Trish Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 :iagree: My in-laws would often shop at thrift stores or garage sales for ds. One memorable package had moldy towels, kids clothing, and a broken (opened) box of snail bait (poison) all over the items. :glare: I immediately tossed the box in the trash and called MIL telling her whoever packed the items did a poor job of it. :lol::lol: (I knew it was her... I just loved rubbing it in.) After a while MIL got the subtle message that cheap garage sale items were not appreciated -- no matter what a deal $$ she got on it. Ds recalls one garage sale gift that smelled of smoke and had hair all over it. There were many times I gave back the gift with a polite no thank you. Years later, she would discover how easy it was to gift ds with a storebought item and a gift reciept. That ended the drama. :iagree: Just an added note on the garage sale stuff (that they are going to charge you for????) -- this is a risk of bedbugs, and getting rid of bedbugs is NOT a bill you want to pay. I would refuse the garage sale stuff outright for this reason, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. Even if you have to say your pediatrician said so due to your newborn's "bedbug allergy!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted October 6, 2012 Author Share Posted October 6, 2012 Until I've gotten through the weekend, I'm going to try not to think too much about long term care and potential bed bugs. :tongue_smilie: I do always throw everything I can into the washer as soon as it comes in the door though. And my husband only has one sibling to share duties with. We aren't sure yet whether they're planning on getting a hotel room or staying with us. They hemmed and hawed even though we warned them that they needed to make a reservation if they planned on staying at a hotel. My mother had the last available room in the closest hotel when she stopped by. My MIL can only do a ground floor room. If they do end up staying here, my husband will stay home with the kids while I take our dogs for a nice, long walk twice a day. The dogs could use it either way since we crate them anytime someone comes over. They've decided to stay all day Monday as well. But the kids are excited, the house is as clean as it's getting, and I've had a glass of wine. Bring on the weekend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 I let my husband handle all the billing issues. :tongue_smilie: I think he tries not to think about it too much, but he was pretty upset when his father handed me the bill last time around. He did pay the bill before, and I'm sure he will this time too. I think he'd rather write a check than let his father feel like we owe them. You do realize that if he pays again, it will become a very repetitive problem. Something along the lines of "Please don't buy things for us that are not a gift without asking" needs to be said if you don't want it to keep happening... or it will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 You do realize that if he pays again, it will become a very repetitive problem. Something along the lines of "Please don't buy things for us that are not a gift without asking" needs to be said if you don't want it to keep happening... or it will. :iagree: I'm having a hard time understanding why your dh would put up with that kind of behavior. It makes no sense to me that anyone would pay a "bill" from their own father for unwanted garage sale items, or moving "expenses." I will say this as gently as I can, but I think your dh has issues with setting boundaries for his parents, and I think it's something he needs to resolve with them right away, or nothing will change. I'm not saying he has to get nasty with them, but he should have a serious conversation with them. You can't really complain about things like getting billed by your FIL if your dh has never told them that it's unacceptable. (Well, OK, you can complain! But he can't! :D) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted October 6, 2012 Author Share Posted October 6, 2012 I have to make this quick because we're having brunch soon! My husband has told them. He has said not to do this, firmly and clearly. He has said it on more than one occasion. In fact, he's said it every time this happens. He also says it when they call on their way home from the garage sales. He doesn't feel it's worthwhile to cause a big uproar at this point because of their multiple health issues. My FIL has had at least 2, maybe 3 rounds of prostate cancer. He's had multiple knee and shoulder surgeries. My MIL has MS and diabetes, plus a few other long-term health problems. They're closer in age to and in worse health than my living set of grandparents. My husband has done the "lay down the law" thing in the past with them, and it resulted in him having no contact with them for a few years. There's a good chance that if he did it again, one or both of them may not still be here a few years later. Plus, they are getting very close to not being able to go to garage sales or make trips to us anymore. I'm sure we will have a whole new set of problems if we outlast this set. But the children will have good memories of people who love them, and my husband and I will have a long list of what not to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 I get it now. I guess you're sort of stuck dealing with it. It's not worth a rift between your dh and his parents -- mainly because of their health issues. He would never get over the guilt if he had a big fight with them, and then something terrible happened, and I'm sure you'd feel badly about it, too. I hope it turns out to be a nice visit. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durriyyah Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 I can only give you :grouphug:. So sorry to hear how rough this is! My ex's mom would buy DD1 a TON of stuff... Literally 30+ Build-a-Bears, 13 American Girl dolls, and then get mad when I got rid of some! Thanks for the ridiculously expensive gifts, but where do you expect me to house all this stuff?? Like you said, it gives us a good list of what not to do with our kids in the future, and maybe what could help you get through is trying to view everything from your kids' eyes. I'm sure they love the gifts and their grandparents company. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 You do realize that if he pays again, it will become a very repetitive problem. Something along the lines of "Please don't buy things for us that are not a gift without asking" needs to be said if you don't want it to keep happening... or it will. :iagree: and I would NEVER pay for something unless I agreed up front, family or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 POST-VISIT UPDATE! I'll start out with a photo of everything they unloaded into the house. Keep in mind that this doesn't include the log splitter, I put two large boxes of books right onto the shelves, and I've already put half of the clothes and shoes into storage. Not only was the van full, but they purchased a roof rack carrier and filled it also. Somewhere under this pile, I have a loveseat. Also, notice the huge bags of Christmas gifts for each child. We need to find a place to keep these from now until the end of December, plus there will be a few more bags of Christmas presents when we go visit them for Thanksgiving. Also, all of the bags of clothes for the children had entertaining notes advising me to open the bags now before the kids outgrew the clothing. Some of these things are already too small for my youngest boy and my youngest girl. Huge piles of stuff aside, the visit went pretty well. My FIL wrote off the cost of the stuff because he decided not to install our stove vent that he has been insisting he would do. So we can use the money we didn't pay him to hire someone to come install that. If that's how he wants to rationalize not charging us for this stuff, I'm not going to complain. Other than some teeheehee-ing from my MIL about how she must be in trouble for all the stuff, she was mostly appropriate. I needed to reassure my children a couple times that what they were doing or saying was fine after FIL tried to correct them, but he was fairly well behaved too. The two of them did get into a fun shouting match in the parking lot at Jungle Jim's though. I barely managed to survive a harrowing lunch at my husband's restaurant where he left me alone with both of his parents and all 4 children while he did work stuff. He later apologized when he realized what he had done. Those were the highlights. The kids had a good time. My husband simultaneously thanked me profusely and sank into our couch when his parents left. I'm drawing a blank trying to figure out where I can put all of these things. But we survived! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 :party: I'm glad to hear that the visit was better than you'd expected, but I'm mostly happy for you that it's over! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 Now that's a pile of "stuff"! Glad the visit was as smooth as could be expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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