StaceyinLA Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Dd goes Monday to meet her midwife, and have her first appt. She is nervous, wants to sound knowledgeable, and wants to ask all the right questions. I have had some great birth experiences, but my baby is almost 16. Help me think of things she needs to talk with the midwife about. She would love a water birth, but isn't sure that will be an option IN the hospital there (Hawaii), so I just need to compile her a nice list of things to discuss/questions to ask. Thanks for the help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Tell her not to go in asking for permission. This is HER birth, not the MW's. She should NEVER ask for permission! I hate it when I hear people say, "My Dr. won't LET me".....or "Will your Dr. LET you?" There is no 'let', it is YOUR experience! (Well, your dd in this case.) She needs to go in saying, "These are my plans, these are my wishes". You can do that without sounding demanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorganClassicalPrep Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 If she's planning on a hospital birth, I'd just have her ask what is non-negotiable for that hospital. Once she knows which rules HAVE to be followed, she can build a reasonable plan around that. (For example, does she want it photographed? Does the hospital allow photography during the delivery? Can she bring things like a labor ball? Will she HAVE to be hooked up the IV/monitering systems, or can she walk around? Can she bring snacks, or are the going to tell her she can't eat? How many people can be in the room?) After the baby is born, will the baby be able to stay in the room with her? Will she be breastfeeding, and if so, what does she need to do to make sure the baby isn't given a bottle/pacifier in the hospital? Does she want the baby delivered and laid right on her chest, and will they do that? In the case of a c-section, what is the procedure? Can photos be taken during that? Will the baby remain in the same operating theater while the doctor closes her up? What level NICU does the hospital she'll be delivering at have? (I know, not something anyone wants to ask about, but I'm glad I knew. I had a choice of delivering at two hospitals, and chose the one with the higher level NICU. If I had delivered at the other hospital, DD would have been transferred an hour away from me.) Regarding the pregnancy, how often will the midwife want to see her? If there are specific health concerns in your family, how will the midwife handle that/are there any screenings to be done? hm. Tell her not to be too nervous, and enjoy the visit! :D Even if she doesn't remember to ask everything now, she has plenty of time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 IME (less than 2 weeks postpartum), the really important thing, hospital-wise, is to ask about the staff nurses and their take on "protocol". I was in the hospital for more than 24 hours before ds was born and 36 hours after, and some of the nurses (not all) were my biggest challenges. My mw was happy to do whatever made me happy. Certain nurses were all about monitors and charts. It's a good idea to ask how to butter those people up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 1, 2011 Author Share Posted January 1, 2011 Any more ideas, folks? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WistfulRidge Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 Tell her not to go in asking for permission. This is HER birth, not the MW's. She should NEVER ask for permission! I hate it when I hear people say, "My Dr. won't LET me".....or "Will your Dr. LET you?" There is no 'let', it is YOUR experience! (Well, your dd in this case.) She needs to go in saying, "These are my plans, these are my wishes". You can do that without sounding demanding. That's the mistake I made. I'm terrified of hospitals/doctors to begin with and had always been taught/brought up that you have to ask. It made my first birth a horrible experience. Tell to insist on what she wants. She's paying them, that makes her the boss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 Tell to insist on what she wants. She's paying them, that makes her the boss. Stacey's dd is a BRAND NEW military wife who hasn't had a lot of experience dealing with the system. This might not be the best attitude to strike in this situation. Stacey, is your dd giving birth at Tripler? Does she want a Doula? I have a friend who has been a doula here for several years (she's also an experienced military wife), I can pass her name and email on to you if your dd is interested. If your dd is giving birth in the military hospital, the first thing to do is find out what the rules are and how to make it work for you. I've heard that the midwives at Tripler are really good and supportive of natural birth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 If she's planning on a hospital birth, I'd just have her ask what is non-negotiable for that hospital. Once she knows which rules HAVE to be followed, she can build a reasonable plan around that. :iagree: (For example, does she want it photographed? Does the hospital allow photography during the delivery? Can she bring things like a labor ball? Will she HAVE to be hooked up the IV/monitering systems, or can she walk around? Can she bring snacks, or are the going to tell her she can't eat? How many people can be in the room?) You can also negotiate some of these things. For example, if they require an iv, see if they will just do a hep lock instead. If they require monitoring see if they will agree to monitoring once an hour instead and so forth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 Have her ask her midwife for an outline for a birth plan and then go over the details with the midwife to make sure she is on board. I did a natural childbirth in the hospital with a doula and had a birth plan which my OB signed off on so the hospital wouldn't give me grief about things such as declining an IV at admission. There are many examples of birthplans on the internet, I'm sure. She needs to think about things such as routine monitoring (how much is "required", routine IV's, etc). If she has her midwife on board, the nurses at the hospital should work with her better. I was a good advocate for myself, but I had had three previous births and was almost 40 so I had that going for me.:tongue_smilie: She needs to make sure that her dh and any other support people are on board with her wishes because she will likely be overwhelmed in the moment. some hospitals don't allow video or pictures during the actual birth. She needs to know all of the specific policies. Does she want to opt out of any injections, etc? If so, she needs to figure that out prior to birth. My doula was a great advocate for me, as well, because I had a nervous nellie hospital nurse who wanted me on the monitor continuously and gave me a lecture when I went to the bathroom during the transition part of labor. (The doula told her that I was an experienced mom who was just emptying my bowels and that I would not have the baby on the toilet. She was right.:tongue_smilie: I refused to potty on the floor standing besidde the bed. That just seemed wrong.:tongue_smilie:) My dh was always very nervous during births so the doula was a wonderful, calm support to me. In the end, the doc didn't make it for the birth (no one ever listens to me when I tell them I deliver quickly), so the nurse caught her as I pushed her out. It all worked out just fine, though, and I had the birth I wanted for the most part. Congrats to your dd and all the best to her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 :iagree: You can also negotiate some of these things. For example, if they require an iv, see if they will just do a hep lock instead. If they require monitoring see if they will agree to monitoring once an hour instead and so forth. :iagree: I allowed a 20 minute monitoring strip when I was first admitted. My baby was born a little over an hour after I arrived at the hospital so there was not much time for anyone to pressure me to stay on the monitor. Also, my OB was a wonderful supporter of natural childbirth and she gave me some tips on language to use with the nurses to get them to cooperate with the birth plan I wanted that she (my OB) had approved. One tip she gave me was to ask that the IV be delayed until "I was ready for my epidural". Since I never planned to get one, of course the IV never happened. This is not a suggestion to your dd of specific things to say to the nurses but more of an example for her to ask her midwife what might help her have the birth she wants while keeping the nurses from becoming nervous. The better prepared she can be prior to the birth, the better the experience will be. And tell her to not let anyone give her an enema! (Ask me how I know.:tongue_smilie:) That was baby #2 so I didn't know any better... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in OK Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 It is a good idea for her to make a list of questions and wishes. You can google "midwife interview questions" and find several websites with suggestions. For getting started with a birth plan, childbirth.org has a good birth plan generator. It is a great way for expecting parents to read some of the options and become educated so they can make an informed decision. Regarding the other things being discussed here..... The reality is, if you have a hospital birth chances are that you WILL compromise and things will not go 100% the way you envision. If you want to call the shots and have complete freedom, a woman should give birth at home. No, home birth isn't for everyone but everyone who is having a hospital birth needs to be aware that 95% of the time, what you envision is not what happens. Yes, some things you can negotiate. Some of those are easy. Some of them are hard, especially in the throws of labor. A woman does NOT need to fight for what she wants while she is doing the work of labor. This is where a doula can be a great addition to the team. She is not going to make decisions for the client but will help talk her (and anyone else present who is supporting her) through them. Yes, some hospitals and care providers are willing to bend and fully support birth. But they are few and far between. That's reality. Tell to insist on what she wants. She's paying them, that makes her the boss. If only that were really true in regards to hospital birth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorganClassicalPrep Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 Regarding the other things being discussed here..... The reality is, if you have a hospital birth chances are that you WILL compromise and things will not go 100% the way you envision. If you want to call the shots and have complete freedom, a woman should give birth at home. No, home birth isn't for everyone but everyone who is having a hospital birth needs to be aware that 95% of the time, what you envision is not what happens. Yes, some things you can negotiate. Some of those are easy. Some of them are hard, especially in the throws of labor. A woman does NOT need to fight for what she wants while she is doing the work of labor. This is where a doula can be a great addition to the team. She is not going to make decisions for the client but will help talk her (and anyone else present who is supporting her) through them. All this. Tell her to remember to be flexible. I was so sure of what I wanted that I just expected everything to go as I had it planned. Needless to say, NOTHING went as planned. All the things I had put in my birth plan went out the window and ended in me being rushed in for an emergency c-section 6 weeks early. The lesson for me.... Having a plan is nice, but don't expect it to be the end all, be all! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 It is a good idea for her to make a list of questions and wishes. You can google "midwife interview questions" and find several websites with suggestions. For getting started with a birth plan, childbirth.org has a good birth plan generator. It is a great way for expecting parents to read some of the options and become educated so they can make an informed decision. Regarding the other things being discussed here..... The reality is, if you have a hospital birth chances are that you WILL compromise and things will not go 100% the way you envision. If you want to call the shots and have complete freedom, a woman should give birth at home. No, home birth isn't for everyone but everyone who is having a hospital birth needs to be aware that 95% of the time, what you envision is not what happens. Yes, some things you can negotiate. Some of those are easy. Some of them are hard, especially in the throws of labor. A woman does NOT need to fight for what she wants while she is doing the work of labor. This is where a doula can be a great addition to the team. She is not going to make decisions for the client but will help talk her (and anyone else present who is supporting her) through them. Yes, some hospitals and care providers are willing to bend and fully support birth. But they are few and far between. That's reality. If only that were really true in regards to hospital birth. I totally agree that this can be the case in a hospital birth, but I have to say that my experiences with my midwife in a hospital setting (3VBA2C) were absolutely great. Nothing that I didn't want to have happen happened, she was totally supportive of what I had in mind (and I had 3 totally drug-free, extremely "low-maintenance" births). Eg. because I was having VBACs, I had to have access available for IVs, but the really non-invasive hep lock was fine, etc. All that to say that this can vary so, SO much depending on the midwife and the facility in which she practices. I would recommend to you, Stacy, for your daughter, the book The Birth Partner, which has TONS of good stuff in it, including questions to ask yourself for writing your birth plan, and a couple of samples too, I think. One of the things it does is ask you to rank, for yourself, the importance of various aspects of the birth experience. So, for instance, is your stance on drugs in labor a "absolutely not" or a "well, let's see how it goes," or a "give me drugs when I walk in the door!!"? This advance planning can make sure that DW and DH are on the same page and that DH knows how DW feels about it in her head, now, before it's labor, and she can no longer think as clearly. That was one of the best, best things I did during my pregnancies, evaluate my past experiences, and try to make sure I could replicate the good stuff as much as humanly possible. :grouphug:to your DD, Stacey, as she makes this new journey! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamamaloca Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 First, I would warn NOT to go in with guns blazing, because that can tend to set off an adversarial relationship. Before she works on a birth plan, she needs to know the standard protocol for her hospital and her provider. I took Bradley classes with my first, and felt they did a great disservice in encouraging an adversarial relationship with the medical system, and they weren't particular to MY hospital, and several issues, such as baby staying with mom all the time unless there was a medical indication for something else, were not issues at all in my hospital where they were standard practice. For a first appointment, I'd ask: How do you usually manage pregnancy and labor? Do you have a philosophy of childbirth? What books would you recommend? (This gives an idea of her philosophy) How do you assist a patient seeking a medication free birth? Any classes or preparation you'd recommend? Under what circumstances would my care would be transferred to a doctor? How many of her own patients does the midwife delivery? How does the backup system work, if she's not on call? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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