. Talk about a surprise given less than a year ago, he didn't even know what sex was. But once he learned, he was so relieved. Like, ohhhhh that makes sense! Now he can go on. He understands the world, and why his body is doing that, there is a purpose and a reason, there is a way to cope with it. He has a grip on his reality.

 

I don't know ... it is hard to explain. Sometimes kids just already know things. And we have to help them sort it out. He knows more than I ever thought he would and it is not because he was taught. He just... knows things. Does that make sense?

 

And I did want insight - you are right. I think I became more confident in my decision after I thought about it and said it outloud (well, typed). It just goes to show that we are all different and so are our kids. Some kids need to be very sheltered; some need to make their own way and understand everything - to make sense of it all. My little guy is a shelter kid. He will not be participating in the readings. Who knows how old he will be when he reads them?

 

I have enjoyed this discussion though. Literature is a passion of mine, and I never liked or understood history until I taught my kids ... now I am as fascinated as they are. :)

[Alte Veste Academy]

Some kids need to be very sheltered; some need to make their own way and understand everything - to make sense of it all.

 

And I might argue that 90% of kids are on the continuum between these two extremes...but I won't because it seems to me that what you and I both shared is not reflective of the statement above. Actually, it seems to me that we are simply choosing to shelter our kids from different things altogether (and at different ages). No way would I let my kid watch news footage about Newtown and I had no hesitation in having "the talk" with him. It's not that I shelter my nine year old (I do not) and you tell-all with yours (you clearly do not either). It's just a matter of entirely different points-of-view for individual issues as they arise. :)

[alwayslearning]

And I might argue that 90% of kids are on the continuum between these two extremes...but I won't because it seems to me that what you and I both shared is not reflective of the statement above. Actually, it seems to me that we are simply choosing to shelter our kids from different things altogether (and at different ages). No way would I let my kid watch news footage about Newtown and I had no hesitation in having "the talk" with him. It's not that I shelter my nine year old (I do not) and you tell-all with yours (you clearly do not either). It's just a matter of entirely different points-of-view for individual issues as they arise. :)

 

 

Well said. :)

 

(Just an aside... I didn't actually mean to expose my son to the shooting footage ... we were in a Jiffy Lube and it was on in the waiting room. I had to just handle it... one of those fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants moments in parenting)

 

Have a great night and thanks for the conversation. :)

 

Jen

[Alte Veste Academy]

Likewise. :)

[JennW in SoCal]

This conversation takes me back 15 years to when my oldest was in a Montessori kindergarten. Titanic was in the theaters, and of course was all the rage. My ds knew about the Titanic, the discovery of the wreckage by Robert Ballard and was fascinated by the submarines used for deep sea exploration. But there was no way I would have let him see the movie -- he was just 5, after all. Turned out I was the odd parent out as the majority of the kids in his class saw it in the theater!! I had more than one mother tell me that they didn't believe in sheltering their children, that kids need to learn that life is tough and tragic. Wow. I just didn't agree that this was the lesson to be learned at age 5, on the big screen with dolby sound and all.

 

And don't you just hate that televisions are on EVERYWHERE?? It made me so crazy that we couldn't spend 5 minutes in Jiffy Lube without the news or Jerry Springer blaring at us. I once turned the channel at the tire store to a PBS station so we could watch something appropriate, and one of the adults in the waiting area got totally entranced with Zoom. (My guess is Zoom isn't on anymore, but it was a cool show for older kids.)

 

Jen/alwayslearning -- sounds like you have a handle on your kids and what they can handle, as do you Kristina/Alte Veste. I like the image of keeping the hard stuff in life in the parents' keeping until the child can handle it.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Thanks, Jenn. :) Your Titanic story hits home for me. I worked in the local public schools before I had kids and I will never forget the Monday I stood with a class of 2nd graders as they lined up for lunch. They were all abuzz, asking each other, "What was your favorite part of the movie?" What movie? Scream. (!!!!!!!???????) Honestly, sheltering them from that kind of nonsense was a big factor in my decision to keep them home. Craziness...

[alwayslearning]

Ok, wow - I can't imagine taking a class of 5-year-olds to the theater to see Titanic!! Aside from content, that is a long movie! You'd think they would have just found a documentary and a museum exhibit somewhere. Movies are so much different than books, too. Especially at that age. My oldest is great about separating out movies from reality. He has never been scared of something he saw on a screen (though I remember once I used poor judgment and let him see a Michael Jackson music video. Jackson has just died and Matthew wanted to know what all the fuss was about, so we looked at the Jackson 5 and then looked at a video... and he was fine watching, but then later it scared him at bedtime. Whoops!) However, my little guy - oh man, my little guy gets spooked by anything that even looks remotely scary. He is scared of scary, haha. He is not one that could watch something because it is too real for him. But like I said, my oldest has a pretty firm grasp. I am not making a point ... I am just rambling, apparently. Not enough adult conversation around here sometimes. :p

 

I remember going to see Schindler's List with my school in 8th grade. It was a bit much for me. I think teachers/parents need to watch these movies first before deciding it is a good idea to bus entire classes of kids to the theater. Although I probably could of handled the movie in my living room, with my parents with their guidance and discussion - security and comfort ... I think watching it anonymously in a dark theater with peers was not the way to go!!

 

Have you ever sat down to watch a movie with your kids and as you get a few minutes into it, realize it is NOT appropriate for them? I have done that. Ratings these days just don't seem accurate. Everything is so foul. I find myself going back in time for family entertainment ... movies like Big or Funny Farm with Chevy Chase. Yah, they are for adults but they are more family-appropriate then comedies today. When did everything get so crude?

 

We are studying the Civil War and I know that movie Lincoln is out. I have heard it is phenomenal but totally not appropriate for children. My husband is deployed right now so I will have to wait until it comes out on DVD, but maybe the next time we swing through the Civil War and my son is older...

 

I love homeschooling for the very reasons we are discussing. The freedom and ability to customize exposure to our children is invaluable.

[regentrude]

I remember going to see Schindler's List with my school in 8th grade. It was a bit much for me. I think teachers/parents need to watch these movies first before deciding it is a good idea to bus entire classes of kids to the theater. Although I probably could of handled the movie in my living room, with my parents with their guidance and discussion - security and comfort ... I think watching it anonymously in a dark theater with peers was not the way to go!!

 

 

Be glad you did not go to school in Germany. In 8th grade, our mandatory overnight school field trip was to Buchenwald concentration camp.