melissel Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 For some reason, my kids are all gung ho about creating a behavior system with marbles and jars. My main goal is to help them moderate how they speak to each other (e.g., bossing, demanding, snapping, screaming, etc.). I was thinking that I'd put the same number of marbles in each jar and take one out for each offense. The kid with the most marbles at the end of each week gets a special treat--lunch alone with mom, sleepover at Mimi's, things like that. ETA: Or maybe they both get the reward if they can stay above a certain number of marbles? Actually, I think I like that idea better... Does that sound like a good system? I'm not big on the rewards-type things, but they're both very excited about the idea, and we really need some kind of external motivation here. It's getting to epic levels, and they feed off each other until I'm :banghead: What do you think? Can you improve on the system? Have any other creative ideas? TIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 I'd tend to suggest adding rather than subtracting (or both adding AND subtracting), and focusing on positive behavior more than negative. For awhile, when I was still a PS music teacher, I had a group that was really bad about sniping at each other, and I had a similar system where every time I heard something positive towards each other, they got a token in their box, and every time I heard something negative, I got one. At the end of class, we'd count up the tokens, and if they'd "beaten" me, they got a sticker on a chart and the chance to feel that they'd beaten the teacher ;). After X stickers, they got a karaoke day-but I think that was less the big deal than the chance to beat me each week-and at least in my room, they became very, very supportive of each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 I generally don't like reward/punishment/threat/bribe systems but do feel they have benefits if used rarely and appropriately. Like the above poster, I'd aim for adding rather than subtracting also. An alternative would be to do both. The PROBLEM with adding rather than subtracting is noticing enough to make it work. What you might do to overcome that issue is to give out marbles every set amt of time (like every even hour) to those who deserve it FOR THAT particular subject (meaning you can't withhold the marble because kiddo did X when X isn't related to the marble behavior). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 I agree with others about adding rather than subtracting... make it about focusing on the positive, rather than the negative. I never thought I'd be into rewards systems, but it turns out I have a kid that is hugely motivated by external rewards and has a wee problem with self-control, so we decided to give it a shot. It has been a *huge* success! Here's what we're doing... We have implemented a points system for our family. On Sunday, everyone gets ten points a piece. A person can also earn a maximum of one point per day from each family member, awarded for whatever reason the family member chooses. So I might give a point for helping me with something, a sibling might give a point for sharing, etc. Any of our clearly defined 'not appropriate' behaviours (currently hitting or name calling) results in the loss of one point. The loss can increase if the person refuses to immediately stop the inappropriate activity and remove themselves from the situation. Any time a child has 10 or more points they can cash in to get something from our treasure chest, which is filled with small treats (things from the dollar store, small boxes of smarties, mighty beanz, lego minifigs, etc.) Each item in the treasure chest costs five points, and you need to have more than 10 points to 'shop'. (This is so that there are points to take away, if needed.) As I said, this has been a raging success around here! Not only have we stopped some of our problem behaviours, but the amount of kindness and acts of service has increased ten-fold! Very cool stuff. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ack25 Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 The kid with the most marbles at the end of each week gets a special treat--lunch alone with mom, sleepover at Mimi's, things like that. Be careful. Making this a competition between the girls could lead to MORE sibling rivalry. How about one of these instead... If you add marbles for good behaviors, then maybe after someone reaches x marbles, she gets a treat. If you take away marbles, then maybe if someone finishes out the week with at least x marbles, she gets a treat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 Definitely vote for adding marbles instead of subtracting. I do something similar with my kids. - 3 payouts per day: 11AM, 4PM, bedtime. If there have been no major offenses (we're working on speaking respectfully to parents and no screaming fits when angry about something - controlling tempers) then they are "paid". My older two get a "Mom Buck" and the youngest gets a gold coin (cause he likes those!). - 5 Mom Bucks = 30 minutes of computer time (but I generally like to have them earn 10 for an hour) - 10 Gold Coins = frozen yogurt stick (ha!) They have also asked about other things they can use their Mom Bucks for, and if it seems fair, I generally agree. So maybe 15 Mom Bucks to watch a movie, etc. I was doing 2 payouts/day, but this was not enough for the youngest two. They were not able to be successful (good for that long!). I have used various incentive programs with my youngest two and I can never get anything to work. This three times per day thing is IT! They are both FINALLY working hard at it and being good, and the other thing is that I am praising them up and down all day about it. And they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. If I see someone looking like they are about to blow up at 10:15 AM, I'll say, "Oh, let me help you calm down. You only have 45 minutes until you get your next Gold Coin. And then do you know how many you'll have? Do you want to go count them?" and "you are doing so great, I just can't believe it. Isn't it wonderful, Dad?" I feel kind of silly with all the praise and I feel like I shouldn't have to do it (they should just be GOOD, darn it!) but it is working like a charm. For the youngest two, the first "program" I've ever had long-term success with! Good luck. So cute that they are excited about the marble thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 (edited) Is there a way to do this so it is cooperative? Edited October 25, 2013 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 The kid with the most marbles at the end of each week gets a special treat--lunch alone with mom, sleepover at Mimi's, things like that. ETA: Or maybe they both get the reward if they can stay above a certain number of marbles? Actually, I think I like that idea better... Yes, I like the idea of a reward for both if they hit their goal. Otherwise if just one is rewarded, it is pretty sad if the other one has tried so hard and feels defeated, just because the other guy got one more little marble! I just noticed that your kids are about the same ages as my younger two. The ones this has worked miracles on! Over the years as I've done various reward systems, it is hard to keep it up and you get lax on payouts, etc. I almost think it might be better to take a week or so "off", rather than getting lazy (as I always do with these programs) because then I think the kids end up not taking it seriously, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Food4Thought Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 We do something similar with beans in a jar - we call them the "Good Things Beans." It's cooperative instead of competitive though - everyone in the family can earn beans for the jar by helping each other, doing chores, being polite, etc. I don't reward them all the time, but usually about 3-5 a day per kid. When the jar gets above a line, we go as a family to a local bounce house/jungle gym place that the kids LOVE. The jar gets full about once a month, which is perfect. It's always visible, so the kids are thinking of ways to earn beans and looking forward to their reward. I don't *EVER* take beans away for bad behavior. I think that would be self-defeating, especially for my high maintenance DS. I just remind them that poor choices do not lead to earning the beans. It's been very helpful here, and I'm not usually into bribery systems. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 I've been thinking of doing something similar. My girls are 6 and 3, which sounds like a good age for something like this. I like the points and the treasure chest. Actually, maybe I can do tickets. We have a ton of tickets that I bought one time....and we already have a treasure chest that the kids are constantly begging to choose from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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