Help for a newbie -- please!!!

[mommyto4]

We are on Day 8 of homeschooling and I ned some advice about how to respond to my oldest son. He is 8 and went to school for the last four years. He is very bright and loves to read. However, we are constantly fighting with each other.

 

I have a list of curriculum I want him to do. Today was: an exercise in SM, Writing with Ease lesson, read MCT with mom, write out 10 spelling words 2 times each, do a page in French and make a poster for etre, and then create a fact page for our Science lesson on Monday.

 

Not much... but man does he fight it! He begs to play lego, or just walks away to go bug his three younger siblings. And when he finally gets down to working, he does it and then runs off while I try to get him to start the new subject.

 

His six year old brother has similar work and gets most of it done by 9:30am.

 

Okay, so what do I do? Do I back off and deschool for a bit? Or do I set aside a clear schedule (difficult with three younger kids around)? I can't say that he needs to get it done by the end of the day, as I have three others to take for walks or take care of and I am not free to be around to answer all his questions..

 

Please, please help me!

 

Thanks!

[simka2]

Did he have the summer off? I pulled mine out last year, so I understand what you are going thru!

[SailorMom]

I know a lot of people disagree with the way I dealt with a similar problem many years ago - but it did work for us.

As long as there are no underlying problems (like LD's)....

He has to finish all the work you set out for him everyday (the amount sounds reasonable for a 2nd grader). In between each subject, you could give him a 10 minute break to run around. Before school - he needs to exercise - really work up a sweat.

He isn't done with school until he completes all his work - even if it takes him until 9pm. Don't worry - you won't have to do it for long. Took my kids about 3 days to realize I was serious and really get to work :)

[5LittleMonkeys]

That certainly doesn't sound like too much work. I agree with SailorMom. My dc like to see a schedule of the day so that they know when they are supposed to do what and when they will get breaks. I know that a schedule doesn't always work with a lot of little ones though. But definitely, giving breaks in between subjects does a lot to keep my physical dd11 focused.

 

Did you sit your children down before you started homeschooling and have a discussion about expectations? I do this several times during the year and I also write up contracts with each dc listing my expectations of them. They sign it and keep a copy of it in the front of their notebooks. It helps when I have attitude issues to just tell them they need to refer to their contracts. ;) I also have a meeting every six weeks with them individually to discuss if they have any problems or issues they want to resolve. Just recently my dd11 wanted to move her written grammar work to the evening so that she could have two back to back 30 minute blocks to work on art. The deal was that the first time she didn't complete her grammar we would resort back to the other schedule. So far she is keeping up her end of the deal.

 

Anyway, be firm about your expectations and don't let your little ones distract you from staying on top of him. If he is like my dc he will take advantage of the situation when he sees you are focused on the babies. Be vigilant and be strong!:D

[Karen in CO]

You are creating a new type of relationship between the two of you. Picture what you want that parent-teacher/child-student relationship to look. Make sure that is what you are aiming at when you try to get him to "do his work." At the beginning, it isn't about the work as much as it is about creating the type of relationship you want to have with him around homeschooling.

 

Now after you have your ideal in mind, start slowly. Even after lots of years of homeschooling, I start off each year with getting into a routine of school with my kids. We start with a story or poetry and math everyday, then we add in writing, then art, then one more tough subject at a time with a fun subject until we are all in the habit of getting our work done. It helps me to not burn out by Thanksgiving like I do the years I try to start off with everything all at once.

 

Right now, my kids are playing in the tree house, and I'm relaxing in my swing -they've already done math and WWE for the day so school is out. Next week, we'll add in spelling. The weather is wonderful, and we're enjoying every last minute of it.

[SBP]

That certainly doesn't sound like too much work. I agree with SailorMom. My dc like to see a schedule of the day so that they know when they are supposed to do what and when they will get breaks. I know that a schedule doesn't always work with a lot of little ones though. But definitely, giving breaks in between subjects does a lot to keep my physical dd11 focused.

 

Did you sit your children down before you started homeschooling and have a discussion about expectations? I do this several times during the year and I also write up contracts with each dc listing my expectations of them. They sign it and keep a copy of it in the front of their notebooks. It helps when I have attitude issues to just tell them they need to refer to their contracts.

 

We do the things I bolded as well, and have since my DS was a first grader. The schedule, especially, is SO important to him. He needs to SEE what he has to do each day, where his breaks are, etc.

 

I'm a mean mom/homeschooler, so whenever my DS allowed his desire to play with certain toys to distract him from his schooling to the point of arguing with me about it, we got into the car that minute and took the distracting toy to Goodwill. Yes, I know Legos are expensive, the other kids play with them too, etc., but your time and sanity are valuable as well, and with my kid, at least, this was not a lesson that needed frequent repetition. I think we've done it twice in 7 years, and now, at 12, if my DS is allowing a toy (or video game, more likely) to distract him from his schoolwork, it's his deepest, darkest secret! He knows that absolutely nothing good will come of mentioning it during school time :).

 

Hope things improve with your little guy, and I predict that if you stay consistent, they will. It's early days yet, and you're still figuring this new relationship out. Hang in there :)

 

SBP

[DianeJM]

I heard this a long time ago, and have found it to be true in my house -- boys have this thing for wanting to rule over their mothers. Some more than others, I'm sure. My oldest, yikes. Anyway, that could be part of what is going on. I hear your frustration and I feel it right along with you. One of the mistakes I made was trying to make my oldest son like I wanted him to be; I didn't learn until much later that it's easier for everyone when you work with them according to their God-given bent. Still, my ds had a mind of his own, oh boy.

 

In addition, maybe he needs some adjustment time/space to adjust to home school. Possibly some kind of time off might be in order (?), since he loves to read so much, with him doing all the reading he wants for, say, a couple weeks or some amount of time that works for you. Don't worry about him missing anything; he's young enough that even if you take a long time off it's not that big a deal, it all comes around again. So, you end your school year later with him, or just skip it until next year -- no big deal at this age.

 

But I also agree with Kristy that when you and he finally find your groove, he should be held to accountability for the work he is responsible for.

 

Well, not really any answers here, just some thoughts.

 

All the best to you, I hope you and he figure this thing out!

Blessings,

[Hedgehog]

I'm a mean mom/homeschooler, so whenever my DS allowed his desire to play with certain toys to distract him from his schooling to the point of arguing with me about it, we got into the car that minute and took the distracting toy to Goodwill. Yes, I know Legos are expensive, the other kids play with them too, etc., but your time and sanity are valuable as well, and with my kid, at least, this was not a lesson that needed frequent repetition. I think we've done it twice in 7 years, and now, at 12, if my DS is allowing a toy (or video game, more likely) to distract him from his schoolwork, it's his deepest, darkest secret! He knows that absolutely nothing good will come of mentioning it during school time .

 

:blink: :lol:

 

Sounds like quite the idea.. thanks!

[robsiew]

You've gotten lots of good advice. I'm sure he's also testing to see how much "control" he'll have in this new way of doing school! It will take some adjustment time! I pulled my older two from school after only 2 and 1 year respectively in PS and it took us a good 5-6 months to really get our schooling established well.

 

I will throw in another idea, just because I don't think I read it in any responses yet. I use workboxes. Just google that or search here and you'll find many ideas of how to implement this idea. It helps my kids SO much! They know exactly what needs to be done and they know when they finish all their boxes they are done for the day. Start small... add more gradually. It seems simple, and it really is, but something about them creates order and organization that works really well for kids. (and parent!)

 

Remember, your "dream" that you have in your head will not come true all at once. It may never look exactly like what you envision. Your homeschooling will take on a life of it's own. But, it really is so rewarding... difficult, but rewarding! You won't regret it. Be sure to start slow, add in little by little and YOU keep the control that you need. Your ds will figure it out soon.

[guateangel]

Did you sit your children down before you started homeschooling and have a discussion about expectations? I do this several times during the year and I also write up contracts with each dc listing my expectations of them. They sign it and keep a copy of it in the front of their notebooks. It helps when I have attitude issues to just tell them they need to refer to their contracts.

 

Contracts, what a great idea! Thanks!

 

 

My dd (total boy mentality though) is also in 2nd grade and had been in ps for 4 years. We've had a few spats (this is our 3rd week) with certain subjects and wanting to watch tv or go play, but I made it clear in the beginning that there would be absolutely no electronics until after 3pm, regardless of school being done and no free time either until school is completed. Give it more time and don't give in. He needs to see that you are 100% serious and this is how it is, period. We also do fun things once school is over....park, library, nature walk, bike ride, feed neighbors' horses, friends house, museum, etc. and this gives her motivation to get everything done with a good attitude. If she gives me attitude, no fun activity for the day. This is coming from a newby so take it with a grain of salt. ;)

 

Oh, one more thing. I started slow.....only doing the minimal....spelling, reading, math and grammar. If she became frustrated, I backed off. We have yet to begin science, music, art, history, geography, etc. I will gradually introduce these, but didn't want to overwhelm her in the beginning. You could go back to the basics for a week or so and see how he does?

[Tracy]

You have got a lot of good advice already. How much of his schedule/curricula did he have a hand in planning? If you could sit down with him and ask him what he wants to do, he may be more willing to do it. Obviously, it has to be acceptable to you. But maybe he wants to do X in the afternoon and Y in the morning--or whatever. Perhaps that will help him feel ownership of it.

[mommyto4]

Thanks to all of you who took the time to share your ideas. Today has been wonderful... my son was actually asking to begin math!

 

I have talked to him about how we can make the day go more smoothly and he seems to have decided to try to help out. He has always had trouble with transitions, so maybe time will help some.

 

I also decided to cut out certain subjects if the day isn't going well.... to back off on my expectations. That is hard for me to do, but as a poster said, we have years ahead of us to learn!

 

I haven't tried it yet, but I also thought to give him a small reward for getting out his books, pencils, and be seated for each subject. When he does start he usually likes the work and completes it.

 

Thanks again! This forum has been a huge blessing to me and my boys!

 

Julie