kfeusse Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 without punishing me along with them?? My 2 older ones are driving me NUTS....they are either really good friends...or worst enemies. Now, I know this is not unique to my family, to my kids...but I am fed up with them. They boss each other, they pick on each other, they know exactly what buttons to push, they scream, call names, hit and fight....it is getting really ridiculous. My youngest just sits and shakes his head at them...he can't understand their idiot ways. Right now I have them both in their rooms, on their beds with no music, audio books, books to read...NOTHING! I told them that if they are going to act 3, they will be treated that way. But what can I do long term to make it sink in that this behavior is NOT OK!! Do I MAKE them work together? Do I make them do nice things for eachother? Do I keep them seprated from each other, what? Please give me some concrete suggestions....I am at the end right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firestar Academy Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 when my girls were like that at disney, first I yelled, then told them that they treated strangers better than each other. THEN i made them hold hands. for a looong time. I think I got the idea on these boards. they had to keep holding hands for a really loooong time. like 30 minutes. robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 been there, a few years ago. What worked for us: Siblings who can not get along are separated. They each have to go in their own room. Not as a punishment, but as a logical consequence for not getting along. I do not take away their stuff, they can do whatever they want - but must be in their own room. They will get bored, because basically they like each other and want to play with each other - so they get another chance. I tried not to interfere with their disputes, but of it got so much as to bug me, they knew that the consequence was separation. Hang in there; it gets better eventually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 THEN i made them hold hands. for a looong time. I think I got the idea on these boards. they had to keep holding hands for a really loooong time. like 30 minutes. robin That would REALLY have made me hate my sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Make them run laps for an hour and do 5000 pushups or something similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 been there, a few years ago.What worked for us: Siblings who can not get along are separated. They each have to go in their own room. Not as a punishment, but as a logical consequence for not getting along. I do not take away their stuff, they can do whatever they want - but must be in their own room. They will get bored, because basically they like each other and want to play with each other - so they get another chance. I tried not to interfere with their disputes, but of it got so much as to bug me, they knew that the consequence was separation. Hang in there; it gets better eventually. :iagree: Yup. That's how we roll. Disputes tend to end quickly around these parts... :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kfeusse Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 this is the "stupid" senerio (as I have been able to piece together the details)...this is how dumb it gets: dd (age 12) is climbing a tree. ds says he wants to climb it too. dd says no he can't..ds gets mad...comes into me to tattle...while he is gone, ds takes the rope that is on the tree and pulls it up so ds can't climb the tree. I tell son to find a different tree and to leave her alone. ds goes outside and proudly announces that he is climbing her tree house tree, dd starts calling him horrible names, ds starts bawling like a 3 year old (he is 10) and then both exchange lots of words in a yelling fashion. this sort of dumb stuff happens ALL OF THE TIME here....like I said, I sent them both to their rooms....but I feel like that is just not enough....or is it??? For some reason, because this happens daily....sometimes MANY times a day (this is the second time so far this day), something more needs to be done...but I just don't know what. I was so mad, I yelled. I am sure I should have handled it better initally....and sometimes I do stay calm....but I am so tired of it now, staying calm is really hard. How could I handled it initally better??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 this is the "stupid" senerio (as I have been able to piece together the details)...this is how dumb it gets: dd (age 12) is climbing a tree. ds says he wants to climb it too. dd says no he can't..ds gets mad...comes into me to tattle...while he is gone, ds takes the rope that is on the tree and pulls it up so ds can't climb the tree. I tell son to find a different tree and to leave her alone. ds goes outside and proudly announces that he is climbing her tree house tree, dd starts calling him horrible names, ds starts bawling like a 3 year old (he is 10) and then both exchange lots of words in a yelling fashion. this sort of dumb stuff happens ALL OF THE TIME here....like I said, I sent them both to their rooms....but I feel like that is just not enough....or is it??? For some reason, because this happens daily....sometimes MANY times a day (this is the second time so far this day), something more needs to be done...but I just don't know what. I was so mad, I yelled. I am sure I should have handled it better initally....and sometimes I do stay calm....but I am so tired of it now, staying calm is really hard. How could I handled it initally better??? i think a lot of it is maturity. I'd go with the "sent to room" -- but for like a silly long time "ok you 2 are fighting this afternoon, you may go to your room, where you will not be bothering each other or me, untill dinner, and yes i know it is only 1 pm" I do not think you can totally get rid of the fighting, but maybe you can make it less Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 this is the "stupid" senerio (as I have been able to piece together the details)...this is how dumb it gets: dd (age 12) is climbing a tree. ds says he wants to climb it too. dd says no he can't..ds gets mad...comes into me to tattle...while he is gone, ds takes the rope that is on the tree and pulls it up so ds can't climb the tree. I tell son to find a different tree and to leave her alone. ds goes outside and proudly announces that he is climbing her tree house tree, dd starts calling him horrible names, ds starts bawling like a 3 year old (he is 10) and then both exchange lots of words in a yelling fashion. this sort of dumb stuff happens ALL OF THE TIME here....like I said, I sent them both to their rooms....but I feel like that is just not enough....or is it??? For some reason, because this happens daily....sometimes MANY times a day (this is the second time so far this day), something more needs to be done...but I just don't know what. I was so mad, I yelled. I am sure I should have handled it better initally....and sometimes I do stay calm....but I am so tired of it now, staying calm is really hard. How could I handled it initally better??? A peaceful household is key around here. So that is often my starting point. The peace was broken way earlier than the yelling and crying. I'd have made ds do a chore for me for ratting out his sister. Ratting out sibs does not make for a peaceful household. Then I'd have gotten dd out of the tree and had her do something nice (or a chore) for being mean to her brother - saying he couldn't climb the tree. If they spend their day doing things for others maybe they will figure it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 dd (age 12) is climbing a tree. ds says he wants to climb it too. dd says no he can't..ds gets mad...comes into me to tattle...while he is gone, ds takes the rope that is on the tree and pulls it up so ds can't climb the tree. I tell son to find a different tree and to leave her alone. ds goes outside and proudly announces that he is climbing her tree house tree, dd starts calling him horrible names, ds starts bawling like a 3 year old (he is 10) and then both exchange lots of words in a yelling fashion. this sort of dumb stuff happens ALL OF THE TIME here....like I said, I sent them both to their rooms....but I feel like that is just not enough....or is it??? For some reason, because this happens daily....sometimes MANY times a day (this is the second time so far this day), something more needs to be done...but I just don't know what. I was so mad, I yelled. I am sure I should have handled it better initally....and sometimes I do stay calm....but I am so tired of it now, staying calm is really hard. How could I handled it initally better??? "You are old enough to sort it our yourselves. Please go and resolve your conflict and leave me in peace; I am tired of playing umpire". This is not your conflict, you do not get involved. Make it clear you don't listen to tattling. Intervene only if there is blood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 "You are old enough to sort it our yourselves. Please go and resolve your conflict and leave me in peace; I am tired of playing umpire". This is not your conflict, you do not get involved. Make it clear you don't listen to tattling. Intervene only if there is blood. I agree with this to a point. Usually (to my mind at least), if they cannot be together without constant fighting and bickering, it means they have too much free time on their hands and not enough hard physical labor. I'm sure you've got chores that need to be done, don't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kfeusse Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 yea, I did think of that too. Do you make them work together for a common good...or just odds and ends of chores? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 or just odds and ends of chores?This. One outside and one inside maybe, for your sanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 "You are old enough to sort it our yourselves. Please go and resolve your conflict and leave me in peace; I am tired of playing umpire". This is not your conflict, you do not get involved. Make it clear you don't listen to tattling. Intervene only if there is blood. :iagree: With Rengetrude's other post too. That's pretty much what we do on a daily basis. My boys aren't that bad, honestly, but when they get bad, I will sometimes do a sit down with one conflict at random and help model some conflict resolution. But generally I leave them to it. And generally they work it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 "You are old enough to sort it our yourselves. Please go and resolve your conflict and leave me in peace; I am tired of playing umpire". This is not your conflict, you do not get involved. Make it clear you don't listen to tattling. Intervene only if there is blood. Again, ITA. Also, I am not at all opposed to having people who are so bored that they are picking fights with one another do chores in opposite areas, either. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 this is the "stupid" senerio (as I have been able to piece together the details)...this is how dumb it gets: dd (age 12) is climbing a tree. ds says he wants to climb it too. dd says no he can't..ds gets mad...comes into me to tattle...while he is gone, ds takes the rope that is on the tree and pulls it up so ds can't climb the tree. I tell son to find a different tree and to leave her alone. ds goes outside and proudly announces that he is climbing her tree house tree, dd starts calling him horrible names, ds starts bawling like a 3 year old (he is 10) and then both exchange lots of words in a yelling fashion. this sort of dumb stuff happens ALL OF THE TIME here....like I said, I sent them both to their rooms....but I feel like that is just not enough....or is it??? For some reason, because this happens daily....sometimes MANY times a day (this is the second time so far this day), something more needs to be done...but I just don't know what. I was so mad, I yelled. I am sure I should have handled it better initally....and sometimes I do stay calm....but I am so tired of it now, staying calm is really hard. How could I handled it initally better??? Well, I think I've got an unpopular opinion here. I think in these cases and with the ages of your kids, more intervention is needed instead of less. I usually have to start at the beginning (dd not letting ds climb the tree) and go through each issue pointing out alternatives and modeling. Only after this has been done thoroughly a couple times can I expect them to be able to handle this kind of conflict without me. Life also affords many interruptions which can move them all back to square one and we go through it all again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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