Impish Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 *sigh* I honestly don't know what to think. According to MIL, she was waiting at the bus stop, got talking to another passenger who, it turned out, was to get off on the same transfer spot as her. He sat at the back of the bus, MIL at the front. Somehow, MIL decided that HE would be responsible to ensure she got off at the right stop, so didn't pay attention. And missed her stop. Here's the thing: We really don't know how accurate her version of events is. She's flat out lied about things before, like she's trying to put pressure on Wolf to move her in w/us. For example, she told him that she'd applied for assisted living. Instead of him panicking and saying, "oh no! Come move in w/us!" he said, 'Good! I think that's a really good idea!" Turned out she'd never filled out an application, nada...just said it to put pressure on him. So, we can't be sure if a) she ever did get lost on the bus, b) if there was even another psgr, or she added that detail to the story to take responsibility off herself, and she truly ended up lost, or c) her story is accurate. I've advised Wolf to call the cousin he shares POA w/. The situation needs to be investigated, one way or another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Was she truly lost or just missed getting off at her stop? I've done that before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 Was she truly lost or just missed getting off at her stop? I've done that before. that's just it, we don't kow. According to her, she ended up spending hrs on the bus b/c she didn't know where she was, so had to ride it back to her starting point. No idea as to what the reality might have been, b/c she's said things before that were made up, seemingly to put pressure on dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I think you're right, he and cousin should have her evaluated. If she has dementia, that would explain so much of her behavior. Besides, if that isn't it, he'll have a much better time telling her to go fly a kite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 I think you're right, he and cousin should have her evaluated. If she has dementia, that would explain so much of her behavior. Besides, if that isn't it, he'll have a much better time telling her to go fly a kite. Honestly, one of the problems we've always had is that MIL has *always* been a hysterical, attention seeking, narcisstic personality. Even Wolf's cousin said that he was having trouble figuring out what whas just her, and what might be new behaviour. We'll see what the cousin is willing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 You know, I would have said..."Oh, well I'm glad you're okay...all is well that ends well." Then try to forget about it. She has her own agenda, and most likely will not submit to an evaluation. You have my sympathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 :grouphug: oh, next time you could try telling her your so concenred about her confusion and getting lost, you might need to have her placed in a locked dementia unit.;) though, you want to make sure it's just the manipulative behavior, and not genuine confusion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 You know, I would have said..."Oh, well I'm glad you're okay...all is well that ends well." Then try to forget about it. She has her own agenda, and most likely will not submit to an evaluation. You have my sympathy. I wasn't talking to her, Wolf was. I tend to do what you've suggested, not react to whatever w/her, but discuss it w/Wolf after. And an evaluation has been suggested before, and she's flat refused. We'll see if Wolf's cousin can push the issue. :grouphug: oh, next time you could try telling her your so concenred about her confusion and getting lost, you might need to have her placed in a locked dementia unit.;) though, you want to make sure it's just the manipulative behavior, and not genuine confusion. I have no honest idea how the heck we'd determine anything from this distance, and w/her known attention seeking and lying issues. I'm really hoping that Wolf's cousin will be able to help in this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 :grouphug: My mil calls dh at work, cause like yours...she knows who call to stir up worry, stress and the reaction she's looking for. Your mil is much older though, and in a perfect world she will get the evaluation and the appropriate services at a place other than your home. (I understand supporting your dh, I mean this is his mom and he's concerned about her... And if he's anything like mine, can't or doesn't want to see what she's really like.) (Who knew little old ladies could be so mean and manipulative?) I wasn't talking to her, Wolf was. I tend to do what you've suggested, not react to whatever w/her, but discuss it w/Wolf after. And an evaluation has been suggested before, and she's flat refused. We'll see if Wolf's cousin can push the issue. I have no honest idea how the heck we'd determine anything from this distance, and w/her known attention seeking and lying issues. I'm really hoping that Wolf's cousin will be able to help in this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 :grouphug: My mil calls dh at work, cause like yours...she knows who call to stir up worry, stress and the reaction she's looking for. Your mil is much older though, and in a perfect world she will get the evaluation and the appropriate services at a place other than your home. (I understand supporting your dh, I mean this is his mom and he's concerned about her... And if he's anything like mine, can't or doesn't want to see what she's really like.) (Who knew little old ladies could be so mean and manipulative?) That's one good thing, Wolf *does* see her manipulation...or when he doesn't see it and I do, the light goes on, and he doesn't deny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I know there's a long history and all of that, but I think she needs comprehensive evaluation to figure out where she is with the dementia. Honestly, it really can explain so much of the behavior, and perhaps even some of the behavior going back a while. I don't know where things are in that process, as I know there was a concern about where to start that process, concerns over whether she'd then be able to move, etc., but IMO, she needs comprehensive evaluation because these situations can really deteriorate and put her and even others at risk. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 You two are lucky to be one the same page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 I know there's a long history and all of that, but I think she needs comprehensive evaluation to figure out where she is with the dementia. Honestly, it really can explain so much of the behavior, and perhaps even some of the behavior going back a while. I don't know where things are in that process, as I know there was a concern about where to start that process, concerns over whether she'd then be able to move, etc., but IMO, she needs comprehensive evaluation because these situations can really deteriorate and put her and even others at risk. :grouphug: I agree w/you, as far as her needing a proper eval. that's why I'm insisting that Wolf talk to his cousin, to try and make that happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 So, she got lost. Now she's found (sounds like a hymn). Either shrug it off or get an eval. What does she want you to do at this point? Yell at the guys whose "job" it was to get her off? That's not going to help. I was talking to a friend earlier, and she asked me the same thing. Why did MIL tell us this? I honestly think it's to provoke Wolf. Who really knows. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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