Learning disabilities and those that don"t "get it" **vent**

[swellmomma]

Good grief, Some people are so frustrating to talk to. For several months I was freaking about what to do about school next year. I even went as far as to register the middle 2 kids in the school I work in and look into the jr high for my oldest. My mom was over the moon thrilled with it of course because she is so opposed to homeschooling. Skip forward to last month, I find out from the special needs teacher at the school that they are firing 2 teacher's aides and not hiring any more. They have decided to group the 5 kids headed into grade 2 needed one together and having 1 aide to work with them all. Ds7 was supposed to have one to himself because he has a Moderate language delay. This is an extension of his severe speech delay. Basically his literacy/phonics etc is 2 years behind. When I first decided on this school is was because I was assured he would have an aide to be his scribe and read his work out aloud to him until he could do it on his own. THis was no longer going to happen. Combined with some other stuff that would be an issue I decided to continue homeschooling all 4 next year. I am very confident in this again. However it has sent my mom into her drive me around the bend lecture state.

 

She has it in her head that a) Ds's learning issues is because his is homeschooling not because he has an actual issue. Never mind that he has been working with a speech therapist since he was 3 years old because of his language delays. b) sending him to school would "cure" him of this issue, even if he has to share 1 aide with 5 other kids. In fact she is conviced it is FORCE him to actually read and write since no one will be coddling him. Again not believing he has an actually diagnosed learning issue. oh and d) not a learning disability but he also has a bowel disorder that causes him much discomfort and embarassment. Her response to my concern about teasing etc from it(which he already gets a fair amount of from the same kids he would be in class with), was to say ps would toughen him up so he wouldn't be such a momma's boy about hurt feelings. (That comment made me want to reach through the phone and throttle her--it was the same thinking that left me being severely bullied for 6 years without her helping me)

 

Of course she also thinks public school will cure the other kids of thier disabilities as well so I am not surprised. I keep changing the subject when she tries to bring it up and have completely ended the conversations when that doesn't work. She is just driving me batty about this.

 

Geeze if I thought ps would "cure" the kids of all of their struggles I would go for it hands down, I hate seeing them struggle so much. I just wish grandma would get a freaking clue already and back off.

[Amy in NH]

Tell her point blank that while you appreciate her concern, this is not a subject you are willing to discuss with her. Let her know that you will end the conversation abruptly if she brings it up again (as in hang-up). And then do it.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

:grouphug::grouphug: Personally, I'd break off contact for a while, give yourself a rest, and let her think about what her priority is: being "right" or having a relationship with her grand-kids.

 

But that's just me.

[Night Elf]

Of course she also thinks public school will cure the other kids of thier disabilities as well so I am not surprised. I keep changing the subject when she tries to bring it up and have completely ended the conversations when that doesn't work. She is just driving me batty about this.

 

I don't have to deal with my mom talking about those issues, but she played similar tactics about other things that drove me crazy. I did just as you're doing. I would change the subject and if she didn't pick up on what I was trying to do, I would tell her outright I wasn't going to discuss this further. Then if she still tried, I told her that we would speak later and just hang up. Once, I even asked her and her husband to leave my house. I would go weeks sometimes without talking to her. I guess she finally learned that if she wanted to have a relationship with me, there were certain subjects that were absolutely taboo. :grouphug:

[Jennifer3141]

:grouphug::grouphug: Personally, I'd break off contact for a while, give yourself a rest, and let her think about what her priority is: being "right" or having a relationship with her grand-kids.

 

But that's just me.

 

I totally agree. I'm on "break" with my mother for this same issue right now. :glare:

[WishboneDawn]

Tell her point blank that while you appreciate her concern, this is not a subject you are willing to discuss with her. Let her know that you will end the conversation abruptly if she brings it up again (as in hang-up). And then do it.

 

:iagree:

 

If she won't listen to you or believe you then she won't listen to you or believe you. Time to set up some boundaries.

[trailofsparks]

Ooooooh, I got my boxing gloves on and I wanna take a swing at your mom. Just like I've wanted to take a swing at my mom for some of the same reasons you listed. . . . but she is learning boundaries at the moment. We have been "on break" from them for over a year now b/c every time we got around my folks, they'd cross a boundary. We'll meet up w/them soon and, hopefully, see some respect for boundaries :glare: I truly hope you do, too! :grouphug: It's good that you are confident in your decision for your dc. Hang in there!