How much capacity for work should a 13yo boy have?

[Jean in Newcastle]

There have been many references on this board to the benefits of a young man having lots of physical labor. I have a young man who is prone to self pity and wanting to get out of work of any kind. So I cannot go by his protests to tell me when he is being worked too hard or too little. At the present, this 13 year old does school for 4 hours a day. He does other chores for about 1 hour a day. He does Tae kwando for 2 hours a week. Circumstances have shown me that this young man needs a huge adjustment in the amount of worthwhile work he is doing - what would be reasonable for a young man of his age?

[nevergiveup]

That's a tough question without knowing your son personally. My older son, who is turning 17, has had a paying job for a friend since he was 9, but he was physically more developed than other kids his age. He had to pick tomatoes and pound tomato stakes for her by age 13--in fact he earned enough money to buy himself a tractor at that age. He also had to mow and trim the yard, cut up wood, till the garden and help with planting, hoeing, and harvesting it. As he got older he took over maintenance of the vehicles, mowers and tractors. He will have a full time job this summer and will come home and work some more on his own projects, plus help us work on our house on the weekends. The kid loves to do physical labor.

 

My younger son, who is turning 15, is not nearly as inclined and I am lucky to get him to mow the whole yard on his own, although he is an excellent helper--he just has a hard time working on his own.

 

So, abilities vary quite a bit and it would be hard to say what your son would be capable of doing.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

There have been many references on this board to the benefits of a young man having lots of physical labor. I have a young man who is prone to self pity and wanting to get out of work of any kind. So I cannot go by his protests to tell me when he is being worked too hard or too little. At the present, this 13 year old does school for 4 hours a day. He does other chores for about 1 hour a day. He does Tae kwando for 2 hours a week. Circumstances have shown me that this young man needs a huge adjustment in the amount of worthwhile work he is doing - what would be reasonable for a young man of his age?

 

I have no idea what is reasonable. This is what my 13yo does:

 

School: 6 hours/day

Chores: 1 hour/day

Yard work: 5 hours/week

Taekwondo: 4 hours/week

Calisthenics and running: 30 min/day (he's working up to 1 hr/day)

Civil Air Patrol phys. ed. (drills): 40 min./week

Bike rides and hikes with his dad: several hours per week

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

That's a tough question without knowing your son personally. My older son, who is turning 17, has had a paying job for a friend since he was 9, but he was physically more developed than other kids his age. He had to pick tomatoes and pound tomato stakes for her by age 13--in fact he earned enough money to buy himself a tractor at that age. He also had to mow and trim the yard, cut up wood, till the garden and help with planting, hoeing, and harvesting it. As he got older he took over maintenance of the vehicles, mowers and tractors. He will have a full time job this summer and will come home and work some more on his own projects, plus help us work on our house on the weekends. The kid loves to do physical labor.

 

My younger son, who is turning 15, is not nearly as inclined and I am lucky to get him to mow the whole yard on his own, although he is an excellent helper--he just has a hard time working on his own.

 

So, abilities vary quite a bit and it would be hard to say what your son would be capable of doing.

 

This is true. My second son is almost 12, and I expect him to study much less and play much harder than ds#1 at 13.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I forgot to mention that he does run for about 20 min. every day too.

[proudmamma]

:lurk5:

[Debora R]

My Eldest Boy (will be 13 this summer) in PS has this schedule....

 

 

out the door at 6AM to catch a ride with Grandfather

7.5 hour school day that includes a 90-minute dance class

1-2 hours of Dance classes after school, 4 days each week

3-4 hours of homework on an average evening

an hour of chores

an hour of free time (when he can get it)

 

Tuesday nights He has Scouts, One or two saturdays a month he does volunteer work with his troup. One weekend a month, he goes camping with the troup.

 

Every weekend, he has to spend 3 or 4 hours doing school work and otherwise preparing for the following week, and about half a day helping his Grandparents with yardwork and other tasks.

 

He gets to bed after 11 pm some days due to the homework load.

 

In effect, he's keeping a schedule more rigorous than some adults I know.

 

I can't wait 'till the school year is over!

[hillfarm]

Historically, in my area from appx. 1850 - 1940's or so, a young man 14yo was expected to be able to do all the work to run a farm and provide for his family. A 13yo was considered a "man-in-training" and was expected to do all the same physical activity, with the benefit of more supervision. Most waited until they were 16 or so to marry, but many had to become the functional head of the household at age 13 or 14 while their fathers were away or deceased.

 

So basically, raising enough food to feed his entire family, maintaining livestock for food and transportation, physically building/maintaining a house, being responsible for a wife or mother and other children, and earning an income with which to purchase the items they couldn't grow or make themselves. It was all on his young shoulders and he was expected to accept it with good cheer and gratitude to have the opportunity and ability to do the work. Those who couldn't or didn't, in most cases, died of starvation, malnutrition, or other health problems that were exacerbated by the first two.

 

Bottom line, an astounding amount of work. And lest everyone think they also died young, that was not the case with my dh's ancestors. These young men generally lived until in their 80's. Their lives were filled with responsibilities and hard physical work. Entertainment, self indulgence, and relaxation were given a very small portion of their time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Historically, in my area from appx. 1850 - 1940's or so, a young man 14yo was expected to be able to do all the work to run a farm and provide for his family. A 13yo was considered a "man-in-training" and was expected to do all the same physical activity, with the benefit of more supervision. Most waited until they were 16 or so to marry, but many had to become the functional head of the household at age 13 or 14 while their fathers were away or deceased.

 

So basically, raising enough food to feed his entire family, maintaining livestock for food and transportation, physically building/maintaining a house, being responsible for a wife or mother and other children, and earning an income with which to purchase the items they couldn't grow or make themselves. It was all on his young shoulders and he was expected to accept it with good cheer and gratitude to have the opportunity and ability to do the work. Those who couldn't or didn't, in most cases, died of starvation, malnutrition, or other health problems that were exacerbated by the first two.

 

Bottom line, an astounding amount of work. And lest everyone think they also died young, that was not the case with my dh's ancestors. These young men generally lived until in their 80's. Their lives were filled with responsibilities and hard physical work. Entertainment, self indulgence, and relaxation were given a very small portion of their time.

 

How would that translate for a modern suburban teen? I agree that I've sorely underestimated my son's capacity for work but I don't want to be hauled in for breaking child labor laws either!

[RahRah]

How would that translate for a modern suburban teen? I agree that I've sorely underestimated my son's capacity for work but I don't want to be hauled in for breaking child labor laws either!

 

LOL

 

Incidentally, family businesses are immune from child labor laws; starting at age 7 kids can work in a family business.

 

But, what I was going to post is that my great-grandfather married my great-grandmother when he was 13 and she was 12 (early 1900's) and he provided for her and the three children they had before she turned 16....stayed married their whole life until he died (76) and then she died years later (at 88).

 

I think our conception of childhood has been changed through the years - childhood keeps getting extended out further and further into what was previously adulthood or age of responsibility.....so I would think it's reasonable that if your son completes his studies and has some time for "play", then additional hours can be for physical chores/labor and/or specific responsibilities which may or may not be physicial in nature, but still a responsibility he must tend to.

[Jean in Newcastle]

LOL

 

Incidentally, family businesses are immune from child labor laws; starting at age 7 kids can work in a family business.

 

But, what I was going to post is that my great-grandfather married my great-grandmother when he was 13 and she was 12 (early 1900's) and he provided for her and the three children they had before she turned 16....stayed married their whole life until he died (76) and then she died years later (at 88).

 

I think our conception of childhood has been changed through the years - childhood keeps getting extended out further and further into what was previously adulthood or age of responsibility.....so I would think it's reasonable that if your son completes his studies and has some time for "play", then additional hours can be for physical chores/labor and/or specific responsibilities which may or may not be physicial in nature, but still a responsibility he must tend to.

 

So how long a time for play? (He would vote for a 4 hour block;))

[Mejane]

My recently-turned 14yo has always been the way you describe. Starting in fall, he will be doing online high school as well as training full-time in dance. I anticipate he will be putting in ten-hour days. He is in for a rude awakening. :glare:

[RahRah]

So how long a time for play? (He would vote for a 4 hour block;))

 

What do you think he needs?

 

You know his limit before he'll push back

[Jean in Newcastle]

What do you think he needs?

 

You know his limit before he'll push back

 

I'm leaning toward smaller 20 min. breaks along with longer work times. The reason I'm leaning this way is because he has not used longer breaks wisely (ie. he's used them to his and others' detriment).

[Jennifer in MI]

My just-turned-14-year-old does this (we've just switched to our summer schedule):

 

2.5 hours of CC math class (algebra II - 4x/week)

2 - 4 hours of homework each day (it's a spring class - so, 5x/week)

 

Alternating:

M, W - 2.5 hours of karate classes

T, Th, F, Sa - 3 hours of field crew for our local Little League (mowing the fields, painting chalk lines, putting up fences, etc. You should see his muscles!!!!)

 

2 - 3 hours/week of household chores - mowing the lawn, cleaning bathrooms, wiping down walls, dusting, etc.

 

He also runs for fun. He's put a team together for the Detroit Marathon relay. He's running a 6.5 mile leg. He'll also run a half marathon in January with dh (while I run the full!!).

 

He's VERY busy. I do wonder sometimes if we're pushing him too hard. But, he loves it!!!

[Denisemomof4]

my first suggestion would be to run it by your husband.

 

Does your son mow the lawn? Do weeding? Has your husband taught him to change a tire? Change the oil in the car? Do small house repairs?

 

Have you taught him how to cook? Clean? Do laundry? Paint? These things may not be things he does regularly, or they may be. But the more he learns now, the better off he'll be when he's on his own.

 

My oldest was 8 when he could cook a full meal. Now it wasn't a lasagna or something like that, but I specifically remember when I got my last concussion and was in the hospital until after midnight, he thawed some salisbury steak, made mashed potatoes and made a veggie. He also cleaned up, although his younger brother should have. I was SO thankful that I had taught my kids to do all of this, of only in case of an emergency.

 

My younger son has ADD and NEEDS to be physical. He's actually finishing off our basement and is going to build a chicken coop. Now I know not all boys are going to take on big projects like this, but he NEEDS these things to not go crazy. He wants to do this work.

 

My husband taught both boys how to tune up the lawn mower, use the tractor, change spark plugs in the car, change the oil. When he's replaced brakes, they've been with him. They help paint the house. We have a LOT more work because we live in the country and have a farm, but even in your house there is so much you can teach your son.

 

I wouldn't give into his whines, but if it were my situation, I'd hand it over to dh to hold him accountable. When I had all four kids home, homeschooling three, running a farm, I simply did NOT have the energy to do all the character training myself AND keep on top of their chores. Dh had to take over the chores with the boys.

 

ETA: My girls are just fine sitting and relaxing. They can sit and talk for hours. Both love to run and be busy, but they CAN relax. Boys are DIFFERENT. I do think it's important and good for them to be busy. There are so many things your son can learn and be responsible for right now!

Edited May 27, 2010 by Denisemomof4