Would love to hear stories about teens reluctant to enter college with happy results.

[Stillwood]

Mydd is not interested in looking at Universities. Presently, she's dual enrolling at a State college. She's 17 and will finish high school next spring.

[AngieW in Texas]

My dd wasn't interested in looking at colleges either, until I found the right college. She went with me to the Scholar's Day event under protest and came away certain that was where she wanted to go. She hadn't really known what she was looking for until she found out about the ATEC program there. Afterward we looked for other schools with the same program, but nobody else did it quite the same way.

 

She ended up applying only to that university and started classes there last week.

[Beth in OH]

My dd reluctantly visited colleges with us, but when push came to shove, she couldn't make herself go. She went to cc and lived in an apartment with friends at age 18. Predictably disastrous. Lived at home the next year while still attending cc. She has since been successfully living in a campus apartment and attending state u. She will be done in 5 years total.

 

This may not be the type of success story you are looking for, but the lesson for me was that I had to step out of the way and let dd find her own success. I'm really proud of her, and I learned a lot about unconditional love along the way,

[Alyce]

The last two years of high school were like pulling teeth. He just had no interest in continuing on. We had talked about college but he wasn't sure and frankly I wasn't sure either. He was going back and forth between going to college but not sure what to major in and going straight into the Army. The year after he graduated he wanted to stay at home and continue to be an assistant instructor at his Karate studio. If he did that he could get his 2nd degree black belt and his instructors certificate which might prove helpful sometime in the future. It wasn't a bad plan but he had to do something with his free time. I told him he either found a job (which as everyone knows isn't easy these days) or he had to take at least 3 classes at local CC. He begrudgingly took CC. He wasn't enthused and I just knew he'd flunk out. He surprised both of us. He took 24 credit hours and came out with a 4.0 average. He did a lot of maturing this past year and found something he was excited about. He is now attending college, majoring in Psychology and enrolled in the Army ROTC program. So he got to put both his loves together and is doing great so far.

[Yolanda in Mass]

This may not be the type of success story you are looking for, but the lesson for me was that I had to step out of the way and let dd find her own success. I'm really proud of her, and I learned a lot about unconditional love along the way,

 

My 21yos is following a similar path and that is also the lesson I am still learning. Yes, we may know best, but parents need to let go and let them fail, if necessary. Since we have stepped back and let go, we have seen some growth - baby steps - but still growth. They have to want it, not because it pleases Mom and Dad, but because it's what they want for themselves. No one prepared us for this oh-so-difficult phase of parenting!

 

Yolanda

[Tarreymere]

We have six adult kids as of right now. Our kids are all pretty strong-minded, stubborn people and honestly we didn't feel that any of them had a real, workable plan for adulthood but it was no use to try to talk to any of them at that age. At that time I felt that college was THE answer for all of them and I felt frustrated that they didn't see things the same way I did, even though I really felt that my own degree had been a waste of time and money (long story).

 

Fast forward to now and one completed an LPN program (less than a year) and is very happy working per diem as a home health nurse around her busy family's schedule. She hadn't been interested in going to any kind of school until she had been out in the world for a couple years on her own working as a prep cook at a restaurant. She said she never really saw herself doing that work for the rest of her life, but that it took her a while to decide what she really wanted to do.

 

Another spent a few weeks earning her certified nurse's aide license and worked in that field for a few years. Now she has set up her own home help agency that she runs from her basement while she takes care of her own growing family. She has no plans to go to school, she is dyslexic and really still resistant to any kind of further education. She also prefers to be 'the boss' and dislikes working for someone else. I tease her that she is educating herself with her business, and it really has been true.

 

Another apprenticed with an electrician as a teen, and now works for our county doing something electrical, and on nights and weekends he is developing something to do with alternative energy in a lab he set up with a friend. He actually has investors. He has taken classes online now and then and I am not sure if he is currently taking any or what exactly he might be working toward if anything. He is also really good at fixing computers and is our family go-to guy for that. I see a business in his future. He has always been too interested in doing things and not really interested in going to school full time. He may or may not eventually complete a degree. He may or may not eventually start his own business doing something techy. He dislikes working for other people.

 

Another is an Army veteran who has her EMT certification but right now is a stay at home Army mom whose husband is in Iraq AGAIN. This one tells me she is thinking of going to school after their next PCS move and that she is looking at a nursing school. She was the least motivated of any of them when she was a teen. I'm not sure why she decided to join the Army (I think she liked the idea of getting paid to go to school and get some experience), but she signed up about a year after she had finished school with me. She first moved in with a sister and worked full time in a restaurant. Her decision to become an EMT and a medic in the Army actually came from her time volunteering at a wildlife refugee center as a teen. She was drawn to the care of the injured animals and birds that came into the center.

 

Another is a shift manager and bartender at a popular restaurant. She is taking some classes at a local university, just to see what that is all about. She started as a waitress and moved up. She first became a waitress just because she needed a job to support herself, but she found she has a real talent for the business end of running a restaurant and enjoys the work. The management at her restaurant do not have college degrees, but if she does decide to finish one it would make her even more marketable in her field. It is hard to say whether or not she would finish a degree, right now she 'works hard and plays hard' and school is way down on her priority list.

 

My SN adult son works doing personal care for other adults with disabilities.

 

They are all pretty happy doing what they are doing, only one of them really would like to have a higher income level (the one with the home help business) and I guess that will happen if she can grow her business. Four are married with kids, one is single with kids, and one is single.

[creekland]

Mydd is not interested in looking at Universities. Presently, she's dual enrolling at a State college. She's 17 and will finish high school next spring.

 

No experience with that here, but my thoughts (if she were my daughter) would be to take her to some different types of colleges to see what they were about letting her know there were no strings or expectations involved. If she didn't perk up at at least one of these, I'd ask her what she preferred to do upon graduation and give it some serious thought. I'm not so sure she'd personally do well without internal motivation to be there and it could be a waste of money or an accumulation of debt. Maybe a gap year or two would be in order or maybe she has something else in mind that can help her reach her niche in life.

 

Again, said without experience, but students from our high school who have gone to college without self-motivation to be there don't tend to take advantage of all they can (academically) while there. Many return home without a degree.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I had no intention of going to college when I graduated HS.

I had a job I loved, a brand new car and an apartment.

When I did decided to go, 4 years after high school, I applied, took the SATs, sold my new car and bought a used one, moved to Amherst and working 3 jobs put myself through a Zoology degree. I had never taken math past algebra, science past biology or any college prep per se. (Though I had taken a snotload of honors English, enough to graduate a year early credit-wise.)

I watched too many 17 and 18 year olds party on a 4 year vacation to even think that is a good age to head off to college for most kids. It was truly revolting to see them mooching off their parents nickle.

But, I chose it, paid for it and did it myself. Makes for a different work ethic.

We will not be paying for our dc to go to college (couldn't even if we did want to) but we will help and encourage them if they so choose.

Dd sophomore wants to be a nurse and has her game plan in place.

[Stillwood]

It is very encouraging!

[Stillwood]

My bad.

[Ruth in Canada]

DD was in that boat. Enthusiastic about the concept of college, but overwhelmed by all of the logistics of getting there. I helped out more than I expected to. She's now happily starting her year at the college of her choice, wildly enthusiastic.

 

However, if she had not been enthusiastic, we would have encouraged her to find something else to do this year. Where we live, it's not unusual for kids to do a 5th year of high school--so we could have stretched high school out, or had a transition year at the local university, or she could have found a job or traveled.

[distancia]

My dd was 17, dual-enrolled, and at 17 asked to graduate high school. I told her NO with a very good reason: money!

 

If your dd graduates high school and then applies to college, many universities will consider her a transfer student, which will make her ineligible for scholarships.

 

Our dd was a dual-enrolled student and she was begging us to "graduate" her early. At 17.5 she had already earned 18 credit hours at the comm college (online and in classroom) and another 6 credit hours through CLEP.

 

One college fiancial aid department told me that yes, DD could apply as a transfer student, if I graduated her, but they suggested that I not graduate dd, and she continue earning college credits and remain a high-school student, simultaneously applying to college as a FTIC (First Time in College) student...essentially a Freshman with a lot of credits under her belt. This made dd eligible for many more scholarships (which she was awarded, by the way).

 

Okay, back to your question: my dd at 17.5 was not interested in "going off" to college. She was happy at the comm coll with her classes, and her life in general. The thought of moving out of the house (a very big, comfortable house, by the way) and having to cook her own food (mom used to be a professional cook) and having to deal with roommates (older friends all had roommate nightmare stories) made "away" college a very unattractive idea. Furthermore, most of dd's friends who had gone off to college and not doing so well...drugs, drinking, casual s*x ....it was frightening.

 

What we did was to visit college campuses "just to check them out". We made it more like a field trip, with the focus on getting to know a community, going out to eat at a local restaurant, sightseeing, and visiting the campus. The visit to campus was a part of the field trip, not the entire reason for the trip. This took the pressure off dd.

 

Orlando is just a 90 minute drive from us, so we toured the state U there and afterwards we spent a few hours in Downtown Disney, then went out to dinner. We made an overnight trip to the Fort Lauderdale area, rode the water taxi, saw the sights, and toured a campus. On a long weekend we headed up to Jacksonville, toured a state U there, also visiting the local beaches and the historic city of St. Augustine.

 

It took about a year (!) for the idea of going to "away" school to sink in for dd. We told her that when she was ready, she could go. We had also been advised (by a homeschooling consultant) to NOT graduate dd from high school, even if it meant that she would still be a high school student until age 19.[see Ruth in Canada, above ^]

Edited September 12, 2011 by distancia

[Stillwood]

My dd was 17, dual-enrolled, and at 17 asked to graduate high school. I told her NO with a very good reason: money!

 

If your dd graduates high school and then applies to college, many universities will consider her a transfer student, which will make her ineligible for scholarships.

 

-^][/quote

 

We're in Central Fl. Will be checking North Florida out sometime this Sept.

Did you visit UCF? USF seems way to big and scattered, but we haven't been there to see for ourselves.

 

My dd doesn't even leave the house these days. She's content to text friends and talk through FB. geesh! (don't know how to spell geesh).

[Stillwood]

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