annlaura Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Sorry, this is long, but I hope you wiser and more experienced parents will be willing to help. Our next door neighbors moved in two years ago, and we've all been friendly. Last summer, the adult daughter moved in with her little girl who is a few months younger than my older son. DS was very excited to have a child next door and hoped to play together. We would frequently see the little girl watching us from a window when we were outside playing. I took DS and knocked on the door a few times to ask if the girl could come out to play, but it never worked out. Once he played with her for a few minutes when she was out front with her uncle. Another time we saw her watching us from the front door, and I helped DS cut a handful of daisies and take them over. The girl seemed to want to play, and her mother acted cordial, but nothing. It appeared that the parents were separated and made up, and the little girl and mother moved back out. I figured the mother had enough on her plate through that time, and probably wasn't up to trying to deal with playdates with new friends. No problem. But they moved back this winter and seem to be here to stay. Now that the weather is nice, we are starting to see them outside more, and DS would love to play. But I think the mother tries to avoid us. She barely says hello when we pass coming or going. And last night as we arrived home, they were out front with sidewalk chalk. While we parked, she picked up the little girl and went inside. Could have been coincidental but didn't feel like it. Should I just give up? Should I try again? It seems like such a shame to have a child next door and not play. I didn't grow up with neighborhood friends and am at a loss for how to handle this kind of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I would give up, let them make (or not) the next move. Lara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Weird. I wouldn't pursue it anymore. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I wouldn't pursue it. I think you can chalk this one up to one of those "it's not you, it's them" situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I wouldn't pursue it. I think you can chalk this one up to one of those "it's not you, it's them" situations. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin's Song Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 She is probably trying to tell you that they aren't interested without a confrontation. I have a neighbor who overwhelms me (similar situation but dramatically escalated) and this is sort of how I deal with her. I tried setting boundaries, politely declining, avoiding her, addressing the situation directly...she just didn't quit. Now I have to be somewhat cold to get space. I would just say that you should just move on :). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I wouldn't pursue it. I think you can chalk this one up to one of those "it's not you, it's them" situations. :iagree: It sounds like the mom has issues? Or for some odd reason thinks boys should play with boys? (This happened to my 5 yr old son with new neighbors... we were always kind. But the mom was weird.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annlaura Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 Thanks everyone. I'll let it it go. Makes me sad for both kids. Oh well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 If it were me I would be tempted to pursue it gently, just to be sure that they really weren't interested in being friends - in their situation I could imagine that they might need the support of friends. If the mother has gone through marital problems/separation/divorce she may well be feeling somewhat depressed and unable to face people (I can imagine myself scooting out of the way in order not to have to speak to someone if I were feeling unhappy). Can you speak to the grandparents to quietly enquire whether it would be a good idea for you and your son to befriend the little girl and her mother? Best wishes Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sgo95 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I think you should let it go and not feel weirded out or hurt. I can understand that if the mom has just gone through a traumatic experience, she may not feel open to exposing herself to new people, especially a next-door neighbor she would have to see frequently. She's back as a single mom living with her parents after a failed relationship; she may not want to have to explain her circumstances to a stranger (I don't think I would). Whatever the case, I agree that it's a case of "It's not you, it's her." :grouphug: It can be hard to find a good fit between playmates and their parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Thanks everyone. I'll let it it go. Makes me sad for both kids. Oh well. Have you thought about asking mom and child (and a couple of other neighbors) over for a BBQ this summer? Break the ice, as it were? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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