MrsH Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I'd love some perspective and insight on how different people handle the whole concept of praise and encouragement, vs (or in addition to?) specific ways to improve, reminders, having a high standard, etc. This is our first year homeschooling dd, who is almost 10. I'm a pretty detail-oriented, thorough person and work hard to dot my i's and cross my t's. Over the course of the year, I've worked very hard at having realistic expectations of her, at working only on one thing at a time, and basically not being a nag. But the past few months that's all fallen apart as dd is refusing to do pretty much anything to her best abilities and needs to be reminded of everything. She won't spell anything correctly unless I give it back, I've been passing her math assignments back to fix the problems she missed (and it's not that she doesn't get it, because she always gets them all perfectly correct the second time,w ith no additional guidance from me), and doesn't seem at all interested in following any directions whatsoever. This is driving me CRAZY. What complicates matters is that I have a hard time seeing it as anything other than laziness, though she's generally a very hard-working person, so somewhere in my rational brain I don't think it's actually laziness. Just in the "I'm so annoyed by you right now" part of my brain, that's what it seems like. So what do I do? She's finishing 4th grade and I don't think it's too much to ask for her to spell words that we've covered in spelling (like "back" and "alone" correctly, and not as "backe" and "alon.") Even when she's copying stuff she gets it all wrong. I've tried ignoring the mistakes and offerign lots of praise and encouragement for things done well but she just gets sloppier. I've tried being exceedingly clear about expectations and then being a total stickler for it (for weeks at a time) but it's like it just makes her push back harder. I've asked her what to do about it and gotten nothing. She's a smart kid and could be doing so much more, but I just think the basics can't be overlooked. Or can they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Just off the top of my head, I think I'd try to get both of you thinking about the concept of a rough draft -- even in things that you don't usually expect to need a draft stage. It will help you think of it as something other than laziness, while teaching her that she us free to do everything twice (if that's what works to her) but that rough work isn't finished work. If she becomes interested in doing it properly the first time, that's a win. If she becomes proficient at a two-step process, that's a win too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAS in LA Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Just off the top of my head, I think I'd try to get both of you thinking about the concept of a rough draft -- even in things that you don't usually expect to need a draft stage. It will help you think of it as something other than laziness, while teaching her that she us free to do everything twice (if that's what works to her) but that rough work isn't finished work. If she becomes interested in doing it properly the first time, that's a win. If she becomes proficient at a two-step process, that's a win too. This is good advice. It reminds me of Charlotte Mason's idea that a student can take the time they need to complete work, but if they finish "early", they have free time to use as they like. [big paraphrase of CM; she also advocated short lessons, at least for younger children.] Does your daughter have things to look forward to when her work is finished? Just thinking out loud here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 For copying stuff, just make her redo it the wrong parts. Every time. My dd had problems copying also. I would have to specifically point out what should have been done and that copying meant exactly making everything the same, including spelling and punctuation. Some kids understand this automatically, some don't. Mine didn't. Sounds like your doesn't. If she misspells words like you mentioned, I would brush up on some phonics rules. For the math, what worked for us were incentive charts. For every math assignment that was perfect with no corrections, she got a box checked. Once she filled up her incentive chart, she got a ten dollar toy. Word problems earned extra boxes. If the concept was confusing that day, she might get a box just for trying, but if it was something that she knew and it was mainly practice, then they had to be perfect papers. We did this for over a year, with much success. HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Just had another thought. What is her learning style? You said "doesn't seem at all interested in following any directions whatsoever." Are you giving these directions verbally? Maybe she's not auditory? If you want her to read the directions herself, maybe that's not working either? For my dd, she has to read the directions herself, but aloud, to hear herself say them. Even though she's primarily a visual learner, she needs to hear herself say stuff like directions to actually comprehend them immediately. I am thinking it might just be a learning style issue. Are you asking her to write too much? Maybe you should teach her to type. I would recommend really trying to figure out HOW your dd learns best. It will make both of your lives so much easier. I think she's pushing back to tell you that this way is not working for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAS in LA Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Another thought: if you don't already do this, maybe your dd would appreciate having some control of her schedule and/or the subjects she studies, or curricula you use. Scary thought to me (as a hopefully- recovering controlling person), but my ds9 does respond well to choices about when to complete work (now or later today) and which extra subjects to study. Math, etc. are obviously non-negotible. HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Count the misspelled words and have her find them. ;) There are tough times in homeschooling for all parties involved. She's probably just rushing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsH Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 Just had another thought. What is her learning style? You said "doesn't seem at all interested in following any directions whatsoever." Are you giving these directions verbally? Maybe she's not auditory? If you want her to read the directions herself, maybe that's not working either? For my dd, she has to read the directions herself, but aloud, to hear herself say them. Even though she's primarily a visual learner, she needs to hear herself say stuff like directions to actually comprehend them immediately. How do I find out about this? I've definitely thought about it but am not getting anywhere... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsH Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 Just off the top of my head, I think I'd try to get both of you thinking about the concept of a rough draft -- even in things that you don't usually expect to need a draft stage. It will help you think of it as something other than laziness, while teaching her that she us free to do everything twice (if that's what works to her) but that rough work isn't finished work. If she becomes interested in doing it properly the first time, that's a win. If she becomes proficient at a two-step process, that's a win too. Love this, will definitely incorporate this! Thank you all so much for your kind responses, I'm glad you're all helping me see some of the actual difficulties rather than just a "buck up" approach, which doesn't work for us anyway. We also had a long talk this afternoon about her feelings and there's been some unaddressed anger, over a big misunderstanding, so hopefully having that addressed will help a little bit. I wonder if part of it is a passive aggressive response. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Is there any chance she's starting to go through puberty? That would change my reply. I had one dd go through it at that age, so it does happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsH Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Is there any chance she's starting to go through puberty? That would change my reply. I had one dd go through it at that age, so it does happen. So how does that work? She's really proud of being in "stage 2" on the br*ast pages of Care and Keeping of You... does that include hormonal stuff? I feel totally clueless in that area... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 *sigh* Well, my 10 year old can be like that. He is pretty bright, but pretty lazy. I grade his attitude mostly. So he likes hearing he got an "A" for the day. :iagree:Tonight I reached a new low and threatened to stop evening gymnastics and replace if with MORE math if he didn't not sit up and fly right right now. (It worked.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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