mommaduck Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 In a previous thread on the etiquette of showers, what is okay, what is not, etc. Mrs. Mungo, one of our very wise ladies, brought up the concept of Micro-culture. She is very much pro-showers and multiple baby showers for moms, and I am not. At first we weren't quite understanding each other's view, until she brought up the fact that much cannot be imposed across regions because really, Americans no longer have a culture with norms that spread very far from one's own area. Her micro-culture is military. Base-living many times, families that are moving all the time, cannot save items, have to reestablish a household on a regular basis, etc. families in her culture cannot save baby clothes, all the toys, all of the kitchen supplies etc. When one is moved by the military and the department of defense pays the bill, there is a limit on how much one can take. So, the practicalities of this life, along with the understanding amongst military families of what their life entails and the support they give one another when they do not even know each other, means there are a lot of baby showers, bridal showers, house warmings, etc. in order to help each other re-begin at the new post. This is 100% completely appropriate for the situation. My mico-culture is one in which we live in a very rural county. There is only ONE department store - Walmart in the entire county. We live 50 minutes from the nearest Kohl's, JC Penney, Target, Macy's, etc. Our local Walmart is very poorly stocked and so very, very few moms and brides even register there. To include registry information for other stores in an invitation, is beyond rude because it assumes the family has the money and time to do a 100 minute commute plus shopping time. For many, the gas alone is $16.00-25.00. Additionally, the median income is very low and it usually represents two working parents without benefits. So again, if people attend the shower or the wedding, and if they bring a gift, they have not been able to afford much. People are embarassed to include gift receipts and so what the OP suggests, for our area, would be mightily rude and it would offend many. As a matter of fact, it would end in a shower with virtually no attendance. But, that does not mean it would be tacky or offensive in another locale. Micro-culture...that's the key. If the OP's micro-culture is one in which this is considered a wonderful thing, so practical, handy, efficient, inoffensive, etc. then she should probably choose to happily go along with it or just do her own thing and be confident in that. There should be no expectation on the part of the receiver. My sister lives in a micro-culture in which no one has showers of any kind, nor do they have high school graduation open-houses. When she married, his family was APPALLED that her friends in Michigan were thinking of throwing her a bridal shower. Just appalled. They bought her and her dh a wedding gift because they were family, but to have attended any kind of event in which the purpose was to get gifts - that's how they saw it - would be a social faux pax of the highest order. My sister has lived in that area for four years and in all that time has never been invited to a shower nor heard of a shower being thrown. As for weddings, she's been invited to three and neither bride was registered though they all lived within a reasonable distance of a decent mall....so I'm thinking, micro-culture here. Faith Good post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Sometimes I just don't understand the etiquette stuff. I'm not known for my dainty cucumber sandwiches though. If something is actually RUDE, ok. But a new way of organizing gift receipts? How is it offensive to the sensibilities? I mean, we all know there will be gifts exchanged at a baby shower. It seems like we have to pretend that this will not happen. It doesn't come across as gift grubbing, or anything rude, to me. I agree with this. No one shows up at a shower without a gift, only to eat the cucumber sandwiches and drink the hostesses mimosas. If the expectant mother's friend has created a way in which it is easy for me to give the gift receipt and easy for the new mom to keep everything organized in a cute scrapbook, I would welcome it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I consulted the Emily Post website: Gift registrys are a convenience for the guest not marching orders. They shouldn't be listed on the invitation. They may be enclosed on a separate sheet of paper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 In a previous thread on the etiquette of showers, what is okay, what is not, etc. Mrs. Mungo, one of our very wise ladies, brought up the concept of Micro-culture. She is very much pro-showers and multiple baby showers for moms, and I am not. At first we weren't quite understanding each other's view, until she brought up the fact that much cannot be imposed across regions because really, Americans no longer have a culture with norms that spread very far from one's own area. Her micro-culture is military. Base-living many times, families that are moving all the time, cannot save items, have to reestablish a household on a regular basis, etc. families in her culture cannot save baby clothes, all the toys, all of the kitchen supplies etc. When one is moved by the military and the department of defense pays the bill, there is a limit on how much one can take. So, the practicalities of this life, along with the understanding amongst military families of what their life entails and the support they give one another when they do not even know each other, means there are a lot of baby showers, bridal showers, house warmings, etc. in order to help each other re-begin at the new post. This is 100% completely appropriate for the situation. My mico-culture is one in which we live in a very rural county. There is only ONE department store - Walmart in the entire county. We live 50 minutes from the nearest Kohl's, JC Penney, Target, Macy's, etc. Our local Walmart is very poorly stocked and so very, very few moms and brides even register there. To include registry information for other stores in an invitation, is beyond rude because it assumes the family has the money and time to do a 100 minute commute plus shopping time. For many, the gas alone is $16.00-25.00. Additionally, the median income is very low and it usually represents two working parents without benefits. So again, if people attend the shower or the wedding, and if they bring a gift, they have not been able to afford much. People are embarassed to include gift receipts and so what the OP suggests, for our area, would be mightily rude and it would offend many. As a matter of fact, it would end in a shower with virtually no attendance. But, that does not mean it would be tacky or offensive in another locale. Micro-culture...that's the key. If the OP's micro-culture is one in which this is considered a wonderful thing, so practical, handy, efficient, inoffensive, etc. then she should probably choose to happily go along with it or just do her own thing and be confident in that. There should be no expectation on the part of the receiver. My sister lives in a micro-culture in which no one has showers of any kind, nor do they have high school graduation open-houses. When she married, his family was APPALLED that her friends in Michigan were thinking of throwing her a bridal shower. Just appalled. They bought her and her dh a wedding gift because they were family, but to have attended any kind of event in which the purpose was to get gifts - that's how they saw it - would be a social faux pax of the highest order. My sister has lived in that area for four years and in all that time has never been invited to a shower nor heard of a shower being thrown. As for weddings, she's been invited to three and neither bride was registered though they all lived within a reasonable distance of a decent mall....so I'm thinking, micro-culture here. Faith :iagree: Perfectly said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I consulted the Emily Post website: Gift registrys are a convenience for the guest not marching orders. They shouldn't be listed on the invitation. They may be enclosed on a separate sheet of paper. I'm glad to know this. I prefer to know where someone is registered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I consulted the Emily Post website: Gift registrys are a convenience for the guest not marching orders. They shouldn't be listed on the invitation. They may be enclosed on a separate sheet of paper. So, it's not okay to put it ON the invitation, but it's okay to put it in an enclosure WITH the invitation? Isn't this just the same thing but using two separate pieces of paper? Why does Emily Post hate trees? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delighted3 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Why does Emily Post hate trees? This made me laugh out loud. Joy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 So, it's not okay to put it ON the invitation, but it's okay to put it in an enclosure WITH the invitation? Isn't this just the same thing but using two separate pieces of paper? Why does Emily Post hate trees? LOL! And why make things more complicated? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 So, it's not okay to put it ON the invitation, but it's okay to put it in an enclosure WITH the invitation? Isn't this just the same thing but using two separate pieces of paper? Why does Emily Post hate trees? :lol::lol::lol: Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person on the planet who thinks so much of the formal etiquette stuff is just a bunch of hot air. I'm with the posters who think we should ask ourselves what men would do. Why does all of this matter SO much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 This made me laugh out loud.Joy Glad to be of service. I think that should be in my siggy, don't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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