Morose, but need advice...MIL's gonna pass soon...what to wear to funeral/visitation?

[4kids4me]

I haven't been through this ever and I cannot remember what other people have worn. I'm sure we'll have a couple of days of visitation, then the funeral. So what's the dress code? For example, dh's got a nice suit but I really think it doesn't fit him anymore. Does he need a new suit, or can he wear something else (seriously, his mom would NOT be happy if he wasn't wearing a suit, though!!!! LOL, she's always gone with him to buy suits and he always comes back looking swanky) that would be as appropriate (ok, as I type this I'm thinking that it's a suit for the funeral but maybe something else for visitation?).

 

And the kids? Does ds, 11, wear a suit, or nice pants and a nice top? What about the girls and little one?

 

Thanks,

Caralyn

[Lolly]

You may be able to get by with just one day. The new trend seems to be visitation and funeral all rolled into one. It really works great, imho. Anyway, I'd go with nicer slacks/khakis for the boys with a shirt that has a collar (doesn't have to be button down). No need for a suit. The girls can either wear a dress, skirt, or casual pants. Basically for the kids as long as you stay away from t-shirts and jeans/shorts I think you are fine. My dh would want two different suits if it was two events. Or, at least a coat and tie type of get up. He tends to go a bit more formal than most.

 

Know what is sad? I have wonderful memories of going clothes shopping with the kids for mil before she died. It was odd, but it was a stress reliever. Weird?

[Mejane]

My kids were 14 and 11 when my husband's mother passed three years ago. Daughter wore a dress, and son wore khakis with a button-down shirt to both calling and funeral. Hubby wore his suit to both. I wore a brown dress to the calling and a black one to the funeral. Two of my ssil wore pants to both, so I don't think dresses are considered de rigueur anymore.

[Jackie in AR]

I haven't been through this ever and I cannot remember what other people have worn. I'm sure we'll have a couple of days of visitation, then the funeral. So what's the dress code? For example, dh's got a nice suit but I really think it doesn't fit him anymore. Does he need a new suit, or can he wear something else (seriously, his mom would NOT be happy if he wasn't wearing a suit, though!!!! LOL, she's always gone with him to buy suits and he always comes back looking swanky) that would be as appropriate (ok, as I type this I'm thinking that it's a suit for the funeral but maybe something else for visitation?).

 

And the kids? Does ds, 11, wear a suit, or nice pants and a nice top? What about the girls and little one?

 

Thanks,

Caralyn

 

Will the funeral service be at a church? If so, I would dress the family like that congregation dresses on Sunday mornings. Since your MIL loves your dh in a suit, I would probably get him a new one that fits for the service even if the church is more casual. My dc would wear whatever is considered appropriate for the dc of the church to wear.

 

Visitation is generally much less dressy in our area, often quite casual. Khakis and a shirt are what my sons would wear to that, and my dds would wear either nice pants or a casual dress, whichever they preferred. I wouldn't allow anyone to wear jeans, though my sons would want to. :001_smile:

[Laurie4b]

I haven't been through this ever and I cannot remember what other people have worn. I'm sure we'll have a couple of days of visitation, then the funeral. So what's the dress code? For example, dh's got a nice suit but I really think it doesn't fit him anymore. Does he need a new suit, or can he wear something else (seriously, his mom would NOT be happy if he wasn't wearing a suit, though!!!! LOL, she's always gone with him to buy suits and he always comes back looking swanky) that would be as appropriate (ok, as I type this I'm thinking that it's a suit for the funeral but maybe something else for visitation?).

 

And the kids? Does ds, 11, wear a suit, or nice pants and a nice top? What about the girls and little one?

 

Thanks,

Caralyn

 

If mil would like dh in a suit, that is the dress code for him. For the children, something fairly formal, like nice dress pants and at least a polo shirt (as opposed to t-shirt), for the girls, depends on how old they are. Dresses if they are old enough that they won't need to do playing; could wear something with pants if they will be playing, but something more subdued than otherwise (like solid color) than "fun". Depending on your faith tradition, you could wear something dark to show mourning or if your faith tradition is that this is a celebration of life, something less somber, but still pretty formal (dress with sleeves or jacket, skirt and blouse, nice pantsuit, etc.)

[littlebug42]

I always dress up for funerals and only slightly less so for visitations, especially those for family. I may not require the boys to have a full suit but I would do a button down shirt and a tie. The girls would definitely be in dresses. I usually wear a skirt or dressy pants, depending on the time of year. For your dh, I would think suit for funeral and probably a button down shirt with tie for the visitation.

[Dobela]

It may all depend on your area. In my town, people will wear dressy slacks and pants for the visitation (think Dockers and button downs no tie)and then business suits and such for the funerals.

 

However, when my grandmother died in May in a small rural town many miles away, the more 'professional ' family members dressed as above, with the young boys in jeans and polo shirts, for the visitation. My dd3 was the only small girl and I had her in cute shirts with a frilly top. The less professional members of the family just wore nice jeans and nice shirts. The imporant part for the visitation was for us to look nice but to also be comfortable. Since many of the community that came were farmers and such, the family was dressed fine. For the funeral the adult men who were children of my grandmother or pall bearers wore suits, the women wore either dark dresses/skirts or dark dress slacks. I had my dd3 in a dark dress and the boys wore khakis with nice polo or button down shirts. The extended family came in everything from jeans and a nice TShirt to near formal wear.

[EarleneW]

My MIL just passed away a couple months ago. DH wore khakis and a button down shirt to the visitation, I wore a skirt and blouse. To the funeral I wore a black dress and he wore a suit- as did his brother and father. The kids wore Sunday dresses and the boys wore khakis and button down shirts- no ties.

[justasque]

At the ones I've been to most people appear to be doing their best to dress nicely/appropriately, but not buying new outfits especially for the event, you know?

 

So suits for men/boys if you have them, otherwise shirts/ties/khakis, otherwise clean pants (not jeans) and a polo shirt. Dress shoes if possible.

 

For girls, nice outfit that is on the plain/dark side if possible. Women, dress or skirt & top in a darker palette. Black skirt/blouse works, or dark dress, etc. More dressy than casual. Some go with business if that's what they have.

 

I vote for a suit for dh, if he wants one.

 

Another option for anyone for whom it works is a military or scout uniform.

[Alyce]

It probably will depend on where you live and where everything takes place. The visitations we've participated in over the last several years have always been at a funeral home. The dress was semi-formal. The men and boys wore dress pants and nice top (polo or sports shirt) , women and girls wore nice pants and dress top or casual dress if desired, Moderate colors were fine but nothing over the top like bright pink, wild orange or wild patterns. Tonight I wore black pants with a black and white top. Several of the visitors were wearing toned down colors such as light greens, salmons, a few tourquoise but mostly toned down. Dh and Ds wore shirts and ties and were the only ones we saw that way but we have been known to be more formal than other people we know.

 

Some people in our area still have visitations at the relatives house. These are usually very casual and jeans would be allowed but the shirts would be dressy.

 

If funeral is at church we wore "church" clothes. A suit for Dh, dress for myself and Dd and dress pants, shirt and tie for Ds when he was young and suit now that he is older. We always kept the colors fairly neutral. It's easier to do with adults then children. When Dd was younger she would wear a dress with darker colors on it and I tried to avoid flowers.

 

My Dad's funeral was graveside. The family wore more formal attire. Men in suits, Me in a dark skirt and jacket and my sister wore dark pants and nice dressy neutral color blouse (she doesn't wear dresses) The people attending the funeral varied in how they were dressed. Many of the younger people were dressed in nice pants and shirts even some of the women. The older people tended to dress more in a church style. You do have to keep in mind the weather in situations like this and definitely wear flats or wedges. I had on short heels and foot was always sinking down into the soil.

[cin]

The last funeral & visitation I went to was pretty much the same as previously described. Business Casual for the visitation and a bit dressier for the funeral service, which was at a church. I, myself was dressed VERY casual for the funeral service because I was helping to serve a meal to the family. Also, the gentleman worked for a major corporation for 25+ years, and there were alot of upper management type of men there, so I'm not sure how that might have influenced the level of dress (most of them were in suits).

 

I'm sure that dark slacks and a button down shirt would be acceptable for the funeral service.

[Mama_Rana]

I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL.

 

I just went through this last year when my father died. We knew it was coming, and I dragged my boys [then 5 years, and 4 months] to the mall to find some clothes for me [i'd gained a lot of weight with my last pregnancy and NOTHING fit], and decided I should get some for them too. It was August. They already had all the winter stuff out, but it was still hot as blazes out. I was trying to find a collared shirt for each of them, maybe 2. I couldn't find one, especially for the baby. I was in TEARS at the last store because all I wanted was a short-sleeved polo shirt or other collared shirt, and why was that so hard! Ugh.

 

I finally gave up and went home, and then when I calmed down, I realized that I had a polo shirt for the baby in the next size up box of clothes that I'd saved from the elder, and I had a shirt for the 5 year old anyway. :001_huh:

 

And then I found out that my father was being cremated, and didn't want a funeral/memorial service, so in the end all my stress was a little over the top. We did have a nice lunch with family and friends at his favorite restaurant, and I wore one of my new outfits, and the boys wore khakis and their polo shirts, and my hubby wore his suit. But he was the only one in a suit, or one of few. Most were in khakis or slacks and a polo or button-front shirt.

For a funeral, I think your hubby should probably wear a suit if he has one that fits, esp. if that's what his mother would prefer. A nice dress or skirt and blouse for yourself. Slacks and a collared shirt for the boys, dress or skirt/blouse for the girls. If your eldest boy has a suit, it would not be out of place, esp. if your MIL really likes them, but I don't think he HAS to wear one.

 

Good luck, and blessing to you and yours in this difficult time.