How much is enough?

[Di3kids]

The constant nagging question in the back of my head is always, "How much is enough?" I feel so overwhelmed and wonder if our curriculum is rigorous enough. Just when I was thinking that my ds (who did MFW Ancients for his 9th grade year) was slacking off, I read a post that MFW is "college prep." Not sure if that's true, but kinda relieves me and makes me think that I SHOULD continue with MFW. Then I wonder if I'm pushing my kids too hard - my dear friend's son was a National Merit Scholar and she is very relaxed in her hsing. She does not have her heart set on specific curriculum and is willing to cobble her school year together from friends, book sales, etc. She NEVER graded his coursework and said so on his hs transcript. This fall he is going to a fairly prestigious engineering school. I spend hours researching, thinking, with some praying. Maybe I've taken the joy out and her son was allowed a relaxed learning environment. Thoughts?

[MotherGoose]

I'm interested to hear what others say. I can't offer any advice though, but I see myself in your question!

[NanceXToo]

I don't know how to tell other people to come to terms with this kind of thing. For me, I felt like my daughter's earliest years (K and 1 especially) in public school were too academic and that she needed more time to be a kid. So when I homeschooled her that first year (partial year, anyway, I didn't pull her out of public school til toward the end of 3rd grade), I knew I wanted something more relaxed, eclectic and laid back and not overly time consuming.

 

After reading lots of websites, books and forums and exchanging emails with people who had a homeschooling style that ranged from relaxed to unschoolish and seeing and hearing that they were happy and doing okay, and had children who went on to be "successful" (a relative term of course!) it make me feel even more okay about my attitude. I think what you read and who you surround yourself with and who you talk to has a lot to do with this.

 

If all you read are things like TWTM and talk to people who are rigorous, classical homeschoolers, you're going to think "I need to do more, am I doing enough, look what everyone else is doing." If you read things like, I don't know, "The Unschooling Handbook" and talk to people who are laid back, eclectic homeschoolers or unschoolers or relaxed schoolers like the friend you mentioned, maybe you'd wonder "am I doing too much."

 

One of the things I keep coming back to is that in all my reading and research when I first started homeschooling, I kept coming back to things that said that no matter what style of homeschooling you choose, homeschooled kids tend to do better overall than public schooled kids.

 

So armed with that, knowing that regardless of how I homeschooled, my daughter was better off than she was in these failing public schools around here, I found myself a happy medium. I don't unschool. I don't classical school. I picked a curriculum I think is hands on and fun, and we do it, but we don't spend countless hours on it, I don't supplement with other curricula, I am always willing to drop everything to get outdoors on a field trip or whatever, and pick things back up again later- I school around life, I don't live life around school.

 

I'm happy, my kids are happy, I can see that they are learning, I see an evaluator each year who tells me we're doing fine, we did a standardized test last year just for "fun" (and my information) that told me she's not behind other kids, I'm not spending my days stressed out and miserable over school and either is she. I stick with what's working, I refuse to allow myself to start stressing over should I be doing X, Y and Z on top of U, V, and W just because some other people are doing that....

 

We just live our lives!

 

You need to find what makes you and your family reasonably comfortable and happy and then just enjoy it. Allow yourself to be reassured by other people who are doing a similar thing if need be- that does help! And then don't keep second guessing yourself. If it FEELS right, it probably is right, for you. If it doesn't feel right, maybe you need a little tweaking. But take a deep breath, either way. You guys will be fine. :)

[Ellie]

I'm in your friend's camp: relaxed.

 

My dds never finished a math book, never diagrammed a sentence, did history as the spirit led, sometimes did nothing Official for more than 6 months at a time, yet both began taking classes at the community college when they were 14. I didn't push them to graduate in two years, but still...they were taking college-level classes at that age.

 

Sometimes you just have to put away the books and whatnot written by all those really smart people, quit reading Internet forums, and just focus on what *you're* doing. :-)

[tofuscramble]

We are relaxed too (although I wasn't in the beginning). We are always done with school by lunch time. I just require that my kids can read, write and are making an effort with math (although we do all the other subjects too). I sometimes worry about math for my eldest (he is a little behind) but other than that I really don't worry too much. DS11 is about to take his first community college course. If he cant handle it, we have lots of time for him to gain the maturity required.

 

I always think that even if we did much less academically than we do now, they would still be fine.

 

I hope you can find the right balance for your family, it really does feel much better when you are not stressed about it.

[Di3kids]

11 yrs old and in community college? And you were finished schooling by noon? I must be doing something wrong! We school beginning at 8 a.m. and often go through to 5 p.m., unless we have piano or guitar lessons, or our 1X/week afternoon co-op. Can you tell me how you do it? I really am curious. Thanks!

[amyco]

Great topic, something I've been thinking about lately! I often get teased by my homeschooling friends b/c they think I am too rigid and rigorous, and I am endlessly researching this or that curricula minutiae. I think it's a personality thing--it's true that I am the most structured of the HSers I know, but I can't honestly imagine how I could do it any other way! I don't even do many things I'd like as far as books, projects, assignments.

 

On the other hand, as I've gone along I've gotten a little more relaxed...just today I was putting together dd's literature list for the year, and it dawned on me...it wouldn't be a huge deal to sub one book for another as long as they are on par. Now, last year or before I'd have been all over amazon or the library tracking down the precise edition I thought I needed...I call that progress.

 

I just hope that we can all find peace and rest with whatever hs style we've chosen.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I think the question of how much is very individual to the child.

 

I spend a lot of time planning, and plan on doing quite a bit this year for my Ker girl. The schedule I have planned is pretty rigorous, but this is because I've found that she thrives off of doing work and learning new things. In that sense I guess we are strict.

 

At the same time, I will take the lead from her. The moment she shows signs of overwork, I'll be cutting back. We will take breaks as needed, and much of our work is "fun" stuff, like writing letters to friends and lots of art projects and lots and lots of reading. We'll see how it works out. :D

[CathyT]

I don't know how to tell other people to come to terms with this kind of thing.

 

If all you read are things like TWTM and talk to people who are rigorous, classical homeschoolers, you're going to think "I need to do more, am I doing enough, look what everyone else is doing." If you read things like, I don't know, "The Unschooling Handbook" and talk to people who are laid back, eclectic homeschoolers or unschoolers or relaxed schoolers like the friend you mentioned, maybe you'd wonder "am I doing too much."

 

 

I agree with this. It really depends on who you are running with and what their attitudes are. I feel like my children are doing great - learning, happy, healthy attitudes, interested in learning and wanting to grow their brains. But when I run with people who really DO a lot or send their kids to school and tell me all about the going to college hoops they are going through, I start to doubt myself. Then i surround myself with people who believe what I do and teach their kids in a similar manner.

 

A few years ago I was on these boards quite often but then I started to feel that I was getting lost in what I wanted to do with my children - getting influenced in a manner that wasn't helpful for my kids (starting to doubt myself and what we were doing/not doing) so I stopped visiting the board. I am back but hopefully to gain different kinds of helpful advice than feel inadequate :)

 

As for curriculum, we have Only always done a math curriculum. My older kids are doing through an online physics program with their dad and they like that. They have taken classes here and there but they are ones that they wanted to do. We don't grade, we just do whatever it is until it is understood or we put it aside until another time when the kid is ready for the learning experience.

 

Trust yourself and as your kids get older, ask them what or how they want to learn. Kids can be trusted, i think, if they know you'll give them the resources they need and if you help them to understand that their education is really THEIR education.

[ChrisN in NY]

The constant nagging question in the back of my head is always, "How much is enough?" I feel so overwhelmed and wonder if our curriculum is rigorous enough. Just when I was thinking that my ds (who did MFW Ancients for his 9th grade year) was slacking off, I read a post that MFW is "college prep." Not sure if that's true, but kinda relieves me and makes me think that I SHOULD continue with MFW. Then I wonder if I'm pushing my kids too hard - my dear friend's son was a National Merit Scholar and she is very relaxed in her hsing. She does not have her heart set on specific curriculum and is willing to cobble her school year together from friends, book sales, etc. She NEVER graded his coursework and said so on his hs transcript. This fall he is going to a fairly prestigious engineering school. I spend hours researching, thinking, with some praying. Maybe I've taken the joy out and her son was allowed a relaxed learning environment. Thoughts?

 

I think it depends on a lot of factors, such as the kid's style and personality, whether or not he's a quick learner, how well he retains information, whether or not he's a good test taker, how self-motivated self-disciplined he is, and as well as the mom's style and personality.

 

I'm sure there's more but this is off the top of my head.

 

In other words, one size does not fit all.