Advice needed: child constantly interrupts

[ErinE]

My ds10 constantly interrupts when people are talking. Today, during a math lesson, he had to tell me exactly how he solved an example problem. This was a very simple exercise; he had already given me a quick math sentence before stating the answer. I told him that I needed to finish teaching and he could tell me when I finished my thought. He continued explaining. I let my frustration show and I said again, we need to continue. Things went downhill and his school day is on hold.

 

Part of my frustration is this is not an isolated incident. He asks questions or tells stories while I'm teaching dd, and he intrudes on others' conversations. This weekend at a flag football game, I noticed he was telling the coach, at the line of scrimmage, all about Thursday night's NFL game. I've talked to him about this before, but I don't think my words are getting through.

 

I did apologize to him for losing my patience today, explaining parents, like kids, get frustrated. I said he needed to understand that interrupting is rude. Talking in the middle of a lesson, whether his own or his sister's, disrupts the school day and makes my task harder.

 

What have you said to your child to help them understand? Will it just take time?

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Mine both do this.

 

For ds, i make him wait a moment, because he really will forget and talking with him can be awesome.

 

For dd, it depends what it is. I can pretty tell what the topic is going to be just by how she starts. Some topics, like anime, will wait until later. She can write it down and i will listen later when ds is not around (she gets really animated). If it's school related, note it, and we can talk as soon as i'm done with whatever it is i'm doing. My goal for her is learning how to stay with a conversation, when it's appropriate to change topic, and when it's appropriate to interrupt.

[fairfarmhand]

if I am trying to teach, I get up and leave. Fairly effective, since they want to be done.

 

I bet it has become a habit. If you are trying to talk to someone else or teach your dd, I'd send him directly to his room for doing this at home.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I physically put up my hand in the "stop" sign or hold up one finger as in "just a minute" and say,"You're interrupting" then go back to my conversation. When there's a natural break, I turn to the kid and ask them what they need. We have discussions about not interrupting unless it's urgent.

 

I have a real pet peeve about this issue, and I regularly meet adults who haven't learned this common courtesy. If I'm *speaking*, do not start speaking over me. It's RUDE! So I try to instill it in my kids. I'm more tolerant of it in tiny kids than big ones, and its an ongoing process.

Edited October 8, 2012 by LemonPie

[Joanne]

Do you know about the Myers-Briggs type indicator?

 

Do you think this is a social skills issue or a temperment type?

[Joshin]

In school, I have miniature flags on their desk they can raise an lower. They raise them when they want to talk but I am with the other kid. DS12 has major interruption issues and this is the only thing that works with him. He still sometimes interrupts, but I usually just have to say "flag" and he remembers. I think his issues come from being the only student for four years -- he still hasn't adjusted to the fact I am now teaching his brother and his brother needs more one-on-one time.

 

Outside the home, I address interrupting immediately. The first interruption episode is met with a simple, "You are interrupting right now," or I raise my hand or finger. Then I turn my attention away from them and continue the conversation I was already in. If they continue to interrupt, I excuse myself from the conversation and make the child sit out for a moment. Both of my kids rarely interrupt outside of school anymore, although my youngest often needs to be reminded to raise his hand to speak at extracurricular activities. :D

[Remudamom]

How about "Excuse me, did the middle of my sentence get in the way of the beginning of yours??" 8)

[redsquirrel]

My 7 year old really struggles with this. For him, it is just part of being an exuberant 7 year old. My older son was the same way and he grew out of it with consistent, gentle reminders.

 

I do things like give the stop sign to remind him to wait. I make physical contact, like putting my hand on his head, so that he knows as soon as I am done talking I will give him a turn. And I always give lots of praise when he does wait patiently.

 

Sometimes I don't blame him for interrupting though. He's the youngest and often I forget that I asked him to wait to tell me something. When I do that, he gets a genuine apology, because I broke my word that I would give him a turn to tell me something.

[ErinE]

Do you know about the Myers-Briggs type indicator?

 

Do you think this is a social skills issue or a temperment type?

 

I think a little of both. He's a very outgoing, inquisitive child. He interacts well with other kids; other than always pointing out when ds thinks a friend is wrong (morally or factually), I haven't noticed any problems with his friendships. Since his circle of friends shout over each other, I don't think his tendency is a problem with his peers. It's usually with adults where his interruptions are disruptive; obviously, an adult yelling over him isn't an option and he gets upset when he's corrected.

 

We've never had ds tested, but if it helps, I'm an ISTJ (borderline T/F because I've worked on empathy skills) and dh is a near opposite ENTP. Although I try not to project personality tendencies onto my kids, I think my son's personality is closer to his father's.

[FO4UR]

I would explain to him, outside of school lessons and *privately,* that you are going to give him a sign (like a finger up or a hand up in a "stop") when he's interrupting. When he sees the sign, that is his cue to jot down what he wants to say and wait until you are available.

 

 

Personality or not, this is a vital people-skill. You don't want to scare him away from beginning conversations, but other people *will* sooner or later if he doesn't learn appropriate boundaries. A 10yo boy is still cute and little enough that most adults don't want to tread on feelings...I give it 2-4 more years before people just get aggressive in setting those boundaries for him.

 

 

I teach this kind of thing along with being kind and considering other people's feelings and needs whenever you interact with others. I have told mine to wait before talking to other adults, verbally noted non-verbal cues, brought their attention to what that person might be thinking. And, tactful or not, in private I have discussed similar behavior in other children and we've discussed how it could have been handled differently. Kids learn these things best sometimes by seeing it in someone else.

[ErinE]

Personality or not, this is a vital people-skill. You don't want to scare him away from beginning conversations, but other people *will* sooner or later if he doesn't learn appropriate boundaries. A 10yo boy is still cute and little enough that most adults don't want to tread on feelings...I give it 2-4 more years before people just get aggressive in setting those boundaries for him..

 

I agree 100%. What's cute when he's eight quickly becomes annoying at 12. This is why I want to work with him now. I think he's reached the stage where he wants to participate in adult conversations (I see this often in friends' older children) so he's interrupting more to give his perspective. Like I said previously, we've talked about this before; I just don't see my advice is getting through. Maybe it just takes time (and greater patience) to help him.