KS_ Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I'm looking for something for my 12 yo ds on how to develop self-control. Even some good articles online would work - he's an avid reader and loves to read and re-read things. He's having a difficult time understanding the fact that he does have a choice on how he reacts when he's in a bad mood and how to get to the point where he can make a good choice. Does anyone have any recommendations? Thanks :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Just bumping before I'm off to get dinner going. He's asked if I can get something for him, so I'm hoping someone has a recommendation :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Another bump. . .How about something not quite so specific - any good books for tweens on general character development (it could be written for older teens, too, but I'd like to stay away from really heavy topics that don't really apply to him at this point)? Stuff about how to press on even when it's difficult, treating others kindly even when you're grumpy, etc.? I'm just not sure where to go for him with this. Just for an example, he saw the book Siblings without Rivalry in my pile of stuff to post on PBS and decided to get it out and read it to try to help him get along with his sister (I didn't even read the whole book). He even implemented some of the things he read. He knows he reacts poorly when stressed or frustrated, but he feels like he doesn't have any control over it. I've tried explaining that he does, although his self-control muscle might be very weak and needs to be worked to get strong. But I think he's at the point where he doesn't get how to go from being weak in that area to getting strong, and everything I've tried to explain just leaves him more frustrated :sad: I did find once article on self discipline that I printed out for him, but am just hoping that someone knows of more resources. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starwarsmomma Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Bob Schultz books. All 3 of my boys (my oldest is near your son's age) like these books and they are WONDERFUL! Link coming... hold on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starwarsmomma Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 http://www.amazon.com/Boyhood-Beyond-Practical-Wisdom-Becoming/dp/1883934095/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313588341&sr=1-2 http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Happiness-Young-Guide-Contented/dp/1883934133/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313588341&sr=1-1 http://www.amazon.com/Created-Work-Practical-Insights-Young/dp/1883934117/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313588341&sr=1-4 This one is new and we havent read it yet, but I did order it. http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Battles-Knowing-Through-Conflicts/dp/0578073684/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313588341&sr=1-3 Each "chapter" is a little short story (2-3 pages max) and at the end there's a few questions that are to make the boys think about charachter, choices, etc... They ARE Christian based, but not too preachy. If you don't want Christian based, then these aren't the books you're looking for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weddell Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I don't know any books aimed at kids themselves, but this book was mentioned in another parenting book I recently read and I plan to read it soon. I HAVE NOT read it, so I don't know how appropriate it is for either your situation or for a 12 year old to read, but it is about fostering empathy, emotional control, and "executive function" (i.e. thinking before acting). http://www.amazon.com/Great-Kids-Essential-Qualities-Lawrence/dp/0738209791/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1313595144&sr=8-1 Again, it is aimed at parents, but it may be fine for a 12 year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 http://www.amazon.com/Boyhood-Beyond-Practical-Wisdom-Becoming/dp/1883934095/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313588341&sr=1-2 http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Happiness-Young-Guide-Contented/dp/1883934133/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313588341&sr=1-1 http://www.amazon.com/Created-Work-Practical-Insights-Young/dp/1883934117/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313588341&sr=1-4 This one is new and we havent read it yet, but I did order it. http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Battles-Knowing-Through-Conflicts/dp/0578073684/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313588341&sr=1-3 Each "chapter" is a little short story (2-3 pages max) and at the end there's a few questions that are to make the boys think about charachter, choices, etc... They ARE Christian based, but not too preachy. If you don't want Christian based, then these aren't the books you're looking for. Thanks! I actually bought 2 of these a couple years ago, hoping that dh would do a devotional with ds with them (didn't happen and so they got put up on the shelf). I forgot I had them, so thank you for the reminder! Ds saw the one about work, though, and about ran screaming away (he tries to avoid work at all costs - lol). But maybe he's matured a little since then and will consider reading it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 I don't know any books aimed at kids themselves, but this book was mentioned in another parenting book I recently read and I plan to read it soon. I HAVE NOT read it, so I don't know how appropriate it is for either your situation or for a 12 year old to read, but it is about fostering empathy, emotional control, and "executive function" (i.e. thinking before acting). http://www.amazon.com/Great-Kids-Essential-Qualities-Lawrence/dp/0738209791/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1313595144&sr=8-1 Again, it is aimed at parents, but it may be fine for a 12 year old. Thanks - I'll have to see if my library has it :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Bob Schultz books. All 3 of my boys (my oldest is near your son's age) like these books and they are WONDERFUL! Link coming... hold on. I was coming on to say the exact same thing! Excellent books! Another one my 16yo just read is Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations . I've noticed that since he read this book, he has stepped up and started doing things on his own without me needing to ask, remind, or nag him. Yay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starwarsmomma Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I was coming on to say the exact same thing! Excellent books! Another one my 16yo just read is Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations . I've noticed that since he read this book, he has stepped up and started doing things on his own without me needing to ask, remind, or nag him. Yay! Oh, I forgot about that one-- yes! My son listened to that last summer on audio books and loved it so much he read the book too! There's another book that comes after that too, but I can't remember the title. Excellent suggesion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) I wonder if he might be interested reading/discussing any of the Stanford/Bing Nursery School research. He's only 12, so it would be more of a discussion about the research. :) It's a famous years-long study about young children, marshmallows and delayed gratification. The researchers followed the groups to adulthood. It's interesting. The whole nature/nurture thing gets some play as well. I found a couple of things: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer http://exploringthemind.com/the-mind/the-key-to-life-success-%E2%80%93-wait-for-two-marshmallows Might be a fun discussion! How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice Practice Practice. :) Edited August 17, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I have no book recommendations but some ideas (have 12, 13, 16 year old and all have struggled with self control) they're teens! :) 1. Make sure your own reactions to things are controlled and rational. This is something I catch myself and realize I need to acknowledge before the kids that maybe it wasn't the best idea for me to roll my eyes at the guy who just cut me off on the road...instead, use it as a chance to show them how 'not' to drive. The more I 'teach' them bad examples/good examples they become aware that I am trying to be more aware. 2. Stick to just ONE behavior you want him to find control over. The instant it happens...take the time to remove him from the situation (lovingly but with a mission) and sit him down, look eye to eye and ask him first why he thinks you pulled him aside to talk to him (where no one else can hear)...if he answers respectfully and remorsefully then praise him for the right answer!! If he answers snarky and with attitude...ask him "Did I ask you that question with a poor attitude?" Then I do not expect you to answer with a poor attitude, try again, please. If he corrects, sincerely thank him. These little pow-wows show him how important him overcoming this vice is. 3. Around here, ALL of us have ONE thing we are ALWAYS working on... Myself: giving up Diet Dr. Peppers My son: Laziness..getting work done in a timely manner My daughter: Sulky...encouraging her to see a better way to respond to corrections/life's downs. My daughter: has a way of giving a dig, followed up with "just kidding".. My dh: sharing his political views in a non-constructive way :tongue_smilie:lots of sarcasm!! We change about once a month, they really do find it easier to find one fault they want to improve and I go out of my way to let them know what a great job they are doing on their efforts, that really helps pay off...lots of hugs, silly playing on our faults and not taking ourselves too seriously...love one another but help build each other up and help us each beat our weaknesses...we're a family, I often tell them "use the force" like in Star Wars..it's the 'force' of family! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 These books from Boys Town Press are fantastic: A Good Friend: How to Make One, How to Be One What's Right for Me? Making Good Choices in Relationships Who's in the Mirror? Finding the Real Me I have recently ordered these, but I haven't read them yet: The Heart of Anger (Christian Content) Making Choices and Making Friends Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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