ma23peas Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I'm sticking this on the high school thread b/c our issue has to do with him completing his work. He is 15 years old, very 'bright', a Life Scout, completed Philmont, does his chores without complaint (although I do have to prompt him...I'm waiting for the day when they will just do them without being asked...yeah yeah, chore charts, tried those, we failed), and he is a 'great' kid..meaning compassionate, caring, helpful. But you leave this kid for 2 hours with a list of 5 things (all course work) to get done and he will use the time to 'enjoy his freedom'...we've taken away Xbox and other games like that..so he is honest and does not/can not play those...but even without them he will find something to do OTHER than coursework... If I sit with him, he will do the work, and he has a pretty good attitude about it....I have tried different approaches: praising, block scheduling, etc. His father and I pray and it actually was my son's decision to remove the xbox, his father and I sat down with him and talked about his lack of attention to his work and pointed out his attention was more on 'doing what I want' than what is expected....so our son told us to take the Xbox away for 2 weeks...we were actually very proud of him..a step of maturity in the right direction...so I thought I'd give him a little grace and let him stay at home to complete work and build some trust back...AGAIN he chose the wrong thing...this time turning to a Tivo program and just vegging..the tasks I gave him were VERY doable, my 11 and 12 year old girls would have knocked them out in 1 hour tops! somewhere along the way he's lost his drive and I'm sure I've contributed to his laxity. Just curious if this is a teenage boy 'phase'..or keep holding the standard until he makes his own correction himself with us guiding/setting the banks of the river Responsibility... Thanks for your helps!! I can say, still happy my girls are easy, I know we'll hit this when they hit 15 as well! :) Thanks! Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I have one of those too...but he's 12.5 yo.....:lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I have a great 15yo girl who...just...forgets. I gave her checklists on post-its, etc. We now do one-on-one tutor style school. Sucks hours out of my day, but we agree that she would be completely lost at public school. She was always my easiest kid and now she's my most time consuming kid. Still easy in a lot of ways, just time consuming. I have to take it day by day or it depresses me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I have 19 YO DS who always drove me NUTS because he was lazy and slow at. every. thing. I mean...drove me NUTS!!! Well my dh actually fired him because he was so slow at work our customers were getting upset....so fast forward a few months. He gets a job at the Y teaching swimming to kids. I think "This will never last." He is a fantastic swimmer and knows how to teach swimming...BUT...he is sooooooo sllloooowwwww to do anything... Anyway, what dh and I called slow and lazy, his boss calls patient and gentle!:001_huh: LOL!!!! They love him...the kids love him...the parents love him... He found his niche. Working with kids is his thing. He is changing his major from architecture...which he would hate...to elementary education for the time being and then will figure out what he wants to do.... Anyway, sometimes it is perspective. I always made my son finish his work before fun...and sometimes it was dreadful...but this is how God made him.....gentle and patient....and now I know without a doubt that he will be ok being gentle and patient. Also, a friend of mine says the same thing about her dh....sloooowwww and methodical....he is a biologist for the DEP and NEEDS to be slow and methodical for his job. HTH Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Some kids do better self directing than others. It is a lot to expect of a teen to just sit down and plow through the schoolwork. Homeschoolers have to teach themselves AND do the work. When my ds was a senior, he would come to me and say he was tired of moving himself along.... and I would sit with him, explain things and literally point at the problems in math to keep him moving. He was my easiest, for me it is dd, you have to find what motivates them, for her, it was coming to the realization that her education is important and a gateway to her future endeavors, not just a torture exercise initiated by me. Online science and math have helped her a lot. Believe me, being a little slow/unmotivated is the least of your worries, be thankful he is a good kid!! Try to find what type of schooling he does best at (online, sitting with you, tight scheduling, checking in at regular intervals, textbooks, whole books, etc.). Sometimes unmotivated can mean overwhelmed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennW in SoCal Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 My 15yo is best driven by deadlines, and because of this I'm grateful we homeschool under a charter umbrella. He has to meet his teacher monthly and turn in work samples -- essays, math problems and projects. He usually ends up writing his essays the night before the meetings, but darn it if he doesn't writes them well! If he was just doing work for me, I don't know if much would ever get done. I don't know about your ds, but mine has grown about a foot this last year and that has taken a bit of a toll on him physically. He sleeps about 10 hours a night!! Some, not all, but some of his laziness I think is from all that growing he's been doing. But I think more of it is a lack of a particular passion. His older brother had outside activities that he lived for, this younger one just bobs along. As I'm typing this, I'm waiting for my ds to get around to the vacuuming he is supposed to be doing today. And I can see into the room that he "cleaned" last week. So I have NO business giving advice, as I'm really in the same boat!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhea Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 This might not apply at all, but I'm tossing it out just in case. When I was a teen I loved time alone in the house to do whatever I wanted. So much so that I'd get up 1 hour before my dad (the first to rise) so that I could enjoy time alone. When my parents would go out to dinner or something and leave me home alone - heaven. Does your son have time just to be, alone? (Not alone doing what someone else has told him to do.) Does he have one day/week that is his to schedule as he wants? Does he feel he has any control over what he does, when he does it? Just some thoughts... Rhea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Not everyone is an autodidact who can sit and teach themselves by reading textbooks. You could alter the way you do school in order to fit his style and needs. Maybe you could sit down and teach the lessons to him, like a teacher in a high school would do. Maybe he could watch lectures with you and then discuss them afterward. Maybe he could take classes so he gets to interact with other students his own age. Maybe you do all this stuff already but it sounds from your post as if he's expected to sit down and work through hours of subject matter he isn't all that interested in. I think that is an unrealistic expectation of a 15 yo boy. I know that often homeschoolers bank on the fact that kids will be independent by high school, but not everyone learns that way. And it is not expected of most teens if you think about it. Some kids do become very independent but many don't. I think it is kind of a myth of homeschooling. Sure they can do some stuff independently, reading for lit and history, reading their science text, working through math problems, but they ought to be taught the subject matter in an interesting and stimulating way so they can appreciate what they are learning. They, like all human beings, need to feel a sense of satisfaction and gratification for what they are learning. Just sitting for hours studying stuff you might have very little interest in is dull work and takes a heck of a lot of motivation and self-discipline. Since your son has accomplished so much (Eagle Scout and such) it sounds like he's an active, hands on kind of guy. I can see why he might struggle with motivation. I've been struggling with my 15 yo for a while now. He was really busy growing and sleeping last fall and his motivation was zilch. Then he had back surgery in the winter which put a huge damper on things for a few weeks. He's been struggling to finish up 9th grade before 10th grade starts in a few weeks! It's been a rough year. However, he finished lit on Saturday. Hip, hip hooray! Science is scheduled for this week and history for next. Then he can vacation for a two weeks before it starts all over again. Poor guy. So anyway, I'm right there with you. I think it is a very common problem for young teen boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 You all have given some great ideas/suggestions/encouragment!! I've always been a very hands on teacher...I had just sat with him and went through his Chemistry/Analytical Grammar/piano (2 hours teaching)and then we had a break...we swam laps and played Marco Polo...I had to take my girls to an event and would be gone 2 hours...I just gave him 4 things (very easy) to get completed before I returned and then the afternoon would be HIS to do whatever he wanted to..if he had done his work, I probably would have run back out and knocked out some errands....so this was kind of a 'here's the rope of responsibility/trust' let's see if you'll manage this little bit...and he STILL did not..this is a consistency and in the past it was due to the fact he'd rather play video games faster so he'd 'say' he'd finished his work/chores and when I checked it was half-done... I'm one of those moms that are against self-directed study/online courses for kids...I think it's okay at the 11th/12 grade level to take a few AP courses but I have an active role, he does take Chemistry once a week with another teacher and has serious labs...he gets his work done, but at the final hour...so I know he CAN do it...I really feel as if he's pushing the limits with us and feels he can..that's what bothers me the most... I'm trying to find more 'passions' for him through scout badges...I had him wanting to try flying lessons, but now that has waned...he's tried fencing, football, basketball, softball, he loves speech and debate but his Chemistry class is on the same day as club so we're taking a break this semester to get his required sciences in.... I'm about to start assigning some serious punishment in the form of hard work...I have 6 acres, a barn that needs serious attention, 100 bales of hay to throw up into the loft, rocks that need to be moved...his life will be miserable if his attitude doesn't improve...we see great signs of hope and then we're back again...he's not a small kid, 6' and 200 so I think this year of growth (yes 6 inches!) has had something to do with it...so I am giving graces just looking for ideas to help me through his valleys! :) Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine State Sue Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 I had to take my girls to an event and would be gone 2 hours...I just gave him 4 things (very easy) to get completed before I returned and then the afternoon would be HIS to do whatever he wanted to..if he had done his work, I probably would have run back out and knocked out some errands....so this was kind of a 'here's the rope of responsibility/trust' let's see if you'll manage this little bit...and he STILL did not..this is a consistency and in the past it was due to the fact he'd rather play video games faster so he'd 'say' he'd finished his work/chores and when I checked it was half-done... I have a bright, but unmotivated 14yob. He is an only child and I work from home, so I rarely leave him home alone while he's doing schoolwork. A few time I have, but I make it very clear that if the schoolwork is not done while I'm gone, he will be tagging along next time. IMO, your ds needs to bring his schoolwork along to his sister's events. With freedom, comes responsibility. It a privilege to stay home alone. If you abuse the privilege, you lose the privilege. I have all sorts of trouble with ds and "motivation". I'll second Jenn and say I really have no business giving advice either. :001_rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 With freedom, comes responsibility. It a privilege to stay home alone. If you abuse the privilege, you lose the privilege. :001_rolleyes: I like your style Sue! :) Actually, his father and I had already warned him that if it happened again he'd have to go EVERYWHERE with me...we've done it before for 2 weeks and it corrects it for awhile then we're back to square one....so he'll be seeing a lot of Irish Dancing and American Heritage Girl meetings in the next 2 weeks...I'm just waiting for all this sensible counteraction to have some sticking power...:) Thanks! Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine State Sue Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 we've done it before for 2 weeks and it corrects it for awhile then we're back to square one.... Oh this sounds so familiar...even after months and months of doing right, he'll drift back to square one. I sometimes wonder if my son has a disease called "I Can Never Develop a Permanent Good Habit". :tongue_smilie: Do they ever straighten up and fly right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda in MA Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) Do they ever straighten up and fly right? Mine did. He's almost 19yo now and just finished his freshman year in college. Back in his high school days, he also had issues like you described where when I left the house with his brother, he got absolutely no school work done. I had to pull my younger son from the coop he was in because I determined that I could not afford to spend one whole day out of the house each week and have the older one accomplish nothing. I agree with a lot of what Faith has said, especially the parts about many kids not being autodidact with textbooks. My oldest is definitely not the type who can take a textbook on a subject that he is not interested in and read it and digest the material and learn from it. He really needs a teacher there with him. He really liked Chalkdust math for that reason. He loved the DVD instructor. We also found that he is more motivated in a classroom setting with an instructor and other students. He did a few on-line classes, and I didn't see any incredible motivation with those. He was too tempted to surf the web during the class while he was supposed to be participating. Once he got to the local CC, he loved his courses there and did really well. He had no problems keeping track of his assignments and turning things in on time. He also did very well at "away" college this past year. He said that many of his peers commented that he was a serious student. I think all of those years of slogging through his schoolwork at home helped him to learn to put in the study time when he needs to. Now he's got the benefits of live teachers and the experience of doing work on his own. It's been a great combination. My suggestion would be to continue to monitor his work very carefully, and don't leave him at home alone if he's not doing what he's supposed to. Also don't expect that he will "grow out" of this issue. My son never did. I would definitely enforce some consequences on him if you think he is being purposefully defiant, but not come down too hard. You don't want to alienate him for having a learning method that isn't what you'd hoped. You might also try to have more interaction with him over his school work. Pick a subject that is particularly tough for him and do it with him. If you can get him through another year or two of school at home, when he's old enough, send him to a local community college or university for a class or two and see how he does there. I hope you will be pleasantly surprised as I was. Best wishes, Brenda Edited August 3, 2010 by Brenda in MA correct typos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 I have 19 YO DS who always drove me NUTS because he was lazy and slow at. every. thing. I mean...drove me NUTS!!! Well my dh actually fired him because he was so slow at work our customers were getting upset....so fast forward a few months. He gets a job at the Y teaching swimming to kids. I think "This will never last." He is a fantastic swimmer and knows how to teach swimming...BUT...he is sooooooo sllloooowwwww to do anything... Anyway, what dh and I called slow and lazy, his boss calls patient and gentle!:001_huh: LOL!!!! They love him...the kids love him...the parents love him... He found his niche. Working with kids is his thing. He is changing his major from architecture...which he would hate...to elementary education for the time being and then will figure out what he wants to do.... Anyway, sometimes it is perspective. I always made my son finish his work before fun...and sometimes it was dreadful...but this is how God made him.....gentle and patient....and now I know without a doubt that he will be ok being gentle and patient. Also, a friend of mine says the same thing about her dh....sloooowwww and methodical....he is a biologist for the DEP and NEEDS to be slow and methodical for his job. HTH Faithe Faithe, I love this post as ds is this way also. He is sloooow, but meticulate and very good with kids. We actually have a friend who is a doctor and sooooo slow and careful. It's just his nature. Guess it is just hard when you have a kid who is so different from both you and your dh, temper-wise!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine State Sue Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Thanks, Brenda. You give me hope. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cycle1667 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Perhaps if we force them to text and play video games 10 hours a day and only study on their breaks? ________________________ Merry Go Rounds Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 One extra thought. My dd's counselor/psychologist and I have discussed that this is the time in life when a child is transitioning to an adult. I think my dd wants very much to be in control of her life but at the same time she's not completely ready to take the reins. It is possible that she digs in her heels sometimes just to feel that she has some control over her life. Maybe this is your son's way of trying to take control for just a few minutes (okay, hours ;)). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam B Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Whhhhhoooaaaaaa! Do you... Do you have an older version of my boys? I'm ALL ears! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 One extra thought. My dd's counselor/psychologist and I have discussed that this is the time in life when a child is transitioning to an adult. I think my dd wants very much to be in control of her life but at the same time she's not completely ready to take the reins. It is possible that she digs in her heels sometimes just to feel that she has some control over her life. Maybe this is your son's way of trying to take control for just a few minutes (okay, hours ;)). This pretty much describes my two older teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moni Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 ....so he'll be seeing a lot of Irish Dancing and American Heritage Girl meetings in the next 2 weeks http://www.amazon.com/Howard-Leight-Sleepers-Ear-Plugs/dp/B0000533CI Ear Plugs come in handy for doing assignments as a tag-along :seeya: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted August 13, 2010 Author Share Posted August 13, 2010 Well, I think our solution is a combination of all of your suggestions!! :) NO video games/computer (outside their writing assignments and Rosetta) during school days...we just won't have them asking and having to be asked back if such and such is complete...so no question..what we have done is allowed them to play as much as they want on the weekends IF and only IF ALL their assignments were completed during the week..must be done by 5pm Friday..if it's not done, no games.... this is our first full week, and tonight my son completed 2 of his 5 Chemistry assignments at Irish dance, last night he did 2 Algebra lessons at dance, he's working out with weights as I type! He has swam everyday on his own! The girls I guess will never be like him, they've seen enough mom and dad lectures to have the responsibility factor drilled into them..and our son is even helping them with their Math! He loves teaching them! Everyone is in bed by 9pm and we're up by 7am..I have my son back!! I don't know for how long, but so far soooo much better!!! Thanks!!! Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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