Would you make him do something extra-curricular

[choirfarm]

AS I have been filling out my oldest's activities section for college admission, I am beginning to see how slim it looks. That said, it is enough and it what he has done fits his career path.

 

Right now the only thing 9th grader is involved in is piano lessons ( This is not his passion or his brother's either. However, dad took until 12th grade, so they must as well. They enjoy it and love there teacher, but would quit if they could.) and youth group. That is it.

 

However, school is kicking his butt!!! I didn't prepare him well and he went from no deadlines to 3 outside classes that require it and my English that requires it since it is in co-op. Plus AP Government has been textbook and he is begging to go back to TOG rhetoric books for next year. He hates the textbook approach to history. History and Literature are his favorite subjects. Spanish is ramping up at the cc before the break. He has an oral interview on Tuesday and an oral report in front of the class on Thursday. Then the final test and final exam the next two weeks. Biology and Geometry are also hard for him..

 

He has no clue what he wants to do or to be. He LOVEs history and literature but not writing about it. He is good with kids, but they drive him crazy. Dh thought he would be a lawyer since he likes to argue so much, but he hates AP Government. He refuses to take a side in politics and things they are all dumb for taking such extreme views. ( Ok.. I do have to agree with him there.)

 

I've mentioned things like volunteering at the library or our local oil museum but he turned up his nose.

 

Another factor is I'm HEAVILY involved in the music ministry at our church and my daughter has violin, piano and children's choir and sometime children's theater so that takes a lot of my time. ( No question about what she wants to do.)

 

Since older son is SO focused and knows exactly what he wants and doesn't want and so is 9yo sister, he seems to be so lost. He needs something to call his. But he doesn't want to either. He spends too much time picking on his sister often when he ought to be doing his school. But oldest is so focused and gets his work done. His sister is only in 4th grade so she is done by early afternoon. And he is working in the evening and on weekends, partially because he doesn't use his time well, partially because he just can't handle the volume of material at once like oldest.

 

Do I make him do something???

[Teachin'Mine]

What about a sport or some kind of physical exercise or a volunteer job that requires physical work? Habitat for Humanity or helping elderly with yard cleanup or simple repairs come to mind. I've found that at their ages, they don't know they like something until they've tried it. Sometimes it's just so hard getting them to try something. :tongue_smilie:

 

Regarding the history, I'd let him do what he loves with that next year. :)

 

I was about to send this off when I remembered that you live on a farm - no? Can't some of the work he does there be put down for extra-curricular? I think that most people know that working on a farm involves a good work ethic, physical labor, etc.. Should look very good on an application. :)

[lmrich]

YES, this describes my son. I make him try activities. He has found that he really likes tennis. He was convinced that he would not like it, but he has a great coach and enjoys it. I think being well-rounded is not #1 for college admissions, but it sure makes for an interesting person.

 

just my 2cents

[wapiti]

Dh thought he would be a lawyer since he likes to argue so much, but he hates AP Government. He refuses to take a side in politics and things they are all dumb for taking such extreme views. ( Ok.. I do have to agree with him there.)

 

While there may be many reasons not to go to law school, lol, these particular things are not among them, i.e., they don't have much to do with the actual practice of law.

 

(and yes, I think it makes sense to have him do more extra-curriculars, especially now while he's too young to have a job)

Edited November 27, 2011 by wapiti

[choirfarm]

Sigh..that just means I have to go investigate and get it set up, which I'm not sure when to do... Plus I thought it should be HIS passion.

[Teachin'Mine]

Sigh..that just means I have to go investigate and get it set up, which I'm not sure when to do... Plus I thought it should be HIS passion.

 

If you have him try something, it may then become his passion. :)

[choirfarm]

If you have him try something' date=' it may then become his passion. :)[/quote']

 

It is just about the time... Tonight I am running hanging of the green. Monday we drive to a town an hour away for daughter's violin and choir. And since this is the christmas season that choir is performing Thursday and Friday this week. Wednesday is cram full of church activities as well as piano lessons with my directing children's choir and youth sticks. Saturday morning the all my kids have a piano competition then the boys do flag football. Sunday is a huge celebration for a pastor that is leaving and SS party that night. Next Monday is back to the town for violin and choir. Wednesday is a giant rehearsal for our performance. Thursday rehearsal. Friday night dress rehearsal, Sat morning ACT for oldest, SAT perfromance, Sunday morning performance during church, violin recital in town an hour away at 4 and party at 6 for our music ministry. The following MOnday is violin and choir, Wednesday my children's choir is performing at nursing home. Thursday is her big choir concert. Then of course we have Christmas Eve and Christmas day performances and oh yeah, my daughter and I are performing at a luncheon somewhere in there. Christmas is just really, really busy for the performing arts. Maybe I'll look in January...

[Teachin'Mine]

It is just about the time... Tonight I am running hanging of the green. Monday we drive to a town an hour away for daughter's violin and choir. And since this is the christmas season that choir is performing Thursday and Friday this week. Wednesday is cram full of church activities as well as piano lessons with my directing children's choir and youth sticks. Saturday morning the all my kids have a piano competition then the boys do flag football. Sunday is a huge celebration for a pastor that is leaving and SS party that night. Next Monday is back to the town for violin and choir. Wednesday is a giant rehearsal for our performance. Thursday rehearsal. Friday night dress rehearsal, Sat morning ACT for oldest, SAT perfromance, Sunday morning performance during church, violin recital in town an hour away at 4 and party at 6 for our music ministry. The following MOnday is violin and choir, Wednesday my children's choir is performing at nursing home. Thursday is her big choir concert. Then of course we have Christmas Eve and Christmas day performances and oh yeah, my daughter and I are performing at a luncheon somewhere in there. Christmas is just really, really busy for the performing arts. Maybe I'll look in January...

 

:svengo: Considering what your December looks like, checking things out in February would be fine. :tongue_smilie:

[Candid]

One thing you may wish to consider is dropping back your own activity level. It's possible he doesn't see time for things as well and is quietly being considerate. I'd never tell him that is why (too much pressure on him), but I would consider it (I'm assuming here that this is not a job that you need the funds from). Having some slack in your schedule would give him more time to experiment. He doesn't have to pick something now but it would be nice to show some trend to investment in something(s).

[choirfarm]

One thing you may wish to consider is dropping back your own activity level. It's possible he doesn't see time for things as well and is quietly being considerate. I'd never tell him that is why (too much pressure on him), but I would consider it (I'm assuming here that this is not a job that you need the funds from). Having some slack in your schedule would give him more time to experiment. He doesn't have to pick something now but it would be nice to show some trend to investment in something(s).

 

Grin...quietly considerate...nope not his personality at all. He calls things like he sees them. Just yesterday he was making fun of my overprotectiveness of the cat. ( She accidentally got out about 3 weeks ago and all 3 dogs attacked her, breaking her collarbone. Oldest and i rescued her.) A couple of the dogs ran inside the other night. I was alseep and heard them and ran to protect the cat like a she devil. His imitation of my snarling and growling to guard the cat ( even though the dogs had no interest in her and the boys had them) was hilarious. Anyway, he has NO problem making his interest known. He has normally been involved in the chaos of Christmas as part of my stick group, but put his foot down and said he didn't want to do it. He did handbells last year, too. Only because a lady in our church strong-armed him. ( Used to be his younger choir director. She is really hard to say no to.) I let him since those are my passions, not his and he has gotten SO self-conscious about being in front of people now. ( Even though he is really good!) He was adamant and I didn't feel like I should make him do it.

 

I'm not sure what you mean about a job. I don't have a job. I just love music and love to sing and be creative. In January it is back to just Monday lessons for daughter, Wednesday church activities. But Christmas is just crazy if you are in the music performing groups. The end of April/May will be a little busy with recitals and competitions, but nothing like Christmas. Honestly, most of the year I only leave the house on Monday, Wednesday and Sunday. I try really hard not to leave the house on Tues/Thurs. The boys have cc class, but oldest drives them. Most Saturdays I get to stay home to do yard work or such.

 

So, to volunteer at the library... I guess I would just ask what is required when I'm up there. Same thing with the museum?

 

Someone suggested yard work for the elderly.. He did it when forced this summer with the youth group.. youth group is actually a misnomer. This summer there were 2 or 3 others along with his brother who did it with the youth director a couple of times a week. He didn't enjoy it, but did it to be with the youth director.

 

There is also a homeless shelter in the neighboring town we've done a few things for over the last couple of years. Maybe I'll go visit the new volunteer co-ordinator. He seems much more organized than the last one. I would feel better MAKING him do that one.

[Jane in NC]

Colleges do want to see extra-curriculars which includes community service. However, I don't believe that this is something that parents can impose upon their children. If the activity or service is mandatory, then when the student describes it within the application or during the interview, his lack of engagement will be apparent.

 

It sounds as though your family has a culture of community involvement. Perhaps you can ask your son how he wants to contribute. Let him determine what he may want to do (guiding when necessary). Also, if he wants to volunteer at a museum or at the library, I would have him make the calls. One of the non-profits with which I am involved gets the occasional phone call from a parent asking if a teen can volunteer. We find that some of these teens are not particularly interested in working--the parents are attempting resume building for their kid! These teens are more of a hindrance than help. They become unreliable.

 

Framing the discussion is important here. Does your son volunteer only for the sake of college apps or because community participation is a way of life?

[Gwen in VA]

In our family, extracurriculars are as important as academics. (And academics are pretty important, so that statement is really saying something!)

 

Extracurriculars --

1) Help our kids to get involved in the amazing complex wonderful world around them.

2) Help our kids learn all kinds of people skills

3) Can introduce our kids to interests they might never have been exposed to

4) Are a great way to further develop passions

5) Can lead to other exciting opportunities

6) Can narrow, eliminate, or open up career possibilities.

 

Yes, EC's look good to colleges, but that is the weakest reason to do them. EC's are about getting your kid involved in his world, helping him discover passions and weaknesses. EC's are NOT about just checking a box for college!

 

As far as I'm concerned, academics are important, but life without lots of interesting extracurriculars is like a black-and-white world -- lacking a lot of the interest and excitement that should be there.

 

PLEASE get your kid involved. Start driving! Have him bike! Arrange carpools!

 

And while some of the EC's can be parent-directed or parent-mandated, some (or even most) should come from the kid. Make lists of opportunities, possibilities, and options. Get your kid's input on what he's like to spend his time doing! And prepare for a fun wild ride!

 

When kids find out what's waiting for them beyond the limits of their home, they just keep on going!

[choirfarm]

I agree. Choir and drama are what MADE school for me!!! I even skipped my lunch hour and took a class then so I could get show choir, choir and drama into my schedule. I sure wish he would like something, but all I get is eye-rolling when I talk about him finding something that he is passionate about that HE likes.... Carpooling would be hard with us out in the country..

 

As far as I'm concerned, academics are important, but life without lots of interesting extracurriculars is like a black-and-white world -- lacking a lot of the interest and excitement that should be there.

 

PLEASE get your kid involved. Start driving! Have him bike! Arrange carpools!

 

And while some of the EC's can be parent-directed or parent-mandated, some (or even most) should come from the kid. Make lists of opportunities, possibilities, and options. Get your kid's input on what he's like to spend his time doing! And prepare for a fun wild ride!

 

When kids find out what's waiting for them beyond the limits of their home, they just keep on going!

[creekland]

In the beginning I had to push both my oldest and my youngest to try things to start getting involved. After they got started, they found they loved it and starting getting into things on their own. We can't do as much as some on this board since we live more rural, but they still are quite busy now - esp since competitive chess season is in full swing on top of their other activities.

 

If he's not interested in doing anything... around here... that would mean he ought to be getting a job. (I think your guy might be too young just yet though.)

[Gwen in VA]

If any folks with young kids are reading this, please note -- I think it's easier to start getting kids involved when the kids are younger, before the teenage "I know it all" attitude gets a chance to rear its head.

 

if your kids are involved in church, in music, in volunteering, in Scouts or CAP or the local park by late elementary age, being involved in the community becomes part of who they are and what they expect in life.

 

And make sure the screens (computer, video, etc.) are turned off. People sometimes wonder how my kids have time to do it all and in the next breath complain that their kids are glued to a box. My kids can't figure out how anyone has time to sit in front of a screen! (stepping off soapbox)

[choirfarm]

Yes, but this does not guarantee it. My boys are only allowed 2 hours of video game time total on the weekend...an hour on Friday and an hour on Saturday. We don't watch network tv. They must choose one football game to watch only on Saturday (college) and one on Sunday.

 

These are the things he has been involved in in his younger years:

soccer 4yo- 4th grade or so, baselball K - 2nd grade, ( let's not talk about the year that both boys did soccer AND baseball that overlapped by a couple of weekends and they had to be on two different teams on each because of their age and I was nursing my infant daughter!!! I told my husband only one sport at a time after that) , basketball 1st-6th grade. At junior high both boys decided they did not want to do sports anymore. They are not good at them. And the farther you go, the more time you spend on the bench if you are not any good.

 

Homeschool Flag football every fall. It is just Saturdays. They do drills and teach fundamentals for an hour, then play for an hour. He's done this for the past 6 years or more.

Piano since K. Children's choir from 3 to 6th grade. Youth Sticks from 6th- 8th grade. Handbells 6th-8th grade. AWANA K-6th grade.

 

We've volunteered at Helping Hands, Hiway 80 rescue mission, etc as well.

 

So it isn't like he just sat on his butt.

 

If any folks with young kids are reading this, please note -- I think it's easier to start getting kids involved when the kids are younger, before the teenage "I know it all" attitude gets a chance to rear its head.

 

if your kids are involved in church, in music, in volunteering, in Scouts or CAP or the local park by late elementary age, being involved in the community becomes part of who they are and what they expect in life.

 

And make sure the screens (computer, video, etc.) are turned off. People sometimes wonder how my kids have time to do it all and in the next breath complain that their kids are glued to a box. My kids can't figure out how anyone has time to sit in front of a screen! (stepping off soapbox)

[choirfarm]

Colleges do want to see extra-curriculars which includes community service. However, I don't believe that this is something that parents can impose upon their children. If the activity or service is mandatory, then when the student describes it within the application or during the interview, his lack of engagement will be apparent.

 

It sounds as though your family has a culture of community involvement. Perhaps you can ask your son how he wants to contribute. Let him determine what he may want to do (guiding when necessary). Also, if he wants to volunteer at a museum or at the library, I would have him make the calls. One of the non-profits with which I am involved gets the occasional phone call from a parent asking if a teen can volunteer. We find that some of these teens are not particularly interested in working--the parents are attempting resume building for their kid! These teens are more of a hindrance than help. They become unreliable.

 

Framing the discussion is important here. Does your son volunteer only for the sake of college apps or because community participation is a way of life?

 

He wouldn't do it for the sake of college apps. He could care less. He will do it if I make him. How do you get them to care????