I think my 17yo...

[Pamela H in Texas]

gave himself up!

 

I was lamenting, in tears, as I read the board last night, about how I wanted to be a good mom to the littles (obviously, I messed up AGAIN). He said:

 

Maybe you used up all your good mom-ness on me.

 

Isn't that sweet? John was a challenging kiddo. I had to be on my A-game with him. I learned what consistency was with him. I had to learn better parenting tools, methods, ideas, etc. He was simply not going to tolerate being treated typically AND turn out half-decent. It was easy to be a perfect mom to the easiest child in the country (my daughter), but John stretched me.

 

Part of our relationship has been so about joking around and false bravado and then typical teenager gonna deny the truth about how he feels about mushy stuff. We'd rather kick each other in the head (literally) than hug. We tease constantly. But the love is obviously there, just our own way of it.

 

So for him to pop off with something like that floored me!

 

And now I'm hoping he's not right! The littles need me to step up and be a good mom to them. The six yr old has been doing a LOT better since we started attachment therapy and Theraplay. But then I'm dealing with a lot of my own introversion vs the need to be touchy feely more with these kids and their constant chatter (both meaningful and more related to attachment issues...this is one of the signs of such issues and two of mine...oy!).

 

Anyway, I am so ready to cry because I keep messing up more and more. It seems worse since their adoption.

Not their behavior (actually, the progress they've made is beautiful!), but my responses. I need some of that good mom-ness!

Edited August 31, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug:

Sounds like you are tired......tired can have a big effect on my mommy ness....kwim?

 

is there any way you can get a break....go to Barnes & Noble ( or wherever is your happy place ). And just veg for a few hours? When my olders were little and we didn't have any $, I would go to the library or the waterfront depending on the weather.

 

Do something nice for you....it will make you a more momish mom.

:grouphug:

[Wheres Toto]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

:grouphug:

Sounds like you are tired......tired can have a big effect on my mommy ness....kwim?

 

is there any way you can get a break....go to Barnes & Noble ( or wherever is your happy place ). And just veg for a few hours? When my olders were little and we didn't have any $, I would go to the library or the waterfront depending on the weather.

 

Do something nice for you....it will make you a more momish mom.

:grouphug:

 

:iagree: It does sound like you are tired which can make everything seem overwhelming. I only have two young ones but one is a constant moving chatterbox and the other climbs on my whenever I sit down wanting to kiss my cheek and my hand, hold my arm, cuddle at my side. I love them both dearly but I'm an extreme introvert and sometimes I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone. At those times, I go away for a little while if it's at all possible. I like to sit at Panera with either my laptop or a book, have a nice cup of tea and maybe something sweet. In the winter, I'll try and sit by the fireplace in one of the comfy chairs. It really helps.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I am tired. I really have struggled to get over this pneumonia.

And I am worried about doing everything we need to do (spiritual, appts, hsing, housework, extras).

And I never leave ALL of them. Ever. My idea of a break is to have 2-4 instead of 7.

But mostly, I just keep making mistakes and can't just forgive and move on.

[Mommyfaithe]

I am tired. I really have struggled to get over this pneumonia.

And I am worried about doing everything we need to do (spiritual, appts, hsing, housework, extras).

And I never leave ALL of them. Ever. My idea of a break is to have 2-4 instead of 7.

But mostly, I just keep making mistakes and can't just forgive and move on.

 

:grouphug:

Ok....that is more than tired....that is exhaustion. I have btdt, and if I can gently give you some advice.....YOU need to take care of YOU or wou will wear out and not be able to accomplish what you set out to do.

 

You need a break....a few hours....to yourself....to recharge and regroup. 5 kids 6 and under, who do not have added issues are enough to take a very strong woman to her knees. See if you can get a respite worker, grandmother, 2 teens, dh and older kids....someone to give you some time off before you break. I am saying this as lovingly as possible. I burnt out, crashed, and became very ill. It was not good for my kids. It took me 2 years to get almost well.....

Please, don't do what I did.....take care of you first, then you can take better care of your babies, big kids and dh. :grouphug:

 

Eta: being tired does not mean you are weak or incapable. It means you work very hard and give it your all. We need to get recharged so we do not deplete ourselves. Exhaustion is not laziness or weakness.....it is human, and God's way of sitting us down and depending on Him while we recharge.

Edited August 31, 2012 by Mommyfaithe

[hillfarm]

Good mom-ness is a lot like a number of other child-related substances. You may think you have gotten it all off you, but when you least expect to find more of it, you will discover a clump clinging here or there in an unexpected place!;) It never leaves us entirely. You will be fine.:grouphug: