joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Does anyone have any good books to recommend for reading to my toddler about throwing fits/screaming to get attention or when not getting his way? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claire up north Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Watch Helen Keller movie with child. Discuss. Makes the point very memorably. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 How verbal is your toddler? Did the problem just begin or get worse with your new addition? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 How verbal is your toddler? Did the problem just begin or get worse with your new addition? Just began... or maybe we are just noticing it more now with the new baby. He isn't talking yet. Can say a handful of words but can't express himself yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6wildhorses Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Llama llama books are great for that purpose. My daughter loved them and there are some great ones that deal with tantrums. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Llama llama books are great for that purpose. My daughter loved them and there are some great ones that deal with tantrums. Great one, thanks! I had forgotten about reading those before when my second was afraid of the dark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I don't have book advice off the top of my head; I would just encourage you to help your son verbalize his feelings. Stay calm even if he is out of control. Tell him you can't help him or understand him when he is screaming. And try to make some extra time for him. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 (edited) Only my first and second threw fits and screamed. I think I just didn't pay any attention to the next two when they tried that method of getting their own way, because I was too busy, and I had learned to ignore that behaviour. For sure, talk to the child AFTER the screaming fit, and encourage the appropriate way to ask mommy for what you want. My youngest son was an expert at getting me to do things for him in a wonderfully appropriate way that didn't involve speaking. He just took my hand and led me to what he wanted. Totally effective for him and I just calmly followed along. Kids are so smart! Edited July 24, 2012 by wintermom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 I don't have book advice off the top of my head; I would just encourage you to help your son verbalize his feelings. Stay calm even if he is out of control. Tell him you can't help him or understand him when he is screaming. And try to make some extra time for him. :grouphug: Only my first and second threw fits and screamed. I think I just didn't pay any attention to the next two when they tried that method of getting their own way, because I was too busy, and I had learned to ignore that behaviour. For sure, talk to the child AFTER the screaming fit, and encourage the appropriate way to ask mommy for what you want. My youngest son was an expert at getting me to do things for him in a wonderfully appropriate way that didn't involve speaking. He just took my hand and led me to what he wanted. Totally effective for him and I just calmly followed along. Kids are so smart! Thanks for the advice. He has been such a happy little guy up until recently and I know it is an attention thing since the baby. It makes me sad. But I do know it will pass. Has anyone heard of the "Help me be good" books? Would the tantrum one be too old for him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 The Help Me Be Good series was the one I was thinking about. They might be too old for him but if your library has them, give them a try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 You could start teaching him some basic sign language signs so it's easier for him to communicate. The language barrier is very, very frustrating for toddlers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Thanks for the advice. He has been such a happy little guy up until recently and I know it is an attention thing since the baby. It makes me sad. But I do know it will pass. Has anyone heard of the "Help me be good" books? Would the tantrum one be too old for him? I seriously doubt a 19 month old is going to learn effectively from a book. That for adults. You teach him by your reactions and guidence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I think a book can be helpful but it has to be at the level the child can understand. Which is why I asked how verbal the toddler is. At that age, my oldest dd would be able to comprehend the lesson taught in a book. What you might consider doing is making your own homemade social story. A social story is an effective teaching tool. Take some pictures or use some of your toddler being good and write the story about how proud you are when your child is being good, patient, etc. Then you can add something regarding the temper tantrum such as "When I scream everyone feels bad. My head hurts. Mommy's head hurts. I have to go sit on my bed until I stop screaming." etc. Here are a couple of links to help you: http://www.raisingdeafkids.org/growingup/toddler/tantrums/story.pdf http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_social_stories.html You can do a google search for more. The story should be very very simple. My guess is the behavior is related to the new baby. Your little guy has just been displaced; his world has been rocked. I would suggest making a big fuss over how he is now a big brother and try to include him when you do things with baby. Just to clarify, social stories are often used for kids with special needs. I am in no way suggesting your toddler has special needs. I think he is simply frustrated with the new hierarchy and does not yet have the skills yet to verbalize his feelings or cope effectively. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Here is a link to a YouTube video social story. The voice is highly annoying (at least to me) and it is geared to kids on the autism spectrum, but again, it will give you an idea if you want to write your own. Oh, and I forgot to add, if you do a social story you will want to read it a couple of times a day, when the child is calm and able to listen. You don't want to try to read it in the middle of a tantrum. :001_smile: You might also consider doing a social story about how great it is to be a big brother and help with baby and incorporate how much mom and dad still love you, even though there is a new baby, etc., etc. Play up the fact that toddler was once a baby, but now "I am becoming a big boy! I can play with toys! I can help mom and dad! I can walk and run and play!" emphasizing the great things toddler can do that baby cannot. Adrianne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 You could start teaching him some basic sign language signs so it's easier for him to communicate. The language barrier is very, very frustrating for toddlers. :iagree: Some simple ones for toddlers are "more", "eat", "drink", "please", "yes", and "no". Easy to learn and helps them get what they want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 :iagree: Some simple ones for toddlers are "more", "eat", "drink", "please", "yes", and "no". Easy to learn and helps them get what they want. I think the sign language is a good idea. Not sure if it's needed here though? He can say please, yes, shakes his head for no, num num (food), reaches his hand toward item for more or if he wants it, and goes to a drawer to get a cup when he wants a drink. Do you think it would still be helpful to teach him some sign language? If so what else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 I think a book can be helpful but it has to be at the level the child can understand. Which is why I asked how verbal the toddler is. At that age, my oldest dd would be able to comprehend the lesson taught in a book. What you might consider doing is making your own homemade social story. A social story is an effective teaching tool. Take some pictures or use some of your toddler being good and write the story about how proud you are when your child is being good, patient, etc. Then you can add something regarding the temper tantrum such as "When I scream everyone feels bad. My head hurts. Mommy's head hurts. I have to go sit on my bed until I stop screaming." etc. Here are a couple of links to help you: http://www.raisingdeafkids.org/growingup/toddler/tantrums/story.pdf http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_social_stories.html You can do a google search for more. The story should be very very simple. My guess is the behavior is related to the new baby. Your little guy has just been displaced; his world has been rocked. I would suggest making a big fuss over how he is now a big brother and try to include him when you do things with baby. Just to clarify, social stories are often used for kids with special needs. I am in no way suggesting your toddler has special needs. I think he is simply frustrated with the new hierarchy and does not yet have the skills yet to verbalize his feelings or cope effectively. Here is a link to a YouTube video social story. The voice is highly annoying (at least to me) and it is geared to kids on the autism spectrum, but again, it will give you an idea if you want to write your own. Oh, and I forgot to add, if you do a social story you will want to read it a couple of times a day, when the child is calm and able to listen. You don't want to try to read it in the middle of a tantrum. :001_smile: You might also consider doing a social story about how great it is to be a big brother and help with baby and incorporate how much mom and dad still love you, even though there is a new baby, etc., etc. Play up the fact that toddler was once a baby, but now "I am becoming a big boy! I can play with toys! I can help mom and dad! I can walk and run and play!" emphasizing the great things toddler can do that baby cannot. Adrianne LOVE these idea's. I remember reading about doing this when my first was younger and we were preparing for our second, but he did so well I never had to do it. I think this little guy is definately having a harder time adjusting and communicating what he is feeling with us. I think the social stories would work great with him. He loves being read to and it would also give him some special time with me to cuddle.... and btw I agree the voice is annoying lol Thanks so much for your input now I just need to find the time to make said books ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I think the sign language is a good idea. Not sure if it's needed here though? He can say please, yes, shakes his head for no, num num (food), reaches his hand toward item for more or if he wants it, and goes to a drawer to get a cup when he wants a drink. Do you think it would still be helpful to teach him some sign language? If so what else? Can't hurt, might help. Sometimes if a child is tantruming or very upset they just can't seem to get the words out. Doing something physical like doing a sign (as opposed to something physical like say, falling in the floor or throwing something ;)) might be easier. Some good ones for parents would be "no", "stop", "sit down". Sometimes even if they don't respond to you saying "stop", if they see the sign they will stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Have you checked his hearing? The fact that he isn't talking and having these fits sounds like what was happening with my oldest. He was very frustrated over not being understood since he couldn't talk since he couldn't hear well. I knew there was a problem but the stupid ped in the first place we were at kept telling us kids are different. Well we moved to CA and almost immediately got help from the state with his lack of speech and the pediatrician referred us to an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor who recommended ear tubes. He went from not talking at age 19-20 months, to being completely ineligible for services six months later since he had caught up so quickly once he could here. Oh, and his screaming fits discontinued. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Have you checked his hearing? The fact that he isn't talking and having these fits sounds like what was happening with my oldest. He was very frustrated over not being understood since he couldn't talk since he couldn't hear well. I knew there was a problem but the stupid ped in the first place we were at kept telling us kids are different. Well we moved to CA and almost immediately got help from the state with his lack of speech and the pediatrician referred us to an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor who recommended ear tubes. He went from not talking at age 19-20 months, to being completely ineligible for services six months later since he had caught up so quickly once he could here. Oh, and his screaming fits discontinued. I asked the ped about it a week ago and she said she didn't think it was his hearing. My concern with his hearing came fromt he fact that he covers his ears when he starts getting upset and sometimes says ow when he covers them. He gets VERY upset when I run the vacuum cleaner. He covers his ears and starts screaming. Thank goodness you found a good doc to help! It's great when docs actually listen to you isn't it :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I asked the ped about it a week ago and she said she didn't think it was his hearing. My concern with his hearing came fromt he fact that he covers his ears when he starts getting upset and sometimes says ow when he covers them. He gets VERY upset when I run the vacuum cleaner. He covers his ears and starts screaming. Thank goodness you found a good doc to help! It's great when docs actually listen to you isn't it :) Well, my 19 month old started covering his ears and getting upset with the vacuum last week. Turns out he had an (otherwise asymptomatic) ear infection. He's also been throwing fits, with no new baby to blame it on. I call it being a toddler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Well, my 19 month old started covering his ears and getting upset with the vacuum last week. Turns out he had an (otherwise asymptomatic) ear infection. He's also been throwing fits, with no new baby to blame it on. I call it being a toddler. They checked him for an ear infection and said he was fine there too. I think it is just part of being a toddler too :) But man this guy is going through it much harder than our other two did :001_huh: Poor kiddo. How are you currently handling the fits? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 They checked him for an ear infection and said he was fine there too. I think it is just part of being a toddler too :) But man this guy is going through it much harder than our other two did :001_huh: Poor kiddo. How are you currently handling the fits? I pretend to ignore the big ones. You know, the rolling around on the floor, kicking, fist-pounding baloney. I say "pretend to ignore" b/c dh and I are busy turning our heads to hide our laughter over those dramatic displays. The general screechy, attitude, misery stuff? I do my best to figure out what he's trying to tell me, then tell him I'm sorry and walk away. It's only been about 2 weeks since he's really gotten going. None of the others were ever like this. I'm hoping it passes quickly, since his language is picking up pretty quickly. His comprehension is really good, but I think that's part of the problem, lol. (He knows no means no!) It will stop, eventually. It will stop, eventually. It will stop, eventually. (That's me, talking to me, lol.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 I pretend to ignore the big ones. You know, the rolling around on the floor, kicking, fist-pounding baloney. I say "pretend to ignore" b/c dh and I are busy turning our heads to hide our laughter over those dramatic displays. The general screechy, attitude, misery stuff? I do my best to figure out what he's trying to tell me, then tell him I'm sorry and walk away. It's only been about 2 weeks since he's really gotten going. None of the others were ever like this. I'm hoping it passes quickly, since his language is picking up pretty quickly. His comprehension is really good, but I think that's part of the problem, lol. (He knows no means no!) It will stop, eventually. It will stop, eventually. It will stop, eventually. (That's me, talking to me, lol.) lol I hear you. Most of the time ours are happening when he is told no. So far we haven't had the fist pounding.. YET. I sure hope it stops sooner rather than later. It's sad, and rather embarrasing when in public. Every child is so different! I will keep telling myself it will stop eventually too ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 If the fits start when told no then his hearing is probably fine. :D Another method that may be helpful is 1-2-3 Magic. There is a popular book by the same name. Very simply the method works like this: Mom says no to toddler. Screaming ensues. Mom says, "That's 1" Screaming continues "That's 2" More screaming "That's 3, you're out!" Toddler is relegated to room or other time out place and told he can come out when screaming stops. Screaming is ignored if possible. Discussion of how to behave correctly is held after the storm is over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 Does anyone have any good books to recommend for reading to my toddler about throwing fits/screaming to get attention or when not getting his way? What do you want the book to accomplish? :001_huh: There are some lovely books out there that help foster the beginning of empathy skills, but self control is a lesson that comes with maturity, not with colorful pages. A toddler is too young to even begin to have a book help him control emotions that are overwhelming, raw, and primal. Your best bet would be sign language (look at Signing Time's Family, Feeling, And Friends disc or the equivalent in the Baby Signing Time collection), an emphasis on cooling down before proceeding, and showing empathy yourself to his disappointments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 I think a book can be helpful but it has to be at the level the child can understand. Which is why I asked how verbal the toddler is. At that age, my oldest dd would be able to comprehend the lesson taught in a book. What you might consider doing is making your own homemade social story. A social story is an effective teaching tool. Take some pictures or use some of your toddler being good and write the story about how proud you are when your child is being good, patient, etc. Then you can add something regarding the temper tantrum such as "When I scream everyone feels bad. My head hurts. Mommy's head hurts. I have to go sit on my bed until I stop screaming." etc. Here are a couple of links to help you: http://www.raisingdeafkids.org/growingup/toddler/tantrums/story.pdf http://www.oneplaceforspecialneeds.com/main/library_social_stories.html You can do a google search for more. The story should be very very simple. My guess is the behavior is related to the new baby. Your little guy has just been displaced; his world has been rocked. I would suggest making a big fuss over how he is now a big brother and try to include him when you do things with baby. Just to clarify, social stories are often used for kids with special needs. I am in no way suggesting your toddler has special needs. I think he is simply frustrated with the new hierarchy and does not yet have the skills yet to verbalize his feelings or cope effectively. I just wanted to let you know that we went ahead and made one of these "tantrum" social stories. It seems to be working great! At the end I put a picture of him giving my husband and myself a hug and told him that when he is feeling mad he can give us a hug and stop crying and feel happy again. Of course he is still screaming occasionally but this is really helping with the duration of it. We have read through the book a few or more times and he LOVES it! Thanks so much for your time and advice. Reminding him of giving a hug when he is upset seems to really be helping to calm him down too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 What do you want the book to accomplish? :001_huh: There are some lovely books out there that help foster the beginning of empathy skills, but self control is a lesson that comes with maturity, not with colorful pages. A toddler is too young to even begin to have a book help him control emotions that are overwhelming, raw, and primal. Your best bet would be sign language (look at Signing Time's Family, Feeling, And Friends disc or the equivalent in the Baby Signing Time collection), an emphasis on cooling down before proceeding, and showing empathy yourself to his disappointments. Hoping to accomplish a coping mechanism for him. For some kids seeing it in story form seems to really work. I suppose it depends on the learning style of the child. Obvioulsy I am not 100% on this childs learning style yet, but the book does seem to be helping... maybe it is helping me to help him ;) But it's working :D With my fisrt child reading him a book about certain subjects worked so much better than us just explaining it to him, ,then we would reinforce what the book said in our day to day lives and for him this type of learning really works so I thought it might work for our 19 month old. I thin kthe signing is a very good idea though too and will give it a try. Not sure what the sign for "stop" is but we have been working on holding our hand up and saying very calmly stop with him so perhaps that is helping too :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 If the fits start when told no then his hearing is probably fine. :D Another method that may be helpful is 1-2-3 Magic. There is a popular book by the same name. Very simply the method works like this: Mom says no to toddler. Screaming ensues. Mom says, "That's 1" Screaming continues "That's 2" More screaming "That's 3, you're out!" Toddler is relegated to room or other time out place and told he can come out when screaming stops. Screaming is ignored if possible. Discussion of how to behave correctly is held after the storm is over. Yes, I think his hearing is fine. I think he just has a hard time with loud noises when upset. Don't we all?;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyfulhomeschooler Posted July 26, 2012 Author Share Posted July 26, 2012 I seriously doubt a 19 month old is going to learn effectively from a book. That for adults. You teach him by your reactions and guidence. Maybe he is a super bright 19 month old then :confused: I guess my oldest must be too because they learn extremely well from books. Most of the language our 19 month old has picked up and most of his understanding of the things around him have come from us reading to him at nap and bedtime. He will point to something out the window, and then run and get the book that it's in. He gets very excited about this. I think it really just depends on the child's learning style. My 2nd child doesn't learn as well from books and I couldn't have taught her from a book at that age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 Not sure what the sign for "stop" is but we have been working on holding our hand up and saying very calmly stop with him so perhaps that is helping too :) That works! The "official" sign for stop is to hold one hand flat, palm up while bringing your other hand down on it, so the side of our hand rests on your upward palm. http://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/pages-signs/s/stop.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.