Tigger Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 In the end, I do think about this kind of thing. BUT I don't plan on being the kind of MIL who checks the oven to make sure it's clean or tells DIL how lazy she is because she "refuses" to work outside the home or tells DIL how much they hate spending time with her family when they come for a visit (my parents used to live in our neighborhood) or argues with DIL about whose responsibility the grandkids are, etc. Care to hear more? They made some rude comments about my appearance to dh after their last visit and are now telling dh he's doing too much around the house to help me out. It was my "choice" to stay home and have all these kids and I should just deal with the consequences of that. I'd suggest a hotel stay for the visit, if possible. The bolded above concerns me - your DH allows his parents to denigrate you and your marriage to him, that IMO is unacceptable and dangerous to your marriage. For what it's worth, I think your DH needs to be able to say to his parents that negativity is not going to be tolerated and if they continue along that line about you or his marriage to you, he will leave/hang up the phone - he needs to communicate, clearly, that you and his marriage are priority and not open to their opinions unless/until he asks for their advice. It is incredibly damaging to a marriage to have seeds of negativity planted by parents, so your DH needs to recognize the danger and PROTECT you and your marriage, not listen to it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I'm worried because we actually have the room. (If I read your post correctly, you guys don't have a lot of extra space). So it feels like pure meanness on my part to say "Sorry but you can't stay in our empty guest room". :001_unsure: I'm ready to move to a much smaller house just to avoid this situation. it isn't mean to protect your sanity. You simply say you are looking forward to seeing them, however cannot host them this visit, here are hotels in the area that they'd be comfortable. You do not JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) - you've made a decision, expressed what's acceptable to you, now it is on them to do the right thing, accept that and make reservations if they want to visit. If they don't, that's okay - you are not responsible to MAKE them happy by making yourself miserable! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 In our home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 it isn't mean to protect your sanity. You simply say you are looking forward to seeing them, however cannot host them this visit, here are hotels in the area that they'd be comfortable. You do not JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) - you've made a decision, expressed what's acceptable to you, now it is on them to do the right thing, accept that and make reservations if they want to visit. If they don't, that's okay - you are not responsible to MAKE them happy by making yourself miserable! :iagree::iagree::iagree: You have to decide which is worse: the pain of sucking it up or the pain of dealing with the fallout. See, that's how they get you conditioned. They throw tantrums and make the fallout so bad so that you will indeed continue to put up with whatever situation they create. But at that point not only are you the one with all of the pain, but you are also enabling their behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3andme Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 it isn't mean to protect your sanity. You simply say you are looking forward to seeing them, however cannot host them this visit, here are hotels in the area that they'd be comfortable. You do not JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) - you've made a decision, expressed what's acceptable to you, now it is on them to do the right thing, accept that and make reservations if they want to visit. If they don't, that's okay - you are not responsible to MAKE them happy by making yourself miserable! :iagree: If you can afford it financially, picking up the hotel cost also makes the change more palatable. I faced a similar situation with my father and I just told him we're really looking forward to your coming and I've booked you a room at this nice hotel - end of story. Believe me it's worth the fallout, you only have to endure it once to set the precedent and then you can breathe easier. I think part of this might be a generational thing as well. Our parent's generation often don't even consider the idea of doing a hotel but it really does give everyone some much needed personal space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runmiarun Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 We don't have a guest room. They sleep on a blow up mattress on the living room floor (with all their suitcases falling all over the place.) I could feel a mild panic attack starting as I read this. We just moved to a town only 1 hour from my IL's. So far it's better since they can sleep in their own beds all the time now. We were 4 1/2 hours away and they came down monthly. They would bring aerobeds and camp out in the LR with their 8 suitcases. Always 8 suitcases. The only time they didn't do this was when I was in the hospital birthin' the grandbabies. After the first one was born and they destroyed my house...I mean, stayed at the house (blew up the dryer and hot water heater, hosted a welcome home party for the neighbors to see their 1st grandbaby on the day I came home)...I put my foot down and made them get a hotel room for the next 3 births. I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs. I feel your panic attacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 What is it with the suitcases? Seriously! They're gone from the house a total of four nights (2 at our house, 2 on the road) and they bring at least 4 suitcases and numerous canvas bags filled with stuff. It's crazy! Everything they bring in is just spilling all over the place and they leave a lot of it in the car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 When my in-laws visit we give them our bedroom. It takes care of the suitcase problem and allows them some privacy with their own bathroom. Dh and I sleep on an air mattress on the floor of the game room. If we asked them to stay at a hotel, I would pay for it since they're already paying to travel here. We do the same when any family comes to visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Well, I would suggest the nearest nice hotel in *your* situation. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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