Question about pulling foster son out to homeschool

[CathyCDK]

We are currently foster parents to a sibling group of 3. At the state's request, they started preschool/daycare in November, about a month after being placed with us. This was to address co-dependency and parentification issues that the kids had. The oldest turned 5 in December and will start K in Aug. From the beginning, he was challenging in class, very wiggly, easily distracted, not wanting to listen. For about the past 2 months, he has been sent to the office almost every day, after having a meltdown/tantrum sometimes violent episode. Most days, he calms down in the office, and goes back to class, having a perfect rest of the day. This occurs almost always around 10am. About once a week, he won't calm down, or is more violent than usual, and they send him home. There is no fun for the rest of the day when he gets sent home for misbehaving, so that there is no reward.

At home, we don't ever see this type of behavior. We just had a fantastic 3 day weekend, with zero time-outs. All three kids were almost perfectly behaved, and this is typical. We are in the beginning stages of counseling with him, and the counselor is leaning more towards sensory issues than something like ADHD.

 

Because we are a homeschooling family, the case manager and counselor have discussed homeschooling him as an option, and we are willing to do so. (We actually prefer to.) But we hesitate to pull him out of preschool, and then not enroll him in Kindergarten because we wonder if we're preventing him from learning how to listen in class and respect his teacher. The counselor talks about "setting him up for success", and that he might not be able to function in the classroom environment.

 

How should we proceed? Should we continue to send him to preschool, then public school trying to discipline him to make better choices in school? Or should we change our strategy and bring him home so that we can concentrate on academics and not behavior?

 

Blessings,

Cathy

[mom4him]

The first thing you would need to do is see if the State will allow you to home school him. I SD it is a very rare thing but it does happen. Normally it is when a child is having major difficulty in ps AND it is a long term placement.

My middle son and his wife have 7 children, 3 adopted and 4 foster. They have home schooled the 3 from the beginning and last fall when they got the oldest of the foster, the dss was thrilled that they were willing to hs him also as he had had major problems in ps.

I would definitely start with talking to his social worker though. The fact that his counselor is advocating for it will help a lot.

[Murmer]

The big consideration for me is what is in the Childs best interest. Is he not listening being naughty because of the extreme baggage he is carrying? Then ps is not going to help. Get him home and work through the baggage. Is he naughty just to be naughty then he needs to learns how to sit and listen. But honesty I think he needs to be brought home here you can balance his needs with his education nd that can't happen in ps.

[QuirkyKapers]

I agree with mom4him, check out the state law's. I am actually surprised to hear they are willing to let you homeschool. I know two families who foster and would love to homeschool, but were told in no uncertain terms that would never happen.

[mom4him]

The big consideration for me is what is in the Childs best interest. Is he not listening being naughty because of the extreme baggage he is carrying? Then ps is not going to help. Get him home and work through the baggage. Is he naughty just to be naughty then he needs to learns how to sit and listen. But honesty I think he needs to be brought home here you can balance his needs with his education nd that can't happen in ps.

ANY foster child that I have had contact with has baggage. We got our two at 6 and 18 months and they both have A LOT.

You do really need to check with the social worker though. If he/she is opposed I would be sure to refer her to his counselor.

I totally agree that you will be able to better balance his needs with ed. at home.

I had a counselor tell me once that she didn't feel that people should adopt a child unless they were willing to HS. I about fell out of my chair. :001_smile:

[Harriet Vane]

It's usually specifically prohibited for foster children. I would not accept the caseworker's word on it, either. Do your own research--if your caseworker tells you incorrectly, YOU will be the one held responsible midway through the kindergarten year. If they do agree to homeschooling, get their specific agreement in writing somehow.

[Ellie]

But we hesitate to pull him out of preschool, and then not enroll him in Kindergarten because we wonder if we're preventing him from learning how to listen in class and respect his teacher. The counselor talks about "setting him up for success", and that he might not be able to function in the classroom environment.

Do you *truly* believe that you'd be setting him up for "success" by making him experience melt-downs on a regular basis?? How important is it that he function in a classroom environment if you're hsing? IOW, is that a life skill? If so, why are you hsing your own children? Wouldn't he be better prepared for a classroom situation if you had him with you on a regular basis so you could help him manage his behavior on a long-term basis? And remember that the counselor is not a homeschooler.

 

How should we proceed? Should we continue to send him to preschool, then public school trying to discipline him to make better choices in school? Or should we change our strategy and bring him home so that we can concentrate on academics and not behavior?

You do need to find out if it's possible in your state. I have known foster parents who hsed. If it is, then I'd tell you the same thing I would tell any parent: bring that boy home.

[Laurie4b]

Since CPS is the child's legal parent, get it in writing from CPS that you can homeschool him and then I would do so. It's likely that you can meet his needs better at home, and getting his "tank" "full" emotionally, getting him caught up developmentally (foster kids are usually emotionally behind developmentally), etc. will enable him to do better in school later. I don't think you learn to pay attention in school by being in school, but by having your neurological system, psychological issues, emotional issues, etc. all functioning in as optimum a way as possible.

[CathyCDK]

It is helpful to read your replies with different perspectives.

A couple things:

1. Here, we are able to homeschool foster children on a case by case basis. The case manager, GAL and counselor all have said it is an option because of the struggles we are having.

2. There is little chance this sibling group will be going home. It is our plan to adopt them if the become legally free.

3. We think that homeschooling is the best choice for all children, especially those that are delayed. (These kids are very intelligent, but have significant academic delays. The younger two are catching up quickly.) The 5 year old does not act out at home. Never. He did have a very bad day at church once about a month ago. It all seems to occur at school, which is why the counselor is questioning if the school environment will work for him. Rather than ADHD type stuff, or pure defiance, she is thinking sensory issues, but it's too early to diagnose.

 

 

4. If these were our kids, we would not have them in daycare, and they would be homeschooled, no question. If Mom's rights are terminiated, they day we adopt them, they are all coming home.

 

Thanks for your comments!

 

Blessings,

Cathy

[ZooRho]

We hsed a foster child and know of others who did the same.

 

it was good for the children.

[Mom-2-7]

We currently hs our 2 foster children, and have since the day they came to us. They came to us with terrible behavior problems in school and home. The problems were so severe that their previous placement was disrupted. Within 2 months of them coming to us their behavior issues were all but gone. They have been with us for 6 months now and it's very rare that we see those old behaviors crop us.

We, their caseworker and our therapist all agree completely that homeschooling made ALL the difference in these kids.

We are currently in process of adopting them.

 

Since it is unlikely that your dc will be reunified, you should push for homeschooling. Foster kids have sooooo much stuff to deal with. Public school / day care just adds one more level of stress to these hurting kids.

 

I believe that it is the best thing in many cases to have them in a hs environment where they can just be themselves and concentrate on being loved and accepted (which is something most have not had).

[CathyCDK]

Since posting my question, the counselor has called me to discuss the report from having our foster son observed in class. Based on the report and what has been discussed in our sessions, she is calling a CFT (a meeting of everyone on the team). It is her recommendation that we pull him out of the classroom setting and homeschool him. She asked me to come prepared to discuss homeschooling and to present our curriculum choices. The meeting is scheduled for June 15th. In the meantime, I will be researching curriculum that I think will be a good match. I'm excited and anxious at the same time. I'm excited because I know in my heart of hearts that this is best for our foster son, and I know the Lord has been working. I'm anxious because I need to find curriculum that will be successful for him, knowing that we are going to be watched. For my girls, I used Sonlight PreK, K, 1, and 2. We are now in our first unit of Tapestry of Grace, which is above K level. I've already read the entire PreK core to our foster children at bedtime. I think that Sing, Spell, Read and Write would be a good choice, but it's a lot of money. The upside is I will be able to use it with at least 3 children. If I could create my own curriculum using things like Enchanted Learning and Letter of the Week, I would do that. I'm looking for something that incorporates lots of modalities, including read alouds, singing, hands on, and movement.

 

Blessings,

Cathy

[Ottakee]

For extras you might look at a Winter Promise program or My Father's World.

 

For reading, I would suggest you look at the I see Sam books from http://www.3rsplus.com or http://www.iseesam.com They might look at this reading program a little better as it was developed for the public schools using government money. It is super easy to use and it has worked well for my special needs kids (adopted through foster care as well).

[microcarter]

Rather than ADHD type stuff, or pure defiance, she is thinking sensory issues, but it's too early to diagnose.

 

Cathy, I am glad that you are going to be hsing your foster son. I am not going to comment further on that but I would like to address your statement above. I have a daughter that has sensory processing disorder. If your foster son is in kindergarten it is NOT too early to have him evaluated by a competent pediatric occupational therapist who is properly trained in evaluating and treating sensory issues.

 

I know you are probably overwhelmed simply with the idea getting ready to homeschool him but I would urge you not to wait too long before getting him evaluated IF you feel he truly does have sensory issues.

 

God bless you as you love & take care of these children.

 

Angie