Margaret H Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I am trying to find resources/information that is teen-appropriate for a couple kids whose mother is in rehab for alcoholism. This is the first time the mother has agreed to treatment after two failed intervention attempts in the past, although it is believed it was brought on by necessary medical intervention, not necessarily acknowledging she needed help at the start. The alcohol issue has been present throughout her adult life with the first intervention attempted over 7 years ago. The kids probably have known there is a problem, but it was being excused and/or ignored by family and friends; therefore not talked about with the kids. I'm looking for information that these teens can read for themselves to learn about alcoholism, rehab, and what to expect when their mom returns. They are with their mom 50% of the time, every other week. They have been living with their father full time. I believe a non-biased, general information (so as not to talk about their mother specifically) resource would be best as opposed to a family member that may try to put their slant on the issue; for example, minimizing it or giving unrealistic results. All I have found in my search are resources for parents of teens returning from rehab. Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks for any help or guidance, Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Have you looked into Alanon or Alateen resources in your area? http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret H Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 I'll check out the link. I could be wrong, but I don't think the mom will be open about her alcoholism or the road of sobriety. Meaning, it is likely that she will come home and pass off her rehab as a needed time to regroup and start fresh. It is doubtful that she will admit to being an alcoholic. She calls her kids frequently from rehab. It is the kids' belief that rehab is like waving a magic wand and a healthy mom will come home and that will be the end of the story. Considering this, I don't think the teens will be open to attending meetings. That is why I would at least like them to have an opportunity to read about it to have an understanding of this issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Al-Anon or Al-Ateen are probably the best choice for these kids. If the mom has not really taken the first step there is a good chance she will relapse. Even if she does not drink her thinking and behavior will continue to reflect that of an active alcoholic in many ways (a "dry drunk"). I am so sorry for such a difficult situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I'll check out the link. I could be wrong, but I don't think the mom will be open about her alcoholism or the road of sobriety. Meaning, it is likely that she will come home and pass off her rehab as a needed time to regroup and start fresh. It is doubtful that she will admit to being an alcoholic. She calls her kids frequently from rehab. It is the kids' belief that rehab is like waving a magic wand and a healthy mom will come home and that will be the end of the story. Considering this, I don't think the teens will be open to attending meetings. That is why I would at least like them to have an opportunity to read about it to have an understanding of this issue. That's why they need these organizations. All of the behaviors you describe are just part of it, and would help them to hear that from others. Her minimizing, their wishful thinking, all of them trying to pretend that alcoholism is not the family's problem...all of it is so normal and exactly what Ala-non and Ala-teen help with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Are the teens involved in the rehab process? I know when a family member of mine was in rehab there was a point where family members were invited to take part in a session. This family member manipulated their only child/teen in such a way that they were scared to attend. The truth is family member was the one afraid for their child to attend because they would have been confronted by pain they caused the teen. Still angers me to this day, over thirty years later. The teen needed support they didn't get to understand the issues and manipulation involved. The rehab program should have someone who can steer you to resources available to the teens. And good for you for realizing the need and trying to fill it!!! Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret H Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 The teens are not involved in the process. The mom is in a rehab facility over 2 hours from home. It is believed that this one was chosen because it is more upscale (mom is from money), but mostly to keep this under the radar as best as possible she does not want to be in a facility of people from her community. This is another reason why it is believed that she won't be joining her local community and it's resources for the road to sobriety (this local community is known for being a strong community for recovery, too). While in rehab, on phone calls with her kids, she has asked questions as to what people understand as to where she is. She does not want anyone beyond her family knowing. She will not be open about this when she returns and most likely will treat it as a reboot, not a life-long problem that needs to be managed every day. This is what the kids are going to be fed from her; therefore, for now, they are not going to see themselves as needing to attend meetings because the problem is solved in their mind. With the likely inability to get them to meetings, I'm hoping to at least give them the opportunity to read about the disease and the rehab process, so that when their mind is open, they will see that what she says and does is very much a part of the disease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 It sounds to me like their father needs to be on top of this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 It is the kids' belief that rehab is like waving a magic wand and a healthy mom will come home and that will be the end of the story. Considering this, I don't think the teens will be open to attending meetings. That is why I would at least like them to have an opportunity to read about it to have an understanding of this issue. I recommend calling a local Alateen group. The organization is for the teens even if the parent is not an admitted alcoholic. They will probably know of some written materials that might be helpful to the teens, given that they might not be willing or able to attend meetings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret H Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 The father is very involved. In fact, I have never known a more all-in, dedicated father. His first filter for any decision he makes in his life is what is in the best interest of his children. He provides a loving, stable, consistent home-life. He and their mother divorced after the first attempt at an intervention 7 years ago. At first, he was deemed "the bad guy" from people in their world. Over time, these people have come around to see things as they are. The problem is, the mother has bashed their father non-stop over the years, and he feels that if he tries to get the kids to accept their mother as an alcoholic, it may be misconstrued as manipulation against their mother, since that is what they have seen from her to their father. He will be supportive in any way possible, but feels like the initial recognition of their mother as an alcoholic needs to come from someone else. I will call Alateen this week for some guidance. Thanks!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.