Opinions on "character development" idea

[shanezomom]

To set the stage: I'm pondering this morning how close we hs moms are to our kids. Day in, day out for them it's mom, mom, mom in their faces, at least during the week. I am very close to my 11 yr ds and as a result may be biased about how he relates to the world and his developing character traits.

 

Bear with me here to explain more. I, for example, am a woman very eager to help anyone who looks like they are struggling. "Here, let me help you," or "Let me get that for you," etc. I understand this could cause the other person to feel like I think they are incompetent, but my goal is to be of service and for them to feel the world is a little softer than it might sometime seem because someone cares. Of course my son is not exempt from this so I find it very hard to let him struggle with anything without stepping in. I need to discern the right time to allow him to be uncomfortable and struggle to success. I realize this is an important area for me to work on.

 

In relation to this, I'm thinking parents with kids in ps get feedback from teachers and if seasoned with wisdom, those comments could be helpful in setting the compass for character development. Is it unheard of for a group of homeschool moms who observe other mom's kids to provide supportive feedback on such matters? We belong to a hs co-op where I started to envision something along those lines. I realize it might be very subjective, but if one already suspects her child needs to develop in a certain area, hearing it from another mom might help flesh that out. (As an aside, I would like to tell a mom friend who I like, that her son has demonstrated on several occasions some very hurtful and sneaky behaviors that she may not be aware of but that's for another thread.)

 

So what do you think? Is it possible to have a situation where moms have observed each others' kids and could provide mutual constructive feedback without it turning into an emotional mess?

[MomatHWTK]

I highly doubt it. ;)

[BakersDozen]

Oh boy, I was a part of something like this once. Not one of the moms involved are friends any longer, it was that ugly.

[melissel]

I highly doubt it. ;)

 

:iagree: I think this is way too emotionally charged an issue, even if the moms involved think they can take the feedback, good or bad.

[PeacefulChaos]

I highly doubt it. ;)

 

:iagree: I think this is way too emotionally charged an issue, even if the moms involved think they can take the feedback, good or bad.

 

Yep.

[Plucky]

No, I don't think that would work. I think if someone mentions something about your child you could think about what they have shared before it is completely disregarded. Moms tend to think they know what is best for their child and they do, but sometimes an outside source can make us aware of an issue.

[melissel]

I also wanted to add that just because feedback comes from an objective source doesn't mean that it's valid or useful. I've had constructive criticism given to me about parenting and/or my kids' development, and after I freaked out and made myself crazy over it for awhile, the majority of the time, I ended up thinking that the "objective third party" was full of it anyway! If I were you, I'd spend more time reading from a broad range of parenting topics and perspectives and trying to step back from my own parenting mindset to see where I think change might be needed. Or I'd post here--honestly, most of what I've learned about parenting, I think I've learned on the boards.

 

ETA one last thing: I just read your OP a little more closely, and I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a good friend who sees your kid on a regular basis what they think about an issue like the one you're contemplating. We've talked about that very thing at our mom get-togethers (we have a fairly close-knit group and do a co-op together as well). It's important that we learn from each other's experience, IMO. But I don't think it's a good idea on a wide scale, and I don't think it's a good idea for any of the moms to feel that they have free reign to "educate" any of the other moms. That kind of thing goes downhill fast.

Edited July 28, 2012 by melissel

[Plucky]

I also wanted to add that just because feedback comes from an objective source doesn't mean that it's valid or useful. I've had constructive criticism given to me about parenting and/or my kids' development, and after I freaked out and made myself crazy over it for awhile, the majority of the time, I ended up thinking that the "objective third party" was full of it anyway! If I were you, I'd spend more time reading from a broad range of parenting topics and perspectives and trying to step back from my own parenting mindset to see where I think change might be needed. Or I'd post here--honestly, most of what I've learned about parenting, I think I've learned on the boards.

 

ETA one last thing: I just read your OP a little more closely, and I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a good friend who sees your kid on a regular basis what they think about an issue like the one you're contemplating. We've talked about that very thing at our mom get-togethers (we have a fairly close-knit group and do a co-op together as well). It's important that we learn from each other's experience, IMO. But I don't think it's a good idea on a wide scale, and I don't think it's a good idea for any of the moms to feel that they have free reign to "educate" any of the other moms. That kind of thing goes downhill fast.

 

I agree. Sometimes people don't know what they are talking about and give out unneeded and unasked for advice.

 

I've also seen plenty of moms, homeschool and public school, who won't acknowledge anything negative of their little darlings, and their kids are holy terrors.