The tantrum thread

[amo_mea_filiis.]

It helps me to know I'm not the only one with a crazy 6 y/o, so I thought we could all post our horrible kid tantrum moments. I've got more than a few, but my "favorite" happened at the mall one day.

 

Ds was happily playing at the mall play area, but someone came on the speaker and it was nothing more than a high pitched screech. This started his bad mood.

 

Next, a boy ran into him. Then a kid jumped in front of him on the slide. A few more provoking moments happened and he lost it. We were currently working on being able to play around other kids for x amount of time, so as part of our behavior plan, we had to stay, and I tried to help him through each moment.

 

He started trying to hit me, and then tried to run. I just held him firm but not yet restrained.

 

Then he swatted at a little girl as she walked by and tried to kick her, soI had to restrain him.

 

I put him face down on the padded bench with his hands behing his back and his face turned to the inside corner (away from people).

 

Some guy (huge, BTW, well over 6') came up behind me and started going off about how abusive it was to hold him like that, and threatened to call the police. He went on saying that all you have to do is talk to kids and they'll calm down.

 

He got next to the bench where I had ds, and tried "proving his point" and started talking to him. I had already told him to call the police if he felt it was needed, that ds is autistic, and that he's making the tantrum much worse by talking to him, and that this was nothing new in our world.

 

I let ds's head turn towards the man, and the man was spit on. He left and I didn't see the police that day.

 

DS continued for about 3 minutes, then I was able to hold him in a hug for another minute or so, then he was fine and continued playing until our time was up.

 

We've had plenty that didn't end so well, but I don't want to make this too long. I'll add more later.

[melissel]

It helps me to know I'm not the only one with a crazy 6 y/o, so I thought we could all post our horrible kid tantrum moments. I've got more than a few, but my "favorite" happened at the mall one day.

 

Ds was happily playing at the mall play area, but someone came on the speaker and it was nothing more than a high pitched screech. This started his bad mood.

 

Next, a boy ran into him. Then a kid jumped in front of him on the slide. A few more provoking moments happened and he lost it. We were currently working on being able to play around other kids for x amount of time, so as part of our behavior plan, we had to stay, and I tried to help him through each moment.

 

He started trying to hit me, and then tried to run. I just held him firm but not yet restrained.

 

Then he swatted at a little girl as she walked by and tried to kick her, soI had to restrain him.

 

I put him face down on the padded bench with his hands behing his back and his face turned to the inside corner (away from people).

 

Some guy (huge, BTW, well over 6') came up behind me and started going off about how abusive it was to hold him like that, and threatened to call the police. He went on saying that all you have to do is talk to kids and they'll calm down.

 

He got next to the bench where I had ds, and tried "proving his point" and started talking to him. I had already told him to call the police if he felt it was needed, that ds is autistic, and that he's making the tantrum much worse by talking to him, and that this was nothing new in our world.

 

I let ds's head turn towards the man, and the man was spit on. He left and I didn't see the police that day.

 

DS continued for about 3 minutes, then I was able to hold him in a hug for another minute or so, then he was fine and continued playing until our time was up.

 

We've had plenty that didn't end so well, but I don't want to make this too long. I'll add more later.

 

Oh goodness :grouphug: At the moment, I can't think of any worse than what happened yesterday, so I'll let that be my story :D

[jelbe5]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am so sorry you not only had to deal with your child but you had to deal with the "helpful concerned citizen", too.

 

Yeah, right. Just talk to the kid. That will solve everything . . . :glare:

 

My 13 year old autistic son (who is nose to nose with me now) threw a jumping up and down screaming temper tantrum at McDonald's last week because he did not get the happy meal toy he wanted. We will now no longer be purchasing happy meals, or if we do we will ask them to hold the toy.

 

My son can be the sweetest, kindest guy . . . but if he is having a bad day, look out. Talking to him when he is in distress simply does not work. He can talk and be talked to when he is calm.

 

I trained as a social worker, so I thought I knew it all before I had children. Then along came my son. Now I know never to criticize a parent just on one observation because I have no idea what they may be dealing with or what came before the incident I am witnessing. What I have learned to say if I feel lead, is "Is there anything I can do to help?" to the parent. I have had helpful people open doors for me and help me gather my things as I head for the car with my struggling autistic son.

 

Many more people do know about autism now. I think you handled it well by telling the guy that talking to your son was not helping . . . I have had to do the same thing . . . forcefully sometimes.

 

Oh well, while I know you do not approve of what your son did to the guy, at least he educated him about autism to some degree! :D :grouphug:

[angela in ohio]

My now-13-yo dd used to throw screaming, flailing tantrums all the time, for many years throughout her childhood (ages 3-9.) I'm not sure I can even remember anything specific that set her off (I've blocked it all out by now :D); it was usually about her being disciplined or told she couldn't do something. She had them in stores, in other people's homes, etc., but mostly in our own home. She broke all sorts of things in her room and tore the place up pretty well. :glare:

[pdalley]

We've had some doozies - mostly with the oldest.

 

The worst was the last one at public school. I got head butted, stomped on and had to actually sit on my child. We were in an office the size of a closet and no one would stop talking and allow my son to de-escalate. I sat on him only to keep the resource officer from cuffing him which would have probably made things a lot worse. He's taller than I am now and I am happy to say that once we brought him home the intense meltdowns went down in frequency to the point that we know if he has one he's sick.

 

And these people were 'trained' to handle autistic meltdowns - or so they claimed.:glare:

 

I don't know if it's years of experience or he's matured or if its just luck or a combination but now we can get him out before we go into major meltdown mode. When he was younger he would scream, yell, kick, do the tuna... you name it. The only good thing was that I never noticed people giving me dirty looks or heard any remarks because I was in a pretty tough struggle.

 

If I see something like that in public I try to open doors or pick up belongings. I do not talk. That's the worst thing you can do IME.

[Murmer]

It was time to leave the local playgroup...well that set dd off crying, hitting me, screaming running fit...I told her she needed to put on her shoes while I put on ds shoes...I tried to keep her restrained behind me while using my hands to do ds shoes (cause he needed shoes since I figured he could walk while I carried dd out the door)...she got away from me ran up to a random kid and hit him in the face with her shoe...needless to say I grabbed her threw her over my shoulder grabbed ds and dragged them both from the room...we made it out door 1 (with baby gate) almost to door 2 when dd started wiggling and attacking me again... so we sat out in the patio till I was able to drag her and ds through the mud and rain to the car...where she thus commenced to unbuckle the top strap of her car seat...so we sat in the car while she raged in her 1/2 buckled car seat for an hour...finally she calmed and we were able to leave...

 

thank goodness 2 weeks later she was diagnosed with ADHD and we have been able to build effective strategies to help her so this type of thing doesn't happen as much

[houseofkids&pets]

:grouphug::grouphug:

We go through similar issues almost on a daily basis with ds11, who also has autism. It is such a struggle sometimes, so I feel your pain and hope that today is brighter.

 

It is difficult when strangers (as well as neighbors, family members, friends....) think that they know how to handle a situation and give us their advice. I know that they mean well (most of them), but people just don't understand fully until they walk in our shoes. I sure of heck remember "judging" a parent with an out of control child and I regret it now. No, my son is NOT a spoiled brat. It is NOT a lack of discipline and I should NOT be spanking him (in-laws think a few good swats on the bottom would have cured the problem.) He is just a boy struggling to behave appropriately when his sensory system is out of whack.

 

You did the right thing with your son and it sounds like you responded more politely than I would have:tongue_smilie:!

[mamajudy]

One evening at the book store, my then-2-year-old threw a tantrum over some noise making book that she wanted. My husband picked her up and carried her, kicking and screaming, out of the store while I stood in line to make our purchase (NOT the noise making book). As I stood there, the woman in front of me turned to her teen-aged daughter and said, "That's the best reason I've seen for abortion," obviously not knowing that I was the child's mother. I was mortified, and didn't say a word. It was a long time before we took her to the book store again.

 

This Sunday, that child will graduate from medical school at the top of her class. She's my pride and joy.

[KS_]

(I've blocked it all out by now :D)

 

I think I've blocked a lot of it out, too. . .we didn't usually have episodes in public (but I didn't go very many places w/o dh, either), but my stepmom and dad (who live in the same town) thought I exaggerated about ds. Then one evening when dh was gone and couldn't come home, I had to call my stepmom to come over because ds was in a total rage and I couldn't handle him (I figured he'd calm somewhat if someone else was here). My stepmom believed me after that.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

As I stood there, the woman in front of me turned to her teen-aged daughter and said, "That's the best reason I've seen for abortion," obviously not knowing that I was the child's mother.

 

That is insane! :grouphug: I would have confronted her!

[angela in ohio]

I think I've blocked a lot of it out, too. . .we didn't usually have episodes in public (but I didn't go very many places w/o dh, either), but my stepmom and dad (who live in the same town) thought I exaggerated about ds. Then one evening when dh was gone and couldn't come home, I had to call my stepmom to come over because ds was in a total rage and I couldn't handle him (I figured he'd calm somewhat if someone else was here). My stepmom believed me after that.

 

We had a moment like that with my now-8-yo. I had shared with a friend what a temper he had (from about age 3 to 5,) and she didn't believe me. She had only seen him at his best. Then one day at homeschool gym, when he was about 3, he couldn't get his way or something overwhelmed him, and he lost it. I ended up carrying him off under my arm, screaming and yelling and kicking. Then she believed me! :001_smile: Luckily, he was my third, so by then, I could just calmly carry him out and not care what anyone thought. He was carried back in a few minutes later quite calm and remorseful, though. :D

[Food4Thought]

I think I've blocked a lot of it out, too. . .we didn't usually have episodes in public (but I didn't go very many places w/o dh, either), but my stepmom and dad (who live in the same town) thought I exaggerated about ds. Then one evening when dh was gone and couldn't come home, I had to call my stepmom to come over because ds was in a total rage and I couldn't handle him (I figured he'd calm somewhat if someone else was here). My stepmom believed me after that.

 

My MIL never believed me until she experienced a full on screaming fit one night. I still don't quite know what set the boy off - something about Grampa not giving him a hug or something - but it was all over after that. She has been *extremely* encouraging about my parenting style ever since.

 

We haven't had many doozies since giving up gluten. The last really big one was during a large church potluck. *I* was over-stimulated there - lots of screaming kids and such - and DS got to the point where he was literally "stuck" performing the same action over and over. When he realized I was trying to get him to come home, he punched me right in the face. Thankfully he was still somewhat smallish (5 yrs old, size 6) and I carried him home (he was spitting and kicking and screaming the whole time - reason had left his body). I tried getting down and talking to him when we got home, and he kicked me in the face. I was terrified, first of all - it took a lot to get him down and non-violent - and I kept thinking, "What am I going to do when this kid is bigger than I am? He's going to kill me." My DH made it home shortly afterward - but it was still another two hours or so before the sobbing, spitting hysterics stopped and DS could sleep.

 

Thankfully, taking out gluten and dairy totally changed our lives. I'm thankful every day for that. The boy doesn't even remember those violent episodes (and his memory is frighteningly good), thank God. He hasn't had one in nearly 2 years now. I don't know what I'd do if he did - he's nearly my size now.