My 8 year old won't work

[plain jane]

It's been an on-going issue for months now.

 

I drastically cut back on her work for the end of the year (from Feb to June). She did minimal writing, normal math load, and we spent time reading good books and focussing on history and science (she enjoys these) without the writing portion.

 

She's become really writing phobic and it's probably my fault for pushing too hard. She can write & writes very well (and a lot) but for the last 5 months has barely written anything. It takes her 15 minutes to write one sentence. She used to write an IEW paragraph (8 sentences) in 45 min. In fact, she still can if she wants to. Thing is, she doesn't and I'm not having any luck motivating her.

 

I made a deal with the 2 older kids. 20 min of math each day of summer (current grade level so all review work, just so they don't lose their skills) and 1 hour of science (that they chose & were incredibly excited to do). If they don't do this, they will both be in school in September. They knew and understood this and agreed to it. I needed to do this because I'm getting really tired of the daily fight with them. I need them to grow some internal motivation to work and not just because I'm yelling at them to. :glare: They both chose their own math books and also what we were going to study in science & what books we would use. They had complete choice over this. :)

 

Dd will take out her math book and sit with it for 20 minutes and do maybe 3 questions. :glare: She's done maybe 20 pages in her math book. No WAY will she be done by end of August.

 

As for science, she won't write her narrations. I read the text, we discuss, she colors, we do the experiments & the hands-on stuff. Then she has to write one sentence about what she wrote. Takes her 15 minutes and her handwriting proves she really doesn't care what she is writing. :glare: This is the child who used sailed through WWE2, can write good 8-10 sentence narrations on Magic Treehouse books, etc. She knows how to do this. She can take a paragraph from an Apologia text and write one narration. She just won't.

 

I'm thinking I need to send them to school. I think the kids need to learn some accountability. That there are consequences for not doing your work. I strongly doubt that she would not do work for a teacher like she does for me. I just don't get why it's such a struggle to do work at home.

 

I'm really pretty upset about this. We enjoy homeschooling. She says she wants to stay home but now I suspect it's because she doesn't have to do any work. :glare:

 

I do not know how to get this child to work. I've tried bribes. I've tried punishment, neither really works. She gets her work out, sits in front of it and stares out the window. Or fidgets, or sharpens her pencils. Usually she's staring out the window so I've repositioned her but that's not helped either. I can breathe down her neck and she will work a bit better but as soon as I answer a question from anyone else, she's staring out the window again. It's been this way since February and I'm really tired of it.

 

Has anybody else experienced this? She's just a great child. Obedient, kind, caring, helps around the home. Forgetful about chores but does them cheerfully when reminded. Then there's the school work. :001_huh: She just. won't. do. it. ever. :willy_nilly:

 

Words of wisdom? I don't know what to do?

 

FWIW, we had a full 5 weeks off back in May/June where the kids did absolutely nothing at all but playdates, park days, fun time. I don't think more time off is the answer here.

 

As much as I don't want to do it, I can't help but wonder if PS is the better way to go. She's going into 3rd in the fall.

Edited July 31, 2012 by plain jane

[Ellie]

It's been an on-going issue for months now.

 

I drastically cut back on her work for the end of the year (from Feb to June). She did minimal writing, normal math load, and we spent time reading good books and focussing on history and science (she enjoys these) without the writing portion.

 

She's become really writing phobic and it's probably my fault for pushing too hard. She can write & writes very well (and a lot) but for the last 5 months has barely written anything. It takes her 15 minutes to write one sentence. She used to write an IEW paragraph (8 sentences) in 45 min. In fact, she still can if she wants to. Thing is, she doesn't and I'm not having any luck motivating her.

 

I made a deal with the 2 older kids. 20 min of math each day of summer (current grade level so all review work, just so they don't lose their skills) and 1 hour of science (that they chose & were incredibly excited to do). If they don't do this, they will both be in school in September. They knew and understood this and agreed to it. I needed to do this because I'm getting really tired of the daily fight with them. I need them to grow some internal motivation to work and not just because I'm yelling at them to. :glare: They both chose their own math books and also what we were going to study in science & what books we would use. They had complete choice over this. :)

 

Dd will take out her math book and sit with it for 20 minutes and do maybe 3 questions. :glare: She's done maybe 20 pages in her math book. No WAY will she be done by end of August.

 

As for science, she won't write her narrations. I read the text, we discuss, she colors, we do the experiments & the hands-on stuff. Then she has to write one sentence about what she wrote. Takes her 15 minutes and her handwriting proves she really doesn't care what she is writing. :glare: This is the child who used sailed through WWE2, can write good 8-10 sentence narrations on Magic Treehouse books, etc. She knows how to do this. She can take a paragraph from an Apologia text and write one narration. She just won't.

 

I'm thinking I need to send them to school. I think the kids need to learn some accountability. That there are consequences for not doing your work. I strongly doubt that she would not do work for a teacher like she does for me. I just don't get why it's such a struggle to do work at home.

 

I'm really pretty upset about this. We enjoy homeschooling. She says she wants to stay home but now I suspect it's because she doesn't have to do any work. :glare:

 

I do not know how to get this child to work. I've tried bribes. I've tried punishment, neither really works. She gets her work out, sits in front of it and stares out the window. Or fidgets, or sharpens her pencils. Usually she's staring out the window so I've repositioned her but that's not helped either. I can breathe down her neck and she will work a bit better but as soon as I answer a question from anyone else, she's staring out the window again. It's been this way since February and I'm really tired of it.

 

Has anybody else experienced this? She's just a great child. Obedient, kind, caring, helps around the home. Forgetful about chores but does them cheerfully when reminded. Then there's the school work. :001_huh: She just. won't. do. it. ever. :willy_nilly:

 

Words of wisdom? I don't know what to do?

 

FWIW, we had a full 5 weeks off back in May/June where the kids did absolutely nothing at all but playdates, park days, fun time. I don't think more time off is the answer here.

 

As much as I don't want to do it, I can't help but wonder if PS is the better way to go. She's going into 3rd in the fall.

I sure wouldn't send them to school because they don't want to do the things you want them to.

 

My best guess is that what you have chosen for them is completely not their style of learning, but they're just children, and they can't put that into words, so they just don't do it.

 

Why don't you try something completely different? No writing narrations, more of you readng aloud, maybe hands-on like KONOS or the Weaver, Making Math Meaningful (where you sit with her and let her mess with c-rods) instead of a math text/workbook, or Considering God's Creation for science.

 

School is not the answer.

 

Accountability is more than doing schoolwork. You don't need school or homework to teach your chldren what it means to be accountable. Parents have been teaching their children to be accountable for thousands of years, without having anything that looks the least bit like school.

 

:)

[Remudamom]

No lunch til work is finished?

[LittleIzumi]

How old are they? Is distractability a common issue across the board with this child? Is it a lot of seatwork? Do you go through the math with her or just give her the book to do? Dd is almost exactly like that, plus doing handstands and jumping off her chair, and she is currently (after over a year of struggle and other methods) medicated for ADD (like her daddy). Things are much, much, much better on medication. It is extremely obvious when she hasn't taken it or when it's worn off. The only things she can focus on are her hyper-focus-obsession things at that point, and she'd run in front of a car if it meant she could catch a butterfly, and she could fiddle with her pencil/hair/paper for 10 min before answering one question.

Edited July 31, 2012 by LittleIzumi

[plain jane]

I sure wouldn't send them to school because they don't want to do the things you want them to.

My best guess is that what you have chosen for them is completely not their style of learning, but they're just children, and they can't put that into words, so they just don't do it.

 

Why don't you try something completely different? No writing narrations, more of you readng aloud, maybe hands-on like KONOS or the Weaver, Making Math Meaningful (where you sit with her and let her mess with c-rods) instead of a math text/workbook, or Considering God's Creation for science.

 

School is not the answer.

 

Accountability is more than doing schoolwork. You don't need school or homework to teach your chldren what it means to be accountable. Parents have been teaching their children to be accountable for thousands of years, without having anything that looks the least bit like school.

 

:)

 

I get what you're saying here. I do. :) I just don't see how school work is "something I want them to do." I mean, they have to do it. There are truancy laws where I am and the kids need to be doing work. I know there are different ways to do that work but at 3rd grade level I do not feel that 20 minute of math is unrealistic. Not when it is all review.

 

Aaaaaaaaaah. I'm just frustrated. Sorry. :o

[mom2bbj]

:grouphug: Mama, you seem to have alot on your plate! Just a thought - could she be gaining your attention with this? I know from your other post that her brother is needing alot of support and attention, maybe this is her way of "getting her time"???

 

Like I said, just a thought, but maybe its intertwined??

 

Prayers for you and your family as you sort through it all.

 

Vickie

[LittleIzumi]

I get what you're saying here. I do. :) I just don't see how school work is "something I want them to do." I mean, they have to do it. There are truancy laws where I am and the kids need to be doing work. I know there are different ways to do that work but at 3rd grade level I do not feel that 20 minute of math is unrealistic. Not when it is all review.

 

Aaaaaaaaaah. I'm just frustrated. Sorry. :o

 

Honestly, if it's all review, it's worse here. It's even harder to pay attention to easy stuff when you're a distractable person. Challenge engages the brain more.

[plain jane]

Honestly, if it's all review, it's worse here. It's even harder to pay attention to easy stuff when you're a distractable person. Challenge engages the brain more.

 

You know, I need to talk to dh again about medication and getting her looked at. He keeps blowing me off and saying he was easily distracted as a child but I think there's more to it.

 

She was able to sit and work until mid way through second and then things just fell apart. I thought it was because she was burnt out but after a good long break and reduced work, there has been no improvement.

 

Of course, to say that this one is my stubborn one is a complete understatement. :tongue_smilie:

[dbmamaz]

have you tried asking her what is going on? have you tried asking her what she WANTS to do for school? My 8 yo doesnt do much work, but its nothing new with him, he's steadily (very slowly) improving. But it sounds like there is something bothering her. I agree with maybe its the wrong curriculum for her. It can be really hard to figure out what they need . . . but if they feel like you are on their side and want to help them get more out of school, usually that helps

[LittleIzumi]

You know, I need to talk to dh again about medication and getting her looked at. He keeps blowing me off and saying he was easily distracted as a child but I think there's more to it.

 

 

That is entirely possible. There is a strong genetic component to ADD, and ADD is often discussed as a developmental delay--the frontal lobe does not develop at the "normal" rate, *generally* leaving the child at about a 2-year gap of focus and impulse control. Many people outgrow it if theirs is just a delay--eventually their brain finally catches up! Some people have it more severely. Hubby is in his 30s and finally on medication. ;)