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[speedmom4]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I can only imagine it is extremely draining. I would definitely video your ds acting out. I would do it multiple times (so the dr. doesn't think it was an isolated incident) at home and in public and bring it to the pediatrician. In our town there is a behavioral/cognitive pediatrician who deals with these types of situations. Maybe there's one where you live. I really believe that the tantrums combined with the peeing issues is a sign that something isn't right.

 

My other advice may or may not help. A friend of mine had a child who sounded very similar when he was younger. I honestly thought (at around the age of your son) that her son was headed for juvenile detention in the next few years. He was uncontrollable yet they had a daughter who was as sweet as she could be. Not long after we lost touch but apparently they got there son into BMX bike racing. He began probably around the age of 5 or 6. He is now one of the top racers in the world. He has sponsorship and travels all over the world racing. He has won several world titles and he's only 16. My point with that story is that I believe that my friend found an outlet for her very intense child. I believe some kids need something a little dangerous in their lives that is VERY physical to help their behavior. Maybe that is something worth exploring for your ds.

 

You sound like a very good mom who is desperate for help. Try not to look at his issues through other people's eyes. Don't worry about how others view him or your ability to mother. You know something isn't right. Don't stop trying to get help!

 

Please keep us updated when you can!

 

God BLess,

Elise in NC

[Parrothead]

Have you considered spanking him? (And yes I am aware this is anti-AP.)

 

Obviously it doesn't work with all kids (worked with my son, not my daughter), and many parents simply *can't* do it, or think they can't do it....but there's a reason it has been used for millennia.

 

I'd lose the video games too.

 

There's probably something going on with him medically which you should continue to investigate, but still....there has to be consequences for defiant behavior that threaten the sanity of the family.

 

Best of luck to you. He'll turn around eventually and probably will be the one who takes care of you in your dotage!

I have to totally disagree with this and I'm not an anti-spanking parent. Dd has had her fair share of spanks.

 

Recommending spanking to a mom who is at the end of her rope could lead to something other than a spanking. PJ, don't spank him. Especially when you are angry with him. :grouphug:

[renmew]

I am not against spanking as a rule, but I can tell you that it did NOT work with my similar son. He just hit back, and I was not about to get into a "who can hit harder" contest with my son.

[ma23peas]

I was a nanny for over 200 children for a 2 year period...I have seen it all. I am not saying I know it all but what I am seeing is an escalating effect with your child, that has little refrain either on his side or your side.

 

I do believe in spanking, especially at this age, but with no emotional outburst (which may be hard with the level of your frustration) but 2 quick swats and sitting him in a chair IN the room you are in..do not send him away for time out. He must sit there for 3 minutes...then you go to him and have a less than 30 second conversation...firm but loving ("Bobby, you can not do xyz and not get punished, I know you can do better...now go and do it") And WHEN he does better, praise the bejeesies out of him! Make it sincere...do something fun and lighthearted with him! Throw him up in the air or give him a roll on the floor hug...get some giggling in there..he needs attention..you just need to make sure he's getting it during this phase. YOu said you had 4 others...think back, with his number in the family...remember how much time you had to spend with the first two? by the time number 5 rolls around we get so caught up in the feeding/cleaning/routine that we forget our children need us to be on the floor and playing with them...try your best to make your interactions light and loving...over time, you will not have to spank...and you will see a change. Take the time it takes and keep your cool..always making sure he can not doubt your love for him. But do NOT tolerate bad behavior...ever. The hardest part is for us not to lose our cool...it comes with time and we will fail, but the more you practice it and have a heart for motivating out of love (not allowing the bad behavior is out of love, spanking is out of love...but it is direct and with a purpose..not to relieve our frustrations but to guide theirs)

[Plink]

I was a nanny for over 200 children for a 2 year period

 

:confused::confused::confused: Where I live, we call that a babysitter. Nannies form long term relationships.

 

OP, you are a good mom searching for help for your child. Sorry if this thread appears to ba attacking you and your parenting.

[ktgrok]

Thank you!

 

I was a nanny for over 200 children for a 2 year period...I have seen it all. I am not saying I know it all but what I am seeing is an escalating effect with your child, that has little refrain either on his side or your side.

 

I do believe in spanking, especially at this age, but with no emotional outburst (which may be hard with the level of your frustration) but 2 quick swats and sitting him in a chair IN the room you are in..do not send him away for time out. He must sit there for 3 minutes...then you go to him and have a less than 30 second conversation...firm but loving ("Bobby, you can not do xyz and not get punished, I know you can do better...now go and do it") And WHEN he does better, praise the bejeesies out of him! Make it sincere...do something fun and lighthearted with him! Throw him up in the air or give him a roll on the floor hug...get some giggling in there..he needs attention..you just need to make sure he's getting it during this phase. YOu said you had 4 others...think back, with his number in the family...remember how much time you had to spend with the first two? by the time number 5 rolls around we get so caught up in the feeding/cleaning/routine that we forget our children need us to be on the floor and playing with them...try your best to make your interactions light and loving...over time, you will not have to spank...and you will see a change. Take the time it takes and keep your cool..always making sure he can not doubt your love for him. But do NOT tolerate bad behavior...ever. The hardest part is for us not to lose our cool...it comes with time and we will fail, but the more you practice it and have a heart for motivating out of love (not allowing the bad behavior is out of love, spanking is out of love...but it is direct and with a purpose..not to relieve our frustrations but to guide theirs)

 

What you describe is normal discipline that works with normal children. Given that she has raised 4 children with no issues I think that she probably knows how to do normal discipline. If she got it right with 4 kids I would say the issue isn't her, it is him. And what you describe above would do NOTHING for a kid with certain issues. And although I don't mean to get angry, that kind of advice drives moms of special needs kids up the wall. We have TRIED being consistent/firm/etc. If that worked we would be estatic. What the woman in the OP is describing is something else entirely.

 

I know with my special needs kid he had no ability to understand cause and effect until he was closer to 10 years old. So the discipline you describe (and pretty much everything else) was pointless. It made him angry, but it didn't change the behavior because he couldn't link it in his mind to the behavior he had done. I know that sounds crazy, but it is how he was. He finally matured around 12, and now it is AMAZING to see him think through things and actually stop himself from doing something. But early on? He couldn't do it.

 

And I'm not making excuses based on a diagnosis. I didn't get the diagnosis until he was 11 years old. And it was when I stopped that kind of discipline that you describe that things got better.

[ktgrok]

Oh, and wanted to ask if he had sore throat around the time this started? Or was sick? PANDA's is another consideration.

[DawnM]

I missed the OP before it got deleted so my comments MAY not be accurate for your information.

 

My oldest was very difficult. He was asked to leave 2 preschools and a Kindergarden. He was disruptive, wouldn't ever nap, could be a terror, acted out, etc....

 

I took him to therapists and psychologists when he was younger. We tried EVERYTHING. Nothing worked.

 

Honestly, the above is a huge reason we decided to homeschool him. I was told he just needed "discipline." These were the SAME folks who saw my sweet #2 son and told me what a great kid he was! :glare::glare::glare:

 

Anyway, oldest is now 14. He has been officially diagnosed (THIS YEAR!) with Asperger's and along with that has quite a few sensory issues that set him off. His tolerance and frustration levels are quite low, but as he has matured it has calmed down some and he has learned some coping strategies.

 

It can still flare up. Like the time we visited a church and he was doing great until the end when they decided it would be fun to play Charades with the middle schoolers......he got the card that said "sunflower!" :lol: He then threw a fit because he was so frustrated and had no idea how to be a sunflower! He stood up, slammed the paper onto the floor and yelled, "This is stupid, this sucks, I hate this game, this sucks!" over and over again!

 

Just thought I would share our story. You are not alone with a child with issues. :grouphug:

[DawnM]

We found spanking escalated these types of issues for a child acting out.

 

I would not recommend it at all.

 

My oldest would calm down if we put him on time out with a paper and pencil and let him draw. He is my artist and it was magical how it would calm him.

 

OP, see if your child has a calming activity that he loves where he can go off somewhere alone (dining table or something) and calm down.

 

Dawn

 

Have you considered spanking him? (And yes I am aware this is anti-AP.)

 

Obviously it doesn't work with all kids (worked with my son, not my daughter), and many parents simply *can't* do it, or think they can't do it....but there's a reason it has been used for millennia.

 

I'd lose the video games too.

 

There's probably something going on with him medically which you should continue to investigate, but still....there has to be consequences for defiant behavior that threaten the sanity of the family.

 

Best of luck to you. He'll turn around eventually and probably will be the one who takes care of you in your dotage!