ktgrok Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I decided to cross post this here, for more input. I hope that is ok. My DS11 was just diagnosed with Aspergers, ADHD inattentive type, mild depression, mild sensory integration disorder, and significant working memory impairment. We are trying to wrap our heads around this. As someone else told me this is a very hard age to get these kinds of diagnoses. My son is very high functioning, and does have friends. He very much wants to be "cool" and normal. He has said several times that he is just NORMAL!!!! We talked about how Aspergers is just a label to describe certain types of thinking, that it isn't bad or good. I told him it is like his gifted label, but he honestly would probably rather be "normal" than gifted at this point. My issue is that we need to start working on some things. He needs to start going to therapy to learn some of the social skills he doesn't have. Like making eye contact, realizing the impact it has on others when he won't smile or talk, learning to express his frustration in a non threatening manner, etc. He also needs to start working on improving his working memory, as it does frustrate him to not be able to remember things. I'm getting him Brainware Safari software for that. He doesn't want to do these things, because he is "normal". Sigh. And although he needs to do them I'm hesitant to push too hard because I'm afraid that upsetting him more will make the depression worse. (main symptom being anger and frequent withdrawal). On the other hand the neuro psychologist thinks the depression is because of the difficulties he has with the Aspergers, and his constant frustrations about that. So we do need to deal with it. Sigh. I just hate this. The only bright spot in all of this is that I'm realizing his poor social skills are not my fault. I have gotten sooooo frustrated that I haven't been able to teach him basic things like looking at someone when they talk to you, responding to them politely, etc. Now I realize that it isn't him being rude, he just has a very hard time with these things and needs help with them. Of course, i also feel guilty for the times I got mad at him for being "rude." All I can do is go forward. And be glad that I did help him as much as I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 :grouphug: I would give him some time to wrap his mind around the diagnoses before attending therapy. This is a hard age to be "different" in any way. These issues have been ongoing and are not urgent. A period of time can be taken for him to adjust to this news. It is good that he has the information, in my opinion. Will you be using medication to address his ADHD? (Not that you should, just curious.) Working memory issues are related to untreated ADHD so that diagnosis is redundant to the ADHD issue, in my experience. With medication, the working memory issues should decrease significantly. Also, sensory integration disorder goes along with Asperger's, so that one is redundant as well. That is just semantics, but perhaps it will help him adjust if he realizes that he is really dealing with two diagnoses, not four. I have book marked a youtube video in which a young teen with Aspergers describes what it is like to be "in his world". It is really, really good. If you are interested in a link, let me know. It is not your fault and never was. It is not his fault, either. I work with several kids with ADHD/Aspergers professionally and know several of these kids personally. They are very challenging to parent. Get yourself some support if your son won't go. I have a friend whose son is 11 and carrying the same diagnoses, in addition to OCD. He refused to go to therapy and said it was stupid. So his mom goes to see a psychologist for support and to get practicall suggestions on handling/addressing his behaviors. She goes every other week, and it has helped her so much. She also talks to me a lot.;) It's vital to get some support for yourself.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 He has said several times that he is just NORMAL!!!! . Before going in further in addressing issues, if you haven't spent any time talking or reading from the perspective of someone with Asperger's, I'd suggest hanging around the Aspie boards at WrongPlanet.net. There's a forum there for parents where you can get input from adults with AS, and it may help you understand where he's coming from when your son says he's normal. http://www.wrongplanet.net/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Congratulate him - he is very, VERY normal to not want to be anything but normal - the therapy is just to help him be even MORE normal. He is smart enough to see what he needs to work on to figure out social cues and fit in more - some folks need music lessons to play the piano or guitar, after all, while other folks can just pick up an instrument and play! Social skills are just another SKILL that some folks need to practice and learn. I'd let him know the above, or however you want to say it, and that those therapy/lessons are available, and then give him a few weeks to think about it! Ask him if he would consider trying a week or two, just to know what they are, without committing to them. Then I'd back off a bit - he will get more out of any therapy if he decides to, and wants to, try it. PS - I am probably an Aspie, or close to one, with very poor social skills in real life. At age 11 way back in the old days, before anyone had heard of Aspergers, my folks sent me for a year to a kid shrink from the Freudian old school - forbid me to tell anyone since it was embarrassing for anyone to need to see a shrink - aargh! Not the way to handle a very smart, socially inept kid! I didn't want to be "normal" like everyone else in 1971, either - I wanted to be a hippee! ;) A hippee who loved silent movies. I thought I WAS "normal" - for ME! If other folks didn't like me the way I was - tough beans for them!!!! Stress to your kid that you are NOT trying to change him - but give him tools to be happier and fit in. If NORMAL was a rock band he wanted to fit into, he'd need to learn how to play an instrument to fit in, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 :grouphug:(((Katie))):grouphug: No words of wisdom, just a little support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwilliams Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 [ Stress to your kid that you are NOT trying to change him - but give him tools to be happier and fit in. If NORMAL was a rock band he wanted to fit into, he'd need to learn how to play an instrument to fit in, right? I think of "normal" and "not normal" in this way also. I work with alot of kids under the Autism spectrum.......there are alot more people out in the world who technically could be in the "not normal" category these days that one would think. I tend to view everyone as "not normal" to some degree....If you really know who had dx mental illness you would be surprised....who is taking activan........I happen to think "normal" people are pretty boring and much prefer interesting but happy, functioning people. My rule for success is.....is the child functioning well in his environment? If not....then we learn skills to help with success. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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