Haiku Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I have a daughter who will be 14 this summer. She goes to school but is on summer break now. I told her at the beginning of summer that because she was not in school and didn't have homework, I would be asking her to help out more around the house. (Her normal schedule of chores takes her about 20-30 minutes a day.) She threw a fit this morning when I asked her to fold and put away a load of laundry. She said, "I shouldn't have to put this way. It's not all mine." I replied, "None of it is mine but I washed it anyway." She seems to have this attitude of entitlement, that she is entitled to live here without being inconvenienced in any way. Her attitude is craptastic. Does anyone have any ideas for me? Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Just to stand firm with the expectation that she will help. She'll get used to it eventually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I might even take her out for "coffee" or something and discuss the issue. Using you nicest tone, I would explain, again, your expectations for her during the summer. If she continues to have a bad attitude or refuse to help there will be consequences. She will have to do all her own wash, she will have to prepare and clean up all of her own meals. If she has any kind of income, I would even discuss making her pay for her own clothing when she needs it (maybe even giving her a small clothing allowance, one that will force her to make some tough choices. ;)) I would tell her, nicely, that she is a part of the family and needs to contribute in postive ways to the smooth running of the home. If she will not do it, then she will have to be more on her own. She will not be included in family outings (like dinner, movies, etc...) If your a christian you can go over some proverbs about sluggards with her.:001_smile: After the meeting, I would set up a concrete schedule of what you expect her to do. A daily schedule is best, and one that can be checked off each day. You have to be firm. It is natural for people to try and get out of work or to be lazy. You need to train her out of it. I find the most important thing is not to yell, or nag, just restate what you expected done. If it is not done well redo it with her so she learns what you expect. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I would give her extra chores. If my dc give me an attitude toward work they get more work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Well, everyone knows I'm mean, so here goes. I'd tell her she's being a selfish little pig, and give her a couple of options. She can do everything for herself, all her own laundry, cooking, cleaning, walk where ever she wants to go, pay her own bills, buy her own food and rent space from you in the garage. She can straighten her act up and join the family. I have a Princess, once I made her sit in a throne and watch the rest of us work. Now if she hears me say the word "Princess", she hops right to those chores. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 Well, I sat her down and told her that I expected her to be more mature about helping out around the house and that I wasn't up for a summer of her retreating to her room for five hours and giving me the silent treatment because I asked her to help out. I told her that since she was home for the summer and had basically no responsibilities, she needed to help out more around the house and not act like a brat about it. I also informed her that, for the summer, she would be responsible for planning and dinner cooking every Tuesday AND for doing all her own laundry, AS WELL AS helping out in any way that I asked her to. I did ask her why she threw such a fit about folding laundry, and she said "I didn't want to when you asked me to." I said, "Well, I don't want to get up early and make breakfast for everyone, I don't want to make lunch for everyone, I don't want to cook dinner for everyone, I don't want to do laundry, I don't want to drive everyone hither and yon. I'd love to lie on the couch and read all day. But I do those things because I am part of this family and I have to contribute to its well-being, and the same is true for you." I also told her that I try not to interrupt her if she is doing something to ask for her help, but if she is sitting in the computer chair staring off into space, I expect her to help cheerfully if asked. I also told her that she took a 20-minute chore and made it last 5 hours by being pissy about it all day. A few hours later she apologized to me and said she would not be so "snotty" about chores any more. So, we'll see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 "I didn't say it was yours, just that you had to clean it up" I use that exact same line on my six year old! Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I would apologize to her for allowing her to be a selfish (sorry it that sounds cruel...it's not meant to be). She didn't become that way over night. At times my boys will express their dissatisfaction w/ a chore or job, and I tell them that they can be as upset about it as they choose. However, they are told that the job needs to be done to the expectation of our household. I also tell them that doing things with a good attitude makes them more fun. Perhaps you could begin by working on your relationship w/ dd. Could you two hand out and enjoy each others' company? Go to tea or do something that you will both enjoy. If this doesn't seem possible, could you take an interest in what she is doing? Ask her questions and learn from her in her area of concern. Express your confidence in her, despite what appears to be a selfish and bad attitude. Do this lovingly and kindly, but very directly. Tell her you will not stand for such behavior in your household. Another recommendation would be to do chores together and then do something fun and rewarding when the work is done. You could also give her creative freedom to prepare one supper per week (for starters) or have her make breakfasts or lunches. What makes your daughter tick? What are her gifts? Try to help her to hone and shape those skills. Praise her, love her, encourage her. If you have failed to do this in the past, confess to her your failure, yet go on as her mother and enjoy her. Blessings, Camy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 So my daughter made dinner tonight. She started with something ambitious ... spinach enchiladas. I don't think she knew I make the sauce from scratch. (At least I bought burrito wraps for her and didn't make her roll out her own tortillas!) Halfway through the preparations she said to me, "Mom, making dinner is a lot of work!" I smiled and cheerfully agreed. After dinner was prepared but before it was served, she said to me, "Mom, I love to cook. Can I cook dinner on Fridays too?" I CHEERFULLY agreed! After dinner was eaten, my six year old said, "Mom, can I make dinner one night a week, too? I can make sandwiches. I'll make them on Saturdays because Saturday and sandwich both start with S!" Again, I cheerfully agreed. So, the current schedules stands at: Sundays: dh makes pizza Mondays: I make dinner Tuesdays: 14 year old makes dinner Wednesdays: dh makes dinner (I am at work) Thursdays: dh makes dinner (I am at work) Fridays: 14 year old makes dinner Saturdays: 6 year old makes dinner Can't really beat that, can you? I am one of those people who cooks because I have to, not because I love to. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 My ds14 LOVES to cook, so sometimes does almost all the meals in a week! I LOVE that! My dd11 picked up on it and asks to cook sometimes too. A couple of weeks ago she made MY Chinese conglomeration in the wok---and it tasted as good as mine! SO, I'm wondering here, why do I need to cook if they like to and do so well at it? I have scrapbooking I need to get done! ;) My kids start doing their own laundry when they turn 13. They've helped with it since they were very little, so by then they know good and well how to do it, and the boys have done pretty well. They tend to get their stuff out of the dryer and stuff it in a basket, or the floor of their closet. BUT, they're the one that has to wear the wrinkly clothes, so I may remind them they really should fold and hang their clothes, but then I stay out of it. I KNOW they know how to do it, and I think they WILL do it when they're on their own. You're right in having her do more laundry. Sometimes teenagers take awhile to adjust to reality, so it's good she came to you and apologized! Hope things continue to go better for the summer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I have a daughter who will be 14 this summer. She goes to school but is on summer break now. I told her at the beginning of summer that because she was not in school and didn't have homework, I would be asking her to help out more around the house. (Her normal schedule of chores takes her about 20-30 minutes a day.) She threw a fit this morning when I asked her to fold and put away a load of laundry. She said, "I shouldn't have to put this way. It's not all mine." I replied, "None of it is mine but I washed it anyway." She seems to have this attitude of entitlement, that she is entitled to live here without being inconvenienced in any way. Her attitude is craptastic. Does anyone have any ideas for me? Tara Well, I would sart by having a talk about all the things you do *for her*. That's what I do when my kids who start talking like that. I don't cook just *my* dinner or wash only *my* dishes or run only *my* errands or pay only *my* part of the phone bill, etc. eta: BWAHAHAHAHAHA I should have read Remudamom's post first! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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