To stay or to go?

[lovinglife]

Let me preface this by saying that I know, ultimately, this is a decision my husband and I have to make ourselves. No one else can make it for us. That being said, I'd love to have some input!

My dh lost his job just over 6 months ago, in Dec. 2011. We live in the DC area and he was working in the Intel field as a government employee. Shortly after he lost his job, we found out we're expecting #6- surprise! Fast forward 6 months and we're scraping by somehow. He is working p/t at Chick FIl A to supplement the unemployment insurance, and has an adjunct faculty position at the community college for the fall, but that only brings in about 400 a month. I'm also working p/t online for BYUI adjunct faculty currently, and will be in the fall. So, while we're scraping by right now, we'll run out of money (savings, unemployment) by Dec./Jan. Right now I'm very unsure if anything will materialize by then- it's a gamble. However, we own a home here (currently upside down, thanks housing market) and this is really the ONLY place to be for his field.

 

 

My parents have offered to help by allowing us to stay rent free in their home for as long as needed. They have a full basement, 1700 sf, sitting empty with a partial kitchen, 3 bedrooms, living space, etc. However, they live in South central Idaho and there is NOT much in the way of jobs there. My dh and I could both probably get adjunct work at the local college there, but he still needs a full time job. There is a potential for a job that could support the family at a yogurt plant that is opening up, thanks to some connections, but there is no guarantee and it would be a big career change.

Also, when #6 arrives around Labor Day we will no longer fit in our vehicle, making moving extremely difficult. WWYD? Wait it out or run? Ugh. Being a grown up is a tough gig sometimes.

[melissad2]

I would go. Although I live next door to my parents and we get along really well. I would do it and save all I could so it would be a temporary situation.

[DawnM]

What kind of vehicle do you have?

 

I have heard some vans sell an extra jump type seat you can add in between the bucket seats. I also know some van companies offer a bench option you can put in and replace the bucket seats.

 

I don't know about the living situation, but where else would you go with no job? Could you stay there and job hunt while at your parents?

 

Dawn

[Tree House Academy]

I have no advice and I am sure a decision would depend on so many factors. From what you have given here, I would likely make the move and get out from under the upside down house so you can work toward getting back on your feet.

 

Mostly I posted to tell you I agree with the tough gig of adulthood and I sympathize with your situation. Keep your chin up and I am sure there are brighter days to come.

[FO4UR]

:grouphug:

 

 

There is no clear answer. Since this is dh's career in limbo, I'd feel out what he really wants. (Is he sad about the thought of leaving his career? Or ready for a change?) Then support him like crazy.

 

 

It's a gamble either way. If you left, he might not be able to get back to a career he loves and live to regret leaving. If you stay, you might get in deep financial trouble. If you leave, he might be able to reinvent his career in the new area in a way he can't imagine now. If you stay he might grab onto a new job fairly quickly and be back to business. You can't know.

 

The important thing is that you are both supporting each other through the process. I *know* it's hard. My dh was underemployed for over a year just less than a year ago. (We nearly killed each other...and I will say that for us, him being in a career he enjoys is vital to our relationship. jme)

[kricau]

I agree with 3blessing mom, it's your husbands career on the line. Part of what has made my (12 yr.) marriage a happy one, is the fact that my husband likes (choose) his job. If he didn't, then I would feel guilty liking mine (stay at home mom) so much. But staying with your parents (even if it is only for a bit-to get you on your feet again) sounds like a God send. So I would say (if it was me and my hubby) to move in with the parents before the new addition comes (and gets it gets imposible), for as long as it takes to get a good savings back up. While working at the temp. job, keep sending out the resume' for the "perfect" job, wherever that may be.

 

Oh by the way we (my hubby, DD #1, and myself) lived with my parents (in a much less ideal situation than yours would be) for about 9 months after Hurricane Katrina. So, been there-done that- lived through it. LOL

[Mrs Mungo]

DC is definitely not the only place for that field, especially if he has a decent security clearance. There are several military bases within a day's drive of DC. Has he tried looking through the government or contractor databases for jobs in a less expensive location?

 

You could always rent your house. Work to get it listed on AHRN, which is a site for military people looking to rent. That is how we rented our house in Hawaii. A local property manager could help you with that, I am sure. It would also mean that you could keep your house, just in case he finds a new job in DC at some point down the road.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

That's a tough situation. I think I agree that moving in with your parents before the baby comes might be the better solution. Rent out your house if you can't sell it. Your dh could concentrate on the job search and you could save some money before making the next move.

[lovinglife]

We have a Mazda MPV, we'll definitely need a new vehicle as soon as we can. We're looking at 8 passenger Sienna's (when we get an income eventually!).

Rebecca- thanks for the sympathy, it means a lot!

Paula and Kristy- You're right, it ultimately boils down to what my husband wants, it's his career on the line. I can do my teaching here, in VA, in ID, whatever. It WOULD be a big help financially to stay with my parents for a while though.

Mrs. Mungo- we've been scouring USAJobs and Intelligencecareers.com for months, looking all over the country (and world). We've had nibbles, just no offers. I hadn't thought of AHRN, I appreciate it!

 

He has 5 years military experience, teaching experience, an MA, and he's just a brilliant, nice guy. I hope sometime soon somebody realizes what an asset he could be and snatches him up! I appreciate each viewpoint, thanks for taking the time to comment!

 

Susie

:001_smile:

[Mrs Mungo]

Another suggestion? If he doesn't have IT experience, then he could go back to school while you all stay with his parents and you work? Does he qualify for the post-9/11 GI Bill? Has he used it? IT security is a booming area. Might open him up to more possibilities? If he has an MA and teaching experience, maybe he could get a cc teaching job where your parents live to help pay for school?

 

Just brainstorming.

[Sparkle]

Would it be possible for you to move with the kids and your dh stay behind and look for full-time work? I'm thinking you could rent your house out and your dh could find a room to rent temporarily until he finds work. Are your parents able to help you with the kids? I know it would be hard on you to have to tackle all 6 by yourself :grouphug:

 

My dh and I had to live with his parents for several months while dh was unemployed, so I've kind of BTDT (although it was before we had kids, thankfully). It wasn't a lot of fun, but it definitely helped us financially.

 

Best wishes, and I sympathize completely with the grown-up gig being a drag at times. There are days I just want to hide under the covers and let the world go on without me.