Homeschooling Newbie

[pmdjm5]

Hello everyone, I am Melissa. I just started homeschooling my 2 children ages 6 and 8. I am so frustrated! I am wondereing if any of you "more experienced" homeschoolers have had to deal with other people in your life giving you grief simply because you homeschool.

I feel like I am constantly trying to defend our position, especially to family. I guess they feel like they have the right to interject their opinion every time we see them!

I need support and would love to hear stories from all of you out their who have experienced, or who are experiencing the same things. Please share your stories with me! I need to know I am not alone.

 

Thanks! Melissa

[Hen]

Welcome!

 

you are not alone, try putting "bean dip" into the search- you will find several threads on how to do this...

 

basically, firmly but without anger/emotion- gently, let people know that your school/family choices are not up for them to convince you or tell you otherwise. You have made the best choice for your family at this time...

 

"we are really excited about our new school year, so- how is so and so doing?" or "we are excited about what we have planned for this year, how is your new job/dog/plans for the holidays" this is passing the bean dip...

 

rinse and repeat. On one hand, people very close to you, like your parents/siblings are worried you haven't looked at all the angles and care about you and your kids- take the love, thank them, tell them you will put what they have said under consideration and then change the subject. Let them know that they are not free to undermine you to your kids.

 

it does get better and easier as you homeschool longer. But, for many of us, it's a subject we don't discuss much with family. It's sad, but keeps the peace. Some people have had luck having a back to school night at the house and inviting the Grandparents to see all the projects/work/crafts.

 

come here to vent, we will listen! :D

[Dayle in Guatemala]

The best thing I have found to battle that is silence. Whenever I try to defend or explain our decision (or any family decision for that matter) to family and friends it doesn't get anywhere. I have found that the fruit speaks for itself in the long-run. NOW, those who have seen our 11 year journey feel really good about it and realize that it was a great decision for us and works well for us.

 

I've begun to realize that for every "good" homeschooler, people know at least 2 who are flaky and don't get it done. Their kids are anti-social and can barely read. They then begin to think all homeschoolers are like that. They see that we aren't like that, but, it takes time.

 

Feel good about your decision and let people say what they will. In time, they will see the results and be fine.

[Starr]

Melissa Welcome, It really will get better! I agree with not defending yourself too much. It will all come out in the wash. Enjoy your time learning with your kiddos. They grow up way too fast. I'm the "Cool Mom" with the "Moms Rock" button my dd 16 just gave me from the college bookstore. :D

[Pamela H in Texas]

Melissa :) Stop defending.

 

I would thank them for their concern, tell them it is no longer up for discussion, and change the subject. The first time, I'd probably add that parents have the right to make the decision for their own children.

 

"Thank you for your concern. As you can imagine, we considered this very carefully and felt this was best for our family at this time. We'll appreciate you support. It is no longer up for discussion though. So how did your vegetable garden do?"

 

Anything after. "Thank you for your concern; we're fine thank you. You HAVE to try this recipe...."

 

Seriously, the proof will be in the pudding one day. It could be later this year or it could be many years off. One day, these same people could be claiming how they supported you all along (which they will to some degree if you stand up for yourself) or even that it was their idea! LOL

[Karenciavo]

Melissa :) Stop defending.

"Thank you for your concern. As you can imagine, we considered this very carefully and felt this was best for our family at this time. We'll appreciate you support. It is no longer up for discussion though. So how did your vegetable garden do?"

 

Anything after. "Thank you for your concern; we're fine thank you. You HAVE to try this recipe...."

:iagree:

 

They've heard the myths repeated about home schooling and probably truly are concerned at some level, but home schooling is also one of those things people get defensive about as if simply because you chose it you are putting down them because of their choice. If someone is interested in knowing how it works I fill them in, otherwise I pass the bean dip.

[Peela]

I have noticed over the years that for many people it is a surprise that their family are so negative about their homeschooling decision, and that it is kind of like a growing up inititation. You realise that in order to be true to yourself, you have to go against what the family, and the general culture, think is best. Even though they probably havent done any research on it whatsoever, and you have probably spent hours researching and many more hours agonising over whether its the right thing to do- they will tell you straight to your face that you are going to ruin your kids' lives.

.

My family wasn't especially negative to my face, but then, I spent so many years rebelling against them, and moved to the other side of the country...they knew there was no point trying to tell me anything at all and were grateful for any contact. I am sure they had a few things to say to each other in the beginning- like rolling their eyes, there she goes again. However, in case they were concerned, I did send them a few articles in that first year or 2.

 

I get so, so much positivity now. When I take my kids to see them every couple of years, or they visit me...they can't stop telling me how great my kids are. My step mum raved about me to her daughter- my step sister- one of her kids was being bullied at school- and now she homeschools too. My SIL homeschooled for a couple of years. My parents, divorced, both tell me how proud they are of me. They tell all their friends.

 

So, you kind of just have to deal with it and wait for time to pass. If you are kind of enmeshed with your family, it can be very difficult because they will press all your buttons. You will learn to not engage, to smile and change the subject, and go home and vent to your husband (if he is supportive- many husbands are also not so supportive) or to your fellow homeschoolers such as here. This place is alive and cooking as a support group for homeschooling mums, with a few dads here as well. Come here and vent and replenish (oK, dont spend too long here, it can get kind of addictive, you have to go be with your kids sometimes too, ok? ) :)

[....]

Melissa :) Stop defending.

 

:iagree: I was just saying this in a thread on the curriculum board. Back in Missouri, we lived in one of those places where the schools were exemplary and everybody wanted to buy a house in our school district. We homeschooled and we would get comments from all kinds of people - cashiers, neighbors, relatives, complete strangers - lol.

 

Eventually, your relatives and neighbors will get used to it and it won't be such a novelty subject. It's been two years now and my in-laws have ended their soapbox - especially when they can see how much happier and more confident our kids are.