littleWMN Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I have a 10 year old daughter who has always been very playful, active, energetic, etc. Over the last few months, it's like someone took her to the moon and replaced her with another kid who is becoming peer-dependant (on a neighbor friend), sullen, bored (but doesn't dare say it), doesn't want to play with her 6 year old sister, etc. We've tried the "growing up" angle and figured she needed some more experiences just for herself, etc. Nothing is really working. I know for a fact hormones are at play. She's smarting off occasionally, or will cry over things at the drop of a hat (she didn't even cry when my dad died a few years ago and she loved him a lot). She's just never been a cryer. Anyway, I'm at a loss right now. I feel like we are still fairly close. She's open with me, etc. I just don't know what to do (if anything) about the sullen behavior, the "acting bored". She's not creative anymore. She refuses to play outside now unless this one friend is out there and she used to be my child that would play outside all day, coming up with all kinds of stuff. I know she's mixed up about everything right now, but how do I support and respect those feelings and hormones while still requiring her to be outwardly pleasant, not completely focused on the one neighbor, and enjoy life a little more?? She's almost acting OCD about some things, and while she has ADD (inattentive type), she's gotten worse in the last few months with that as well. Can anyone relate and have any words of wisdom? We've gone through a book on puberty together, and have frank and open discussions. We cuddle when she asks.... it just seems like nothing is fun for her anymore. She won't play with any toys anymore that she loved just 9 months ago, etc. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I have a 10 year old daughter who has always been very playful, active, energetic, etc. Over the last few months, it's like someone took her to the moon and replaced her with another kid who is becoming peer-dependant (on a neighbor friend), sullen, bored (but doesn't dare say it), doesn't want to play with her 6 year old sister, etc. We've tried the "growing up" angle and figured she needed some more experiences just for herself, etc. Nothing is really working. I know for a fact hormones are at play. She's smarting off occasionally, or will cry over things at the drop of a hat (she didn't even cry when my dad died a few years ago and she loved him a lot). She's just never been a cryer. Anyway, I'm at a loss right now. I feel like we are still fairly close. She's open with me, etc. I just don't know what to do (if anything) about the sullen behavior, the "acting bored". She's not creative anymore. She refuses to play outside now unless this one friend is out there and she used to be my child that would play outside all day, coming up with all kinds of stuff. I know she's mixed up about everything right now, but how do I support and respect those feelings and hormones while still requiring her to be outwardly pleasant, not completely focused on the one neighbor, and enjoy life a little more?? She's almost acting OCD about some things, and while she has ADD (inattentive type), she's gotten worse in the last few months with that as well. Can anyone relate and have any words of wisdom? We've gone through a book on puberty together, and have frank and open discussions. We cuddle when she asks.... it just seems like nothing is fun for her anymore. She won't play with any toys anymore that she loved just 9 months ago, etc. :confused: My DD is 15 and I honestly did not experience that with her. But, my best friend has a DS and she is experiencing it with him. It goes in waves and happens with both boys and girls. Just remember how crazy hormones can make us feel. She loves you and things will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Okay, thank you. It's like she's so focused on this one little girl that if we go somewhere as a family, she's not really totally into it. You can just tell that she's ready to be home so she can play with her friend. But on the flip side, her friend is not totally being nice and they aren't having much fun together so I don't understand the dynamics here. We are doing school through the summer and other times where only our family can play together, so her time is already limited to the hours of 2-8 (which is a HUGE range, but that's only if both families are home). I'm not sure if discouraging the friendship is a bad idea or what. It's like she is OCD over the friendship (and yes, she has many friends besides her... I guess I need to have some over to play...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momling Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I feel like I could have written that same post about my 9 year old. She's started puberty and I know it's all about the hormones... and I know it's as confusing and worrying to her as it is to us. She readily admits she has no idea why she's crying or why she's angry or sullen or whatever... I don't have any answers. I keep trying to remind myself that it's not permanent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I would encourage a playdate or with another child. My girl is 12 and the best things were for us to talk about changes. I gave her several books about the subject, such as Beautiful Girlhood, and we went on a weekend retreat called Passport to Purity. We talk openly about how it's normal to feel this way, and I assure her that I understand. She always smiles then and hugs me. :grouphug: Hugs to you. I know it's like a weird roller coaster for us too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 My dd10 started to have these sorts of symptoms in the past year. One thing I did was have a talk with her. She admitted she doesn't know why she acts this way sometimes, and so I tried to explain about hormones (nothing beyond chemicals that go crazy as you start to grow up and make you feel weird, LOL). I didn't want her to think she was losing her mind, and I needed to blame the problem on someone other than her (while reminding her that she is still responsible, of course). She too has a history of sensory issues, very strong will, etc. and lots of backtalk, before this. Now there's "attitude" too. I'm afraid, very afraid :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmschooling Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I know of a friend that can come play ;) And can totally relate! I grew rather impatient with my exceptionally lazy 10 this Wednesday DD who snapped a rather rude, " Is this a mom- forgot-to-take- her- pill day?" she knows I get a little edgy when I forget a dose of my medicine, and this sort of snapiness (to this degree) is out of character. Though, she is becoming more and more like you described W. We really need to get them together! With their 10th birthdays so close to each other's, maybe we could take them out to lunch just us 4, or do more sleep overs this summer to boost their fun factor and have someone to talk to that's dealing with the same issues! Anytime! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 Sounds good! Except she can't do sleepovers for quite awhile. She had one recently and stayed up til 4am. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Have you read Hold On To Your Kids? I also have a dd10 who is very hormonal and emotional lately so I feel your pain. I think you would find that book incredibly helpful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted June 12, 2011 Author Share Posted June 12, 2011 I have not read it. I will order it off Amazon. Thank you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Sounds good! Except she can't do sleepovers for quite awhile. She had one recently and stayed up til 4am. :001_huh: Isn't that kinda what sleepovers are for? If she's growing up, maybe you should allow these kinds of "growing up" experiences? Just plan them for times when you don't have anything to do the next day. My dd9 went to a birthday sleepover recently and some of the girls were up until at least 2, possibly later. Dd isn't sure what time she fell asleep. I'm not sure why it matters? Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 My dd12 loves sleepovers but we're not crazy about them on a regular basis. They just magnify the crabbiness towards the family that her hormones are already bringing out. Might she need more sleep? Is there any way you can schedule a regular mom/daughter outing one afternoon/evening per week... so that you stay one of her close, fun friends? That has been my tactic and so far, it's working pretty well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Education Explorers Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Reading this thread is making me feel better in the camaraderie sense, not in the actual solution kind of way. Our 10 year old daughter has always been sweet and responsible. For about the past 4-5 months we are watching her swing wildly between her normal self and a hostile, grumpy, negative sassy girl. The mood swings go back and forth with little rhyme or reason. My husband and I are making jokes about watching the "mood pendulum" swing back and forth. This does not bode well for the teen-age years... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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