How Do You Deal With Fear About Pregnancy?

[beaners]

My youngest is 3 months old, so I'm not pregnant right now, but I've been wrestling with this for a while. After having a chunk of my cervix cut out this week, I'm even more worried about it.

 

I've had four pregnancies, and four healthy children in five years. As far as I know, I haven't had a miscarriage yet. I feel like I've sort of beat the odds on that, and the potential for miscarriage has weighed on my mind when my husband and I talk about any future pregnancies. It seems like most of the women I know have had at least one miscarriage.

 

A coworker of my husband had an unexplained loss at term a few weeks before I gave birth with my youngest. I think that scared my husband even more than it scared me.

 

And now earlier this week, I had to have a LEEP done. I'm concerned about the cancer side of things (especially since the doctor said I was much further along than he had thought, and I was told I was CIN 4, when the scale apparently stops at 3?), but I'm also worried about everything from infertility to loss due to an incompetent cervix to needing an emergency c-section. My doctor did say that despite him trying to err on the side of caution because my husband and I do want more children, I still have a good chance of any of those complications. Obviously I'm less worried about a c-section than the others. I know there are possible treatments to correct or prevent some of the other problems. I know that technically everything should have been "precancer" and that issue is hopefully resolved. I still worry about everything.

 

I guess I just wonder if it is possible to have a large family without loss? Or is it something that generally comes with the territory of pregnancy, and it's really just a fluke that I've made it this long without experiencing it?

[Dmmetler]

I think it's more common to NOT have complications than to have them, except for maybe very, very early, don't even know you're pregnant, seem like a slightly heavier period miscarriages. I think it's more that when we're viewing the world through a "baby" lens, we focus on things baby-related. Its like it seems like every single woman in the world is pregnant when you're TTC, even though it's unlikely there's really all that big of a difference (or that if there IS a surge, it's because you're around women who are in prime childbearing years, and that women outside that age range aren't getting pregnant!).

 

Having said that, I understand what it's like to have fear with cause. I've never had an uncomplicated pregnancy, so going into my last one with DD, I was terrified every minute from before the pregnancy test came back positive to months after she was born and safely here. Sometimes I STILL feel that fear that something's going to go wrong and that I'm going to fail her as I failed in my other pregnancies, and she's almost 8. And while I'd love another child, every month I go from being scared that I'm pregnant to depressed that I'm not. All I can say is that, long term, it's worth the fear, the risk, and even the losses and grief. At least, it was for me.

 

I will also say that I've NEVER, in my life, felt as supported or had so many people pulling for me as when I was in my last pregnancy. The difference in the involvement of the medical professionals, and of the people around me, and of the people on online forums, and everything else was enough to help ride me through and cushion me through the fear. It seemed like just when it was about to overtake me and I was about to lose it, I'd get the phone call or a letter would arrive or someone would stop by, and I'd get the support I needed. So it was a hard situation, but it wasn't as hard as I'd expected it to be.

 

Regardless, know that you have a lot of people pulling for you, that your fears are normal, and that you'll make it, no matter what happens.

[A.Balaban]

My youngest is 3 months old, so I'm not pregnant right now, but I've been wrestling with this for a while. After having a chunk of my cervix cut out this week, I'm even more worried about it.

 

I've had four pregnancies, and four healthy children in five years. As far as I know, I haven't had a miscarriage yet. I feel like I've sort of beat the odds on that, and the potential for miscarriage has weighed on my mind when my husband and I talk about any future pregnancies. It seems like most of the women I know have had at least one miscarriage.

 

A coworker of my husband had an unexplained loss at term a few weeks before I gave birth with my youngest. I think that scared my husband even more than it scared me.

 

And now earlier this week, I had to have a LEEP done. I'm concerned about the cancer side of things (especially since the doctor said I was much further along than he had thought, and I was told I was CIN 4, when the scale apparently stops at 3?), but I'm also worried about everything from infertility to loss due to an incompetent cervix to needing an emergency c-section. My doctor did say that despite him trying to err on the side of caution because my husband and I do want more children, I still have a good chance of any of those complications. Obviously I'm less worried about a c-section than the others. I know there are possible treatments to correct or prevent some of the other problems. I know that technically everything should have been "precancer" and that issue is hopefully resolved. I still worry about everything.

 

I guess I just wonder if it is possible to have a large family without loss? Or is it something that generally comes with the territory of pregnancy, and it's really just a fluke that I've made it this long without experiencing it?

 

One step at a time. :grouphug:

 

Do you have any reason to worry about infertility issues after having four pregnancies? Did you have any other complications during your pregnancy/delivery that lead you to expect further complications in subsequent pregnancies?

 

The statistics tell you that approximately 25% of pregnancies end in naturally occurring miscarriages, typically before the end of the first trimester. Each pregnancy is a "roll of the dice" so to speak.

 

An incompetent cervix does not always lead to a miscarriage. I had an incompetent cervix during my first pregnancy. There are various treatments available (beyond good old fashioned bedrest) which can help extend the pregnancy even if the cervix is incompetent.

 

Second term losses, and even more so, third trimester losses, can happen, but are less common than first trimester loses. In some cases, there is a reason. My close friend had a stillborn daughter born at 39weeks.

 

During my last pregnancy, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. One of the things that commonly occurs prior to a diagnosis is recurrent second-trimester losses. I have been fortunate enough to not suffer through a single second-trimester loss. And hopefully, working with my OB/GYN and specialist, I can prevent a future loss...

 

That being said, I deal with an extreme amount of fear related to a subsequent pregnancy. It is something that I struggle with daily. I am starting to journal, and I pray daily for strength and guidance. for now, I am trying to focus on being healthy and my weight loss goals.

 

Enjoy your youngest. I miss that age.

[Mom-ninja.]

Focus on the healthy children you do have and not on "what ifs" in the future and for any possible future children.

 

I can't sit around and think about things like my kids or dh having something bad happen to them. It would drive me crazy. I have to focus on the present and put my energy into things I can control.

[mommymilkies]

I had to avoid horror stories with my anxiety. And Hypnobabies CDs were my best friends. :)

[Mimm]

My mother had eight children and no miscarriages. It's possible. :)

[zookeeperof3]

I've had two LEEP's done. the 1st I was severe stage 4, the 2nd a stage 3. I had my last monkey several years after the LEEP's. My only pregnancy problem due to my LEEP's is my scarring from the LEEP's. Which meant that my cervix didn't want to dilate during labor and I had to have Pitocin and progesterone gel to help me along. Apparently the progesterone gel scarred me more and now my Dr. says I will need a c-section if we have another child.

 

:grouphug: It's a scary thing. Hope everything works out for you. I never needed any other treatment other than follow up biopsies every 3 months for a year. Then my pap smears every 6 months for 5 years. I'm in the clear now.

Take care of yourself and try not to worry so much. My dh likes to tell me, all worrying does is give you a better chance of having a heart attack.

Kim

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

If you are a Christian I would suggest getting anointed. For current problems and/or when you do become pregnant.

[beaners]

Thanks guys. :grouphug:

 

Usually I can push this stuff out of my head, but it's all been weighing on my mind while I've been recovering these last few days.

 

Before this point I didn't have any risk factors, but according to the doctor I won't know where things stand now until I try for another pregnancy. I wish it had been more of a warm fuzzy "Everything should be fine, but we can't tell for sure until we get there." Hopefully everything works out so that if there are any complications, they are manageable. Thanks again.

[Katiebug_1976]

I'm sorry you are having these fears of complications. It is possible to have a large family without experiencing loss/miscarriage, though. Dh & I are expecting baby #7 and I have never had a miscarriage or any complications (other than a slight drop in baby's heart beat during labor with dc #5). Try to focus on the positive, and know that God will never give you anything you cannot handle with His help.