Aspergers..wondering

[choirfarm]

I was reading a description of AS:

 

The most distinguishing symptom of AS is a child’s obsessive interest in a single object or topic to the exclusion of any other. Some children with AS have become experts on vacuum cleaners, makes and models of cars, even objects as odd as deep fat fryers. Children with AS want to know everything about their topic of interest and their conversations with others will be about little else. Their expertise, high level of vocabulary, and formal speech patterns make them seem like little professors.

Children with AS will gather enormous amounts of factual information about their favorite subject and will talk incessantly about it, but the conversation may seem like a random collection of facts or statistics, with no point or conclusion.

Their speech may be marked by a lack of rhythm, an odd inflection, or a monotone pitch. Children with AS often lack the ability to modulate the volume of their voice to match their surroundings. For example, they will have to be reminded to talk softly every time they enter a library or a movie theatre.

Unlike the severe withdrawal from the rest of the world that is characteristic of autism, children with AS are isolated because of their poor social skills and narrow interests. In fact, they may approach other people, but make normal conversation impossible by inappropriate or eccentric behavior, or by wanting only to talk about their singular interest.

Children with AS usually have a history of developmental delays in motor skills such as pedaling a bike, catching a ball, or climbing outdoor play equipment. They are often awkward and poorly coordinated with a walk that can appear either stilted or bouncy.

 

Will continue

[choirfarm]

Some of this sounds like my child. He didn't talk until he was nearly 3 of course part of that was probably because he was on phenobarbitol until 2 years old...a pretty high dose to prevent seizures. (He hasn't had one since he was 1 year old and hasn't had to have any medication since he was 2.) When he was younger he really liked to know the schedule for each day. He still does, though he doesn't need to know what will happen each minute. BUT he doesn't take changes well sometimes: Dad decided that we would all clean the house immediately after lunch on a Sunday one day while we were eating lunch. DS had a meltdown ( quiet..as in just refuses to do it. Lost football for 2 weeks, ipod, etc. ) Now all it would have taken was for my dh to say on the way to church: Hey I think we'll all clean the house after lunch, then you can watch football the rest of the time, since the game you want to watch isn't until 3.

 

Or more recently, dh told him "You drive to church today." My son absolutely panicked at the thought of his siblings in the car even though he's been driving with just dh a lot. He refused...thankfully dh was mad but didn't push it. The next week, with warning he did it just fine.

 

He was freaking out about taking Spanish at the CC. He went to his room with tears in his eyes. But I keep talking about it, mentioning about it and he seems to have accepted it. I will probably take him to the class, show him where it is etc. This is for fall of 2011. As I said, this child NEVER yells and screams. I've never heard him raise his voice one. He just decides he won't do something and once he does... He will NOT budge. I mean, you can lavish on the punishments and he really doesn't care. He's lost major privileges over minor things.

Edited December 24, 2010 by choirfarm

[choirfarm]

His speech is not strange at all, but he doesn't look people in the eye. He is an observer, but I've heard from his SS teachers that he participates in the class discussions. Teachers have always loved him because he talks about the subjects. But interacting with others: I've observed him at youth group..sitting apart listening to his ipod. Of course, he could care less about what they are talking about.

 

He can be very obsessive about subjects particularly sports, but it has been Star Wars or Lord of the Rings in the past. Right now he is trying to figure out how they design the football pro schedule. He has pages of pages of the schedules for this year and then his own as he tries to predict how they designed it for next year. Hard to explain, but pages and pages and pages of figuring are in his room. He can tell you all the stats and people and such from football. In the spring, he will switch to basketball. That of course, is a socially acceptable discussion topic with other boys and adults. So.. he interacts well as they discuss that. He doesn't throw in obscure things. I wouldn't even have know about his "project" except that I've been asking for months and his brother had to explain a little bit so that helped him open up to me.

 

But I guess my question is..if he is AS, if he isn't.. how do I prepare him for going off to college. I mean..life changes and he may not get early warnings especially if I'm not there. How do I get him to embrace new things??

 

Christine

[choirfarm]

Although he LOVES sports, he is terrible. He doesn't have a funny walk, but he throws a foorball in a funny way and holds his hands funny when he runs. He's actually good at basketball, however. He wins games and kids want him on their team at church. But he is 5 foot 5 ( at 16), so that doesn't help. Our church is rebuilding so we graduated 10 seniors last year, but this year he is the oldest age. We have him and then 6 other 10th grade girls. The rest of the youth group is about 10 people from 8th and 9th grade, so only a few are taller. The age limit for flag football this year was 15, so he was even with the 7th and 8th graders and it was fine, but other 15/16yo he is really short. I mean his 13 yo brother is 5 foot 8.

 

I normally pick my battles and have to "force" him to do things with lots of warning. A little while ago it was the college visit to LeTourneau. I knew it would be a good warm up since it is only 15 minutes away. I gave him warning and he went, but when we got there. He quietly said, "I hate this." I looked at him and said, "you will be fine" and turned to talk to others. Well, it started and he had a ball. He actually went to two classes and the first one was with a group, but the second one he just went on his own. He told me that afternoon... I knew it would be like other things you do. I knew I would like it once you made me do it.

 

But I won't be there at college. He will have to learn to "force" himeself. He's nearly 16... I'm panicking...

 

He has varied interests...not just sports. He reads the paper cover to cover including editorials and often talks to me about them, watches the news and knows more about current events than I do. He is absolutely loving his CS Lewis class I designed. He LOVES reading theology stuff. Just don't ask him to write...

 

Christine

Edited December 24, 2010 by choirfarm

[Michelle in AL]

I'm not an expert on Asperger's by any means. My husband suspects he may have some traits of it: he has always had an intense interest in sports stats like your son, is socially introverted and shows no emotion. he does not have the clumsiness or the voice issues though.

 

He and his family did say he had a difficult time going away to college. It took him about 6 weeks to adjust, but adjust he did and he did well.

 

Is a local college, so he could still live at home a possibility or could he live on campus but still be able to reach you quickly if needed, say an hours driving distance?

 

I think the CC class will help too, sort of like baby steps to the real thing.

[hsmamainva]

My oldest son has Aspergers and what you posted describes him very well.

 

What we're planning on doing with our son is to have him go to the community college for 2 years (which in his case may take 3-4 years, but that's okay!) and then transfer to a 4 year school, if he wants to continue after he earns his AA degree.

 

He isn't quite sure what he wants to do yet, but he loves computers and programming, as well as art and design.

 

That way, he can live at home for a few more years and take a few classes at a time.

 

Not sure where you're located, but there's a college in West Virginia (Marshall University) that has a special program for young people with Aspergers. They live together and have "assistants" to help them with social events and classwork. I'll put the link below, just in case you're somewhere on the East Coast.

 

http://www.marshall.edu/coe/atc/services/available_services/modelCollege.asp

 

As far as writing goes, may I make a suggestion? One of the gifts I purchased this year for Christmas for my son is a software called Dragon. I found it at Best Buy. The home edition is $100.00. It writes on the screen whatever you speak. So my son will be able to "dictate" papers and essays by speaking aloud and it will do the spelling and actual physical "writing" for him. I can't wait for him to see it!

 

Something like that may help your son since most college papers are typed these days, and many of them are submitted online to boot.

 

Find out also if the community college has a special needs director. Ours does and he helps students with registering for classes and serves as a 'mediator' between the student and the professors. My oldest daughter is completing her AA degree in the spring and each syllabus for her classes has included a section saying something to the effect of, "if you have special needs please let me know," so the professor can help the student in any way that they can.

 

I hope this helps a little!

[choirfarm]

He tests very well on standardized tests. He was a Duke Scholar and I know he'll make commended on National Merit with a possiblility of finalist if I can get his vocabulary score up. He types papers easily. It is his handwriting that is illegible!!!! I guess I hated to have him go to a CC after homeschool as the one here is not great. I mean, I don't mind him getting high school credits there for his junior and senior year, but I don't think it is academic enought for him. Does that make sense? I planned to have him take Spanish and freshman English there as dual credit, maybe speech but there is yet another big obstacle. All degrees call for you to take speech... He did do plays/musicals as part of my children's choir. He had major parts many times and did fine, but he could just memorize the words almost as he looked at them. But if someone didn't show up and I needed him to fill in, forget it. He wouldn't even though he knew all the lines. But speech is about his own words and it terrifies him. I had him take it in co-op a couple of years ago. He skipped class one day he was supposed to give a speech. He just went to the bathroom and never came back. I made him apologize to the teacher and he had to give two speeches the next time.

Christine

[Susan C.]

Christine,

I have a few other ideas for you to explore, but I have very limited time right now (getting ready to finish cooking Christmas supper).

 

If I forget, please PM me. I have books titles about temperament and creative children. One is about what they call a creative/sensitive child and understanding that type of child, one about ordering your environment for success for "difficult" children, others are about temperment (analyzed by Myers/Briggs assessment). You are talking about my whole life here..... I have very creative children, but as far as I know, there isn't anything else going on. Its just that a low percentage of kids are like this, so you are "paddling upstream" alone.

[Storm Bay]

When I was looking at the following book, I learned that there are some colleges that are set up to help dc who are like this. http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Colleges-Hyper-Intelligent-Self-Directed-Different/dp/1580088392/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1293381685&sr=1-1 I liked the title of it and someone here must have recommended it :).

[MamaSheep]

Your son sounds like he would fit in very well with my Aspie ds's AS/autism teen group that he goes to.

[Susan C.]

Here is my booklist and comments:

 

Type Talk, by Otto Kroeger and Janet Thuesen: This book talks about temperament in a very easy to understand manner. Your son is definitely a "J" (the last letter). Js don't like surprises, they like schedules. The opposite of a "J" is a "P" which likes to be spontaneous. I am slightly "J", my kids are very "J" and dh is very "P". I wish I had this book earlier in my kids' lives, they would have loved more scheduling and predictability. I let my dh have his way with lack of schedule, and it didn't ever go well. I understand why now.

 

Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: This has more for younger kids, but if you see your son in it, it might help. It talks about ordering your environment for success. An example is when you told your son ahead of time that he would be driving to church, and that it went well as opposed to the week you didn't give any notice. The subtitle is: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is MORE: Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic.

 

Strong-Willed Child or dreamer? by Dr. Ron Braund and Dr. Dana Scott Spears: This book helped me understand the creative people in my family. The cover has this on it: Is Your Child...Imaginative, Moody, Compassionate, and Stubborn? Understanding the crucial differences between a strong-willed child and a creative-sensitive child.

 

Also, my ds changed drastically between 16 and 18 years old. From my experience, you can't make predictions about what you see in a 16 y/o ds for college.

 

I hope this helps, I hope you find the answers you are looking for!

[creekland]

I'm catching up today. For what it's worth, your son sounds a lot like my youngest with different interests. I've often wondered the same things regarding the future. My youngest just turned 15 a couple weeks ago. I'll be watching and gleaning info as you progress in your journey.

[Chris in VA]

My son is an undiagnosed Aspie--we know he fits the description, had him tested at around 9yo, but he didn't fit the whole thing then. Asperger's was pretty new then, so we think he'd get that diag if he retested.

 

He's in college now, and yes, it was an adjustment. Several things helped, both preparation-wise and first year-wise

 

--Homeschooling gave him confidence (we homeschooled for high school only), and allowed him to pursue his passions while getting gentle training in his weak areas. It lessened his anxiety and allowed him more energy to learn.

 

--Direct instruction in practical matters. He doesn't pick up as much information by inference as most people, so he needed really direct instruction. Even things like, "you sign your name in cursive, not print," or, "here's how you buy something at the store--put the money back in your wallet while you are getting your receipt." Driving is hard for him, as he also has automatic processing disorder, common to Aspies. Lots of practice helped a ton.

 

--Finding a roommate he already knew, who had had experience with his quirks (and is a little quirky, too! lol), meant he could use his limited "social energy" to go to one club that was about his interests (film), and didn't have to expend so much just on the day to day stuff.

 

--Picking a major in his interest. He's a Dean's List kid and really applies himself.

 

--Teaching him how to study--how to schedule a day, take good notes (not so good here), what the expectations are ("In college, you generally go to class just a few times a week, but that doesn't mean all the learning takes place there. You study the material until you really know it, not just read it once and be done with it."--again, very explicit), how to put fun on the back burner...

 

A good social group would have helped him a lot--can yours do an Aspie group of some sort? Mine was too shy, but it would have really helped. There is also software that helps them practice recognizing facial and body language social clues, which might be helpful.

 

Mine is doing much better than I thought he would, but he is not participating in the "college experience." He didn't have "college fun" that is typical. However, accepting his experience as right for him has helped him excel.

[Guest gem4]

Chris, would you mind sharing any info you might have on the social/facial recognition software?

 

I have a 14 yo undiagnosed son with what I have always believed to be Aspergers. Your tips on preparing and helping your ds with the college experience is something that I would love to hear more.

[choirfarm]

Thanks everyone. I don't know that he is AS and some attributes don't fit at all. He isn't like Temple Grandlin at all in speech.. He is very quiet. He had speech therapy for 3 years in ps. At first it was because he only whispered, but later it was for th and r's. He is an observer. His Sunday School teacher told me that he isn't shy, he just likes to take everything in and get the lay of the land before he decides whether or not to participate. Of course, now he is so comfortable with that group of kids in SS now that they are all his age and younger, he will talk during Sunday school. But often he just doesn't care about what they are discussing: Twilight movies, Justin Bieber, cell phones ( he doesn't have one) etc. He likes them, just not much in common.

 

Studying isn't a problem either. He has taught himself math quite a bit. He LOVED when we switched from Sonlight to TOG and got out his planner and loves planning his schedule. He is harder on himself as far as staying on schedule than I am, so I think he will do ok with college....except maybe asking for help. I will look for tutoring like LeTourneau has, though. I could see him doing that rather than trying to ask a professor for help.

 

I will definitely do the CC over the next few years and plan to take him there, show him around, etc. I'm hoping this is like kindergarten. He would scream when he was a preschooler anytime I left him. I just had to leave. He would always quit 2 minutes after I left and was fine. ( I never, ever stayed, but he continued to do this especially when he started a new class. By Christmas, he quit screaming.) Same thing for testing for kindergarten. You had to take them to a teacher for them to test them by themself. I left him screaming and he settled down in one minute. ( So I was told.) I never understood why he continued to do this when I never, ever caved in for Sunday School, MDO or whatever. I ALWAYS just gave him a quick hug and a kiss and left.

 

But we had a meet the teacher night before kindergarten and he talked to her and she was just absolutely fabulous. I took him and he didn't cry at all. When I picked him up, he told me, "Mom, I didn't miss you at all!!" with a sound of surprise and joy in his voice. I was so happy. I guess I hope that happens with college. I mean I love him. He still loves to cuddle with me on the couch. He gives me hugs all the time. ( See that doesn't fit with As, does it?) But he needs to be a man and leave the nest sometime.

 

Christine

[Storm Bay]

Thanks everyone. I don't know that he is AS and some attributes don't fit at all. He isn't like Temple Grandlin at all in speech

Christine

 

fwiw, temple Grandin doesn't have Asperger's, but has high functioning autistism:001_smile:. Her mother worked very hard with her as she was growing up because, and this was rare back then, she refused to believe what the doctors told her as far as what her dd could learn and accomplish.

 

As for dc with Asperger's, there isn't a mould that fits (as with my cousin and his ds who are very different from each other.) Also, my aspie cousin's aspie son (okay, I could say first cousin once removed, but some people might say second cousin) is participating in the college experience. I'm not sure how much he's actually connecting with people, but for a boy who didn't even want friends until sometime in high school (and I don't know if he got any; in a photo from his grad he is posing with a couple of girls, but they were merely classmates according to his mom) he appears to be doing well. He's on Facebook, posting photos of himself socializing and others comment on his wall. I doubt that he's winning any popularity contests, but he's having a ball. He did homeschool for one year with a tutor (the best thing for him and they could certainly afford it), but it didn't work well for him and he ended up in a high school in the Vancouver area that works with dc with social issues (and perhaps other things, but I'm not sre and don't know the name of it or if everyone there has special needs.)

[Niffercoo]

He still loves to cuddle with me on the couch. He gives me hugs all the time. ( See that doesn't fit with As, does it?) But he needs to be a man and leave the nest sometime.

 

Christine

 

 

Aspies can be so different. One reason mine wasn't diagnosed until he was 10 was that I read on a website that Aspies are distant and uncaring. My son hugs me and is kind and absolutely adores babies and small children. Christmas Eve he wanted to snuggle on the couch in front of the fire after the girls went to sleep - and he's as big as I am!

[distancia]

Your son sounds very much like my daughter's former boyfriend, who has Asperger's. He was extremely intelligent, very conversant, and polite, but he had a difficult time holding a gaze. There were other quirks that became more apparent and exaggerated when I took him with us on a family trip for 4 days. At that point I realized that this young man was an Aspie.

 

So, for that matter, is my daughter, age 17, but she manifests it differently. For years she has been in denial about it but now she even jokes that she is being "autis-ticky" when she gets stuck on something.

 

Autism-Aspergers-PDD-Obssesive/Compulsive-Eating Disorders-ADHD are all on a "spectrum" that you could place between 10 and 2 on a clock. Symptoms (and degrees of behavior) vary from person to person, day to day. For example, my daughter has learned to be fairly normal with most things and puts on a great act of being Ms. Congeniality, but her biggest hurdle is "transitioning". If you tell her something "is"--watch out if you change your mind and later say it "isn't"! You'll hear about it for weeks afterwards.

 

I'm eager to see the replies to your post, as we are having our D apply to 2 local colleges, each under an hour's drive away (she would live on campus). We are preparing her to function on her own ( she forgets to eat and that triggers other issues). If we did NOT have the colleges so close by we would definitely have her attending the local CC and doing more online college courses for at least another year.

Edited December 29, 2010 by distancia