NatYoung17 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Hello! I am at the end of my rope today with my dd (7)... she doesn't want to do even the smallest amount of schoolwork...I had her copy today's date and she was acting like I told her to write 100 pages! Lately she has been throwing fits about schoolwork more days than not and I really don't know what to do any more. I don't feel that we do too much, if she would just do it, we would probably be done in 1.5 -2 hrs a day...we have regular playdates with homeschool friends, she goes to ballet and art class (which she loves) and a lot of days she plays with neighborhood friends once they get home from school. And she has a younger brother she plays with the rest of the time...so I don't feel like she doesn't get enough time to play or do other things and I just don't know how to get her to cooperate without wasting half a day on not wanting to do her work or staring into space, etc... Most days it takes us half a day to get stuff done, because she wastes so much time on arguing about it or throwing a full on fit... Any advice?? I am seriously frustrated!! :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Can't help, I am about to throttle my 14 year old! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Can't help. I'm about to throttle my 10 yo. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgialee Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 What consequences have you implemented? What about if she doesn't get her work done in ____ minutes/hours then that time gets taken out of the time she has to play with her neighborhood friends? I feel like I've mentioned this a million times this week, but you could also try tying her allowance to her schoolwork. If she wastes time, complains, or generally makes both of you miserable she loses so much for that day. I do a dollar a day for my 6yo. Every time he complains or wastes time I take away a quarter... works like a charm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I'm one of those awful parents who relies on threats and bribes. Here, I try to motivate primarily by incentives, "Let's get school done quick and efficiently and then we'll have time to ... " take a picnic to the park, play games, make something fun, whatever is appropriate for any particular day. If the incentives aren't working, or aren't possible that particular day, then the threats begin. "OK, if you've not finished math/reading/writing by 3.30 pm, then you won't be able to ... " play out with your friends/go swimming ... Now, I understand that not everyone agrees with this style of parenting, but it works for us. School flows fairly smoothly and happily here (DS4, DS7 and DS10). I also believe that routine helps enormously. Everyone knows exactly what's expected of them at any given point in any day, so there's no real room for argument. We can be flexible, but the routine provides a strong framework for our days. Hope that helps Best wishes Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NatYoung17 Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 (edited) I have tried to explain to her that the sooner she gets her work done, the more time she has to play or do whatever, but it doesn't really seem to motivate her enough. When it get's really bad, she's not allowed to play with friends that day, but unfortunately that just makes her mad, it doesn't get her to do her work without complaining, etc... Ugh! :banghead: Edited January 21, 2012 by NatYoung17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Where is she doing her work and are you there or nearby? Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black_midori Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I'd find out what her "currency" is (not money for that age - mine is science activities & friends over for the 7yo & screen time for both 7yo & 5yo) and use it. We take lots of breaks during schoolwork, but they aren't allowed to do "extras" until all schoolwork is completed. We are on a pretty tight schedule, usually, so I don't have much flexibility with dawdling. If they want to play wii, though, and haven't finished their work then they had better sit down and get it done. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Another thought, which could be completely wrong, but you devote a lot of your OP to 'justifying yourself', explaining that she has a very happy, balanced life, almost as though you feel a bit guilty expecting her to do schoolwork. I don't feel that we do too much, if she would just do it, we would probably be done in 1.5 -2 hrs a day...we have regular playdates with homeschool friends, she goes to ballet and art class (which she loves) and a lot of days she plays with neighborhood friends once they get home from school. And she has a younger brother she plays with the rest of the time...so I don't feel like she doesn't get enough time to play or do other things If this has any truth in it, she may well be picking up on your feelings and milking it a bit :tongue_smilie:. You don't have to justify yourself. Schoolwork is important. If she were in PS she'd be expected to sit and do her work without complaint, any petulance would not be tolerated. When you ask her to sit and do her schoolwork, say it as though you mean it. Her education is too important to allow her to sabotage it. Best wishes Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Right now, I sit with my kids not doing much else. I set a timer for an hour. A full page has to be done each hour and they gain or lose something (in this case points towards a goal). I have to sit next to my teenager that is pressed with a deadline in cyber school...because he has a ton of essays to do, a week to do it, and he's taking 4hrs per essay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 What do you do with her when she throws a tantrum/argues the rest of the time? Around here, a 7yo would have been sent to sit in the corner or in their bedroom alone until they were ready to face the world. Also, I would be looking hard at their bed time and maybe moving it earlier because a tired child is more likely to have a bad attitude. I learned the hard way that I had to sit right there with them while they worked at that age and also to NOT TALK TO THEM when they were pitching a fit about something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 we have regular playdates with homeschool friends, she goes to ballet and art class (which she loves) and a lot of days she plays with neighborhood friends once they get home from school. I would consider telling her in advance that if her work is not completed timely, then there will be no playdate that day, or no ballet, or no art. I'd also be very short and to the point, and not allow myself to get sucked into any drama/fallout if she doesn't do her work and therefore does not get extras. "I'm sorry you didn't do your work timely today. If you do your work tomorrow, we'll be able to _____________ tomorrow afternoon." It's been my experience that I needed to lay out the ground rules, and then follow through to make my point. Thankfully, it was not a hard lesson for my kids to learn. It totally stinks (from a mom standpoint) while you're doing it, but you might find it the least painful and quickest way to get lasting results. When I look back, those ages were really so much fun to homeschool. But they were also more trying, and more than one time, I pulled the phone book out, threatening to stick my kids in ps. (True confessions here.) While the schooling has changed as they've grown (my kids don't really get into Beach Days at home anymore, lol), it's gotten easier on the parenting side, and I haven't pulled that phone book out in years and years.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I have a nine year old that I'm trying to work on his attitude. Right now, I'm trying something new, but I can't guarantee it will work. It's worked thus far, but my kids have a tendency to find new ways to drive me crazy. Before implementing this new regime, I talked about expectations. I'm his teacher and I love teaching him. I enjoy when we have the great days where everything flows smoothly, we get our assignments done, we have good conversations, and then, he gets plenty of free time to play with his friends. I emphasized how much I like those days and how important they are to me. Then, I very briefly discussed how much I didn't like fighting with him on the tough days. If his behavior is inappropriate, he has one warning. Setting the timer, I give him five minutes to himself (completely ignoring any and all grumbles). After the timer is done, I start working with him again, making no reference to the prior behavior. If he continues with his attitude, we're done with school work until 4 o'clock. He has his assignment planner so he can complete independent work but I won't work with him until 4. Therefore, he's not done with school until late and it cuts into playtime with friends. If he chooses not to do his work, the work is pushed to the next day. We've had school on weekends if there's still work to be done. If the behavior is really bad, I've skipped extracurricular classes. I really don't like doing this as I feel these are just as much part of his education as my assigned curriculum, but I've done it once or twice. I do try to incentivize if I feel the work is piling up. A movie night, the game console, going ice skating. Anything to get him focused and excited about completing his schoolwork. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NatYoung17 Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 Thanks so much to all of you for your suggestions & questions... I will have to try some sort of incentive for her, since clearly taking away playdates, etc. is not working... I do sit with her during all her schoolwork and if her tantrum gets too bad I send her to her room until she calms down. I don't like keeping her home from ballet or art, since I feel we paid good money for it (& our budget is pretty tight), so I don't like her to miss a class, but I have done it once before... Reading all your responses I do feel better knowing that I'm not the only one struggling with this ...sometimes I imagine that all other HSers are just happy to learn, can't get enough of school, etc...and I wonder why we're having such a hard time, but clearly hsing doesn't necessarily mean all peace and happiness all the time... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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