Social phobia help!

[dirty ethel rackham]

Ds18 had gotten over many social anxiety issues over the last several years. But, a new one popped up tonight. He cannot initiate a conversation with a girl - not talking about dating or friendship, but just plain real life stuff. He had to make some calls to swap shifts for work, but was dragging his feet and stonewalling. It took some digging to find out why. He is paralyzed at the thought of initiating social contact with a girl, especially over the phone. How can we help him with this? I don't want to elevate its importance by sending him back to therapy. He is doing very well now and and I get the feeling that sending him to a psychologist would undermine his confidence. Any ideas?

[Twinmom]

I'm no expert, but perhaps he would do better with a little pre-written script to follow. The first few moments of small talk are always the hardest part of calling someone you don't know well, IMO.

[celticmom]

I think initiating a phone conversation with someone you don't know well is difficult for many people. It might help him to know that it is not unusual.

[Samiam]

Can you practice with him? Have him call you, or another female family friend, and practice different scenarios? The script thing is good too.

[Stacia]

I agree w/ the script idea.

 

:grouphug:

[TranquilMind]

Ds18 had gotten over many social anxiety issues over the last several years. But, a new one popped up tonight. He cannot initiate a conversation with a girl - not talking about dating or friendship, but just plain real life stuff. He had to make some calls to swap shifts for work, but was dragging his feet and stonewalling. It took some digging to find out why. He is paralyzed at the thought of initiating social contact with a girl, especially over the phone. How can we help him with this? I don't want to elevate its importance by sending him back to therapy. He is doing very well now and and I get the feeling that sending him to a psychologist would undermine his confidence. Any ideas?

 

Yes. Practice! Believe me, my husband was this way when I met him. I had to plant myself in front of him and say Hi, to which he'd respond and then scurry off. I thought it was hilarious and oddly intriguing, after men usually pursuing me aggressively (well, some men). When I finally got him to open up, he had loads of interesting stuff to say.

 

Don't worry...your son will meet a girl like I was! We've been happily married for 23 years.

 

At any rate, he needs to practice with someone. Anyone. A friend? A cousin?

 

Goes like this:

 

Him: Hey...it's Joe from X (if he must describe, other wise just Joe, if she will clearly know who he is because they just talked or something). How ya doin? (not How YoooooooU doin, like Joey from Friends, but I digress...)

 

Girl: Oh, hey Joe. I'm just chillin/watching Tv/ whatever she says.

 

Him: Cool (unless it's bad, then it's "ooh..sorry")

"Hey, the reason I'm calling is that .....(whatever it is).

 

Easy. Once he gets started he will be just fine. If he flubs up, he should just say, "Sorry, I'm nervous for some reason. I don't talk on the phone much, I realize". Just get it out there, and she will say appropriate stuff and they will be right back on track.

[TranquilMind]

I think initiating a phone conversation with someone you don't know well is difficult for many people. It might help him to know that it is not unusual.

 

Right. I am (was?) a professional who runs a small business and has to initiate contact all the time. To this day I jot down a little script so I won't forget what points I need to hit.

[Evergreen State Sue]

My dd is very social, however, she hates talking on the phone. She would rather send an email. I know it doesn't fix the problem of talking to a girl, but in the cases where he just needs to convey information, can he email?