Potty training

[naturegirl]

I'm new here, but have been lurking for about a year. My first post isn't related to homeschooling, but it's about an issue I hope a few of your here can help me with.

 

My son, who is 4 ½, still will not poop in the toilet. I've tried bribing him. I've trying having him sit on the toilet when I know he has to go and reading to him or singing songs. I've tried keeping him naked when he's at home. Nothing has worked so far.

 

We have been working on potty training for two years now. It took about a year for him to start peeing in the toilet regularly, but after two years, he's never successfully pooped.

 

I've talked to his doctor, but she didn't have much advice for me. I'm hoping that someone here will have some advice, or at least be able to say they've been that and that eventually it all worked out.

[A.Balaban]

My DS is going to be four in Jan and we are having similar problems with him. In the past he has used the toliet successfully, but we haven't been able to get him to go on the potty at all except for once or twice, in the last four-five months. We have been working for almost a year and a half now.....

[naturegirl]

Sorry you are struggling as well, but it's nice to know we are not alone. When we first started potty training, when it seemed like it wasn't working, we took a break and backed off. But at this point, with him turning five in a few months, I feel like I need to keep pushing, but nothing I try seems to work.

 

I know, logically, at some point he will get it. It just doesn't feel that way right now.

[jennynd]

I'm new here, but have been lurking for about a year. My first post isn't related to homeschooling, but it's about an issue I hope a few of your here can help me with.

 

My son, who is 4 ½, still will not poop in the toilet. I've tried bribing him. I've trying having him sit on the toilet when I know he has to go and reading to him or singing songs. I've tried keeping him naked when he's at home. Nothing has worked so far.

 

We have been working on potty training for two years now. It took about a year for him to start peeing in the toilet regularly, but after two years, he's never successfully pooped.

 

I've talked to his doctor, but she didn't have much advice for me. I'm hoping that someone here will have some advice, or at least be able to say they've been that and that eventually it all worked out.

 

 

my DD was like that. when we talked to the pedi at 4 yrs check up, his advise was not to push. Because that might cause anxity and constipation. It will come. I ended up bribe my DD and that did work at around 4.5.

[Dory]

I struggled with my youngest ds for a long time. I tried everything. He was asking for a new bike when he was 4 1/2. I let him go shopping with me and pick one out and then I put it on it's handlebars by the toilet. I told him he could have it when he used the potty. He didn't poop his pants a single time that day. As soon as he got the bike though he went back to messing his pants. So I confiscated the bike. That was the last time he ever messed in his pants ever. He was potty trained for both days and nights literally in a couple days. It seemed so rediculous after having fought with him for so long.

[naturegirl]

my DD was like that. when we talked to the pedi at 4 yrs check up, his advise was not to push. Because that might cause anxity and constipation. It will come. I ended up bribe my DD and that did work at around 4.5.

 

I agree with you, that I don't want to cause anxiety or make him get constipated. I'm trying to find the right balance between making him understand that this is something that he has to learn and not pushing him too hard.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[naturegirl]

I struggled with my youngest ds for a long time. I tried everything. He was asking for a new bike when he was 4 1/2. I let him go shopping with me and pick one out and then I put it on it's handlebars by the toilet. I told him he could have it when he used the potty. He didn't poop his pants a single time that day. As soon as he got the bike though he went back to messing his pants. So I confiscated the bike. That was the last time he ever messed in his pants ever. He was potty trained for both days and nights literally in a couple days. It seemed so rediculous after having fought with him for so long.

 

Maybe I just haven't hit on the right bribe yet. I keep reading stories like this online, about how a child magically potty trains in a day or two with the right bribe or the right encouragement. It just seems so impossible sometimes.

 

Thanks for the advice. I'll keep thinking about this and maybe come up with a good enough incentive for him to go.

[naturegirl]

Does anyone have any ideas that don't involve bribery? I've read everything I can about this topic. Bribery seems to work really well for some people, but for my son, even though he really wants the thing I'm bribing him with, it just doesn't seem to work.

 

Other places online people seem to think that not having your child potty trained by age 3 just means you are lazy. I would love to know what they do that somehow guaranteed success for potty training their children.

 

Some days I feel like I just need to stop pushing because it's just frustrating both of us. But he's going to be 5 in a few months. How long can this go on?

[Tita Gidge]

Is he on the regular toilet, or is he using a smaller potty chair?

 

Sometimes it hurts for shorter people, including kids, to use standard toilets. Sometimes it's a dietary thing, where one's diet is affecting the consistency of the poop and/or it's ability to excrete with little or no effort. Sometimes it's a gravity thing; it's challenging to bear down when one's feet aren't grounded. This sometimes makes a normal pooping sting or hurt, even independent of dietary impact on the stool.

 

The solution there is to let him use a shorter potty so he can bear down comfortably, or even squat (as we're designed to do), or to find a stool he can rest his feet on while using a standard toilet. This solution is for the physiological side only, and it may take more convincing and time for him to overcome the psychological side (if it has hurt him to poop in the past, etc.

 

But all of this is assuming that it's possibly a physiological issue, and not just a stubborn or lazy (on his part, not yours!) one.

[Joanne]

Does he have symptoms of sensory issues?

 

Dairy allergy?

 

Constipation?

 

Wheat allergy?

 

It is not common for physio-typical kids to not use the toilet for defecating at that age. I'd be inclined to think it's physical rather than psychological.

[naturegirl]

Is he on the regular toilet, or is he using a smaller potty chair?

 

Sometimes it hurts for shorter people, including kids, to use standard toilets. Sometimes it's a dietary thing, where one's diet is affecting the consistency of the poop and/or it's ability to excrete with little or no effort. Sometimes it's a gravity thing; it's challenging to bear down when one's feet aren't grounded. This sometimes makes a normal pooping sting or hurt, even independent of dietary impact on the stool.

 

The solution there is to let him use a shorter potty so he can bear down comfortably, or even squat (as we're designed to do), or to find a stool he can rest his feet on while using a standard toilet. This solution is for the physiological side only, and it may take more convincing and time for him to overcome the psychological side (if it has hurt him to poop in the past, etc.

 

But all of this is assuming that it's possibly a physiological issue, and not just a stubborn or lazy (on his part, not yours!) one.

 

 

He's using the regular toilet. Maybe I should try a smaller toilet again. He's kind of in between sized, with the child toilets being too small and the adult one too big. We'll see what I can find.

 

Thanks for the advice!

[naturegirl]

Does he have symptoms of sensory issues?

 

Dairy allergy?

 

Constipation?

 

Wheat allergy?

 

It is not common for physio-typical kids to not use the toilet for defecating at that age. I'd be inclined to think it's physical rather than psychological.

 

 

I hadn't considered having sensory issues as a possible problem, but reading about it just now online, I can't rule it out. He does have some symptoms of sensory issues.

 

He doesn't have any allergies and I don't think he is constipated. I try really hard to make sure he eats a diet that is high in fiber - lots of whole grains and vegetables.

 

Thanks for your input.

[Scuff]

My dh says (and mil also) that he took forever to potty train. He just didn't want to, so he didn't. Then, Grandma offered to sign him up fir preschool, but he had to be potty trained to go. He wanted to go, so he started using the toilet. I think for some kids, you just need the proper motivation. Don't worry about what others think about this. All kids are different. My #4's inability to sleep through the night has shown me that some kids just have different struggles/issues than others. We just have to parent the kids we have as best as we know how.

[Joanne]

I hadn't considered having sensory issues as a possible problem, but reading about it just now online, I can't rule it out. He does have some symptoms of sensory issues.

 

He doesn't have any allergies and I don't think he is constipated. I try really hard to make sure he eats a diet that is high in fiber - lots of whole grains and vegetables.

 

Thanks for your input.

 

 

I'm a total believer that kids, in the absence of other issues, will potty learn in a day or two if left alone.

 

And it happens before 4.5.

 

Which is why I think a 4.5 year old not using the toilet suggests other issues. I don't know your situation, but, in general, I would suggest to a mom to not be so quick to dismiss food allergies. Dairy and wheat allergies can show up in weird ways, and this is one of them (digestion, sleep, rage/anger, rash, red cheeks, are others).

 

What is jumping out at you regarding sensory issues?

[naturegirl]

We just have to parent the kids we have as best as we know how.

 

 

Thank you! It's nice to hear that sometimes.

[naturegirl]

I'm a total believer that kids, in the absence of other issues, will potty learn in a day or two if left alone.

 

And it happens before 4.5.

 

Which is why I think a 4.5 year old not using the toilet suggests other issues. I don't know your situation, but, in general, I would suggest to a mom to not be so quick to dismiss food allergies. Dairy and wheat allergies can show up in weird ways, and this is one of them (digestion, sleep, rage/anger, rash, red cheeks, are others).

 

What is jumping out at you regarding sensory issues?

 

 

OK, I can take a look at dairy and wheat allergies. Would you just suggest eliminating both for a couple weeks and seeing if he is able to poop in the toilet after both of those foods are out of his system?

 

As far as the sensory issues, I was looking at a list of symptoms and from that list he has a very high activity level, is very sensitive to noises, has fine and gross motor delays, can appear clumsy at times and can get over stimulated in group settings. I have no idea if any of those things are linked to a delay in potty training.

[Tracy in Ky]

I'm new here, but have been lurking for about a year. My first post isn't related to homeschooling, but it's about an issue I hope a few of your here can help me with.

 

My son, who is 4 ½, still will not poop in the toilet. I've tried bribing him. I've trying having him sit on the toilet when I know he has to go and reading to him or singing songs. I've tried keeping him naked when he's at home. Nothing has worked so far.

 

We have been working on potty training for two years now. It took about a year for him to start peeing in the toilet regularly, but after two years, he's never successfully pooped.

 

I've talked to his doctor, but she didn't have much advice for me. I'm hoping that someone here will have some advice, or at least be able to say they've been that and that eventually it all worked out.

 

 

My son struggled with this when he was 3. He would only do it in his underwear, not the toilet. It sounds CRAZY but you know what worked? Bribery! lol. I finally told him that every time he did #2 in the toilet, I would buy him a new toy. Worked like a charm. (BTW, he's 18 now and we do not buy him toys every time anymore :lol: )

[fairfarmhand]

My boy did this seeming FOREVER. Dumped his drawers. I think he was just scared of the toilet in general. He could pee without getting too close, but hanging his behind over that big dark hole...No thankya. I'll dump my drawers, it doesn't matter what you bribe me with nothing is worth that scariness. (my boy is terrified/overwhelmed by busy places and loud noises; toilet sounds scare him even now at almost 5) (He HATED potty chairs and would not pee or poop on them) He messed his britches for months.

 

Finally, I accidentally hit on the solution. When I knew he needed to go, I'd set him on the toilet. He wouldn't go. Hold it hold it hold it. That day, he needed a bath so finally I said, Okay, I'll go ahead and put you in the tub. Stripped him, sett him in a warm bath. Five minutes later he was yelling that he needed to poop. I set him on the toilet. Nothing. Back in the tub. 2 minutes later..GOTTA POOP!!! Finally, I set him on the pot and he pooped. He was not going to foul his bath water, and the only other alternative was the toilet. I had to go through the whole ordeal every day for about a week, and finally he got it. I think the warm water helped him relax and his poop WAS going to come out.

 

What a weird little kid!!!!

 

So that's my story about my hardest to train kid.

 

If your boy doesn't mind fouling the bathwater, then I don't know what to tell you!

[naturegirl]

My boy did this seeming FOREVER. Dumped his drawers. I think he was just scared of the toilet in general. He could pee without getting too close, but hanging his behind over that big dark hole...No thankya. I'll dump my drawers, it doesn't matter what you bribe me with nothing is worth that scariness. (my boy is terrified/overwhelmed by busy places and loud noises; toilet sounds scare him even now at almost 5) (He HATED potty chairs and would not pee or poop on them) He messed his britches for months.

 

Finally, I accidentally hit on the solution. When I knew he needed to go, I'd set him on the toilet. He wouldn't go. Hold it hold it hold it. That day, he needed a bath so finally I said, Okay, I'll go ahead and put you in the tub. Stripped him, sett him in a warm bath. Five minutes later he was yelling that he needed to poop. I set him on the toilet. Nothing. Back in the tub. 2 minutes later..GOTTA POOP!!! Finally, I set him on the pot and he pooped. He was not going to foul his bath water, and the only other alternative was the toilet. I had to go through the whole ordeal every day for about a week, and finally he got it. I think the warm water helped him relax and his poop WAS going to come out.

 

What a weird little kid!!!!

 

So that's my story about my hardest to train kid.

 

If your boy doesn't mind fouling the bathwater, then I don't know what to tell you!

 

Thanks for sharing. Maybe when I can tell he needs to go, I'll try a nice warm bath to relax him.