Help! I think my child is a snail!

[Kipling]

I've read the recent thread about whining, but that is not my daughter's problem. She won't whine or complain about the work, but she will drag her feet and take FOREVER to complete an assignment.

For example, if I give her a page to complete, I KNOW she could have it done in 20 minutes or less. She will make it drag out for an hour. During the time that she is "working" on it, she is never directly disobeying me (ie. she stays at the table, pencil in hand, paper in front of her). I don't know if she is daydreaming or what. I can't stand to sit there and tell her every few minutes, "get back to work."

I have tried saying that we will spend X minutes on this assignment and if she is not done, she will have to finish it later when school is done. This works to some extent, but then she just drags her feet when finishing the work in the afternoon. She can make a 4 hour school day last all day.

She is 7 and has no problems learning. All subjects come fairly easily to her, so there really isn't a comprehension issue or skills problem.

I would love any advice as we get ready to start our new school year.

[SailorMom]

As long as it isn't a LD, or possible vision problems, then just don't ever let her off the hook for her work. My kids were the same way. But once they figured out that even if the daily work took them 7 or 8 (or more) hours I would still make them finish it - they got a lot faster! I remember at about that age we really struggled, she'll speed up again soon :D

[Nakia]

I don't have any advice, but we have decided my middle daughter has a bad case of turtleitis. It affects everything she does, not just school work. :glare:

[Ellie]

Give her 20-30 minutes to do the assignment. Don't make her do it later in the day; just finish it the next day. It will be fine. She's young.

 

Sometimes when dc take a loooooong time to do their work, it's because it really is over their heads but they don't know how to express that, or it's way too easy and they don't know how to express that, or it's SO not their learning style, or...it's just wrong for them.

 

I would NOT let a young child languish over paperwork. There are too many other things that are more important and educational.

[NanceXToo]

My daughter was like this at 8. I found that sitting with her and keeping her company and helping her keep on track made it go faster. She got somewhat better at 9. Though she still tends to dawdle in general.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

I had a dream when I was pregnant with my first child. I dreamed that instead of a baby, I gave birth to three turtles. I had no idea this was a dream of prophecy, but, alas, it was. I eventually did give birth to three turtles (four others who aren't turtles), but definitely three turtles.

 

After much trial and error, this is what I do. "Switch Schooling". It's kind of like switch nursing that you do with an infant who is a sleepy nurser. I sit by my son for 30 minutes and when he starts slogging through his work, we switch. It might be "do these 5 problems then we'll do your speed drill", or " diagram these 5 sentences and then do this section in math". I have his morning chores dispersed throughout his morning schedule:

Bible, Spelling with me, take vitamins, grammar/math, clean room, read history or science, unload dishwasher, read history or science, feed chickens, Spanish on computer, Typing.

 

I used to get really frustrated and thought I had to change him (and a couple of his older siblings), until I realized that I was going against his nature. He's not just slow in school, he is methodical and deliberate in everything he does, and the longer he works at anything the more he slows down. My husband is the same way. Dh is a salesman and literally can have 2 phone calls, a video conference, and an IM chat going at the same time, but put him at a quiet desk with paperwork for the afternoon, and he moves like molasses.

 

BTW- putting a turtle (or snail) at a table in front of work in the evening that they already had trouble finishing earlier will not help. Consequences are great for rebellion, but turtles aren't rebelling, they are being themselves. Turtles (and snails) will go in their shells. It's safe in there, they like it.

 

I have had to learn that I can't hurry my 18yo. The more I bark at her heels, the less able she is to think. She is a brilliant girl, but she can't be hurried. I have had to learn to patiently teach her to be more efficient, but hurry her? It just stresses her and makes her slower.

 

HTH

[SamanthaBea]

Every single year I heard the same thing at the parent-teacher conference at ps (ds was there until halfway through 4th grade)--well behaved, smart, but worked at a snail's pace! He hated the work and decided to spend his time daydreaming (or whatever it was he was doing). Since he still managed to make mostly A's on his report card (except for the work habits grade!), he saw absolutely no point in bothering to do the work at all.

The main concerns he has expressed to me are that he thinks the work is going to take "forever," seeing all the work makes him feel overwhelmed, and a general lack of motivation. There were also some SPD issues going on at school that (mostly) don't apply at home.

I have opted to make his homeschool work as condensed as possible. He focuses and works better when he knows--and can clearly see--the light at the end of the tunnel. He knows that the lesson and the school day will absolutely take no longer than x-many minutes even if he works at a relatively slow pace. If he doesn't complete his work within the designated timeframe, then he doesn't get any "screens" for the rest of the day (TV, video games, computer, etc.)

I also do not tell him or list out all the work that he is going to have to do that day/week/semester/etc. I only tell him what he needs to be doing at that red-hot moment. He hasn't developed the ability to look at a mountain of work and break it down into small doable bits. Obviously this is a skill ds will need for school and life, so we are taking itty-bitty baby steps toward this goal.

As for motivation, this year we implemented the school allowance paycheck. Initially, he wanted to earn ordered pizza (not the frozen stuff!), but then decided that a paycheck would be better. It's not much money (equivalent to the pizza), but in order to earn it, he must have a good attitude, complete his work, and stay organized. I even wrote out a contract detailing all the criteria, etc. so there would be no question about exactly what was expected of him.

I have also found that the mere act of sitting right beside him keeps him focused and working. I don't have to be teaching or helping, just sitting down beside him. Obviously this hinders my ability to get anything else done, but it is a lifesaver when he is having a particularly bad day.

I guess all you can do is try to figure out what's bugging her: Is the material too easy? too hard? Does she need to run around before she can focus? Is something distracting her? Does she feel overwhelmed? etc.

 

Snail children are difficult to figure out!!! :001_smile:

[Aubrey]

We have the same problem. Sometimes nothing helps, but sometimes, I can set the timer for 3-5min, & they can focus for that long. Then I'll set it again--it's a "reminder," not a time limit. Sometimes they've worked hard after 5-20min, but I can see they're having a hard time, so I send them to run around the house a few times. Or give them snacks. I hate stnacks.

 

Anyway, shorter bits & spurts can help. Think Flylady. I maybe can't stand to look at my kitchen or laundry rm as a whole, & if I try, I find myself just wandering aimlessly, BUT I CAN *just* sort or *just* wash dishes or something like that. Then the next thing's easier.

 

HTH. Otherwise, chocolate & WTM boards. :D

[freerange]

 

Sometimes when dc take a loooooong time to do their work, it's because it really is over their heads but they don't know how to express that, or it's way too easy and they don't know how to express that, or it's SO not their learning style, or...it's just wrong for them.

 

:iagree:

Find the right material for my Dds & they can fly through it, but if it regularly takes far longer than it should, and I know I need to start looking for something else.

[Tam101]

I've read the recent thread about whining, but that is not my daughter's problem. She won't whine or complain about the work, but she will drag her feet and take FOREVER to complete an assignment.

For example, if I give her a page to complete, I KNOW she could have it done in 20 minutes or less. She will make it drag out for an hour. During the time that she is "working" on it, she is never directly disobeying me (ie. she stays at the table, pencil in hand, paper in front of her). I don't know if she is daydreaming or what. I can't stand to sit there and tell her every few minutes, "get back to work."

 

This is my son!

 

I had a dream when I was pregnant with my first child. I dreamed that instead of a baby, I gave birth to three turtles. I had no idea this was a dream of prophecy, but, alas, it was. I eventually did give birth to three turtles (four others who aren't turtles), but definitely three turtles.

 

After much trial and error, this is what I do. "Switch Schooling". It's kind of like switch nursing that you do with an infant who is a sleepy nurser. I sit by my son for 30 minutes and when he starts slogging through his work, we switch. It might be "do these 5 problems then we'll do your speed drill", or " diagram these 5 sentences and then do this section in math". I have his morning chores dispersed throughout his morning schedule:

Bible, Spelling with me, take vitamins, grammar/math, clean room, read history or science, unload dishwasher, read history or science, feed chickens, Spanish on computer, Typing.

 

I used to get really frustrated and thought I had to change him (and a couple of his older siblings), until I realized that I was going against his nature. He's not just slow in school, he is methodical and deliberate in everything he does, and the longer he works at anything the more he slows down. My husband is the same way. Dh is a salesman and literally can have 2 phone calls, a video conference, and an IM chat going at the same time, but put him at a quiet desk with paperwork for the afternoon, and he moves like molasses.

 

BTW- putting a turtle (or snail) at a table in front of work in the evening that they already had trouble finishing earlier will not help. Consequences are great for rebellion, but turtles aren't rebelling, they are being themselves. Turtles (and snails) will go in their shells. It's safe in there, they like it.

 

I have had to learn that I can't hurry my 18yo. The more I bark at her heels, the less able she is to think. She is a brilliant girl, but she can't be hurried. I have had to learn to patiently teach her to be more efficient, but hurry her? It just stresses her and makes her slower.

 

HTH

 

Thank You! Your post is very encourging. We'll keep plodding along.

 

The main concerns he has expressed to me are that he thinks the work is going to take "forever," seeing all the work makes him feel overwhelmed, and a general lack of motivation.

 

Overwhelmed is my son. He learns from books, which is why Peace Hill products work so well with him. When it comes to math and he has to put pencil to paper I lose him. He just sees large amounts of work. It helps when I tell him he just has to do every other problem. It will be interesting to see how the FLL3 workbook goes with him and sentence diagramming....Eeeek!

[Kipling]

After much trial and error, this is what I do. "Switch Schooling". It's kind of like switch nursing that you do with an infant who is a sleepy nurser. I sit by my son for 30 minutes and when he starts slogging through his work, we switch. It might be "do these 5 problems then we'll do your speed drill", or " diagram these 5 sentences and then do this section in math". I have his morning chores dispersed throughout his morning schedule:

Bible, Spelling with me, take vitamins, grammar/math, clean room, read history or science, unload dishwasher, read history or science, feed chickens, Spanish on computer, Typing.

 

HTH

 

Thank you. I like the "switch schooling" idea and will try to implement that. I also like the timer idea. This morning, I had her working on some math problems and she did much better when I gave her a few problems and set a timer and then gave her another small batch and set the timer.

 

I confess one of the problems is that I want to teach her to work the way I work, as opposed to finding the methods that work for her. I also want her to be able to do some work without me right there at the table with her. However, I guess I need to realize that she isn't at that point yet. (and that, from listening to some of you, she may never really get to that point). :glare:

 

I have trouble with the advice to not have her finish her work (only work 20-30 minutes, then finish tomorrow). To me, that does not not teach diligence to complete assignments, plus that delays our schedule. (I will gladly slow down the schedule if there are problems with comprehension or whatnot. I don't like to get behind on the schedule simply because she is working slowly and won't move along at a pace I know she is capable of.)

 

I sometimes feel like this is a power struggle more than a school issue, and I don't want to give her the upper hand in deciding what she will and will not do for school.

 

Any thoughts?

[SailorMom]

I have trouble with the advice to not have her finish her work (only work 20-30 minutes, then finish tomorrow). To me, that does not not teach diligence to complete assignments, plus that delays our schedule. (I will gladly slow down the schedule if there are problems with comprehension or whatnot. I don't like to get behind on the schedule simply because she is working slowly and won't move along at a pace I know she is capable of.)

 

 

 

I agree - I did not let my kids ever not finish the work for the day - with the exception of stumbling through a few math concepts. If they were really struggling with a concept, we would occasionally set it aside and let the info digest for a day or two.

I tried switch-schooling with mine and it was a disaster. We could never get back on track. And it seems that if we don't get done by about 2pm (when they were younger, noon) we never get done. My sons now consistenty finish their work entirely by 1:30 or 2:00.

I think it boils down to just trying various methods and seeing which one works for both of you.

There was also a balancing act I had to learn - how much work was the right amount of work for one day?? Took me a while to get that right! I always used to start the year very optimistic as to what we could accomplish in X-number of hours....

[holdoll]

I don't have any advice, but we have decided my middle daughter has a bad case of turtleitis. It affects everything she does, not just school work. :glare:

 

This is my youngest to a tee. Dh got so frustrated that he finally told her Mom will give her set times to do each subject. Whatever she doesn't finish, she has to do for homework after dinner. Somehow she gets all her work done now before time's up! :tongue_smilie:

[Cami in UT]

We have the same problem with ds10. This past year dh & I made a "contract" with each boy. If they finished their schoolwork for x amount of consecutive days then they earned a reward (something they had been asking for). It finished out at 75 days with a new Wii game. It worked really well for both the older boys in our house.

 

The other thing that has helped getting ds10 his dysgraphia diagnoses. It helped to get my expectations in line with his actual writing abilities. It took us until the end of 4th grade to finally get the testing because he wasn't having any problems with his actual schoolwork but he would take forever. Come to find out it is because he has a block getting what is in mind to come out of a pencil.

[WishboneDawn]

One thing that helped my daughter, at least in math, was talking out the problems. If she stated the problems and the process of solving them out loud as she went she kept a good pace.

 

It was something I learned as a kid. I was a HORRIBLE dawdler. I think my daughter is my comeuppance. :(

[laurad1125]

My older son has been that way - forever. I've taken a 2-fold approach. I try to let him be slow. It makes me crazy sometime, but I've gotten used to it. When I can't wait on him, I set a timer for twice the time it should take him. I impose severe consequences for not meeting it.

 

So for school, if I'm involved in the lesson, he had better stay on task, focus and get it done or the screen time will evaporate. For the stuff he doesn't need me for, I avert my eyes and let it take however long it will.

 

It's a compromise....

[Tracy]

I had this problem with dd5. She is bright, but because of her young age, I was trying not to push her too hard. I finally tried giving her something more advanced to work on (because she was asking for it), and the dragging-the-feet behavior completely stopped.

 

I have also come to understand that she very much *needs* interaction. While she is perfectly capable of doing certain work on her own, she has an intense need to share every experience. So I have tailored her curriculum to that need. Everything we do will be something we have to talk about or do something together. And this goes for household chores, as well. It is rather tiring sometimes, because it is all very mom-intensive. But the more I do the work with her, the more initiative she takes to make sure it gets done.

 

A couple of books that I have read that have helped me with this issue are Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. It is always possible that a child just has an innate weakness to be lazy or procrastinate. But at such a young age, I would look to see if some other need is not being met.