Do you routinely answer your dh's emails?

[Murphy101]

He said, "You know what. It's not really about the content (of the messages). It's about having a relationship." So to him, he sees the lack of email as a being personally "blown off." And btw, the phone calls are lacking, too. He always calls his brother, not the other way around. Same bil doesn't call his mom very often and she doesn't have email.

 

Okay. I'm on the other end of this stuff. So here is my POV from the other side. MAYBE it is similar to Qs POV.

 

If he defines a relationship by whether or not they communicate how he prefers or as often as he would like - then he is doomed to disappointment.

 

He emailed. He got a response. He calls. They pick up.

 

The only thing getting mad will do is reduce any desire to respond.

 

My dh is most certainly a big boy. If the man is providing for his family and holding down a job, who is your dh or anyone else to comment that he is a lesser man in some way if his wife handles family communications? Even if it is spoiling and babying - what is wrong with a spouse being so kind? My husband spoils me every chance he gets and I only wish I could spoil him more. So what? :confused:

 

It is entirely possible that Q knows how your husband feels about him and has decided to not deal with him more than necessary? In my family, I have been told my whole life that I was spoiled and babied and a brat and so much other crap that I'm sure they actually sincerely believe is true. Fine. They can have any opinion they want, but go figure if I don't make an effort to seek the presence of their superior selves.

 

I don't think badly of your dh, I just can see the POSSIBLE other side of a POSSIBLE dynamic going on here.:grouphug:

[angela in ohio]

I help dh out with his email. He is just too busy to handle everything. I will email back, putting (via Angela) after his name. Dh and I know all of each other's passwords, as we sometimes need to get info from each other's accounts.

 

I also answer his phone and his text messages for him. At work, he has a secretary; at home, he has me. :D My benefits package is just better. ;)

[MaMa2005]

I would never read or answer my DH's email, nor would he read or answer mine, especially from a sibling/relative. I think your husband should stop emailing and just phone and demand to speak to his brother directly.

 

:iagree:

[BarbecueMom]

I guess I should be quoting a lot of people. You all had some great replies.

 

I talked to my dh about him being upset with his brother and that he should just let it go and just directly contact the SIL about the current need/drama of the moment.

 

He said, "You know what. It's not really about the content (of the messages). It's about having a relationship." So to him, he sees the lack of email as a being personally "blown off." And btw, the phone calls are lacking, too. He always calls his brother, not the other way around. Same bil doesn't call his mom very often and she doesn't have email.

 

You gals are great! Thanks for your insight.

 

Your BIL sounds like my DH. He's not a people person. After dealing with coworkers, the kids, and me, and he's pretty much spent his people quota for the day. He gets along great with his dad and siblings, and they live close by (20 minutes away, walking distance from my mom who we see at least 2X a week), but they actually don't talk but every couple months.

 

DH actually offended his grandparents by not calling and telling them when our youngest was born. Part of that is because I usually handle all the communications (and I was a bit busy!), partly because he gets nervous and dreads calling anyone, and partly because, "Well, they'll find out in a month at Thanksgiving dinner anyway!" :glare: Having a child is a big deal, but it never occurred to him that it was a big deal outside our own household. Guy thing.

[beachmom]

Your BIL sounds like my DH. He's not a people person. After dealing with coworkers, the kids, and me, and he's pretty much spent his people quota for the day. He gets along great with his dad and siblings, and they live close by (20 minutes away, walking distance from my mom who we see at least 2X a week), but they actually don't talk but every couple months.

 

DH actually offended his grandparents by not calling and telling them when our youngest was born. Part of that is because I usually handle all the communications (and I was a bit busy!), partly because he gets nervous and dreads calling anyone, and partly because, "Well, they'll find out in a month at Thanksgiving dinner anyway!" :glare: Having a child is a big deal, but it never occurred to him that it was a big deal outside our own household. Guy thing.

 

I've been offline for a while so I'm just seeing this again and some new responses. What's funny is that my dh is going to see his brother in person in a few days. I told him to speak directly to him about it.

[Peela]

No, I never answer my dh's emails, we have separate accounts and don't even read each other's emails.

 

In the OP's situation, I probably would stop writing altogether. It would really annoy me too. But life is too short for giving it too much energy- I just wouldn't write. Maybe I would pick up the phone if it was important.

[Mama Geek]

Dh and I read each others e-mails, they are all downloaded into the same mailbox on the computer. If he is super busy I will answer it with a quick note and say that dh will follow up on it. Sometimes if it is something funny I will throw my 2 cents in just because. We really don't have much in the way of his friends and my friends though.

[TheCoffeeChick]

Yes, and I sign his name.